Opening Night (and 100th Post!)

1. Stage make-up is really not good for your face.
2. Group projects are more work than you would expect.
3. If you wander around Target for an hour at 9am, the employees start to give you odd looks.
4. Try less to impress...and just be yourself.

It's opening night for the play I have been working on for a few weeks. It's an odd feeling, for sure. This is my first college production I am performing in and the first show I will see costume pieces I help create up on stage. This will also be the first time my sister Ashly will see me perform. I'm super excited, but also very glad it's coming to an end. It's been stressful and a lot of time has been put in. But overall, I'm very glad I did it (despite the fact I complained nearly the whole way through).

Last night was our final dress rehearsal, which means afterwards, we went to Gio's, a local pizzeria. When I was on technical crew for Grease earlier on in the season, my experience at Gio's was not the greatest. Although this might just be cognitive dissonance, I believe it was because it was a brand-new experience where everyone was an adult and able to make choices for themselves. I was sort of in shock and I left pretty early. I also had some emotions come up that I didn't expect to appear. The tradition the theatre has is presenting a "Bucky" award to 2 freshman (1 performer and 1 techie). I knew for Grease I wouldn't get it because I had only put in a bit of effort and time compared to other freshmen techies. It deservingly went to my friend Hannah, who I have known since we were in 7th grade. These emotions of jealously and a bit of frustration and anger appeared. I knew it was ridiculous to feel such things, so I worked through them and came to the decision to not worry about getting a Bucky. Sure, I wanted it, but there are plenty of theatre students who didn't get a Bucky and still do well.

Up until I arrived at Gio's, I had truly forgotten about it. I pushed the thought aside and tried to enjoy myself. Then the moment came: the presentation of the Bucky. The performer Bucky went to my friend John, which is well deserved. Because I am mainly a performer, I thought my chance had passed. But then, my name was called out.

It was unexpected and wonderful, although I do think others were as deserving as I was. The Bucky is voted on by the upperclassmen. Which meant I had somehow made an impact on them and that is pretty epic. I definitely learned something: don't worry about it. It seems that when we forget the prize or the desired award, we try less to impress and become more of ourselves. I completely forgot about the Bucky, which I wanted quite a bit, and I just lived as myself.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS. This is the 100th post!!!! Yay!

Keep Calm

1. Drink lots of water when you're sick.
2. If you do drink a ton of water, be prepared to go to the bathroom a lot.
3. Horton Hears a Who is a great way to spend a Saturday night.
4. Keep calm.

It seems to me that all of my friends - as of late - are falling apart, which leaves me wanting to fall apart too. It seems easier to let myself fall than to face the fact that my friends may not be well and I may not be able to help them. I'm getting the point where all I want to do was throw my hands up and say "I'm done" - done with the negativity, rude comments, emotional roller coaster.

But I can't do that; if I were to give up, I would lose everything good about my relationships...and that would surely send me into a hole. Plus, I can't blame them for anything; what they are going through is über hard.

Here is what I have found to work:

I know, a bit over-done, but so very true. The best thing for my friends and for me is to take it day by day. Each day brings it's own challenges and worrying about tomorrow's will only let the challenges of today grow and they will eventually become the worries of tomorrow. The best thing I can do for my friends and anyone who is going through something really tough is to see the pain and acknowledge it. If I ignore it, the pain will only become worse. I can't fix everyone, nor do I want to be the repair person; my job is to be there for them and give a hug when needed and to make them laugh when they need to be pulled out of their own heads. Heck, if I do that for them, it pulls me out of my own head and the viscous thoughts that can occur.

Life gets tough, but things do get better - maybe not in the way you planned or it is an unexpected outcome, but things do turn out.

Keep calm, breathe, and see the goodness in life.

Peace!

-Nicole

Best Facebook Hack Ever

1. 3 hour naps are glorious.
2. Twizzlers are yummy.
3. Don't leave your computer open...your Facebook will be hacked.
4. Sometimes crazy things happen.

So Megan left her computer open in my dorm while she ran back to her dorm to grab a few things. So, I hacked her Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. (A 'hack' is when you pose as a person on their profile, often done when the person is gone.) I took my opportunity to write something on her Facebook. So instead of writing another post, I thought I would share what I wrote. Here you go.

