Definition of Family

1. Writer's block sucks.
2. Walking without shoes on in 31 degree weather is interesting.
3. Chocolate is wonderful.
4. Welcome to the family.

Happy Easter everyone! I hope it was swell and was restful. My weekend was fairly relaxed - did a ton of sleeping, talking, laughing, cooking, and just doing nothing. I was able to see my aunt and uncle, which is always a blessing because they live a bit ways away. I got to spend a whole day with my mother (which I have waited for for a while) and we went to see The Hunger Games, in which I cried buckets of tears. I also got to experience a new kind of family.

My family is pretty small right now, especially at holidays. My mother and I often spend holidays with another family, with whom we are close with. When making plans for this Easter, I simply assumed we would be spending it with that family again. On the contrary, it turns out we were going to have a total of 7 people at our house. My house is small and our table can only handle about 4 people and 6 is squishy, but possible. Having 7 people in our house for a few hours was going to be a feat and having a meal - oh dear, was it going to be an adventure.

My concept of family has always been very fluid. Because I grew up an only child, anyone who I connected on deeper levels with I considered to be a sibling in some sense. I have always had multiple parents because I was always in church ("it takes a village to raise a child"). It hasn't been until recently I've discovered how deep I can be connected with someone and not be related to them. With the addition of my sister, I have gone on a huge discovery process of what being family, especially what having and being a sibling means. My definition became shared experiences and having to deal with one another, despite emotions. At the end of the day, even though one might be angry or annoyed at the other, there is still that desire to be with one another. The other almost becomes a home base. In talking with friends about missing home, the recurring theme seems to be that: the comfort and feeling of home, no matter where or what the situation is.

This Easter has taught me something a bit more about family - it can grow in ways one would not expect. Megan stayed with me nearly the whole break. We spent a ton of time at church and she's gotten to the point where she has developed her own relationships outside of me. Because church is such a huge part of my life, it will frankly be very weird to not have her with me at church this summer. I have a fairly large network of people at my church and Megan has found her own place. It's just a new definition of family - she went from being a friend of a friend to being a sister in many aspects (heck, my mom even gave her an Easter basket).

For the past few months, I have created a family at school. And I expected it to happen. What I didn't expect to happen is the growing of my family at home. Not only has Megan sort of become an addition, it has happened with my mom also. She now has more children to take care of - she has dedicated herself more to relationships with the kids she mentors. I apparently now have about 20+ siblings.

So to wrap it, my definition of family is continuing to grow and change. It seems that anyone I meet may just become my newest family member. And it's pretty sweet.

Peace!

-Nicole

Just Kidding

1. There will be days where everything is due and you have no time to get a head start on things.
2. Learning a new citation format is confusing and sometimes difficult.
3. Writing a paper is hard at 2am.
4. Jokes have a purpose.

I hate April Fool's.

Hate. It.

Just so you all know, I despise that there is a day to play jokes on innocent people. I become nearly paranoid that someone is planning something without my knowing. I despise the fact that people would even want to play a joke on me. What worst though is that as we grow older, the jokes become more than just "There's something crawling up your arm!"; they turn into something that throws your mind for a loop.

A few weeks ago, Megan told me she enjoyed April Fool's. So on Saturday, I was having lunch with her and I told her she best not be planning to pull anything on me. She smiled at me and I knew I had made a mistake - she hadn't been planning anything but now she sure was. I gave up on changing her mind after a few minutes of persistent complaining. We kept on eating and just before we were going to leave, Megan looks at me and tell me, "Nicole, I'm transferring." My stomach dropped and near-panic set in. "You're joking. You are not." Megan nodded and said, "That's why I was talking with my mom on the phone. I don't want to worry about the cost of school anymore - it's too much." A few moments later, though, long enough for the panic and sadness to really set in, she cracked a smile and told me she was completely joking. I promptly smacked her and yelled something along the lines of, "Why would you do such a thing!"

For the rest of the day and into Sunday morning, I was angry at her. Mad that she made me feel suddenly emotional. (It didn't help that she kept me in suspense of another trick Sunday morning, only to tell me she had nothing planned.) But I can't really blame Megan for anything. In fact, now that Sunday is over, I'm slightly glad it happened.

See, I don't take jokes well, especially if they are about me. I believe lies or jokes are rooted in some piece of truth, so if someone pokes fun at me, I automatically think it's true. I also don't take jokes well if they are directed towards my fears. It was crazy to see how quickly I became sad when Megan told me she was transferring. I thought of how all the things we have planned for next would not happen because she wouldn't be there.

To get to my point: don't take things so seriously. Sometimes jokes are useful to show you how much something or someone means to you. It brings up all those emotions and fears of a possible situation and it shows you just how much you want to avoid it or prevent it from happening.

So next year, I might take April Fool's a bit better...or I just might get revenge on Megan.

Peace!

-Nicole

Best Facebook Hack Ever

1. 3 hour naps are glorious.
2. Twizzlers are yummy.
3. Don't leave your computer open...your Facebook will be hacked.
4. Sometimes crazy things happen.

