My Fortune Cookie Is Speaking To Me

I ordered Chinese last night. Doesn’t seem to be a too significant event, but I swear my fortune cookie was speaking to me: “Sometimes travel to new places leads to great transformation.” Recently, I have started to question my decision to leave the States for four months to study in a different country and speak a language I don’t fully know. I am scared out my mind sometimes. So when a fortune cookie starts to make sense, maybe I should think things through more.

I recently flew to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving and I realized that the next time I would be going through the Minneapolis airport, I would be boarding a plane for a semester in Spain. I teared up, knowing I would be saying goodbye to my family and friends and I wouldn’t be able to hug them for about four months; I would only be able to see them across a computer screen. I haven’t spoken Spanish in a few months and I have never had to go more than a few hours only speaking Spanish. What am I, crazy? But, as my plane took off, I also realized that, yes, once I walked through the gate at the airport, I will be leaving those I love and my comfortable life, but I also will be heading off to Spain to learn language and culture, and gain a global perspective. I will be learning to love a new life, a new country, and new friends. I will learn so much more about myself than I could ever imagine possible.

I have taken many transformational trips in my life, ranging from two day trips to four week trips. But all of those trips were taken when I was in middle school and high school. Being a near-adult, maybe it is time for me to take another adventure. Going to college was the last adventure I took and so far it has been good, but I am getting a bit too comfortable. I am getting antsy and I need to stretch my legs. Why not stretch them across to another continent, another country?

So Fortune Cookie, although you are not always right, this time I think you are. Yes, I may be scared out of my mind, but transformation is not always bad. In fact, I have found it to be, well, great fortune.

Peace!

-Nicole

Change, People, and Self

Welcome back to Dorm Room 718! It is now junior year and goodness, have the changes been great. I am no longer a theatre major and am instead a psychology major. I have added two more minors besides Spanish (religion and women's studies). Speaking of that Spanish minor, I will be in Spain this coming Spring for a study away program. I've had two different summer jobs, both working with children. I now live in an apartment with my freshman floor-mate Melissa. My niece and nephew are no longer babies, but instead toddlers. I hold two jobs and am involved in multiple on-campus clubs. Change is good, but sometimes it looks a bit different than expected.

I've always thought of myself as innocent and positive. Sometimes it had a bad connotation and sometimes it was a fabulous descriptor. No matter what meaning it held, I still thought of myself as innocent. Someone close to my heart told me last night that recently, they had failed to see that innocence and that I've become almost... cynical. They have missed the part of me that saw the best in people and if I did see something no so favorable, I didn't focus on it or bring it up. The more I thought about their words, the more it seemed to ring true. Yes, I have started to fail to see the good in people and I immediately believe the bad. The cause and root of this, though, I cannot seem to figure out.

My last year has been an odd one. I have said before I strive to be the one who is always growing in who she is. It seems I have not been able to say that in the last year. Important relationships have changed and become strained and my summer job as a camp counselor has challenged how I interact with people and life situations. I have discovered my limitations and shortcomings instead of my strengths. This isn't to say finding out such limitations and shortcomings is a terrible thing, but it is a bit of a downer after a long period of time.

Maybe that's it. Maybe I have failed to see the good in myself, which causes me to skip over the good in others. I have always said I'm a people-person and I thrive off of human interaction. Rather than thrive, I seem to diminish in who I am. I am still not sure what will remedy this undesirable change and maybe all I need is time, but it can't but help my situation if I actively search out a solution.

Until next,

peace.

-Nicole

Perfect

"Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattainable. However, they who aim at it, and persevere, will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up at unattainable." -Lord Chesterfield

Yesterday, Nicole and I were talking about identity formation: how in adolescence you have to figure yourself out and work through the conflicts and events holding you back before you can move forward and focus on other parts of your life experience. In a stroke of luck, this conversation coincided with an episode of Grey's Anatomy I just watched (Grey's Anatomy is my new thing, don't judge.) The idea is there are a lot of things in life that you have to handle in sequential order. It's all a process.

I find the concept of perfection to be so strange. It doesn't exist, and I'm not even sure we could conceptualize something that is truly perfect. I mean, there's a reason why the Islamic traditions maintains that  Allah is the sole perfect being. I dislike the word "perfect." I never want it to be used to describe me by anyone I know, not by my family members, not by my friends, not by someone I'm dating, not even by a stranger on a street. I don't want to hear that I'm perfect. I want to hear that I am flawed, but that I am using my flaws to every advantage I can, that I'm learning and growing because of them. I'm never going to wake up, look in the mirror, and tell myself I'm perfect. However, I may tell myself that I've made some pretty great progress, that I can handle a situation better today than I was able to the day before.

I don't necessarily think conceptualizing perfection as the goal is helpful. To have a perfect state be the end stop everyone's fighting for removes emphasis from the sheer process of improving, and I think everyone should be constantly striving for improvement in all that they do. That doesn't mandate being discontent in everything you've done, it's actually being content with the level of effort you've put in. It's finding contentment in accepting where you're at and knowing you've got work to do, but that you're actually doing the work. If everyone looked around and thought, "Well, everything's perfect, nothing left to do but go home," we wouldn't have innovation! I don't think people should see themselves in a similar way.

