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How To: Watch People Grow

A week ago, I got back from a 10 day adventure across the country with 40 other people to the ELCA National Youth Gathering, saw the ocean, overtook New Orleans with 37,000 other Lutherans, walked into an empty Superdome, got terribly ill, went on a few roller coasters, and had the greatest pleasure of watching people grow.

My home for the past two weeks - bus 718!

When I got on the bus early on the 14th of July, I expected it to be like any other trip... and I was right. It was full of crazy loud teenagers, high tensions, sleep deprivation, and good conversations. But something was different - I was able to watch it all. I had been a student on the last trip to the Youth Gathering in 2009, which was an amazing experience. Now three years later, I decided to tag along for this trip.

I had five "children" in my group, most of whom I knew before this trip. Our conversations in the beginning were rough and a bit sluggish, as expected, but on the last two days something unexpected for me happened. The conversation flowed and flourished and I heard things I never even thought of before. I saw eyes with a new spark and I knew that beyond this trip is where real growth will be seen.

I also saw Megan grow. We had someone drop out of the trip a few months before we left and my mom (the director of youth at my church) decided to invite Megan to go along. Megan was cautious and thought herself into a tizzy about it all. Although I was happy to have my partner-in-crime along for the trip, I was also excited to see her find some other partners-in-crime. And she did. I barely had time to talk to her. And since I cannot speak for her, here is what Megan thought of it all.

So what about me? It's hard to know. When I was younger, I knew if I had suddenly changed after camp and other 'mountain-top experiences'. But now that I'm older, it's harder to tell. I think after this trip and watching so many hearts and minds change, I can't help but feel I've changed and grown myself.

It seems to me that change is easier to see after a period of time. Comparing me a few weeks ago and me now, I can see the change. I dunno what that is, but it's there. I guess only time will tell with new experiences and new people, but I guess I'm ok with that.

Peace!

-Nicole

Wake Up!

1. Make sure your alarm is set.
2. Make sure you don't turn off your alarm instead of hitting the snooze.
3. If all else fails, just make sure your phone isn't on silent so someone can call you to wake you up.
4. Wake up.

Hello from Iowa! I am currently sitting in a hotel in Ames, IA, planning out tomorrow with Megan. We are at MBLGTACC (Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference) with our Straight and Gay Alliance. So far it has been amazing - went to a session on trans*, heard Rev. Dr. Jamie Washington speak, and saw Andrea Gibson perform.

We were scheduled to load up at 6:45 this morning and leave by 7....I woke up to Megan storming my dorm, telling me to wake up and get going. I had overslept my alarm and only had a few moments to finish packing and quickly get ready. If you know me, you know I do not feel human until I have a shower - I cannot function and I am not a happy camper as I normally am.

My "grr" face...

Although I felt non-human all day because I didn't get a shower, I woke up today. I woke up to the fact that there is more to learn and more to discover. I woke up to the fact that there needs to be change. I woke up to the fact I don't know myself as much as I thought I did. All of this isn't bad; it's exciting.

So here is my quick lesson for today: wake up to the world around you and wake up to yourself. When you think you know it all, something has gone terribly wrong. There is always something to learn - wake up to it.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Listen to the Circle of Life while watching the sunrise.

Nervous

1. Let someone hack your computer or smart phone. It's interesting to see what they do.
2. Don't let anyone who you don't trust hack your computer or phone.
3. It really is quiet on campus with all the choir kids gone.
4. Don't let nerves get the best of you.

Last night, I had a meeting at my church for a trip I am taking next summer. When I got back to my dorm, I found I had a new text message from Megan: "hey, wanna help me with my speech?" Unlike me, Megan has terrible stage-fright and today, she had an eight-minute speech to present to her oral communications class. We ended up spending about two hours practicing, critiquing, and fixing her speech.

