Opening Night (and 100th Post!)

1. Stage make-up is really not good for your face.
2. Group projects are more work than you would expect.
3. If you wander around Target for an hour at 9am, the employees start to give you odd looks.
4. Try less to impress...and just be yourself.

It's opening night for the play I have been working on for a few weeks. It's an odd feeling, for sure. This is my first college production I am performing in and the first show I will see costume pieces I help create up on stage. This will also be the first time my sister Ashly will see me perform. I'm super excited, but also very glad it's coming to an end. It's been stressful and a lot of time has been put in. But overall, I'm very glad I did it (despite the fact I complained nearly the whole way through).

Last night was our final dress rehearsal, which means afterwards, we went to Gio's, a local pizzeria. When I was on technical crew for Grease earlier on in the season, my experience at Gio's was not the greatest. Although this might just be cognitive dissonance, I believe it was because it was a brand-new experience where everyone was an adult and able to make choices for themselves. I was sort of in shock and I left pretty early. I also had some emotions come up that I didn't expect to appear. The tradition the theatre has is presenting a "Bucky" award to 2 freshman (1 performer and 1 techie). I knew for Grease I wouldn't get it because I had only put in a bit of effort and time compared to other freshmen techies. It deservingly went to my friend Hannah, who I have known since we were in 7th grade. These emotions of jealously and a bit of frustration and anger appeared. I knew it was ridiculous to feel such things, so I worked through them and came to the decision to not worry about getting a Bucky. Sure, I wanted it, but there are plenty of theatre students who didn't get a Bucky and still do well.

Up until I arrived at Gio's, I had truly forgotten about it. I pushed the thought aside and tried to enjoy myself. Then the moment came: the presentation of the Bucky. The performer Bucky went to my friend John, which is well deserved. Because I am mainly a performer, I thought my chance had passed. But then, my name was called out.

It was unexpected and wonderful, although I do think others were as deserving as I was. The Bucky is voted on by the upperclassmen. Which meant I had somehow made an impact on them and that is pretty epic. I definitely learned something: don't worry about it. It seems that when we forget the prize or the desired award, we try less to impress and become more of ourselves. I completely forgot about the Bucky, which I wanted quite a bit, and I just lived as myself.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS. This is the 100th post!!!! Yay!

Parental Units

1. Allergies are terrible.
2. Sometimes being pulled out of scenes in a play is a good thing.
3. Easy Mac isn't all too bad.
4. It's ok to still depend on your parents.

Do you know what's weird? Having your hometown only 15 minutes away from college. I go home nearly every Sunday and drop by every once in a while. Like today, I spent a good part of my afternoon chilling at home, watching a bit of TV and doing my homework. It was good to spend a few relaxing hours at home, but it certainly was weird to pack up my backpack with my things and leave. It gave me the realization (again) that this wasn't really my home anymore...well, it is, but not really.

I spent about an hour talking with my mom at her work today. I had to stop by to get some money for my medication I had to pick up and I ended up talking to her for over an hour. We were just catching up and she asked me about my new job (I now work in the costume studio in the theatre). I said it was great, but frustrating because of my contract. I had just signed my contract a few hours before and I didn't know if I would be paid for what I had worked prior to signing the contract. I didn't expect my mom to do anything about it - I thought I've gotten to a point in my mind and in my mom's that I could and needed to figure it all out on my own. I would have gotten around to it eventually, but my mom decided that it was enough. She ended up calling for me to the human resources office and figuring things out.

Now it's not that I don't want the help of my mother - in fact, I love that she figured things out for me. I would have floundered around for a while and something things would have gone unanswered. What was surprising to me was the immediate release of stress when she said she would help. And it's not a bad thing.

In my psychology class, we are studying developmental psychology (which is the class I will be taking next semester). One of the stages we go through is adolescence, which starts with sexual maturity and ends with independent adult status. My professor said that period in life is becoming a longer period of time, or more of, the line between adolescence and young adulthood is becoming quite blurred. Although it gets to be confusing to define what stage someone is in, it's not such a bad thing. Depending on your parents just a bit, even while in college, and not just for finances, is good and healthy.

