“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” -Søren Kierkegaard
The past can suck. Well, okay actually parts of the past can suck, but there are a ton of positive things as well. Here's an example:
If there's one thing I'm proud of, it's my social network: the people I have surrounded myself with for the past 7 or so years. From middle school on up I have been allowed to influence, and have been influenced by the most incredible circle of people, and over the last few weeks I bit a rather specific sort of bullet and chose to reconnect as much as I could with individuals I had lost some closeness with. I talked to pals from high school, my various friend groups, old teachers, and some others. I count myself very lucky to have all of them, not because of any action on my part, but because of everything on their part.
The past... it can be difficult, but it influences your present whether you like it or not. It is completely in your control however, how and where that influence comes into play--for positive or for negative. For me, my experiences with all these people have helped to lay the foundation for my current self, and so when I made all these re-connections, I was simply hoping that these people remembered me with the same fondness that I remembered them.
What I walked away with was the realization that even though we hadn't spoken in a while, or there had been past misunderstandings and miss-communications, there was still so much positive history that when push came to shove, a reciprocated friendship and understanding still remained. By nature, humans are pro-social, working for the benefit of each other most of the time, and it leaves a mark. So all those times when maybe you took someone aside in an empty hallway so they could tell you how they were feeling, all those times you crowded into a van and solved the world's problems, all those times you let yourself be vulnerable in a piece of writing, or even those times when you got into a car together and didn't know where you'd end up or when you'd be back... all those shared experiences aren't meaningless. When I reached out to those connections with something like, "Is it ok if I talk with you for a little bit? because I'm hurting and I feel helpless and I need some reassurance to help me get through this." The response I got was nothing short of an incredible resurgence of all of that past positive regard and those positive experiences.
My friends, my family, my mentors, and my random acquaintances showed me love and support impossible to measure. They came through for me, just like I needed them to. I have faith in them no doubt, but maybe more importantly, they have faith in me. They told me again and again that I knew what was best for me, and that I knew what was right. It's not necessarily so much what our connections do for us, but what they teach us to do for ourselves that stands the ultimate test of time. How lucky I am then, to have both beautiful experiences. Through all those many many many conversations, re-connections and essentially trust falls, I now know with everything in me, that I'm doing the right thing. I am in a beautiful situation, and I'm in a wonderful place in my life.
As my high school poetry teacher recently told me,
"Trust yourself. Trust love."
-Megan
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Monday, January 28, 2013
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Watch Your Step
1. Have faith in your ability to recall information.
2. Technology is stressful. It's okay to disconnect.
3. 16 hours of sleep in 3 days = bad outcomes.
4. Trust your feet.
Hey, it's Megan. I won't wish you a happy Wednesday, since it's finals week for us... but I hope you're surviving at least.
So I have been completely disconnected from all social networks ever since Monday morning, courtesy of Nicole changing my passwords per my request. I am connected via email and text messaging and that's pretty much it. :P It's different, but I am enjoying not being so accessible. It's a lot less stress on me, especially with all my thought and effort focused on finals. The only reason I can rationalize being here and typing this is because I got out of a final sooner than I expected to. Oh, and I guess Melissa and I might grab lunch together :) It's okay, I have higher hopes for tomorrow's finals.
I worked at a bowling alley for much of my senior year and the summer before college. It was super icy this morning, and while I was walking on the iced over cobblestones on my way to DS, it just brought me back. I was always horrible at walking on the lanes--there was no real process to it, you just had to teach yourself how to do it without falling. My coworkers told me the only way to really be able to do it well and with a decent amount of speed was to walk confidently and trust in your feet.
Following my usual blog pattern, I think this makes a great metaphor for life. Life isn't always easy or solid, and sometimes it's downright slippery. Finals are tough to navigate, especially when you don't know what to study or for how long... or how much it will impact you. Sometimes everything feels unstable or uncertain, but even though that may be the case, it doesn't mean you'll fall, or fail for that matter. It's okay to trust in your step and trust in your feet, because when you do that, there's less freaking out and compensating. My friend and coworker always told me that we overcompensate when we're on a slippery surface which makes us even more likely to fall.