When I ran into Megan this morning at breakfast, she was riddled fear and nerves. Her leg was twitching, her fingers were tapping on the table, and her eyes were darting every-which way. "Megan, what's wrong?" She then looked up at me and said something along the lines that she just wanted it to be over. I found this whole situation to be a bit funny - all that she was doing was giving a speech to her friends on a topic she was passionate about. What was there to be nervous about?

I guess I am coming from the perspective of a person who has spent the last seven years performing on stage and competing. But I wasn't always this way...I used to be scared of even talking with people. I was afraid I was going to stumble over words, then people wouldn't understand me and then I wouldn't be able to get anywhere. I now know this is completely untrue - I was going to stumble, but all I needed to do was start again and not worry too much about my mess up.

Whenever I help someone with a speech or performance (or even when I practice things), they react to their mess-up by either making a funny noise, cussing, or letting their shoulders slump. This does not help with the nerves...it only perpetuates it.

Nerves aren't just present in speeches...they're present in life. Right now, I am heading into finals week. I only have one final, but that's Spanish and I'm not ready at all. I also have a ton of projects to do (a scale-model of a set, a lighting design, a final paper, a revision of a paper, another final paper, and a Spanish oral exam). There is a lot for me to be nervous about. If I don't use my time wisely, I am afraid I won't do well in the class.

But letting myself be nervous about it all won't help. Like Megan has said before on a this post, you have plunge yourself into your work. Nerves get you no where - all it does is take up your time and create a mess of problems you don't need.

Don't let nerves get the best of you.

Peace!

-Nicole

Best Facebook Hack Ever

1. 3 hour naps are glorious.
2. Twizzlers are yummy.
3. Don't leave your computer open...your Facebook will be hacked.
4. Sometimes crazy things happen.

So Megan left her computer open in my dorm while she ran back to her dorm to grab a few things. So, I hacked her Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. (A 'hack' is when you pose as a person on their profile, often done when the person is gone.) I took my opportunity to write something on her Facebook. So instead of writing another post, I thought I would share what I wrote. Here you go.

Hello world. I am Nicole and Megan made the mistake of leaving her compute open in my dorm while she was running back to her's to grab some stuff. So, I took this opportunity to hack her Facebook and post something for the world to see.

Let me start off by saying it's been quite the adventure the past few months of college. I grew up near Concordia (only about 15 minutes away), so I didn't expect to experience too much change. But boy was I wrong. I grew up an only child living with just my mom. Now I am living with 30 girls, sharing one bathroom and having to figure out a balance with them. I have met people who I never would have had the opportunity to meet otherwise, even though I am only 15 minutes away from home. One of those people is Megan. Megan and I were talking a few days ago about how we probably would have never been friends before college. We aren't completely sure why this is true, but somehow the circumstances and timing were right to make this friendship work.

So here's my little message to you: sometimes crazy things happen. Sometimes you end up tackling someone to the ground and think that now that person is going to hate you...but then you end up connected at the heart and spending hours talking about anything and everything. (Yay Megan!) Or maybe sometimes you are at a football game and you are a little too hyper for your own good and the person next to you leans over and says, "Do you speak whale?" and then you end up being "those girls" on your floor that everyone has to tell to shut up because you are laughing too loud. (Yay Melissa!)

The thing is all this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let myself be a bit crazy. Maybe sometimes you need to be a bit insane to become sane...who knows?

Well, Megan's back and is currently sitting on a bed, writing what I'm sure is an poem or thought. It's really cool to see - she's sort of in her element.

Ok, that's all I've got. Thanks for reading my hack note.

Peace!

-Nicole

Superhero

1. George Watsky is fantastic at spoken word. Look him up.
2. Sometimes you need a day where all you do is talk to a friend.
3. Being on a technical crew is much different than being in the cast in a play.
4. We are all superheroes.

If I were a superhero, I would want to have the power to be invisible. My name would be "Mess in a Dress." No cape though, as explained in The Incredibles. Tends to get caught in things and it would injure me. Not a good plan, to have a cape. But I would wear a ball gown. Or I would wear a black, flowing dress with funky tights, ballet flats, and possibly a red hat.

