I'm mean. Or at least, I have been lately. I snap back at my friends and I seem to have no tolerance for professors who don't do things the way I want them. I have no idea why... maybe it's because I'm stressed or maybe it's because I have lost sight of what's good. No matter the cause, there just seems to be no good reason for me to keep on being mean.
People have asked me in recent years what was one thing my mom taught me that I still hold onto. And my answer is always the same: be kind. She always taught me to talk about people in the best light, even if you dislike them or disagree with them. The person on the other side of the story has their own story and they have their own beliefs that they believe in as fully as I do - why would I push them down with my words for being them? This is not to say I should be 'nice'. Nice is making sure everyone is happy and gets what they want. To me, nice is an easy thing to do. Nice makes it easier for me to let them have it their way and then go home and talk about how wrong they were. Being kind, on the other hand, is harder. It requires me to slow down and really think about whether these emotions are about me not getting my way or if I am honestly hurt by someone else's actions.
To amend my first statement, I've been 'nice'. I have blamed others for being someone who isn't me. It seems my roommate, my close friends, and my boyfriend have gotten the brunt of this easy-way-out-niceness.
So what am I going to do about it? I'm going to try to be aware of what's going on around me. Megan taught me a cool little statement: "I am kind, I am patient, I am loving". I am going to write it wherever I can, make sure I can see it, and try to see everyone in the best light possible. I have recently heard from multiple spiritual leaders that when someone is hurt, the victimizer is hurt just as much. It comes in more of an implicit manner, taking a toll on how one views the world and people.
This is a promise and an open apology: be kind. And I challenge you to do the same. Be kind. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, because to them, you are the other side of the story.
Peace!
-Nicole
Showing posts with label patient. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patient. Show all posts
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
How To: Listen (And Sometimes Talk)
Steps:
1. Be patient.
2. Only talk when whoever is talking has finished their thought.
3. When you do talk, keep it to a limit. Only say things that are direct and things that don't put down.
When I was little, people always said I was a good listener. And in my opinion, I was. I could sit for hours and listen to people talk about anything and everything. I enjoyed hearing other's views on things and I didn't find it necessary to make my own opinion be heard. This also translated into my relationships with friends. Very rarely would I know a solution to a situation, but somehow just by listening and telling them my truth, it seemed to work out. Now that I'm a bit older, it has been flipped just a bit. I tend to want to have people know my opinion or if someone is in need of help, I talk more than is necessary.
The past few weeks, I have sought out some advice and someone to listen to me because things have come up in my life. I've discovered that more often than not, I knew the solution to the problem. What made me realize that solution was not always because of the person's words, but it was their attentiveness. They may have thought of solutions to the problems, but they refrained from telling me because I probably wouldn't have listened. What works for them, wouldn't work for me. A little direction is always helpful, but when they did give direction, it was never a command.
I've also discovered that when someone listens to me rant/complain/cry and they just allow me to do so, I begin to hear myself. I hear how ridiculous and irrational the words that are coming out of my mouth are. "Silence speaks more than words and actions" has been my rule of thumb when it comes to acting serious pieces/scenes. It gives the audience time to take the words spoken and process them. The silence is a breath, something to bring you back to the present. My mom always tells trip chaperons that during small group discussions, don't be afraid of silence. Know the kids are thinking and if they come up with an answer, it will be much more beneficial than you just giving them your answer. Silence in a conversation makes you think harder and figure things out.
Listening - it seems to be a lost art. But to those who have helped me through rough times and to anyone who has helped anyone, thanks for listening.
Peace!
-Nicole
1. Be patient.
2. Only talk when whoever is talking has finished their thought.
3. When you do talk, keep it to a limit. Only say things that are direct and things that don't put down.
When I was little, people always said I was a good listener. And in my opinion, I was. I could sit for hours and listen to people talk about anything and everything. I enjoyed hearing other's views on things and I didn't find it necessary to make my own opinion be heard. This also translated into my relationships with friends. Very rarely would I know a solution to a situation, but somehow just by listening and telling them my truth, it seemed to work out. Now that I'm a bit older, it has been flipped just a bit. I tend to want to have people know my opinion or if someone is in need of help, I talk more than is necessary.
The past few weeks, I have sought out some advice and someone to listen to me because things have come up in my life. I've discovered that more often than not, I knew the solution to the problem. What made me realize that solution was not always because of the person's words, but it was their attentiveness. They may have thought of solutions to the problems, but they refrained from telling me because I probably wouldn't have listened. What works for them, wouldn't work for me. A little direction is always helpful, but when they did give direction, it was never a command.
I've also discovered that when someone listens to me rant/complain/cry and they just allow me to do so, I begin to hear myself. I hear how ridiculous and irrational the words that are coming out of my mouth are. "Silence speaks more than words and actions" has been my rule of thumb when it comes to acting serious pieces/scenes. It gives the audience time to take the words spoken and process them. The silence is a breath, something to bring you back to the present. My mom always tells trip chaperons that during small group discussions, don't be afraid of silence. Know the kids are thinking and if they come up with an answer, it will be much more beneficial than you just giving them your answer. Silence in a conversation makes you think harder and figure things out.
Listening - it seems to be a lost art. But to those who have helped me through rough times and to anyone who has helped anyone, thanks for listening.
Peace!
-Nicole
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)