Hello world. I am Nicole and Megan made the mistake of leaving her compute open in my dorm while she was running back to her's to grab some stuff. So, I took this opportunity to hack her Facebook and post something for the world to see.

Let me start off by saying it's been quite the adventure the past few months of college. I grew up near Concordia (only about 15 minutes away), so I didn't expect to experience too much change. But boy was I wrong. I grew up an only child living with just my mom. Now I am living with 30 girls, sharing one bathroom and having to figure out a balance with them. I have met people who I never would have had the opportunity to meet otherwise, even though I am only 15 minutes away from home. One of those people is Megan. Megan and I were talking a few days ago about how we probably would have never been friends before college. We aren't completely sure why this is true, but somehow the circumstances and timing were right to make this friendship work.

So here's my little message to you: sometimes crazy things happen. Sometimes you end up tackling someone to the ground and think that now that person is going to hate you...but then you end up connected at the heart and spending hours talking about anything and everything. (Yay Megan!) Or maybe sometimes you are at a football game and you are a little too hyper for your own good and the person next to you leans over and says, "Do you speak whale?" and then you end up being "those girls" on your floor that everyone has to tell to shut up because you are laughing too loud. (Yay Melissa!)

The thing is all this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let myself be a bit crazy. Maybe sometimes you need to be a bit insane to become sane...who knows?

Well, Megan's back and is currently sitting on a bed, writing what I'm sure is an poem or thought. It's really cool to see - she's sort of in her element.

Ok, that's all I've got. Thanks for reading my hack note.

Peace!

-Nicole

Spontaneous Combustion

1. Roller derbies are amazing.
2. Sleeping-in is glorious.
3. Don't watch scary shows alone.
4. Be spontaneous.

What has my life come to? First off, last weekend I stayed up until 6:30am talking. Then this weekend I play a game of sardines (sort of like hide and go seek) at 11:30pm on my whole college campus. After that, I had a tea party in someones room then watched She's the Man. Then today, I decided that Megan, Melissa, and I should go to the FM Roller Derby. The thing is that all of these things were spur of the moment. None of it was thought through, nor would I have ever thought of doing any of it.

I never thought of myself as a spontaneous person. Sure, I was crazy, but never spontaneous. I thought everything through and I always followed the rules. I don't know if this sudden change is because I think faster or there aren't many rules to follow here, but I now definitely am the spontaneous person. Last night, when trying to find people to play sardines with us, Megan asked one of the girls on my floor and she said, "You know, I think I should stay here and get some work done. I know what you do. I read your blog." Megan promptly says to me, "We have a reputation!" I've had some weird reputations in the past; this by far is the weirdest. And probably the one I am most proud of.

I am re-learning who I am right now. Everything I do shocks me to a small degree. But somehow all that I do fits in with who I am, or at least I think I might be making room for it in my personality. Before, I couldn't even do anything that wasn't planned and nothing that was out of my 'normalcy'. I always had confidence, but I never knew how much I could have. Over the past few months, my confidence has spontaneously combusted; it's grown exponentially. A ton of stuff has helped, but I do know something has helped: spontaneity.

Life is a bit more exciting when spontaneity is involved. Sure, life is good when it has a consistent routine to it, but not much can be learned from it. So what if spontaneity is part of the routine? Make it a part of your daily life. And maybe I will never know who I am. But I figure I will never fully know who I am. Who I am is a process - not a set thing. My life is constantly changing, so why should I expect who I am to not change?

Bring a bit of spontaneity into your life. It may bring a few interesting things into your life. Heck, you might even spontaneously combust.

Peace!

-Nicole

Beautiful Mess

1. Halloween dances are exciting.
2. Fake blood is hard to wash off.
3. Don't stay up until 6:30am, then sleep, then wake up at 1pm. Doesn't feel too good.
4. It's a beautiful mess.