I always thought it would be epic to have the power to be invisible. I could hide in places and find things out I never knew before. I could also get into concerts for free; that'd be sweet. I never wanted to have the power to fly, though. It scared me a bit. And mind reading was never appealing either, although I always did want to be able to project my thoughts to other people's head so they would understand me better. But I've always wanted to have the power to be invisible, if I were to ever become a superhero.

Melissa was having a rough time tonight, as everyone has every once in a while. After a bit of talking it out with Megan and I, she seemed to be doing a bit better. She excused herself from the room to head to the bathroom. As soon as she exited, Megan turned and said, "You are a superhero. Much better than I am at this." I disagree. Now that I think of it, each of us is a superhero, with different skills and talents.

I have the power to be invisible. People come to me and without knowing it, they are telling me things they never expected to say in the first place. Megan has the power of flying. She carries people when they need to be carried. They are still in the situation, but the ride is a bit easier from above. Melissa has the power of an energy force field. She's the positive energy against other things when needed. My mom is sort of like the Hulk; strong against other forces and is very protective. Everyone has a super power. We each have something to offer to someone who is hurting; each relieves suffering, but each in a different way. You may not know you have superpowers, but you do. You just may not have the typical power or you simply may have not had the chance to use it. But you do have it. Everyone has a power.

The cool thing about being a superhero is the "super" part. It's pretty super to be able to help someone. It's pretty super we each are helpful in a different way. Together, we are super superheroes. But superheroes do need help sometimes - weather it be on a rescue mission and they need backup or they need help themselves. And that's ok. Why else are there so many superheroes?

So let's take off. Let's get out there and be super. Let's know that we are not alone in this crazy world. We each can alleviate suffering in the world - we just have to be ourselves.

Peace!

-Nicole aka Mess in a Dress

Unforeseen Outcomes

1. Purple hair dye is amazing, except when it turns blue.
2. Going home is bittersweet.
3. Red hats are cute.
4. There can be unexpected outcomes.

Sorry for the long period of not posting. It was mid-semester break for us and I spent most of my time doing nothing, so not much was learned. Monday night, though, Megan came over and we dyed a section of her hair purple. The end result ended up being blue instead of purple. We then curled up and watched Let Me In, which is not fun at 2 in the morning. During the movie, Megan kept on staring at her hair. "It's blue!," she would whisper every once in a while, "This is an unexpected outcome!"

I asked her why it was an 'unexpected outcome'. She said not only did the color come out wrong, but she never thought she would ever dye her hair. She then proceeded to tell me that the past two months of us knowing each other has been an unforeseen outcome, which seems to be true.

An unexpected outcome is not necessarily bad nor is it necessarily good; it is simply unexpected. When I met Megan, I tackled her on accident. (See this post for reference.) When I did bring her down, all that was running through my head was, "Oh snap. Now this friendship is never going to work." But then, somehow, our relationship seemed to bloom and quite quickly too. For me, and probably for Megan, our relationship is an unforeseen outcome.

A few days ago, we were talking and Megan put it quite eloquently, "Imagine everyone going around and tackling people. Tackling and being tackled is an intimate experience - it would totally mess with people. It's physical contact before physical contact has been okayed. Who knows, maybe you're a revolutionary?" Now I'm not saying you should go around and start tackling people, although it would be a funny thing to see, but here's my point: life is full of unexpected outcomes. Sometimes they are terrible, but other times, they are amazing.

Instead of panicking and not knowing what to do, accept the fact that life is full of unexpected events and outcomes and keep living. Maybe we should even start to create unexpected outcomes. We often want so much control of our lives, when in reality, we have not much control at all. A lot of our lives are 'controlled' by other people's actions. Which means we have 'power' over other people's lives. So maybe we should go around and start tackling people and see what happens. I think life would be a bit more exciting if suddenly we all started to create situations where the end result is unknown. Living would become more real.

