The Positive Past

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” -Søren Kierkegaard

The past can suck. Well, okay actually parts of the past can suck, but there are a ton of positive things as well. Here's an example:

If there's one thing I'm proud of, it's my social network: the people I have surrounded myself with for the past 7 or so years. From middle school on up I have been allowed to influence, and have been influenced by the most incredible circle of people, and over the last few weeks I bit a rather specific sort of bullet and chose to reconnect as much as I could with individuals I had lost some closeness with. I talked to pals from high school, my various friend groups, old teachers, and some others. I count myself very lucky to have all of them, not because of any action on my part, but because of everything on their part.

The past... it can be difficult, but it influences your present whether you like it or not. It is completely in your control however, how and where that influence comes into play--for positive or for negative. For me, my experiences with all these people have helped to lay the foundation for my current self, and so when I made all these re-connections, I was simply hoping that these people remembered me with the same fondness that I remembered them.

What I walked away with was the realization that even though we hadn't spoken in a while, or there had been past misunderstandings and miss-communications, there was still so much positive history that when push came to shove, a reciprocated friendship and understanding still remained. By nature, humans are pro-social, working for the benefit of each other most of the time, and it leaves a mark. So all those times when maybe you took someone aside in an empty hallway so they could tell you how they were feeling, all those times you crowded into a van and solved the world's problems, all those times you let yourself be vulnerable in a piece of writing, or even those times when you got into a car together and didn't know where you'd end up or when you'd be back... all those shared experiences aren't meaningless. When I reached out to those connections with something like, "Is it ok if I talk with you for a little bit? because I'm hurting and I feel helpless and I need some reassurance to help me get through this." The response I got was nothing short of an incredible resurgence of all of that past positive regard and those positive experiences.

My friends, my family, my mentors, and my random acquaintances showed me love and support impossible to measure. They came through for me, just like I needed them to. I have faith in them no doubt, but maybe more importantly, they have faith in me. They told me again and again that I knew what was best for me, and that I knew what was right. It's not necessarily so much what our connections do for us, but what they teach us to do for ourselves that stands the ultimate test of time. How lucky I am then, to have both beautiful experiences. Through all those many many many conversations, re-connections  and essentially trust falls, I now know with everything in me, that I'm doing the right thing. I am in a beautiful situation, and I'm in a wonderful place in my life.

As my high school poetry teacher recently told me,
"Trust yourself. Trust love."

-Megan

That One Teacher

1. Don't drink too much caffeine while writing a paper.  You won't sleep even when you're done.
2. Just because someone has a differing opinion, does not mean they're attacking yours.
3.Sometimes people throw banana peels at you.
4. You are your own best advocate.

Hey hey, Megan here, Happy Wednesday again!  The school year's winding down and it's getting super scary.  I just turned in my final Psych paper today.  Yikes.

It seems I have been having a lot of conversations or little moments of insight surrounding the teachers in my life, both academic and otherwise.  Shout out to Amy, since I know she'll read this and know what I'm talking about. I honestly hope every single one of you can think back and remember one really influential teacher in your life, someone who has influenced you profoundly, who helped you find yourself, or at least perhaps started you down that path.

I know for me this was my poetry teacher during my Junior year of high school.  I was just coming off of one of the roughest summers of my life and was still struggling to cope with the death of my aunt who lost her fight with pancreatic cancer at age 52.  I had dabbled in poetry ever since I was a freshman and as I was registering for classes at the end of my sophomore year, I was considering a career in political science. I kind of wanted to take Advanced Public Speaking, but ended up taking a chance on and dropping it, picking up Poetry Writing instead.

I'm really glad I did, because that course ended up changing my life, and continues to have a huge effect as I start my English Writing minor next fall (with a poetry emphasis.)  That teacher (who I hope will find this and read it) supported and encouraged me to write, not what felt poetic or appealing, but what I was really feeling and experiencing.  She taught me to use my own voice, and was the first real person to give me positive feedback to the point where I actually felt what I was doing was worth while. Her big thing was always "Tell your story." Looking back, I am so, so grateful for having known her, and that we continue to stay in contact. I have returned twice now to speak to classes of hers.

This teacher has always treated me with respect, it's as if she took the opportunity to learn from me as much as I took the opportunity to learn from her--she's a wonderful poet herself.  She taught me to use always use my voice, and that's a lesson I still remember and try to keep close.  The other week, my friend told me to be an advocate and I felt almost offended at the idea.  How dare someone assume that's my job? After pondering it for a few days, I realized that I really was my own best advocate. I consider myself an advocate for so many other people that it only made sense that I should be willing to represent myself as well.  I kind of had no choice in the matter. We are all our own best advocates, and as long as I have a voice that I'm willing to use, I am called upon to use it.

I will always remember my poetry teacher and the impact she had and continues to have on me.  I hope everyone has a similar story they can look back fondly upon, and if that's not the case yet, I think it will be.  Take a second to think about and appreciate the teachers in your life.  They deserve so much respect for having the willingness to impart their knowledge and wisdom.

All my love,

Megan