If you're stressed and freaking out over anything, whether that be an exam, a presentation, a date, or even going home for winter break, it's important to take a deep breath, reset yourself, and walk--all while trusting in your step. Well, I tried to remember what my coworkers said and I didn't slip this morning, so I guess that means I must be doing ok.
Good luck on the rest of the week, be well and stay safe.
-Megan
2. Technology is stressful. It's okay to disconnect.
3. 16 hours of sleep in 3 days = bad outcomes.
4. Trust your feet.
Hey, it's Megan. I won't wish you a happy Wednesday, since it's finals week for us... but I hope you're surviving at least.
So I have been completely disconnected from all social networks ever since Monday morning, courtesy of Nicole changing my passwords per my request. I am connected via email and text messaging and that's pretty much it. :P It's different, but I am enjoying not being so accessible. It's a lot less stress on me, especially with all my thought and effort focused on finals. The only reason I can rationalize being here and typing this is because I got out of a final sooner than I expected to. Oh, and I guess Melissa and I might grab lunch together :) It's okay, I have higher hopes for tomorrow's finals.
I worked at a bowling alley for much of my senior year and the summer before college. It was super icy this morning, and while I was walking on the iced over cobblestones on my way to DS, it just brought me back. I was always horrible at walking on the lanes--there was no real process to it, you just had to teach yourself how to do it without falling. My coworkers told me the only way to really be able to do it well and with a decent amount of speed was to walk confidently and trust in your feet.
Following my usual blog pattern, I think this makes a great metaphor for life. Life isn't always easy or solid, and sometimes it's downright slippery. Finals are tough to navigate, especially when you don't know what to study or for how long... or how much it will impact you. Sometimes everything feels unstable or uncertain, but even though that may be the case, it doesn't mean you'll fall, or fail for that matter. It's okay to trust in your step and trust in your feet, because when you do that, there's less freaking out and compensating. My friend and coworker always told me that we overcompensate when we're on a slippery surface which makes us even more likely to fall.
If you're stressed and freaking out over anything, whether that be an exam, a presentation, a date, or even going home for winter break, it's important to take a deep breath, reset yourself, and walk--all while trusting in your step. Well, I tried to remember what my coworkers said and I didn't slip this morning, so I guess that means I must be doing ok.
Good luck on the rest of the week, be well and stay safe.
-Megan
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Empathetic Tendencies
1. Write when inspired, even if that's all over the back of the article you're discussing.
2. Stretch your mind, even if it hurts.
3. Finding out your final paper is due two days later than you thought is a good feeling.
4. As finals get closer, look for more people wearing glasses and exhibiting jittery behavior.
It's Wednesday. It's Megan.
Sometimes (but not all the time) people turn to me with issues they're facing. Sometimes I jump the gun and run around looking for my cape so I can fly to the rescue, and other times I just try to make sure I'm around if they need me. Someone called me an enabler the other day which really, really, really threw me for a loop. The absolute last thing I'd ever want is for how I naturally react to certain situations to do more harm than good. I mean, I think I try to work towards resolving the issue and not just pacifying the outcome... I think.
I started thinking, what am I enabling? What are we all enabling when we listen to or try to help others make it through their problems? Of course it depends on the situation, but from certain Psychological perspectives, disclosing painful secrets, allowing the release of emotions, and letting yourself be open and honest with someone you trust are all positive behaviors associated with better health outcomes. That's what we enable people to do when we make ourselves available to listen.
I'm discussing empathy in my inquiry class, and as humans, our capacity for empathy serves the evolutionary purpose of creating a deep connection between us. Our brains are even wired for empathy with "mirror" neurons: for example, if you see a spider on someone's arm, your same neurons will fire as if to tell you there is a spider on your own arm.