So, maybe tackling isn't such a bad thing.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Megan is taking a hiatus for today, which is why I'm posting on Wednesday.

Free Hugs!

1. Flying through assignments is always a good feeling.
2. Discovering you can go home a day early for break is awesome.
3. Don't do weird accents during class...you might be heard.
4. Hugs. Are. Beautiful.

"Hugging is a beautiful Western custom...When you hug...if you breathe in and out three times, your happiness will be multiplied at least tenfold." - Thich Nhat Hanh

This quotation is from the book Peace Is Every Step, which I am reading for my Buddhism & meditation class. When I got to class today, I wasn't fully prepared. I had only read half of the text and I wasn't too excited to be there in the first place. But then we started to discuss the text. Someone pointed out a section entitled "Hugging Meditation". This caught my attention.

Megan gives the best hugs. If you ever come to see us, ask her for a hug. I think I ask her for a hug at least two or three times a day. Your mood tends to become happier. This is pretty much true of all good hugs. Whenever I was having a bad night and I was an emotional wreck, a hug from my mom always made it a bit better. Or even we were kids. If we fell down or someone hurt us, a hug would tend to make it better. Hugs are the magical medicine.

Not all hugs have been great. Take the example of the kids I babysat. I have known them for nearly half their lives and whenever I see them, they give me a hug...but it's lame. It's half hearted, distracted, and weak. Thich Nhat Hanh says, "If you are distracted, thinking about other things, your hug will be distracted also, not very deep, and you may not enjoy hugging very much." True, ain't it? I always make the kids re-hug me and then they get it right.

Which leads me to think, why do we give weak hugs? I think part of it is that we are distracted, but I think it is because we don't realize how much of an effect we can have on people through our actions. A hug is a very simple thing; so is holding the door open or helping someone pick up something they dropped. But it can make or break a person's day.... "Actions speak louder than words."

Put all of yourself into whatever you're doing. Nhat Hanh talks about a parent ignoring their daughter. If they turn their focus on her, they become a real person. And, "when you become a real person, your daughter becomes real also. She is a wondrous presence, and a real encounter with life is possible at the moment. If you hold her in your arms and breathe, you will awaken to the preciousness of your loved one, and life is."

So the next time you hug someone, be there, not distracted by other things. You never know how long they will be there nor do you know how it is affecting them. And you never know, it might have an effect on you.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS You can now comment on the list of simple pleasures....so please let me know what to add!

Letting Go

1. Picking up an instrument and actually remembering how to play it is glorious.
2. It's okay to wake up at 4:30 am as long as you go back to sleep.
3. Hugs.
4. Labels are for soup cans.

Megan here, hope you're having a good Wednesday.

Well, I think National Coming Out Day ended up being a little more intense than we thought it was going to be, so I'll try to bring down the energy a bit.

To get straight to the point, letting go is hard. Letting go of anything is hard, whether that's the past, a dream, a friend, a pet. It is incredibly difficult. See, holding onto something creates a sense of security--it's a thing, a place, a state of mind that feels familiar, even if it isn't the greatest place to be, and holding on and being in that comfort zone lets you continue to sort of... operate within that mindset and not move past whatever it is you're holding on to. I guess it gives one a reason to be angry, or be cynical, or sit and dwell--but even if it isn't the best thing to do, it still has a bearing on your personality and it does/did have an effect on who you are. I know for me, it's also a huge wealth of fodder for creativity, and I like having not only an outlet, but power behind that outlet.

Having something that keeps sticking with you or baggage you can't seem to get rid of can be tedious in so many ways. It's a pain, but realizing when and why you need to get past something is a huge step forward. It also takes sacrifice. Not only do you have to let go of what you need to let go of, but you also have to let go of what that allowed you to do and who it allowed you to be. I told myself not too long ago that I would never write again if I could magically get rid of all my baggage and forget some things ever happened. Then the realistic part of me took over, and yes I do still write things. Fortunately, letting go of something also lets you get rid of the negative effects and exist as a better, more balanced person.