At the end of the day, our value lies not in that we can attain perfection, (we can't) but that we can identify opportunities for change and improvement, and that's a pretty cool thing.

Peace and love,

-Megan

Rolling With The Punches, Part 2

"You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience." -Stanislaw J. Lec

So, I don't know if many people have been keeping up to date about the MBLGTACC trip, but here is basically a continuation of last week's post.

We had to adjust a lot last week and change plans. We've had to do even more so here while on the trip. First off, a large storm came through on Thursday night when we left so we made an unscheduled stop to spend the night in Eau Claire, WI. We continued on, made it to MBLGTACC in Lansing, MI, had a good time, and then left very early on Sunday to make it back before the second storm cell hit. As it turns out we just weren't lucky enough. Two of our vehicles got flat tires in Wisconsin, one made it to a service station, one did not. After repairs, we decided it would be unsafe for us to continue the entire way home, opting instead to stay the night in Stillwater, MN with the parents of one student. We woke up this morning and decided to spend a bit of time at MOA while waiting to hear whether or not we had clearance to drive back. We did not receive such clearance as the DOT still listed dangerous driving conditions. We are still holed up in Stillwater, hoping to make it back tomorrow morning.

The whole trip feels like one giant illustration of Murphy's law. Tensions have definitely gotten high more than once, but overall we have been able to deal with the tough situations pretty well.  All of that being said, I am quickly approaching the end of my rope.  I'm struggling not so much with the people, but more with the frustrations that come with lacking control in this situation. I'm simply needed in Moorhead and I can't be there.  Still, my interpersonal reactions are starting to be affected. I'm recognizing that and trying to keep my temper in check and work with my tolerance. Honestly, I just budgeted enough emotional and cognitive resources to handle unexpected issues for 3 days and not 5 if that makes any sense. Right now, I just want to walk into my room, feed the fish, and collapse on my bed.

But, I know it's going to be over soon, and as I'm getting older, I'm getting better at approaching things like these with more patience and more recognition that it's out of my control. A poor attitude at this point won't do me, or anyone else, any favors. Safety is our primary concern and since we were not comfortable with taking such high risks of travel, the decision was pretty much made for us. We're working with what we've got and others have been extremely courteous to us and have shown us immense hospitality. We're so thankful for that.

Peace, love, and patience in frustrating situations,

-Megan

Rolling With The Punches

"In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work toward it with all of your might." -Winston Churchill

The last few days have been nothing but a change of plans. Due to a water main break here on campus, a dance was canceled, buildings were closed, and now walking routes have been designated to allow for cleaning and repair. Having a water main break with below freezing temperatures causes a lot of issues, but we're Cobbers, and we adapt... or rather, our maintenance staff does.

More pertinent, Nicole's plans have changed. A lot of us bloggers, me, Nicole, Melissa, and Malyn, were all scheduled to make a long awaited trip to this year's MBLGTACC (Midwestern Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference) with members of a campus organization. It's going to be held in Michigan and requires a nearly 15 hour drive which caused us to plan about 4 days consisting of travel, conference, and then travel again. Unfortunately, and resulting in an immense amount of grief and sadness, Nicole will now be traveling to be with family after an unexpected death. I'm sad too, since last year was so much fun and I was really looking forward to a repeat experience. I was actually in the same boat last year with the death of my grandfather, but lucky for me, I didn't run into too much interference with travel plans. Nicole is undoubtedly going to be in the right place, and it just requires a lot of flexibility and adaptation on everyone's part.

Life often times involves rolling with the punches and being able to adapt to things you never saw coming, and probably never wanted to deal with. Things come up that alter your plans for good and for worse, but you have to be able to do the best with what you have, because while it's totally normal to resist that change and resist being put in hard positions, it's going to hurt less if you try to go with the flow.

The trick is you have to accept what you can't change and learn how to effectively change what you can. A death is something you can't change, neither is something like a cancer diagnosis, but you just have to focus your energy on how you can face those situations in a way that provides the most benefit and the least amount of detriment. You have to find the little things you can control and work with those to make the best of your current situation. Sometimes that's just finding a way to take a deep breath without losing it, and that's okay sometimes.

Now, to acknowledge the other side of this, don't let that become an excuse not to utilize your agency in situations you CAN change. Accepting the things out of your control is only one side of the coin. It's equally noble to fight for changes you know are attainable. You can fight to change policy, you can fight to change injustice, and you can fight to change attitudes and beliefs. Don't accept status quo if you can dream of something truly better.

With peace and love,

Megan

Growing Pains

It's been a month since I've been back on campus. I have reorganized my room more than once, freaked out about grades a few times, and have had a few very busy days. I didn't realize it had only been a month until tonight, when I was adding a ton of events to my calendar on my computer. It seems more time than a month has passed - a lot has happened and it seems to be painful at times.

I used to have terrible growing pains when I was younger. My legs would throb and would be sensitive to touch. I never really understood why I had them - I wasn't too active and they would happen at the weirdest times, like in the middle of church or art class. To my 8-year-old self, it was a pain that was bothersome and I really didn't see the point of all that pain.