So Megan left her computer open in my dorm while she ran back to her dorm to grab a few things. So, I hacked her Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. (A 'hack' is when you pose as a person on their profile, often done when the person is gone.) I took my opportunity to write something on her Facebook. So instead of writing another post, I thought I would share what I wrote. Here you go.

Hello world. I am Nicole and Megan made the mistake of leaving her compute open in my dorm while she was running back to her's to grab some stuff. So, I took this opportunity to hack her Facebook and post something for the world to see.

Let me start off by saying it's been quite the adventure the past few months of college. I grew up near Concordia (only about 15 minutes away), so I didn't expect to experience too much change. But boy was I wrong. I grew up an only child living with just my mom. Now I am living with 30 girls, sharing one bathroom and having to figure out a balance with them. I have met people who I never would have had the opportunity to meet otherwise, even though I am only 15 minutes away from home. One of those people is Megan. Megan and I were talking a few days ago about how we probably would have never been friends before college. We aren't completely sure why this is true, but somehow the circumstances and timing were right to make this friendship work.

So here's my little message to you: sometimes crazy things happen. Sometimes you end up tackling someone to the ground and think that now that person is going to hate you...but then you end up connected at the heart and spending hours talking about anything and everything. (Yay Megan!) Or maybe sometimes you are at a football game and you are a little too hyper for your own good and the person next to you leans over and says, "Do you speak whale?" and then you end up being "those girls" on your floor that everyone has to tell to shut up because you are laughing too loud. (Yay Melissa!)

The thing is all this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let myself be a bit crazy. Maybe sometimes you need to be a bit insane to become sane...who knows?

Well, Megan's back and is currently sitting on a bed, writing what I'm sure is an poem or thought. It's really cool to see - she's sort of in her element.

Ok, that's all I've got. Thanks for reading my hack note.

Peace!

-Nicole

Fairy Dust

1. Finding an on-campus job is difficult.

2. Don't leave 8-10 page papers to the last minute.

3. Christmas gifts are hard to think of.

4. Think happy thoughts and the fairy dust will do the rest.

A lot has gone wrong in the past two days. First off, I procrastinated a 8-10 page paper until last night and it wasn't simply a analytical paper; it was a research paper on the use and effectiveness of meditation in anxiety treatment. I had all of my research done, but I had to paraphrase, use, and weave together 14 sources eloquently. I didn't really start the paper until about 8pm last night and I didn't finish it until 2:30am. Then I had to get up at 6:45.

Second, I spilled tea all over my desk. I save my computer, but my case now smells like mint tea.

Third,  I opened my email inbox yesterday and there, waiting for me to read, was an email telling me if I got an on-campus job. I read it and turns out I didn't get it. This is the third for fourth job I applied to and didn't get. I felt so defeated and quite angry that I still didn't have a job. I'm mean, come on! I am a hard worker and I am super organized and quite personal.

Fourth, because it's Christmas concert season and the semester is coming to a close, every single one of my friends has a different schedule from each other...so we haven't seen much of each other. Although I see them nearly every day, I still miss the contact I get.

A lot has gone wrong. But, then again, a lot has gone right. I got a Subway gift card in the mail from a foundation that gave me a scholarship, I got a washing machine right away tonight, I got to wear my costume for the first time for the 10 minute scene I'm in, and one of my good friends from high school who I haven't seen since mid-summer might be coming to stay with me for a few days.

We tend to focus on the terrible things of a day. Bad energy, like all energy, is contagious. And bad energy requires less of us - it's easy to succumb to. If we let the bad things get us down, we tend to stay down because, well, sometimes it's easier to complain than it is to smile.

But smiling isn't all that hard. "You just think happy thoughts. They lift you into the air," as said by Wendy in Peter Pan. Good energy breeds good energy. It picks you up off your feet and gives you a little nudge to keep on going.

So don't let bad thoughts bring you down because then you can't fly. And who doesn't want to do that?

Peace!

-Nicole

Don't Fear the Reaper

1. Snow should not come before Thanksgiving.
2. Read a book before it's due at the library.
3. Catching up on writing letters feels good.
4. Don't fear the reaper.

Monday night, I went to my high school's one act play entitled, "Don't Fear the Reaper." As you might guess, it's about the Grim Reaper, who has begun to be compassionate. He gives some people the choice to pick heaven or hell, and once they do, he sends them back to earth to be able to make that choice. And because of his compassion, he is fired from his Reaping job.

I haven't had a ton of "experience" with death. I haven't been super close to anyone who has died, but I have seen quite a few people go through grief. Death and dying are a common fear. But the fear of death is not about the process, but the life not lived. When someone dies young, people say that it is tragic because they had so much ahead of them... a life not lived.

Why do we fear the life not lived? We sometimes spend so much time focusing on death and the future that we forget the present. We all know that death is inevitable, so why fret over it? We won't be forgotten; we are just a drop in the ocean, but the ripples continue on. The best thing we can do is be loving.

We can't change the past; life isn't supposed to be flawless. I believe life is perfect; what makes it that way are the flaws. If nothing terrible happened and everything went smoothly, then all we would know is the same thing, which would become very boring. Life is supposed to be lived with flaws. Think about it. When have you felt the happiest? It's often after a tough period or moment. You need to have both sides of the coin. And if you "mess up", then you found another way not to do it. You take what you've learned and keep on walking. And if you take everything in stride, then when you get to the end of your journey, you'll take that in stride too.

