My Anxiety's Dismay & My Complete Joy

I just ate so much food. Two plates of Mongolian grill and then a very large bowl of frozen yogurt. Orientation Core 1 made a huge mess of our table (nearing 20 empty plates with 9 of us) and were the loudest people in the whole place, receiving many glares of disdain. I probably used up more gas than I should have to go eat. However, the laughter, the pure joy, and the lessons I got out of the evening were so worth the stomach discomfort and the use of gas.

In the car on the way to get some fro-yo.

As I have mentioned before, this past year has been the hardest year of my life. I lost a lot and felt broken beyond repair; my social anxiety, along with the adjustment back, got the best of me. I was petrified of how senior year would go. I was scared that I would have absolutely no friends, that I would be utterly rejected by a lot of people (and for good reason), and that I would have to muck through my last year in undergrad by myself.

Much to my anxiety's dismay and my complete joy, those predictions I told myself have not come true. Relationships with old friends have been rekindled, even if it was (and continues to be) tough to do. I have made new friends in people I have admired for a good while and I have found a group of people via Orientation who I enjoy being with and who truly give me life. Not to mention, I have a group of first years who I admire for their excitement about starting a new chapter in life.

These past two weeks or so have been a lesson for me: no matter the past or what heartache and anxiety I bring, it is possible to find a new place in old situations. I know Concordia, but I have found a new place to stand in it and more people to stand with. And that is very awesome.

So here is my thanks to all who have been with me the last two weeks in any capacity - even if the only interaction we had was an introduction: I appreciate you all and I hope you know how important you are to me. I truly admire each of you and I hope that there will be more opportunities for my appreciation and admiration to grow. Thank you.

Peace.

-Nicole

Life-Giving

At Concordia, all of the first-year students go through orientation a couple of days before the first day of classes. And at Concordia, orientation is taken very seriously. My orientation experience freshman year was fabulous; it was exhausting, as my first blog posts pointed out, but a great experience. I felt at home and I learned so much about myself and who I wanted to be in college (hence, the blog).

Preparing for Orientation: Round 2 has proved to me yet again the changing experience it can be - for anyone involved. We started training today and I have gained more bruises today than I had all summer from the games we played and I have lost a few pounds from how much I have laughed because of it. I'm doing what I love and I feel like I know what I'm doing, but I know I have a lot to learn and I'm going to learn it. It, as my mother would say, is "living-giving". (Gosh Mom. Your little catch phrases are coming in handy lately.)

As I get older and especially as I enter my final year of undergrad, I am beginning to notice more and more about my reactions and emotions I have when I am in a certain group. There are things that feel like work but then there are those things - like orientation, speech, and theatre - that give so much life to me that I cannot fathom a life without experiences like this.

My last blog post pointed out that doing something life-giving is what I need in my life. And although I have no idea what my career will be or what my plan is for after I graduate in May, days like this prove to me how much my life journey needs these experiences.

Peace!

-Nicole