Not What I Wanted, But What I Needed

I've been going to camp since I was in third grade. It was a dream of mine to work as a camp counselor and be the absolute best at it. My plan was to graduate high school, have my first year of college, and then start working at my camp for many years to come. Then came time for such things to happen and it simply didn't for one reason or another. This summer came rolling around and since I didn't seem to have anything else in mind, I decided to return to my younger self's plan and work at camp.

I started staff training in May and I hated my decision pretty quickly. I was cold, I was wet, and I was forced to interact with people I typically would never interact with normally. I worked nearly every hour of every day with less than minimum wage. I never knew the schedule for the next day, let alone the next week. I was not a happy camper (or counselor, I should say).

I had expected things to go my way and I had expected things to go along with my plan I had created so long ago. What I now realize was that my plan was created when I was in 5th grade or so, when I never would expect life to change so much. After two years of attending a liberal arts college, my life plans and my goals had dramatically changed even from when I was a senior in high school. My plan for working at camp was trying to fit my old self, instead of my new.

Although my wants of the summer never fully seemed to be met, my summer ended up being exactly what I needed. Here are a few examples.

• My uncle Oliver, who passed away in February, lived in the same area as the camp. Everywhere I looked around camp, I saw Oliver. He built nearly every building on camp and I felt him near throughout the summer.
• Oliver was also to be my "adoptive family" during the summer, but I was "adopted" by Joileen and Roger, dear friends of my late grandma Sis. I was able to re-connect to the side of my family I rarely talk to.
• Every summer, the staff puts on a short musical relating to the summer's theme. It is written and performed by the staff and they perform it every week for the campers and their families. I was graciously allowed to have the lead (plus I got a "Heavenly Nicole" shirt out of it).
• I spent a week or so with my sister and my niece and nephew. And got paid for it.
• I spent nearly every weekend with Angie, my sister's mom. She lived only 10 minutes away from camp and it became my weekend home where I got a hot shower and a house I could rule for a few days.

The list could be much more extensive if I were to continue. My summer, the one I hated with all my being in the beginning, ended up being exactly what I needed. I needed closure with Oliver's passing and camp allowed it to happen. I needed to be able to become closer to Ashly, my sister, and Angie and camp allowed that to happen as well. I needed to be able to fulfill my last "life goal" and camp was it. It truly allowed everything that needed to happen in my life to happen. I didn't particularly grow in who I was, but it helped me realize who I was in that particular moment, since so much change had occurred in the years before.

Change is good, but sometimes being able to reflect on who you are and what makes you who you are is a blessing as well. Sometimes, life doesn't give you what you want, but exactly what you need.

Peace.

-Nicole