Of course now, I understand the purpose of growing pains.* A growing body means the body is changing and new things are about to happen. The outcome will always be positive - a body that is stronger and bigger than before. But until then, the growing may be painful. The past few weeks back on campus have been that way - a bit painful. I thought that once I was back on campus, this would just pick up where I left off. But I am finding that that isn't true. My friends, most of whom lived on the same floor as I did, are now scattered across campus and everyone is involved in different things. All in all, it has been difficult to stay connected.

It's been a growing pain. I'm learning that keeping connections with friends will be a continuing process and even more so, making new friends is more difficult than it was last year. It's not that I don't want to meet others, it's just difficult to get out of my comfort zone. I know that growing pains are necessary, but as many a parent will say, massaging the legs helps with the pain. What I need to do is stretch myself a bit more - stretch out my hand to meet someone new, help out an organization, and stretch myself to explore things I may have never thought of before.

Although growing pains are bothersome and complaining may help for an 8-year-old, I think it's high time for me to stretch myself up and out of what I know - there is so much more out there I have yet to learn about. My world I have created of a small group of friends can't last forever - it needs to grow, change, possibly be flipped on its head. There needs to be more of me, a big, greater, better me and isn't that the point of growing pains?

Peace!

-Nicole

*Although scientifically, growing pains are not connected to rapid, sudden growth, but for the purposes of this post, I'll just stick with the common understanding.

How Do You Measure?

1. Speak up.
2. Migraines aren't fun.
3. Don't take lofts down by yourself, but if you do, you're gonna have some epic bruises.
4. Take time to reflect on the times life has been good to you.

Oh my gosh!  Megan here... It's the last Wednesday of the year, so you'll probably be hearing a lot less from me.  I'll post some over summer, but I think we're going off the usual schedule.

This week has been so strange.  I've been emotional almost the entire week, and can't seem to get over the fact that freshman year is almost over.  I'm taking a break from studying as I have 2 exams on Friday that I'm a little nervous about.  When you mix the stress of finals with packing and having to understand that you won't see the people you've lived with, laughed with, studied with, cried with, learned with, for the next four months...  It feels a little overwhelming.  I go into my emotions a little bit more on my other blog.

I think it goes without saying that I've been doing way too much reflecting and thinking and feeling this past week about the year and the future...  It was inevitable.  I just feel so rushed with finals that there's little time to relax, have fun, and celebrate the year.

You know, the first movie night of many in my dorm was when Melissa and Nicole came over and we watched Rent--since I had never seen it before.  I think Nicole and I stayed up late and woke up early just talking about anything and everything.  It's kind of my first really happy, really groundbreaking memory of college that let me know this year was going to be something special.  Since then, I've listened to the Rent soundtrack way too many times, especially over Christmas break.  I almost have all of "La Vie Boheme" memorized I think, but the song that really gets to me is "Seasons of Love."  It gets me--and Sally--every time.  The song pretty much asks the question, "How do you measure a year?"  So... here are some ways in which I will measure my freshman year in college, all with the fondest of memories:
 

Tumblr posts

Facebook statuses

Dollars spent

Facebook events attended

Miles traveled

Ticket stubs

Movies watched

Cups of tea

Blog posts

Papers written

Hugs

Stories told

Times I laughed 'til I cried

Letters written

Text messages sent

Hours I should have been sleeping

Hours spent talking

Exams taken

Loads of laundry done

New facebook friends

Phone calls home

Photos taken

Meals in DS

Times I’ve redyed my hair

Times I wanted to cry

Times I felt overwhelmed

Times I felt loved

And last but not least, times I realized that I was where I was meant to be.

It has been such a wonderful year, and while it was honestly the most stressful and difficult I've had, it's also been the greatest.  Nicole thinks this post is cheesy.  I say it's nostalgic.

All of my love,

-Megan

  

Farewell For Now

1. Taking a loft bed down is quite the undertaking.
2. Have tall people help out when taking the loft down.
3. Puppies are great therapy.
4. Saying good-bye is tough.

Well, here it is. The last week of school: one more day of classes, one study day, and then three days of finals. Then by next Monday, the campus will be empty and everyone will be back home. It's sort of crazy to think of (and I'll post about that later).

This morning, Megan and I headed to church, like we usually do. It was a normal Sunday for me, but for Megan it was a different Sunday: it was her last day at church for a few months. Since she has come with me to church nearly every Sunday, she's become a 'regular' at my church and she has made connections with people outside of me. Today, Megan had to say good-bye to new friends that she won't probably see for a few months.

With this week and this year coming to a close, I'm discovering I'm going to have to say some good-byes. Good-byes are always hard, even if you are going to see them in the near future. It's even harder if you know you won't see them for quite a long while or even ever. It's tough to know that the relationship will change and the next time you see them, you may never have the same relationship as before.

But good-byes aren't all bad. Good-bye allows you to change; it allows you to grow more and beyond. Saying good-bye to a friend for a while gives you the ok to move on. Although it's painful, sometimes it's just the point in your life that requires a few farewells and for some new adventure to come along and give you something different.

