Perfect

"Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattainable. However, they who aim at it, and persevere, will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up at unattainable." -Lord Chesterfield

Yesterday, Nicole and I were talking about identity formation: how in adolescence you have to figure yourself out and work through the conflicts and events holding you back before you can move forward and focus on other parts of your life experience. In a stroke of luck, this conversation coincided with an episode of Grey's Anatomy I just watched (Grey's Anatomy is my new thing, don't judge.) The idea is there are a lot of things in life that you have to handle in sequential order. It's all a process.

I find the concept of perfection to be so strange. It doesn't exist, and I'm not even sure we could conceptualize something that is truly perfect. I mean, there's a reason why the Islamic traditions maintains that  Allah is the sole perfect being. I dislike the word "perfect." I never want it to be used to describe me by anyone I know, not by my family members, not by my friends, not by someone I'm dating, not even by a stranger on a street. I don't want to hear that I'm perfect. I want to hear that I am flawed, but that I am using my flaws to every advantage I can, that I'm learning and growing because of them. I'm never going to wake up, look in the mirror, and tell myself I'm perfect. However, I may tell myself that I've made some pretty great progress, that I can handle a situation better today than I was able to the day before.

I don't necessarily think conceptualizing perfection as the goal is helpful. To have a perfect state be the end stop everyone's fighting for removes emphasis from the sheer process of improving, and I think everyone should be constantly striving for improvement in all that they do. That doesn't mandate being discontent in everything you've done, it's actually being content with the level of effort you've put in. It's finding contentment in accepting where you're at and knowing you've got work to do, but that you're actually doing the work. If everyone looked around and thought, "Well, everything's perfect, nothing left to do but go home," we wouldn't have innovation! I don't think people should see themselves in a similar way.

At the end of the day, our value lies not in that we can attain perfection, (we can't) but that we can identify opportunities for change and improvement, and that's a pretty cool thing.

Peace and love,

-Megan

Spontaneous Combustion

1. Roller derbies are amazing.
2. Sleeping-in is glorious.
3. Don't watch scary shows alone.
4. Be spontaneous.

What has my life come to? First off, last weekend I stayed up until 6:30am talking. Then this weekend I play a game of sardines (sort of like hide and go seek) at 11:30pm on my whole college campus. After that, I had a tea party in someones room then watched She's the Man. Then today, I decided that Megan, Melissa, and I should go to the FM Roller Derby. The thing is that all of these things were spur of the moment. None of it was thought through, nor would I have ever thought of doing any of it.

I never thought of myself as a spontaneous person. Sure, I was crazy, but never spontaneous. I thought everything through and I always followed the rules. I don't know if this sudden change is because I think faster or there aren't many rules to follow here, but I now definitely am the spontaneous person. Last night, when trying to find people to play sardines with us, Megan asked one of the girls on my floor and she said, "You know, I think I should stay here and get some work done. I know what you do. I read your blog." Megan promptly says to me, "We have a reputation!" I've had some weird reputations in the past; this by far is the weirdest. And probably the one I am most proud of.

I am re-learning who I am right now. Everything I do shocks me to a small degree. But somehow all that I do fits in with who I am, or at least I think I might be making room for it in my personality. Before, I couldn't even do anything that wasn't planned and nothing that was out of my 'normalcy'. I always had confidence, but I never knew how much I could have. Over the past few months, my confidence has spontaneously combusted; it's grown exponentially. A ton of stuff has helped, but I do know something has helped: spontaneity.

Life is a bit more exciting when spontaneity is involved. Sure, life is good when it has a consistent routine to it, but not much can be learned from it. So what if spontaneity is part of the routine? Make it a part of your daily life. And maybe I will never know who I am. But I figure I will never fully know who I am. Who I am is a process - not a set thing. My life is constantly changing, so why should I expect who I am to not change?

Bring a bit of spontaneity into your life. It may bring a few interesting things into your life. Heck, you might even spontaneously combust.

Peace!

-Nicole

What's in a Name?

1. Laughing is more fun in a library.
2. Filming scenes in one take feels very good.
3. Psychology will sometimes freak you out.
4. Just because it's sunny doesn't mean it's warm.
5. Mousepads don't work with gloves on.

Hey, Megan here. Happy Wednesday!

Let’s dive right in shall we? Names are a really important part of a person’s self. I mean you typically think about yourself when you hear your own name right? Throughout history people have attempted to break down and alter someone’s identity and self-concept by changing or simply taking away their name. The slave trade, the Native Americans, and more recently, the story of David Pelzer, are all good examples where names were either changed or stripped in order to break or better control a person.

Being in a place where no one calls you by your nickname is weird. It’s like people suddenly refer to me as Megan, and I’m obligated to respond because here they’re actually talking to me instead of the Megan behind me. No one refers to me by the name I had for approximately 6 years—I still use it to refer to myself sometimes out of habit or nostalgia, but still…it’s weird!

I started to hate that name after a while. It felt like a giant, exaggerated, misrepresentation of me that could only really exist in some work of fiction. Yes, I know it was merely a nickname, but there were some people who didn’t even know what my real first name was. Over time, my nickname became associated with everything I hated about not only middle school, but high school as well. It represented everything I hated about myself. I finally started to just accept it when I realized it wouldn’t go away.

So now that I’m Megan here at college, I feel like I have my identity back. My internal self feels more similar to what people see—the psychologist Carl Rogers calls this congruence. Well, I am now more congruent, and happier because of it. I don’t regret that nickname so much, and sometimes I miss hearing it being screamed down a hallway, but I am Megan. Hear me roar!

My point is that you ultimately own and command your identity. Don’t let anyone else put you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable or disconnected between who you know you are and who others perceive you to be. Even more so, don’t play along. Be congruent—it’s a good thing.

Can anyone else relate?

Since one of my rings today says “Love life, Be brave.” I leave you with that. Love life and be brave. You got this.

-Megan