It's okay to let things go. It's okay to lighten the load and move on--heck yeah it's scary, but think of it as an adventure. Some of the best adventures are a little scary at times. Enjoy it. Leave more comments. Nicole wants feedback. So do I.

-Megan

National Coming Out Day

1. Finishing a paper feels really good, especially if it is over the page length needed and there is still more to write.
2. Sometimes all you need is a hug.
3. Uploading videos to Youtube is a difficult process.
4. I'm coming out as stunning and crazy...and an ally.

Today is National Coming Out Day. Today, instead of writing a ton of stuff, I want to share a few videos.

First off, here is the first video that inspired the rest of them:

Since I cannot seem to embed the videos, here are links to the rest of them:

Melissa's Message

Megan's Message

And finally, mine: My Message

Please check out other videos. Everyone has a story to tell. Let their words speak for me. Just know that if someone around you is struggling, the best thing you can do for them is to love them and be supportive. Whatever they're going through (whether it be coming out or anything else), all they need is someone to stand by them and be that little bit of love that makes any day a bit brighter.

Peace!

-Nicole

Megan Tackles Art and Artistry

1. Don't stay up until 3:15 working on a speech.
2. Don't fall asleep reading a book, it will fall on your roommate in the middle of the night.
3. Boots = blisters.
4. It's okay to be impulsive every once in a while.

Megan here and it's Wednesday. That means you get to listen to me for a bit.

As I'm sure Nicole mentioned, we had our Symposium a few weeks ago which surrounded the topic of "The Role of the Artist in Society" A ton of great speakers came and held amazing sessions and whatnot. As it happened, Melissa forced me into a strange situation in our Psychology class the next day. She raised my hand when our Prof asked if anyone considered themselves an artist. I was uncomfortable with this for two reasons:

1. I've never gone by the descriptor "Artist." Ever.
2. I now had to talk to the class and explain how I felt about an artist's obligation to society, especially focusing on optimism.

It made me think, so here we go...

First off, yes. I do believe it is an artist's job to be optimistic, especially if they intend to reach a mass audience. That isn't to say one cannot produce dark art (I myself am guilty), however the artist must acknowledge that whatever unfortunate circumstance they've encountered is not universal and must provide a glimmer of hope for their audience. Defining art for a second as any form of self-expression, it is my belief that inherent beauty exists in every form and instance of art. Yes, I am aware that beauty exists in death and other things not seen as conducive to what we think of as being optimistic, but I also believe that the majority of art exists to highlight and express the beauty of life, in contrast to death.

To recapitulate this idea, darkness is a part of art. It is a part of human existence, and one would be ill-advised to ignore that. However, art in itself is a form of optimism in that the artist cares enough to capture its image, whether through paint, ink, graphite, dance, song, or what have you. The artist itself must acknowledge that optimism is just as viable as a viewpoint as pessimism and must present this to their audience. As a species, I believe we are generally optimistic. I mean, imagine if Oogruck the caveman thought to himself, "Well, I am entirely incapable to bringing down a mammoth tomorrow. We're all doomed." NO! Long story short, yes, being optimistic is in the job description of an artist, if ever so slightly.

Now (on a less grandiose level of thinking) I'm going to speak as someone who creates art. I caution you, Reader, in how you approach someone's art, whether that be a professional, amateur, peer, etc. Art is self-expression, and thus is created through the lens of the artist and cannot always be taken as empirical fact. Yeah an artist uses art to represent real life, but it's only a representation and well... art. People create art for art's sake, and so I advise you to not take it too literally or seriously (within reason.)

Simply put, do not pass complete judgment on an artist based solely on their art. You can view every single Frida Kahlo painting and still not know her entirely, or listen to every single Michael Jackson song and still not have a complete picture of who he was as a man. An artist will be incredibly intimate with you, but they won't tell you everything. They leave their existence for that.

