Cooking and Baking

I miss my kitchen and being able to bake and cook as much as I want and whenever I want to. When I got home on Monday after spending a few days with my sister Ashly, I asked my mom if I could cook this week. Being as busy as she is, she happily said yes. I spent around 50 dollars on a ton of veggies, cheese, and pasta. Tuesday night I made an Asian noodle salad and tomorrow I'm making a spinach and cheese lasagna. Plus, I just made homemade brownies with Hersey frosting. Tomorrow, after making the lasagna, I'm hoping to bake some cookies for the play I'm in, since our characters eat through the whole show. I am thrilled to be able to have a stocked kitchen and time to do it. Plus, I get to use my new apron I got for Christmas.

Today while prepping the lasagna, I realized just how different cooking and baking are. I remember once when I was cooking with my mom as a young girl, I was haphazardly measuring out flour for cookies. My mom quickly stopped me and said I had to be sure I was perfectly measuring out what was stated in the recipe, otherwise the cookies wouldn't turn out right. Cooking, on the other hand, is a sort of "anything goes" sort of food preparation. Too much of one spice? Add another to balance it out! Too little broth? Add more water and spices! Most of the time, I would rather bake than cook. Baking, I know if I follow the directions, the outcome will be fabulous. Cooking, on the other hand, is some what of a gamble.

My life is like cooking right now. I know the base of what the end-product will be, but I don't know what flavors to add and what ones will work together and balance out. It's a great cacophony of flavors, but it feels like the pan is getting too hot and I don't know how to slow it down. I'd much rather be baking - I know the exact amount of everything and there is a bit of room to add something else, like vanilla or peanut butter. But vanilla and peanut butter aren't exciting flavors. Sure, they do add sweetness, but not a kick of flavor like a jalapeño would have.

Maybe instead of viewing my life as chaotic and frustrating, I should see it as exciting. My cookies are already in the oven baking - maybe it's time to create some exciting new flavors and try a few new things in my life and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe it's something people would want to try themselves.

Peace!

-Nicole

Definition of Family

1. Writer's block sucks.
2. Walking without shoes on in 31 degree weather is interesting.
3. Chocolate is wonderful.
4. Welcome to the family.

Happy Easter everyone! I hope it was swell and was restful. My weekend was fairly relaxed - did a ton of sleeping, talking, laughing, cooking, and just doing nothing. I was able to see my aunt and uncle, which is always a blessing because they live a bit ways away. I got to spend a whole day with my mother (which I have waited for for a while) and we went to see The Hunger Games, in which I cried buckets of tears. I also got to experience a new kind of family.

My family is pretty small right now, especially at holidays. My mother and I often spend holidays with another family, with whom we are close with. When making plans for this Easter, I simply assumed we would be spending it with that family again. On the contrary, it turns out we were going to have a total of 7 people at our house. My house is small and our table can only handle about 4 people and 6 is squishy, but possible. Having 7 people in our house for a few hours was going to be a feat and having a meal - oh dear, was it going to be an adventure.

My concept of family has always been very fluid. Because I grew up an only child, anyone who I connected on deeper levels with I considered to be a sibling in some sense. I have always had multiple parents because I was always in church ("it takes a village to raise a child"). It hasn't been until recently I've discovered how deep I can be connected with someone and not be related to them. With the addition of my sister, I have gone on a huge discovery process of what being family, especially what having and being a sibling means. My definition became shared experiences and having to deal with one another, despite emotions. At the end of the day, even though one might be angry or annoyed at the other, there is still that desire to be with one another. The other almost becomes a home base. In talking with friends about missing home, the recurring theme seems to be that: the comfort and feeling of home, no matter where or what the situation is.

This Easter has taught me something a bit more about family - it can grow in ways one would not expect. Megan stayed with me nearly the whole break. We spent a ton of time at church and she's gotten to the point where she has developed her own relationships outside of me. Because church is such a huge part of my life, it will frankly be very weird to not have her with me at church this summer. I have a fairly large network of people at my church and Megan has found her own place. It's just a new definition of family - she went from being a friend of a friend to being a sister in many aspects (heck, my mom even gave her an Easter basket).

For the past few months, I have created a family at school. And I expected it to happen. What I didn't expect to happen is the growing of my family at home. Not only has Megan sort of become an addition, it has happened with my mom also. She now has more children to take care of - she has dedicated herself more to relationships with the kids she mentors. I apparently now have about 20+ siblings.

So to wrap it, my definition of family is continuing to grow and change. It seems that anyone I meet may just become my newest family member. And it's pretty sweet.

Peace!

-Nicole

Energy

1. Chocolate cupcakes are a great pick-me-up.
2. Smash is a great TV show, although it does have some faults.
3. Doing simple math in Spanish is quite hard.
4. Renew your energy.

Well hello there! Sorry for the long hiatus - it was spring break for us last week and this week is "hell week" for the Vagina Monologues (we open tomorrow!), so things have been busy. Life is pretty much back to normal, which is always good.

But to be frank, the weeks leading up to spring break weren't the greatest; it felt like everyone was falling apart and there was nothing I or anyone could do. Energy levels were really low and what was there was very negative. I hated to say it, but I just wanted to get away from everyone. I didn't want to leave campus because I loved the people and the culture of it all, but I couldn't stand the negative energy.

Then spring break came. I ended up spending a few days with my sister and brand-new niece (who, by the way, is my goddaughter). I was hesitant to go because I was so exhausted physically and emotionally. But it was what I needed. What I wanted was to spend a whole week alone in my house, watching movies and doing nothing. But I needed was to be somewhere with someone who loved me, but didn't care about what was going on. I needed to be swept up into a different energy. Being around a 1 week old baby and a 2 year old - one can't particularly think about themselves. It was what I needed and I am so glad I went. (I did end up spending some time alone and some time with friends from high school.)

Presley and I

Each of us influences the energy around us. The more positive people, there are more positive thoughts and ideas - positivity breeds positivity and negativity breeds negativity. Typically, when I felt like I was in a negative situation, I would leave. But because I am so connected with my friends here on campus, I couldn't do that - it would hurt more than help. I needed to 'reset' my energy, bring it back to a neutral level, one that was stable and easy.

Sometimes, we need to get away, we need to be swept up into a different energy. Sometimes we need to stop focusing on ourselves. Sometimes we need to stop trying to fix ourselves because at some point, it loses its effectiveness. And when you do come back to your world, come with an open mind and heart. Connect with friends in different ways and on deeper levels.

Sometimes, we just need to fix the fuse and flip the switch.

Peace!

-Nicole