Meaningful Adventure

I sat in my closet for two hours today. I got home from a decently good day, put sweatpants on, along with my infamous kitty sweater, and then crawled into my closet. I cannot tell you why; it's just been that sort of life as of late.

I certainly have been feeling off for a while. It's the type of feeling that makes my bed more appealing than the world outside of my room, where the worst that could happen is falling off the bed or my computer dying. It's the feeling that seems to come out of no where.

I have a lot to be angry, sad, and scared about. I have relationships to mourn, to repair, and a lot to make; I have to mourn the loss of a country and a life there, plus I am still walking the path of bereavement with the passing of my dad. I have a slough of other things on my list of "Anger, Sadness, and Terror" that may or may not bring me healing if I were to list them all.

No matter what that list contains, I catch myself saying, "Adventure awaits". However, this time, I have to add something to that saying: "Meaningful adventure awaits." As I was sitting in my closet today, staring up into my shirts, I realized I have lacked meaning in my life. I have many a story to tell you of the great adventures I have had this summer; not many have given much meaning to my life. They are still worth telling - they are a part of my life story. But right now, maybe what I need to get this feeling of not wanting to leave my room is to find something meaningful to do. Maybe I need to find something life-giving that is an adventure at the same time.

Life is terrifying and tough, especially when my list of "Anger, Sadness, and Terror" is as long as it is. But adventure awaits me and maybe life won't be so terrifying with some meaningful adventure in my life.

Paz.

-Nicole