So although I'm going to be saying goodbye for only a few months, I'm still giving myself and others the OK to move beyond - to grow apart, discover new things about ourselves then come back in the fall and be able to show off what we've found out about ourselves and the world around us. Then, once we've shared, a whole new adventure can begin together - we will be forever growing.

Peace!

-Nicole

Cry

1. Study for a test because then the test might take you half the time allotted.

2. Re-read your favorite book.

3. Packing for a trip is difficult.

4. Crying isn't such a bad thing.

I have cried so much in the past few days - it's slightly insane. It's quite embarrassing, actually.

And I'm not talking about sad tears (we'll get to that later); most of them have been out of pure joy. On Monday, at 5:31pm, my sister Ashly gave birth to my new niece Presley. I wasn't able to be there, but I got plenty of pictures and messages about it. If you don't know my story, let me give you some background: I grew up an only child, but then last summer, shortly after my 18th birthday, my mom told me I had a half sister on my dad's side. She is 9 years older than I am and at that time, had a 2 year old son named Cash. Let's just say it was quite the shock and then it turns out she was pregnant with another. It's been a whirlwind experience.

So then Monday comes along. Shortly after Presley was born, I got a text from Ashly: Presley Kay 9lbs 9oz 21 1/2 inches long along with a picture. I was just about to head to dinner with Megan and the rest of the crew when I got the text; it was instant tears. For me, happy tears is a new thing. I don't believe I have ever felt so overjoyed to hear anything in my life. It's almost like you are joy, not just feeling it. Then my mom sent me a text saying, "Just think, she's got your blood!" Now that sent me into another round of tears. For most of my life, I have never had anything so little share so much of who I am. Not to mention, this meant I would be in her life until the day I died. I'm going to see her grow up, I'll teach her crazy things - I am forever in her life, her little amazing life.

Presley Kay

Later on that night, I was chilling in my room, trying to finish a speech. I had pretty much stopped crying (I did cry when I saw a picture of Presley's feet) and was trying to finish what I needed so I could go to bed. I was feeling slightly anxious because a few of my friends were hanging out together and I felt slightly rejected and I had spent part of my night at play rehearsal, which was pretty rough. Megan gave me a quick hug before she headed back to her dorm and as soon as the door shut, I start to cry again - this time with sadness and anger and utter fear. I was so terrified - by everything. I wasn't afraid of something happening, but I was just afraid of it all. It was a feeling of utter drowning and being lost. I was eventually pulled up and found, but for a while, I was a pile of emotion.

I don't think I've cried like that since last summer - both the happy and sad crying. Although I hated some of the feelings, I'm glad. The release of emotions reminded me of who I am - what my joys and fears are and who I want to depend on.

Crying shows us at our highest and lowest moments. It gives us the release we need and it allows us to keep on moving. Sometimes we get so stuck and we need to be freed. And maybe we get stuck in a good place, but here's the catch: we're stuck. We can't move on and experience more.

Sometimes we just need to cry.

Peace!

-Nicole

Chords

1. Nutella is a great night time snack.
2. Don't slip on snow.
3. Keep the heat on in your room.
4. A single chord can bring so much.

This was my week.

My schedule looks insane right now. Purple is class, green is volunteering/work, brown is play practice, blue is campus events, and red is other. It seems as time goes along, I add more and more events and more colors - it's almost looking like an art project. I love being busy, so I'm ok with it. But the downside is I am missing out on the crazy shenanigans my friends are doing. It's weird not going to dinner with them or spending a few hours each night doing homework or jamming out while Sally plays guitar. It's almost secluding.

Tonight I went to Preston Pugmire's concert. In order for you to know what I'm talking about, check out one of his songs below.

Epic, huh? A few songs into his set, he starts to record/play a few different things...then he played the bass line. A few notes into it, instantly everyone knew he was playing "I Want You Back" by The Jackson 5. I found it absolutely crazy how one or two chords could indicate what song it was. Tons of songs have similar chords, but somehow that specific progression makes it unique.

These past few days of having a secluded feeling has taken a bit of a toll on me. My doubts get the best of me when I'm away from my friends; I think they will suddenly not want me anymore or I missed too much to know what's going on. But as soon as I enter their presence - a first chord, if you will - I know it's all ok.

My time away from my usual group of friends has also brought a few new first chords. I just had the first practice for a play I'm in (The Vagina Monologues) and I already know it's going to be a blast being around a cast of all females. Plus, spending time away from my friends allows me to appreciate the next chord with them that much more.

But sometimes that first chord isn't what you wanted or needed to hear. But even so, the song keeps on going and chords change and the key may even change. It all turns out and it resolves. The song eventually ends and another one starts.

So the next time a song starts or your schedule looks like mine, remember to listen for the first chord and anticipate the rest of the song.

Peace!

-Nicole

Habits and Patterns

The GOP race is heating up. If you haven't seen Nicole's commentary on politics, go here: http://dormroom718.blogspot.com/2011/12/whats-going-on.html

1. I am a creature of habit and pattern.
2. You don't have to drive down memory lane alone.
3. Find a new perspective.
4. Things are hot when you microwave them too.

