Life-Giving

At Concordia, all of the first-year students go through orientation a couple of days before the first day of classes. And at Concordia, orientation is taken very seriously. My orientation experience freshman year was fabulous; it was exhausting, as my first blog posts pointed out, but a great experience. I felt at home and I learned so much about myself and who I wanted to be in college (hence, the blog).

Preparing for Orientation: Round 2 has proved to me yet again the changing experience it can be - for anyone involved. We started training today and I have gained more bruises today than I had all summer from the games we played and I have lost a few pounds from how much I have laughed because of it. I'm doing what I love and I feel like I know what I'm doing, but I know I have a lot to learn and I'm going to learn it. It, as my mother would say, is "living-giving". (Gosh Mom. Your little catch phrases are coming in handy lately.)

As I get older and especially as I enter my final year of undergrad, I am beginning to notice more and more about my reactions and emotions I have when I am in a certain group. There are things that feel like work but then there are those things - like orientation, speech, and theatre - that give so much life to me that I cannot fathom a life without experiences like this.

My last blog post pointed out that doing something life-giving is what I need in my life. And although I have no idea what my career will be or what my plan is for after I graduate in May, days like this prove to me how much my life journey needs these experiences.

Peace!

-Nicole

Meaningful Adventure

I sat in my closet for two hours today. I got home from a decently good day, put sweatpants on, along with my infamous kitty sweater, and then crawled into my closet. I cannot tell you why; it's just been that sort of life as of late.

I certainly have been feeling off for a while. It's the type of feeling that makes my bed more appealing than the world outside of my room, where the worst that could happen is falling off the bed or my computer dying. It's the feeling that seems to come out of no where.

I have a lot to be angry, sad, and scared about. I have relationships to mourn, to repair, and a lot to make; I have to mourn the loss of a country and a life there, plus I am still walking the path of bereavement with the passing of my dad. I have a slough of other things on my list of "Anger, Sadness, and Terror" that may or may not bring me healing if I were to list them all.

No matter what that list contains, I catch myself saying, "Adventure awaits". However, this time, I have to add something to that saying: "Meaningful adventure awaits." As I was sitting in my closet today, staring up into my shirts, I realized I have lacked meaning in my life. I have many a story to tell you of the great adventures I have had this summer; not many have given much meaning to my life. They are still worth telling - they are a part of my life story. But right now, maybe what I need to get this feeling of not wanting to leave my room is to find something meaningful to do. Maybe I need to find something life-giving that is an adventure at the same time.

Life is terrifying and tough, especially when my list of "Anger, Sadness, and Terror" is as long as it is. But adventure awaits me and maybe life won't be so terrifying with some meaningful adventure in my life.

Paz.

-Nicole