My Anxiety's Dismay & My Complete Joy

I just ate so much food. Two plates of Mongolian grill and then a very large bowl of frozen yogurt. Orientation Core 1 made a huge mess of our table (nearing 20 empty plates with 9 of us) and were the loudest people in the whole place, receiving many glares of disdain. I probably used up more gas than I should have to go eat. However, the laughter, the pure joy, and the lessons I got out of the evening were so worth the stomach discomfort and the use of gas.

In the car on the way to get some fro-yo.

As I have mentioned before, this past year has been the hardest year of my life. I lost a lot and felt broken beyond repair; my social anxiety, along with the adjustment back, got the best of me. I was petrified of how senior year would go. I was scared that I would have absolutely no friends, that I would be utterly rejected by a lot of people (and for good reason), and that I would have to muck through my last year in undergrad by myself.

Much to my anxiety's dismay and my complete joy, those predictions I told myself have not come true. Relationships with old friends have been rekindled, even if it was (and continues to be) tough to do. I have made new friends in people I have admired for a good while and I have found a group of people via Orientation who I enjoy being with and who truly give me life. Not to mention, I have a group of first years who I admire for their excitement about starting a new chapter in life.

These past two weeks or so have been a lesson for me: no matter the past or what heartache and anxiety I bring, it is possible to find a new place in old situations. I know Concordia, but I have found a new place to stand in it and more people to stand with. And that is very awesome.

So here is my thanks to all who have been with me the last two weeks in any capacity - even if the only interaction we had was an introduction: I appreciate you all and I hope you know how important you are to me. I truly admire each of you and I hope that there will be more opportunities for my appreciation and admiration to grow. Thank you.

Peace.

-Nicole

Cooking and Baking

I miss my kitchen and being able to bake and cook as much as I want and whenever I want to. When I got home on Monday after spending a few days with my sister Ashly, I asked my mom if I could cook this week. Being as busy as she is, she happily said yes. I spent around 50 dollars on a ton of veggies, cheese, and pasta. Tuesday night I made an Asian noodle salad and tomorrow I'm making a spinach and cheese lasagna. Plus, I just made homemade brownies with Hersey frosting. Tomorrow, after making the lasagna, I'm hoping to bake some cookies for the play I'm in, since our characters eat through the whole show. I am thrilled to be able to have a stocked kitchen and time to do it. Plus, I get to use my new apron I got for Christmas.

Today while prepping the lasagna, I realized just how different cooking and baking are. I remember once when I was cooking with my mom as a young girl, I was haphazardly measuring out flour for cookies. My mom quickly stopped me and said I had to be sure I was perfectly measuring out what was stated in the recipe, otherwise the cookies wouldn't turn out right. Cooking, on the other hand, is a sort of "anything goes" sort of food preparation. Too much of one spice? Add another to balance it out! Too little broth? Add more water and spices! Most of the time, I would rather bake than cook. Baking, I know if I follow the directions, the outcome will be fabulous. Cooking, on the other hand, is some what of a gamble.

My life is like cooking right now. I know the base of what the end-product will be, but I don't know what flavors to add and what ones will work together and balance out. It's a great cacophony of flavors, but it feels like the pan is getting too hot and I don't know how to slow it down. I'd much rather be baking - I know the exact amount of everything and there is a bit of room to add something else, like vanilla or peanut butter. But vanilla and peanut butter aren't exciting flavors. Sure, they do add sweetness, but not a kick of flavor like a jalapeño would have.

Maybe instead of viewing my life as chaotic and frustrating, I should see it as exciting. My cookies are already in the oven baking - maybe it's time to create some exciting new flavors and try a few new things in my life and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe it's something people would want to try themselves.

Peace!

-Nicole

Roots

1. There is no age limit to Sea-doo jet boats
2. Always remember where you came from
3. Good food brings people together

Hello! It's Malyn again.

Last weekend, I journeyed home (a four-hour bus trip from Concordia) to see my great aunt and my mother's cousins. And it was beautiful. I get to see them only once about every 3 years, and my great aunt is 87. She's in good health, but I don't always know how many more times I'll get to see her.

Anyway, my mom's side of the family hails from Indiana (Terre Haute, to be specific), and they all have really great Southern-ish accents and are very down to earth. You spend a few hours with them and you start belly-laughing at their stories, and when you leave you say, "Baeh!" instead of bye.  There's always loads of great home-cooked food- my aunt loves cooking and then everyone else brings things to share.

We sit around a large table and eat and talk. Most of the stories are from about the 60s, when many of them were children - that side is notorious for pranks and mischief. I also get the chance to hear about the days when my late granddad and my great-aunt were children. There's a famous story where my granddad was trying to learn to drive but couldn't stop the car, and so was swerving everywhere trying not to hit things - he finally ran it into a tree at low speed in order to stop!

This sense of spontaneity and fun usually leads to pretty enjoyable things. My aunt Ann lives on a lake, and so usually we go out for boat rides. Last year they bought a Sea-Doo jet boat, one of these:

We decided to try and give my great-aunt a ride on it. Her hips aren't great anymore, but she was up for it and we managed to get her on (in doing so my mother almost fell into the water - it was all a very hilarious situation). She and my aunt cruised around and had the time of their lives.

Always remember who you are and keep in touch with family. I'm blessed to have so many great relatives - I know many people aren't so lucky. It was a wonderful weekend and I'm glad to have such a lovely family!

peace and have a fabulous week!

-Malyn

Parental Units

1. Allergies are terrible.
2. Sometimes being pulled out of scenes in a play is a good thing.
3. Easy Mac isn't all too bad.
4. It's ok to still depend on your parents.

Do you know what's weird? Having your hometown only 15 minutes away from college. I go home nearly every Sunday and drop by every once in a while. Like today, I spent a good part of my afternoon chilling at home, watching a bit of TV and doing my homework. It was good to spend a few relaxing hours at home, but it certainly was weird to pack up my backpack with my things and leave. It gave me the realization (again) that this wasn't really my home anymore...well, it is, but not really.

I spent about an hour talking with my mom at her work today. I had to stop by to get some money for my medication I had to pick up and I ended up talking to her for over an hour. We were just catching up and she asked me about my new job (I now work in the costume studio in the theatre). I said it was great, but frustrating because of my contract. I had just signed my contract a few hours before and I didn't know if I would be paid for what I had worked prior to signing the contract. I didn't expect my mom to do anything about it - I thought I've gotten to a point in my mind and in my mom's that I could and needed to figure it all out on my own. I would have gotten around to it eventually, but my mom decided that it was enough. She ended up calling for me to the human resources office and figuring things out.

Now it's not that I don't want the help of my mother - in fact, I love that she figured things out for me. I would have floundered around for a while and something things would have gone unanswered. What was surprising to me was the immediate release of stress when she said she would help. And it's not a bad thing.

In my psychology class, we are studying developmental psychology (which is the class I will be taking next semester). One of the stages we go through is adolescence, which starts with sexual maturity and ends with independent adult status. My professor said that period in life is becoming a longer period of time, or more of, the line between adolescence and young adulthood is becoming quite blurred. Although it gets to be confusing to define what stage someone is in, it's not such a bad thing. Depending on your parents just a bit, even while in college, and not just for finances, is good and healthy.

Parents have always been there, or at least mine has. I know my mother misses me and if I'm honest, I have missed her a bit. I know she has been waiting for an opportunity to help me, so why not take the opportunity to take that help? It's ok - you're not giving up your independence. In fact, I think it shows how independent you are when you ask for help.

Show some love to your parents.

My mom and I on moving day.

Peace!

-Nicole