Megan here, Happy New Year! and happy Wednesday!

Nicole left this morning and arrived safely home after a very laid back, but very fun five days here in St. Cloud. It was a blast in general, and I hope I gave her a decent taste of my world.

If there's one thing I've learned over the last few days it's that I am definitely a creature ruled by habits and patterns. It's just a lot of little things, like what roads I take, how I eat a Kit Kat bar, and apparently how I make popovers and chop potatoes... Like I said, it's a bunch of little things. However, maybe it's also a bunch of big things, like how I appraise situations, how I perceive threats, and how I respond to people.

Sometimes we stick to what we know: what's familiar and comfortable. The problem with this is that it can be easy to lapse into auto-pilot and become desensitized to everything we encounter on a regular basis. We forget to put ourselves in new situations and see things in a new light which is how we learn and well, how we live a fuller, more engaged life. So, in an effort to change this, I did what anyone would do. I did something differently. I made myself a cup of black coffee and put on some classical music--something I don't normally do. After that, I figured I had changed things up enough and made myself my usual cup of tea and turned on a Skillet playlist :P I'm taking baby steps! For the record, sometimes it's nice to drink something strong and bitter.

I think it's easy to let ourselves fall into ruts with various aspects of life, whether that's creatively, with relationships, with jobs... I mean, what is a rut? It's a path that has been traveled so much and so often that it forms a groove that can be kind of hard to get out of. In other words, when you find yourself in a rut, it's time to do something differently because the usual method won't work. Go find a new perspective, try something new, challenge yourself!

I'm not a fan of New Years' Resolutions, but I am a fan of trying out new things. And I suppose it's a good time to start since we're only four days into 2012. It's a fresh start whether or not we A. like it and B. choose to see it that way. Little things make a difference, and consciously throwing a little variety into each day might help ease that rutty feeling. It's quite easy to just sit around in such a rut, especially during winter when going into hibernation mode is quite appealing. (I have spent way too much time in bed lately.) I'm hoping I can apply this to my creativity... hope it works! Anyways, switch things up sometimes. It might lead to positive outcomes.

I leave you with this link to a song by Skillet... 'cause I like it, and I hope it motivates you to seize the moment. May your new year have more hugs than last year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kQ6prkSRFs

-Megan

The Rest of the Story

1. Unplug yourself from technology during stressful times - it may increase your productivity.
2. Wear comfortable clothes during finals - you'll be happy you did.
3. Puppy love is the best.
4. The rest of the story has to be written.

Day one of finals week: Complete. Tomorrow is our last day of classes and then Wednesday-Friday are finals. It is getting to be crunch time - well, it has been crunch time for quite a while, but now everyone is feeling it. Most people can't wait for the semester to be over, but for me, it's bittersweet.

If I go back to back to August 28th, I was feeling so anxious and excited.

"Move-in day" me

I had no idea what was coming but I was ok with it. I was so excited to start a new chapter in my life - heck, I waited years for that moment to come. I was as ready as I could be. I situated myself into my room and went to orientation.

My club - see me in the middle, poking my head out?

I loved orientation. It prepared me for what I didn't know what I needed to be prepared for. I loved my orientation group and I would be spending the rest of the semester in class with them. This picture was taken one of the last days of orientation, little to my knowledge that this was my first college family. I love each and every one of them like a sibling and they are so dear to me.

Crazy how even now it represents all of our personalities (I'm center in the back row, choking my friend)

Then life became very bizarre...which is when I started this blog. I thought I would have a strict schedule and I thought I would act just as I had before, just without as much anxiety as before. I never expected for this to happen. Every day brings something new and I mean new. I never know what to expect. Sometimes I wish for consistency, but most of the time, I love the craziness. And I've done some crazy things. Heck, Megan jokes that I now have a reputation. I am the "pink-haired, bubbly, loud, emotional, girl-with-the-ideas, theatrical, cute-clothes-wearing, Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan, touchy-feely, organized, army-building" girl. Ok, so maybe most of that stuff isn't included in my reputation, but my friends sure do know about all of it.

I've changed so much. I think of when I've gone to camp or mission trips in years past and come back suddenly and abruptly changed. It's all good, but that change often doesn't last long. It's that mountaintop experience, where you feel so emotionally high and then you back to reality and that mountaintop experience was too short to really learn from that experience. For a while, I felt like college was like that. Orientation felt like camp: everything was planned out and I was in a specific group. It felt like a mountaintop experience.

But now I have started to live on that mountaintop. And I've made friends. I became friends with Melissa who accepted me for who I was instantly and allowed me to be me fully for the first time in a long time. She introduced me to Megan, who I have become connected to at the heart. I've also met Sally, Stef, Erin, and so many other people who have started to camp with me onto of that mountain with me.

Throughout my classes, I've learned to look up, instead of looking down from my position on the mountain. Little did I know that there are other mountains to climb where I could experience more mountaintop experiences. Before, I've always been looking down to see where I've been and to see how far I've gone. I'd been waiting for college for so that I didn't remember to keep on looking farther up. There is so much more waiting for me to climb. And I'm not discouraged by it...these aren't goals set by other people; I choose what one to climb. If I don't like it, all I have to do is switch to another.