Don't fear death. In fact, don't worry about it at all. Live day by day, because that's all you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Megan's off for today, so that's why I'm posting on a Wednesday.

Busy

1. The third floor of the library is also a very good place to study at 10:30am.
2. A vacuumed floor is an amazing thing to behold.
3. Chocolate milk makes a dreary day just a bit brighter.
4. Life gets busy at times, but it is just fine.

Let me tell you my schedule for today.

8:00 Wake up, shower, get ready
9:00 Meet Megan for breakfast, have her help me memorize my lines
9:50 go to the poetry chapel with Megan
10:30 walk Megan to Spanish, then head to the library for some homework and some blogging
12:50ish eat a small lunch
1:20 take a Spanish test and hopefully get done early to squeeze in some homework before the next class. 2:40-4:00 go to theatre productions class
4:30-5:30 go to Spanish conversation group
5:30 grab a quick dinner
6:15 be in the theatre, wearing all black, and do make-up and costume changes for the musical
10:30 practice for the scene I'm in
11:45 back to dorm then do some homework and head to bed hopefully before 2
6:50am Wake up and go to class

I'm just a bit busy. This is kind of what my week looks like too. I'm on the technical crew for Grease and this week is technical week, which means it's mass semi-organized chaos. I don't think I've been this busy since this past spring and even then I had time to breathe and sleep. From the looks of it, I won't have much time for even that this week.

Being busy is oftentimes a good thing. It means you are doing something and enjoying life. But that doesn't mean that if you aren't busy your life is meaningless. I always thought I should be busy to have a purpose. But now I have found that to be not true at all. My life is so amazing right now and I'm not nearly as busy. I am spending each night laughing with friends and meeting new people. Relationships have grown deeper and as I have said before, I'm happy.

But life should be a bit busy at times. It changes the pace and teaches you a whole new set of lessons. So find a balance. Don't overload yourself, even if you think you should build up your resumé or find some place to be. Oftentimes the best things in life come when your schedule isn't packed full of things. But if your life is busy, like mine is right now, take a few deep breaths, take one step at a time, and be in the moment.

Just enjoy whatever you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS I might not be posting much this week because of my schedule. I'll get Megan and Melissa to fill in for me.

That Melancholy Feeling

1. It's so much fun to be with your sister, especially if it is the second time you've met.
2. Halloween candy is quite delicious.
3. Get your assignments done before class, just so you don't have to catch up later.
4. Life has it's ups and downs.

I have been ridiculously happy lately. It's been sort of crazy. I have so much going for me to be happy for. I can't seem to find anything to be sad about. Sure, there are things to be sad about, but it seems nothing will bring me down. And it's easy to see why: I have amazing friends, I love my college, and I am pretty emotionally stable.

I was talking with Megan last night about being happy. We had spent most of the evening with Melissa and Sally (a girl on our floor), just telling stories and laughing. I was already excited when I met up with them at around 7 because I had just spent the last few hours with my sister and my nephew. When I met with them, they were jittery and full of energy. We spent nearly 3 hours laughing. Later on, when I was talking with Megan, I said I had a headache. "Too much happiness?" she asked. I quickly responded, "Never too much happiness!" Then, Megan being the psychology major she is, she said, "In psychology we talked about how one can have too much happiness. If you're constantly happy, that's a lot of wear and tear. If you're constantly depressed, it's the same thing. If you experience a balance of highs and lows, you maintain overall balance."


That got me thinking. Sure, everyone wants to be happy and we all strive to make everyone else happy too. But I have always believed that there should be contrasts. Take love. In order to know what love is, we need to know what hate is. If we don't know what hate is, then we would never appreciate the other side of the coin - love. It seems the same is true for happiness. If we don't know what sadness feels likes, then how can we appreciate happiness?


Megan, Melissa, and I went to a play on Friday night called Melancholy Play by Sarah Ruhl. The basic premise of the play is about a woman named Tilly who is very, very melancholy. As the play progresses, she meets a few friends and they are all fascinated by her. Tilly often goes off on tangents about life and her friends soon fall in love with who she is. But then, because Tilly senses this love, she becomes dramatically happy. She almost becomes insane with happiness. But then Tilly's friends, who were once quite happy, become melancholy because Tilly isn't teaching them the things they craved to know. She notices her friends' unhappiness but doesn't know how to feel sadness for her friends because she has been wrapped up in her happiness.

We need both happiness and sadness to be balanced and content. For the past few days, I have been fearing my "downfall" from my happiness. I love the way I feel when I'm happy. Who doesn't? But sometimes it does get a bit tiring, being so happy all the time. And we need to feel all range of emotions to be well-rounded - it's what we all learn in 7th grade health.

So, don't fear sadness or melancholy. Often that's when we appreciate things the most. We need a balance. Be happy for a while, but also let yourself fall into sadness for a while. Always know that happiness will come your way again.

Peace!

-Nicole