Parents have always been there, or at least mine has. I know my mother misses me and if I'm honest, I have missed her a bit. I know she has been waiting for an opportunity to help me, so why not take the opportunity to take that help? It's ok - you're not giving up your independence. In fact, I think it shows how independent you are when you ask for help.

Show some love to your parents.

My mom and I on moving day.

Peace!

-Nicole

Connections

1. Don't put your summer clothes away...you just might need them in March.
2. Pralines are delicious.
3. Wear green, especially on St. Patrick's Day.
4. Make some new connections.

My life is theatre 24/7...or at least, it feels that way. I have had practice every day for about 3 hours each since last Tuesday. My day consists of going to class, having a small break, eating, class again, work, dinner, then rehearsal, then homework starting at 10. I'm behind in a few classes and my sleep is a bit minimal, but overall, I can't particularly complain about my life.

But before my life became crazy, I was dreading it, which does happen nearly every time, but this time it wasn't about me being able to get everything done, but the fact I would be with a group of people who I would have to make all new connections with. It was an exciting thought to know I would have a ton more people in my circle of friends, but the effort behind it and the being away from what was comfortable was of a concern to me. It felt like I was too far into my year to make the effort to make new friends.

As my life gets busier and I interact with more people, I am re-discovering my love for making connections with others. Sure, during rehearsal I talk with people but it's very limited and spoken in whispers. But it's the time we spend before and after rehearsals, during breaks, and passing each other is what is so thrilling. Like today. I really should have gone straight back to my dorm after rehearsal to catch up on homework, but instead I spent a good chunk of time talking with a few of my cast mates. Not only did I get some wonderful hugs, but I finally felt I had arrived - it won't be awkward anymore to walk up to one of them and start a conversation (that maybe has some meaning). It's easy again.

When I started school back in September, I tried to make as many connections as I could. It was exhausting, but I'm glad I did. I can now walk around campus and say hi to a ton of people I pass. I created a pretty close-knit group of people that I depend on and hang out with a lot. But I pretty much stopped there. I have made a few connections, but haven't put a lot of effort in maintaining them or making them grow.

So here's my lesson: grow in relationship, whether that be with someone old or with someone completely new - but you need to make them grow deeper, wider, more complex, more loving, more trusting. They need to be more, because you just might become more yourself.

Peace!

-Nicole

Life Is Like a Box of... Pi?

1. One can have too much Spanish in one day.
2. Sometimes skipping a class is necessary.
3. Registering for classes at 6:30am is torture, but sometimes it does go well.
4. Life is like a box of...pi?

I think it is strange how life can be intensely sad and absolutely wonderful at the same time. Like right now. I have my friend Bekka staying with me from Missouri (which is pretty cool) but the reason she is here isn't so awesome - Bekka's grandma died on Monday. Although I love having her here, I almost wish she wasn't because it would mean her grandma would still be alive. It's a sort of a...bittersweet situation.

My life seems to be complied of such instances: I'm in a play right now, but it removes me from my friends and sleep. I registered for classes this morning successfully, but I had to get up at 6 in order to do so and sleep is scarce right now. I am connecting more with a friend, but she might be transferring out. My life is awesome and there is so much to be grateful for, but there's also a lot of things to hate.

But this is what I have figured out: one must find their quality of life by looking at the good side of things. Sure, there is a lot to want to get rid of, but it's like if you have a ton of coins in your hand - sometimes you see the shiny side of the coin and sometimes you see the dull side...all you have to do is flip the coin to see the shine. The dull side is still there - it's just shown from the other side.

And here is another thing: life is never ending. (In honor of Pi Day...) Like pi, life is never ending. Sometimes things repeat, but ofttimes it comes in different form and orders and it simply never ends. You can try to find the end of things, but it is practically impossible. And it's always changing; things pass and new things come your way. Terrible things don't last for long.

So on this ridiculously warm day (it's supposed to be 61), find joy in things you would never think to find joy in.

Peace!

-Nicole