I've been living on this mountain for a while and it's become semi-comfortable. As the semester ends, I can't help but think I am ready for the semester to end. But maybe I'm not. I love how everything about college is still new to me. But as these last few weeks have passed, things are becoming not-so-new, like when to eat dinner to avoid the dinner rush, the best places to study, when to get the best shower in the bathroom, or how long it takes to walk to class.

I'm also slightly sad because I will have to home for about a month. The concept of home has completely changed in my mind. Home has always been at my house; now it's mainly my dorm. When I spent mid-sem and Thanksgiving at my house, all I wanted after a few days was to go back my dorm. My college family was there and I missed seeing them. Yes, I do miss my house and my mother, but I was ready to move out when I came to college. I'm not ready to say goodbye to my friends, even if it is only for a month.

The end of the semester doesn't mean huge changes are in store. It just means that the beginning has ended...now it's time for the rest of the story to start. And I can't wait to see what crazy things are going happen.

It's going to be quite the adventure and quite a beautiful mess. 

Good luck on finals and whatever else is going on in your life.

Peace!

-Nicole

Best Facebook Hack Ever

1. 3 hour naps are glorious.
2. Twizzlers are yummy.
3. Don't leave your computer open...your Facebook will be hacked.
4. Sometimes crazy things happen.

So Megan left her computer open in my dorm while she ran back to her dorm to grab a few things. So, I hacked her Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. (A 'hack' is when you pose as a person on their profile, often done when the person is gone.) I took my opportunity to write something on her Facebook. So instead of writing another post, I thought I would share what I wrote. Here you go.

Hello world. I am Nicole and Megan made the mistake of leaving her compute open in my dorm while she was running back to her's to grab some stuff. So, I took this opportunity to hack her Facebook and post something for the world to see.

Let me start off by saying it's been quite the adventure the past few months of college. I grew up near Concordia (only about 15 minutes away), so I didn't expect to experience too much change. But boy was I wrong. I grew up an only child living with just my mom. Now I am living with 30 girls, sharing one bathroom and having to figure out a balance with them. I have met people who I never would have had the opportunity to meet otherwise, even though I am only 15 minutes away from home. One of those people is Megan. Megan and I were talking a few days ago about how we probably would have never been friends before college. We aren't completely sure why this is true, but somehow the circumstances and timing were right to make this friendship work.

So here's my little message to you: sometimes crazy things happen. Sometimes you end up tackling someone to the ground and think that now that person is going to hate you...but then you end up connected at the heart and spending hours talking about anything and everything. (Yay Megan!) Or maybe sometimes you are at a football game and you are a little too hyper for your own good and the person next to you leans over and says, "Do you speak whale?" and then you end up being "those girls" on your floor that everyone has to tell to shut up because you are laughing too loud. (Yay Melissa!)

The thing is all this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let myself be a bit crazy. Maybe sometimes you need to be a bit insane to become sane...who knows?

Well, Megan's back and is currently sitting on a bed, writing what I'm sure is an poem or thought. It's really cool to see - she's sort of in her element.

Ok, that's all I've got. Thanks for reading my hack note.

Peace!

-Nicole

Superhero

1. George Watsky is fantastic at spoken word. Look him up.
2. Sometimes you need a day where all you do is talk to a friend.
3. Being on a technical crew is much different than being in the cast in a play.
4. We are all superheroes.

If I were a superhero, I would want to have the power to be invisible. My name would be "Mess in a Dress." No cape though, as explained in The Incredibles. Tends to get caught in things and it would injure me. Not a good plan, to have a cape. But I would wear a ball gown. Or I would wear a black, flowing dress with funky tights, ballet flats, and possibly a red hat.

I always thought it would be epic to have the power to be invisible. I could hide in places and find things out I never knew before. I could also get into concerts for free; that'd be sweet. I never wanted to have the power to fly, though. It scared me a bit. And mind reading was never appealing either, although I always did want to be able to project my thoughts to other people's head so they would understand me better. But I've always wanted to have the power to be invisible, if I were to ever become a superhero.

Melissa was having a rough time tonight, as everyone has every once in a while. After a bit of talking it out with Megan and I, she seemed to be doing a bit better. She excused herself from the room to head to the bathroom. As soon as she exited, Megan turned and said, "You are a superhero. Much better than I am at this." I disagree. Now that I think of it, each of us is a superhero, with different skills and talents.

I have the power to be invisible. People come to me and without knowing it, they are telling me things they never expected to say in the first place. Megan has the power of flying. She carries people when they need to be carried. They are still in the situation, but the ride is a bit easier from above. Melissa has the power of an energy force field. She's the positive energy against other things when needed. My mom is sort of like the Hulk; strong against other forces and is very protective. Everyone has a super power. We each have something to offer to someone who is hurting; each relieves suffering, but each in a different way. You may not know you have superpowers, but you do. You just may not have the typical power or you simply may have not had the chance to use it. But you do have it. Everyone has a power.