To drive my point home, I leave you with something from Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty. When he was on MTV Storytellers, he alluded to the fact that fans always asked him why everything on his album was so sad all the time. He response contained something close to the following, "When I'm happy I go do happy things, I'll go hang out and just enjoy being happy. When I'm sad or something's on my mind, I'll sit and write a song about it." So yeah, I think a lot of artists are the same way. That is definitely not to say that there aren't artists out there cranking out nothing but optimism. Google Vladimir Kush, I love that guy.

Peace out, be well. Hugs.

-Megan

Change

1. Being sick sucks.
2. Home is the best place to be sick.
3. Personality tests are interesting.
4. Change is interesting to watch.

Sorry for taking so long to post. It was family weekend the past few days and then I became very sick. I ended up going home last night because I didn't even want to think about trying to get out of my loft bed if I needed something. Plus my bed at home is very comfortable.

Last night, when I got home, I couldn't help but think, "This is weird." I have become very accustomed to living at school that going home was very odd. My room is stripped bare of most of its personality because all of it is in my dorm. I had a bag of my clothes and my computer with me. It was like staying in a guest bedroom at a distant family member's house. But it is still my room. Everything in my room has a memory or a reason behind it. My books and dolls are still on the shelf. It is my room, but not really my room.

College is a weird period in anyone's life. I have heard many people talk about how college life has made them feel they don't have a true home. But now I understand. I still have a home, but my life is here at college. It's just a new way of thinking about things; it's not bad, just... different. It's change.

When I got back to school at about five today, Megan gave me a personality quiz to take. 300 questions. After a half hour of answering all those questions, my results came. To my surprise, I came up as an extrovert. When I was younger, I was the polar opposite. I was the quite girl who sat in on my mom's conversations at church. I rarely made my voice heard and rarely was I the center of attention. But now, that's different. I know I have changed, but for something outside myself and my mom to tell me that, it's weird.

I feel like my transition to college and to my extrovert self was like watching a movie of sorts. I am still slightly confused on how I got here, but I'm enjoying it. It's just weird to watch myself change; even weirder to have it happen. Change is quite the adventure.

Peace!

-Nicole

Megan Goes On A Rant

1. Don't spill ice cream on self.
2. Dresses on a windy day can be a bad thing.
3. Mondays are awful...and so are allergies.
4. It's possible to make libraries fun.

Ok, my name is Megan, and Nicole asked me to write tonight's blog entry, so I am.  I apologize in advance.

Um, I'm going to talk about... meeting new people.  You should do it, and do it often--because college can be an extremely lonely experience, even when you're immersed in an extremely busy environment such as a college campus.  I myself am about 3 hours away from home, and I guess I can't speak for Nicole, but the last few weeks for me have been a roller coaster--in good ways, in good ways!  Relax, I won't freak you out about college.  I promise!

All I'm saying is that you ought to make a conscious effort to go out and meet new people, no matter how scary or how far out of the comfort zone that may feel.   Everyone needs family, and when you're far from home and stranded in the middle of nowhere without a car (like me!) you need a family aaaaand in college... your friends will be your family.  You might think I'm a bit off my rocker when I say that, but think about it--you eat your meals together, you study together, you see a lot of each other in general.  You seek each other out for advice and comfort, and you have the awesome ability to crash in each other's dorm rooms when you're too scared to walk back to your own (like me again!) You also, unfortunately, get to see one another go through really times and get very, very stressed out.

Friends make the scary parts of college a lot less intimidating, so go make friends! Be open to new people and new experiences and your college education will be filled with much more than just how to write a research paper, Spanish language tenses, Psychological stage theories, and Greek philosophy.

I know I gave that little rant from the perspective of a college student, but everything I've said holds true for  any stage of life, especially high school.  Yes.  Go meet people.  Go have fun.  Go take a night and stay up really late and talk and laugh and solve the world's problems.  Go affect someone else in a positive way and let them positively affect you.

Ok,  I'm done.  Take care and all my love!

-Megan