This weekend was a bit of a mess. Melissa, Megan, and I went to a play on Friday night, then ended up in my dorm watching Dracula. We got half way through the movie, then we all went to bed. Then on Saturday, I worked in the theatre for set construction. Then the three of us went to a thrift store to buy a costume for that night's festivities. Saturday night was our Halloween Bash, which included a haunted house, photo booth, and a dance.

Our photo booth picture
Laura (a girl on my floor), Melissa (as my victim), myself (vampire), and Megan (Trinity from the Matrix)

We had a blast, but when it got done at one in the morning, the three of us didn't want to go to sleep. So, we went back to our dorms, changed out of our costumes, then headed to a 24-hour restaurant. After we got bored of the restaurant, we hopped back into my car, and since we still didn't want to head back to campus, I gave them a 3am tour of Fargo/Moorhead. We finally ended up back in our dorms at 4am.We said goodnight to Melissa then Megan walked me to my dorm, fully intending on saying goodnight. The both of us ended up sitting outside my dorm door, talking... until 6:30am. By the time I went to sleep, my RA was already up and heading to the bathroom to shower. When I woke up I felt terribly ill; I felt like a complete mess.

But I don't regret anything. I am so happy I went out to eat with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I am glad I stayed up until 6:30, having a conversation that I needed. I was a mess the next day, but it was sure a beautiful mess. It was beautiful because it didn't feel unnatural. It felt natural for us to talk for hours on end. It felt natural for us to drive around town with no destination. It felt natural. But it was also a mess because from an outside perspective and from my logic's perspective, it was probably a poor choice to stay up so late. It was a beautiful mess.

So maybe sometimes life has to be a mess in order for beauty to show. When life is a mess, we tend to be the most vulnerable. I certainly would not have had the amazing conversation I had last night if we had had it at 4pm instead of 4am. When you are vulnerable, it is the time you change the most. It's when you become a new creation and when your beauty really shines.

Life is a mess. Don't be afraid when it is because sometimes, it's beautiful.

Peace!

-Nicole

Unforeseen Outcomes

1. Purple hair dye is amazing, except when it turns blue.
2. Going home is bittersweet.
3. Red hats are cute.
4. There can be unexpected outcomes.

Sorry for the long period of not posting. It was mid-semester break for us and I spent most of my time doing nothing, so not much was learned. Monday night, though, Megan came over and we dyed a section of her hair purple. The end result ended up being blue instead of purple. We then curled up and watched Let Me In, which is not fun at 2 in the morning. During the movie, Megan kept on staring at her hair. "It's blue!," she would whisper every once in a while, "This is an unexpected outcome!"

I asked her why it was an 'unexpected outcome'. She said not only did the color come out wrong, but she never thought she would ever dye her hair. She then proceeded to tell me that the past two months of us knowing each other has been an unforeseen outcome, which seems to be true.

An unexpected outcome is not necessarily bad nor is it necessarily good; it is simply unexpected. When I met Megan, I tackled her on accident. (See this post for reference.) When I did bring her down, all that was running through my head was, "Oh snap. Now this friendship is never going to work." But then, somehow, our relationship seemed to bloom and quite quickly too. For me, and probably for Megan, our relationship is an unforeseen outcome.

A few days ago, we were talking and Megan put it quite eloquently, "Imagine everyone going around and tackling people. Tackling and being tackled is an intimate experience - it would totally mess with people. It's physical contact before physical contact has been okayed. Who knows, maybe you're a revolutionary?" Now I'm not saying you should go around and start tackling people, although it would be a funny thing to see, but here's my point: life is full of unexpected outcomes. Sometimes they are terrible, but other times, they are amazing.

Instead of panicking and not knowing what to do, accept the fact that life is full of unexpected events and outcomes and keep living. Maybe we should even start to create unexpected outcomes. We often want so much control of our lives, when in reality, we have not much control at all. A lot of our lives are 'controlled' by other people's actions. Which means we have 'power' over other people's lives. So maybe we should go around and start tackling people and see what happens. I think life would be a bit more exciting if suddenly we all started to create situations where the end result is unknown. Living would become more real.

So, maybe tackling isn't such a bad thing.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Megan is taking a hiatus for today, which is why I'm posting on Wednesday.