The cool thing about being a superhero is the "super" part. It's pretty super to be able to help someone. It's pretty super we each are helpful in a different way. Together, we are super superheroes. But superheroes do need help sometimes - weather it be on a rescue mission and they need backup or they need help themselves. And that's ok. Why else are there so many superheroes?

So let's take off. Let's get out there and be super. Let's know that we are not alone in this crazy world. We each can alleviate suffering in the world - we just have to be ourselves.

Peace!

-Nicole aka Mess in a Dress

Unforeseen Outcomes

1. Purple hair dye is amazing, except when it turns blue.
2. Going home is bittersweet.
3. Red hats are cute.
4. There can be unexpected outcomes.

Sorry for the long period of not posting. It was mid-semester break for us and I spent most of my time doing nothing, so not much was learned. Monday night, though, Megan came over and we dyed a section of her hair purple. The end result ended up being blue instead of purple. We then curled up and watched Let Me In, which is not fun at 2 in the morning. During the movie, Megan kept on staring at her hair. "It's blue!," she would whisper every once in a while, "This is an unexpected outcome!"

I asked her why it was an 'unexpected outcome'. She said not only did the color come out wrong, but she never thought she would ever dye her hair. She then proceeded to tell me that the past two months of us knowing each other has been an unforeseen outcome, which seems to be true.

An unexpected outcome is not necessarily bad nor is it necessarily good; it is simply unexpected. When I met Megan, I tackled her on accident. (See this post for reference.) When I did bring her down, all that was running through my head was, "Oh snap. Now this friendship is never going to work." But then, somehow, our relationship seemed to bloom and quite quickly too. For me, and probably for Megan, our relationship is an unforeseen outcome.

A few days ago, we were talking and Megan put it quite eloquently, "Imagine everyone going around and tackling people. Tackling and being tackled is an intimate experience - it would totally mess with people. It's physical contact before physical contact has been okayed. Who knows, maybe you're a revolutionary?" Now I'm not saying you should go around and start tackling people, although it would be a funny thing to see, but here's my point: life is full of unexpected outcomes. Sometimes they are terrible, but other times, they are amazing.

Instead of panicking and not knowing what to do, accept the fact that life is full of unexpected events and outcomes and keep living. Maybe we should even start to create unexpected outcomes. We often want so much control of our lives, when in reality, we have not much control at all. A lot of our lives are 'controlled' by other people's actions. Which means we have 'power' over other people's lives. So maybe we should go around and start tackling people and see what happens. I think life would be a bit more exciting if suddenly we all started to create situations where the end result is unknown. Living would become more real.

So, maybe tackling isn't such a bad thing.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Megan is taking a hiatus for today, which is why I'm posting on Wednesday.

What's in a Name?

1. Laughing is more fun in a library.
2. Filming scenes in one take feels very good.
3. Psychology will sometimes freak you out.
4. Just because it's sunny doesn't mean it's warm.
5. Mousepads don't work with gloves on.

Hey, Megan here. Happy Wednesday!

Let’s dive right in shall we? Names are a really important part of a person’s self. I mean you typically think about yourself when you hear your own name right? Throughout history people have attempted to break down and alter someone’s identity and self-concept by changing or simply taking away their name. The slave trade, the Native Americans, and more recently, the story of David Pelzer, are all good examples where names were either changed or stripped in order to break or better control a person.

Being in a place where no one calls you by your nickname is weird. It’s like people suddenly refer to me as Megan, and I’m obligated to respond because here they’re actually talking to me instead of the Megan behind me. No one refers to me by the name I had for approximately 6 years—I still use it to refer to myself sometimes out of habit or nostalgia, but still…it’s weird!

I started to hate that name after a while. It felt like a giant, exaggerated, misrepresentation of me that could only really exist in some work of fiction. Yes, I know it was merely a nickname, but there were some people who didn’t even know what my real first name was. Over time, my nickname became associated with everything I hated about not only middle school, but high school as well. It represented everything I hated about myself. I finally started to just accept it when I realized it wouldn’t go away.

So now that I’m Megan here at college, I feel like I have my identity back. My internal self feels more similar to what people see—the psychologist Carl Rogers calls this congruence. Well, I am now more congruent, and happier because of it. I don’t regret that nickname so much, and sometimes I miss hearing it being screamed down a hallway, but I am Megan. Hear me roar!

My point is that you ultimately own and command your identity. Don’t let anyone else put you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable or disconnected between who you know you are and who others perceive you to be. Even more so, don’t play along. Be congruent—it’s a good thing.

Can anyone else relate?

Since one of my rings today says “Love life, Be brave.” I leave you with that. Love life and be brave. You got this.

-Megan

Change

1. Being sick sucks.
2. Home is the best place to be sick.
3. Personality tests are interesting.
4. Change is interesting to watch.

Sorry for taking so long to post. It was family weekend the past few days and then I became very sick. I ended up going home last night because I didn't even want to think about trying to get out of my loft bed if I needed something. Plus my bed at home is very comfortable.