We experience empathy because our fates are intricately intertwined. It is how we survive both as individuals and as a species. We have this need to feel connected and share experiences. Along with this conscious desire to share experiences, we also experience an unconscious ability to share in, and try to ease, someone else's suffering because we know ourselves what it's like to suffer. Humans feel the need to make life more tolerable and livable for someone else, sometimes because it's the right and compassionate thing to do, but also because we know we would want someone else to do it for us. Sometimes we acknowledge someone else's suffering in the hopes that they'll acknowledge ours--and everyone suffers in some way... at least according to the Four Noble Truths found in Buddhist teachings.
Empathy arguably arises from the acknowledgement of our own mortality. We recognize we don't have unlimited time, and so seeing or knowing that someone else is in pain is painful to us. There is an automatic desire to take on and relieve someone of that suffering. My roommate told me I have a savior complex. Well, so be it. If what I do gets people somewhere, then so be it. Empathy, luckily for us, is not confined to suffering. We have the ability to share in and experience the success, happiness, and sometimes sheer giddiness of others. Like I said, our fate and experiences are connected more than one would think.
We may all be facing our own demons, and we may all need to conquer our own demons, but that doesn't mean we can't fight them together. If you have my back, I have yours.
I leave you with a poem by John Donne as well as a link to the video that inspired much of this post.
Be well and love deeply,
-Megan
No Man is an Island
No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as a manor of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
The Empathetic Civilisation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g
2. Stretch your mind, even if it hurts.
3. Finding out your final paper is due two days later than you thought is a good feeling.
4. As finals get closer, look for more people wearing glasses and exhibiting jittery behavior.
It's Wednesday. It's Megan.
Sometimes (but not all the time) people turn to me with issues they're facing. Sometimes I jump the gun and run around looking for my cape so I can fly to the rescue, and other times I just try to make sure I'm around if they need me. Someone called me an enabler the other day which really, really, really threw me for a loop. The absolute last thing I'd ever want is for how I naturally react to certain situations to do more harm than good. I mean, I think I try to work towards resolving the issue and not just pacifying the outcome... I think.
I started thinking, what am I enabling? What are we all enabling when we listen to or try to help others make it through their problems? Of course it depends on the situation, but from certain Psychological perspectives, disclosing painful secrets, allowing the release of emotions, and letting yourself be open and honest with someone you trust are all positive behaviors associated with better health outcomes. That's what we enable people to do when we make ourselves available to listen.
I'm discussing empathy in my inquiry class, and as humans, our capacity for empathy serves the evolutionary purpose of creating a deep connection between us. Our brains are even wired for empathy with "mirror" neurons: for example, if you see a spider on someone's arm, your same neurons will fire as if to tell you there is a spider on your own arm.
We experience empathy because our fates are intricately intertwined. It is how we survive both as individuals and as a species. We have this need to feel connected and share experiences. Along with this conscious desire to share experiences, we also experience an unconscious ability to share in, and try to ease, someone else's suffering because we know ourselves what it's like to suffer. Humans feel the need to make life more tolerable and livable for someone else, sometimes because it's the right and compassionate thing to do, but also because we know we would want someone else to do it for us. Sometimes we acknowledge someone else's suffering in the hopes that they'll acknowledge ours--and everyone suffers in some way... at least according to the Four Noble Truths found in Buddhist teachings.
Empathy arguably arises from the acknowledgement of our own mortality. We recognize we don't have unlimited time, and so seeing or knowing that someone else is in pain is painful to us. There is an automatic desire to take on and relieve someone of that suffering. My roommate told me I have a savior complex. Well, so be it. If what I do gets people somewhere, then so be it. Empathy, luckily for us, is not confined to suffering. We have the ability to share in and experience the success, happiness, and sometimes sheer giddiness of others. Like I said, our fate and experiences are connected more than one would think.
We may all be facing our own demons, and we may all need to conquer our own demons, but that doesn't mean we can't fight them together. If you have my back, I have yours.
I leave you with a poem by John Donne as well as a link to the video that inspired much of this post.
Be well and love deeply,
-Megan
No Man is an Island
No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as a manor of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
The Empathetic Civilisation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g
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