Change, People, and Self

Welcome back to Dorm Room 718! It is now junior year and goodness, have the changes been great. I am no longer a theatre major and am instead a psychology major. I have added two more minors besides Spanish (religion and women's studies). Speaking of that Spanish minor, I will be in Spain this coming Spring for a study away program. I've had two different summer jobs, both working with children. I now live in an apartment with my freshman floor-mate Melissa. My niece and nephew are no longer babies, but instead toddlers. I hold two jobs and am involved in multiple on-campus clubs. Change is good, but sometimes it looks a bit different than expected.

I've always thought of myself as innocent and positive. Sometimes it had a bad connotation and sometimes it was a fabulous descriptor. No matter what meaning it held, I still thought of myself as innocent. Someone close to my heart told me last night that recently, they had failed to see that innocence and that I've become almost... cynical. They have missed the part of me that saw the best in people and if I did see something no so favorable, I didn't focus on it or bring it up. The more I thought about their words, the more it seemed to ring true. Yes, I have started to fail to see the good in people and I immediately believe the bad. The cause and root of this, though, I cannot seem to figure out.

My last year has been an odd one. I have said before I strive to be the one who is always growing in who she is. It seems I have not been able to say that in the last year. Important relationships have changed and become strained and my summer job as a camp counselor has challenged how I interact with people and life situations. I have discovered my limitations and shortcomings instead of my strengths. This isn't to say finding out such limitations and shortcomings is a terrible thing, but it is a bit of a downer after a long period of time.

Maybe that's it. Maybe I have failed to see the good in myself, which causes me to skip over the good in others. I have always said I'm a people-person and I thrive off of human interaction. Rather than thrive, I seem to diminish in who I am. I am still not sure what will remedy this undesirable change and maybe all I need is time, but it can't but help my situation if I actively search out a solution.

Until next,

peace.

-Nicole

Reading Lips

Have you seen this video? This video proves that Michelle Obama is the queen of everything. But putting that fact aside, a professional lip reader decoded what had been said between the President and Boehner (check out what went on here). The idea someone could learn to read lips professionally blows my mind. It's now on my list of "Jobs I Wish I Had, But Never Will Get the Chance to Do."

This video reminds me of the Bad Lip Reading things on Youtube. (Check them out. They are pretty funny.) If I were to try to lip-read the video above - let alone anything - it would be a huge disaster. Boehner would end up talking about overthrowing Obama's power and Michelle would join him. I would be putting words into his mouth that are far from the truth.

This week, I've discovered I can't speak for people. I cannot say that this is what they said and this is what they think. It's like the game of telephone - words get messed up and lost in translation. It is the basic lesson about gossip for me, although it seems less like gossip and more like me trying to get my way. Although I wish I could say this person thinks that because of this reason, it is often far from their truth. They see their life differently than I see theirs and in the end, it is their life and their story to tell, not mine. And I can only hope they understand that my life and my story are mine and mine to tell.

No matter how tempted I am to read lips or create stories that fit the little bits of information I know, I have to understand that the outcome is going to be as ridiculous as thinking Boehner is trying to overthrow Obama.

Peace!

-Nicole

To Tell the Truth

1. Appreciate the opportunities you've had.
2. Be nice on April Fools' Day, or else people might not talk to you.
3. Be prepared to face some Karma.
4. Tell the truth.

Megan here, hope you all have a great Easter break!

Last Thursday, I was lucky enough to hear National Book Award winners, Nikky Finney and Thanhha Lai, at a discussion and reading hosted by NPR's Lynn Neary.  Anyone who knows me well knows I am an enormous poetry nut and so I naturally jumped at the chance to hear Finney who won in the category of Poetry for her book, Head Off and Split. For Finney, the concept of truth kept coming up again and again, she cited Adrienne Rich as a major influence and credited her for teaching her how to tell the truth.  Unfortunately, the poetic community is now grieving Adrienne Rich, as she passed away last Wednesday night.

I am going to let you in on one of my little secrets.  I am a fantastic liar.  I really am.  I can spin a web of lies a mile wide and probably look you in the eyes and smile while doing so.  If this is sounding alarm bells in your head, relax.  I am not a pathological liar, nor am I sociopathic.  With great power comes great responsibility, and in this case, I think the greater power lies in me having the nerve and integrity to tell the truth despite my skill.  Just because I can, doesn't mean I always do.

I've always known I could lie and lie well, but it's been on my mind ever since I executed my various April Fools' Day shenanigans with relative ease. see here: Just Kidding.  Honestly, I'm not proud of it.  It means that, at one point, maybe even many points, I was so uncomfortable with the truth and the thought of revealing the truth, that I became far too good at hiding it.  Thankfully, times change, and I am anything but guarded these days.

Finney's suggestion that we should tell the truth seems so simplistic, yet it sounded so profound coming from her hushed whisper--a product of laryngitis.  We have to present the truth to the world as well as to our own selves. It's a scary thought. I don't deceive the world lately, but I do plenty of lying to myself, such as "This is what I want to say." "I really enjoy this" or even "This is why I'm feeling this way" when really, I would much rather say something less sugar-coated and I may despise what I'm doing in that moment.  Being true to yourself is where and how you find happiness, at least with my experience.  It's just unfortunate that this is sometimes really, really difficult to do.

Tell the truth as you know it. Strip away all the false fronts, false information, and false smiles--maybe even false frowns.  If you're happy, go out and be happy.  If you're sad, recognize that and try to improve it. Try not to hide your emotions--both good and bad--from the world.  Truth is complicated, even subjective at times, but it is all of our jobs to present it as we know it.  I mean heck, we only live one life, and that life might as well be as real and veridical as possible. 

Tell the truth, I think you'll be glad you did. I am.

-Megan