Last night, when I got home, I couldn't help but think, "This is weird." I have become very accustomed to living at school that going home was very odd. My room is stripped bare of most of its personality because all of it is in my dorm. I had a bag of my clothes and my computer with me. It was like staying in a guest bedroom at a distant family member's house. But it is still my room. Everything in my room has a memory or a reason behind it. My books and dolls are still on the shelf. It is my room, but not really my room.

College is a weird period in anyone's life. I have heard many people talk about how college life has made them feel they don't have a true home. But now I understand. I still have a home, but my life is here at college. It's just a new way of thinking about things; it's not bad, just... different. It's change.

When I got back to school at about five today, Megan gave me a personality quiz to take. 300 questions. After a half hour of answering all those questions, my results came. To my surprise, I came up as an extrovert. When I was younger, I was the polar opposite. I was the quite girl who sat in on my mom's conversations at church. I rarely made my voice heard and rarely was I the center of attention. But now, that's different. I know I have changed, but for something outside myself and my mom to tell me that, it's weird.

I feel like my transition to college and to my extrovert self was like watching a movie of sorts. I am still slightly confused on how I got here, but I'm enjoying it. It's just weird to watch myself change; even weirder to have it happen. Change is quite the adventure.

Peace!

-Nicole

Living Among the Great

1. The symposium is never too fun at 8:30 in the morning.

2. Bring a coat to college, even if it is only the middle of September.

3. When you get a text saying, "My dorm was evacuated and firetrucks are coming" and then you hear sirens outside your window, something must have gone wrong.

4. I am living amongst 'the great'.

Woke up this morning at 7:15. Gross huh? I sat through some super interesting (and sometimes boring) sessions for the symposium. All-in-all it was a fantastic experience and I learned a ton. (I will be posting some interesting facts and quotations soon.)

I realized something: I am living among some of the greatest people ever. And this is true in two ways. One is these people are fantastic. Just fantastic. They make me laugh maybe a little too much to be productive, they make me do crazy, weird things, and they also make me learn. The people here are fantastic and absolutely can be considered 'one of the greats'.

But this also something else. Whenever I meet someone really cool (which seems to be occurring quite often lately) and I learn a bit more about them, I suddenly get the feeling that in 10/15/20 years I will be watching the news or reading the paper when I see their name for doing something amazing. I feel like I am living among future famous or world-changing people.

For example:

- A few months ago, I met an up-and-coming TV star, who also wants to be a political leader someday.

- I met an amazing poet who will definitely do something someday. Not to mention she has an amazing heart for the world, though she might not know it. (Maybe if I can convince her, she might let me post a poem or two on here). 

- I met a girl with such a bubbly personality who isn't afraid to tell it like it is. She isn't afraid to show her emotion in a world where emotions are often looked down upon. (Plus we are so alike it is very freaky.) I just know she will end up on my list of 'Oh I knew them when...'

These are just a few people I have met. I have a theory that every single dang person out there is able to change their world. Though I can't tell what is going to happen in the future, I just have a feeling I am among people who will change the world, even if that change is small. No change is a small change.

I truly am among the great. I am so dang happy because of it.

As for me and my 'greatness', I guess we will just have to see what comes my way.

Peace!

-Nicole

Being Human

1. Melissa and Megan are amazing blog writers.
2. It is amazing to get a text from someone when you didn't have to text them first.
3. Colum McCann is not only an amazing author, but a fantastic speaker.
4. Everyone has a story.

Today was the start of the symposium at my college, which means a ton of amazing speakers come. Tonight was Colum McCann who wrote Zoli, which the whole freshman class read. McCann was funny, personal, and had amazing insight on what it means to be an artist. I loved nearly every minute of it and tomorrow there will be plenty more speakers to come.

Afterward, I spent nearly 3 hours with a friend, simply talking. It was very different from conversations I have had in recent years. In high school, conversations tend to focus on not-so-stunning and in-depth topics. I am not saying college people are immensely better than high school people because in fact, they tend to be the same. But the fact I had an actually decent conversation (especially at night, because often I don't function well at night), was pretty much a miracle. Plus it was with someone I never really expected to be talking with.

It's pretty dang awesome to have a connection with someone and have that connection grow. My mom and I have always talked about having a 'connection' with someone right away when you meet them. For me, people are constantly popping in and out of my life, which has its ups and downs. For a connection to take root and grow deeper by each word, is something I stand in awe of. Not just because it is happening to me, but because it can happen at all.

I also re-discovered the fact that everyone has a story. In our 3 hour conversation, we talked about how when people go to college, they think they will suddenly be someone totally different. This is possible, but if you want to make a very drastic change to who you are, it isn't so easy. Whenever you change a ton about yourself, you often loose a sense of who you truly are, not just what others see. And when one tries to change a ton, old frustrations, fears, and general emotions appear. Those suppressed emotions sometimes gets the best of them. And when emotions run high, stories spill out. And everyone else discovers, contrary to the person's beliefs, that they are not alone in their scars and fears. Everyone has a story and everyone is connected.

And that makes us human.

Well, I have an early morning session to get to. Hope you are enjoying my college journey and lessons. If not... oh well.

Peace!

-Nicole