Proving It To Myself

I broke down crying in the library last night. The hours previous had been great - dinner and pie with some friends, productivity with homework, beautiful weather - but I found it all to be proof of what I lack. With my hair as a shield from passing stares, I cried about having no one who cares, no one who checks in on my well being, about how unmotivated I was feeling.

As I was journaling last night, my main thing was about how I am not "on the front line" important in anyone's life. As of late, I have been waiting for life to prove me wrong, instead of doing what I was taught to do and prove those thoughts wrong myself.

After I got back from the library, I finally figured out what was the truth and what was my head getting the best of me. I do have friends and I know that I am important in people's lives, even if they haven't told me directly. And I do have people check in on me, but the thing is, I have to do the same. If I am sitting in my room or hiding in the library, how are people supposed to connect with me?

Yes, I did have to start over on making friends and had to seriously re-connect with people, but because I lost one of the most important relationships in my life, does not mean I have no value in anyone else's life. And that is what I have to tell myself over and over again. I do have value and it isn't the world's job to prove it to me. I have to prove it myself.

Peace!

-Nicole

Feeling at Home

As I was sitting on my computer this afternoon, I had a very odd thought cross my mind: I'm glad I'm home. I stayed out pretty late last night, as is normal in Spain, and so it was nice to be in my room, relaxing. But what was odd about it is that I referred to this small apartment I once hated be in as my home.

When got to Sevilla, I refused to call this small apartment "home". I only referred to it as "the apartment" or "Ana's place" (Ana is my host mom). I was so miserable and wishing I could go home that I did not want to adjust to the differences of my living situations. I knew I could adjust; I just didn't want to. Adjusting meant I was here for a while and it meant that I had to make a life for myself here.

Let's just say I've come a long way. I am now thoroughly enjoying my time in Spain. I've stopped counting the days I've been in Spain. I finally put up my pictures I brought with on my bulletin board (the photos don't make me sad anymore). I have a bus pass and I know the system pretty well. I have my favorite places to shop and my favorite places to hang out. I've discovered that Spanish coffee makes my heart feel like it's about to explode and that I should probably stick to tea. Heck, I even made friends.

So I'm home. I have fallen in love with Spain and what it has to offer. Looking at my calendar, I'm starting to feel like there isn't enough time here. So, I guess I should starting living it large, right?

Peace!

-Nicole

Here are some photos from the past few weeks.

Roaming around Aracena

In Granada

Cathedral in Sevilla

Cathedral in Córdoba

The Positive Past

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” -Søren Kierkegaard

The past can suck. Well, okay actually parts of the past can suck, but there are a ton of positive things as well. Here's an example:

If there's one thing I'm proud of, it's my social network: the people I have surrounded myself with for the past 7 or so years. From middle school on up I have been allowed to influence, and have been influenced by the most incredible circle of people, and over the last few weeks I bit a rather specific sort of bullet and chose to reconnect as much as I could with individuals I had lost some closeness with. I talked to pals from high school, my various friend groups, old teachers, and some others. I count myself very lucky to have all of them, not because of any action on my part, but because of everything on their part.

The past... it can be difficult, but it influences your present whether you like it or not. It is completely in your control however, how and where that influence comes into play--for positive or for negative. For me, my experiences with all these people have helped to lay the foundation for my current self, and so when I made all these re-connections, I was simply hoping that these people remembered me with the same fondness that I remembered them.

What I walked away with was the realization that even though we hadn't spoken in a while, or there had been past misunderstandings and miss-communications, there was still so much positive history that when push came to shove, a reciprocated friendship and understanding still remained. By nature, humans are pro-social, working for the benefit of each other most of the time, and it leaves a mark. So all those times when maybe you took someone aside in an empty hallway so they could tell you how they were feeling, all those times you crowded into a van and solved the world's problems, all those times you let yourself be vulnerable in a piece of writing, or even those times when you got into a car together and didn't know where you'd end up or when you'd be back... all those shared experiences aren't meaningless. When I reached out to those connections with something like, "Is it ok if I talk with you for a little bit? because I'm hurting and I feel helpless and I need some reassurance to help me get through this." The response I got was nothing short of an incredible resurgence of all of that past positive regard and those positive experiences.

My friends, my family, my mentors, and my random acquaintances showed me love and support impossible to measure. They came through for me, just like I needed them to. I have faith in them no doubt, but maybe more importantly, they have faith in me. They told me again and again that I knew what was best for me, and that I knew what was right. It's not necessarily so much what our connections do for us, but what they teach us to do for ourselves that stands the ultimate test of time. How lucky I am then, to have both beautiful experiences. Through all those many many many conversations, re-connections  and essentially trust falls, I now know with everything in me, that I'm doing the right thing. I am in a beautiful situation, and I'm in a wonderful place in my life.

As my high school poetry teacher recently told me,
"Trust yourself. Trust love."

-Megan

Friendship is Magic?

1. Emergency rooms are better with friends

2. "Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one simply remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore

3. As My Little Pony would have it, friendship is, indeed, magic.

 Hey! It's Malyn again. This week has been quite eventful and interesting....

It all started with an emergency room visit. On Tuesday, my roommate broke her rib during taikwondo practice - it hurt that night, but worsened even more the next evening to a really bad and scary level. So  my friend and I drove her to the ER. 

Now, I haven't had many good experiences with hospitals - most times I've been to one, it's because someone's dying or going into major scary surgery. So I was pretty freaked out...my roommate and best friend was in terrible pain and we were in a hospital. But then something wonderful happened: In an attempt to keep her mind off the pain, we began talking, which led to laughing and joking. And suddenly the whole situation was a lot less frightening (update: she's doing okay - it was broken but not too badly, and they gave her Valium pills). Friendship took away the fear, and I also realized that they would have done the same thing for me if I had broken my rib, which was a beautiful feeling. 

And then last night I played Apples to Apples with several friends that I hadn't seen in way too long - It was as hilarious as ever. I am so blessed with all of this friend-love and support. 

Thank you everyone for making Concordia home for me!

Have a lovely, healthy, and happy week!

-Malyn

Peace Be With You

I have been feeling stressed lately, more than I have felt in a while. The stressors I'm experiencing aren't ones that quickly pass through - they build and require some stamina. My body has been showing signs of it - some weight loss, breaking out, sore throat, sore legs, and emotional exhaustion. I can't help but wish to disengage and hope everything will pass (which of course, will not be helpful). I have been trying to figure out what I need to get through it all. Support, rest, and most of all, peace.

When I started this blog, I ended my first post with "Peace!" because I had no idea how to end a post. But as time has passed, I'm glad I finished that first post with such a word. It has come to represent so much in my life. Peace is what I have discovered is most helpful in stressful situations. In my class on Buddhism, it was one of the main focuses - to center myself and find peace within me. I have discovered peace is best when found in myself. It is true and honest to me and I know it stems from something I believe in, although I may never find what that is. I guess one could call it my "true self" but to me, I am always changing. The one thing that stays constant is peace found within myself.

Life has been loud lately. The political ads, the campaign calls, and the debates between everyone. Being on a campus where politics is pretty central, it gets extremely loud. I loved participating in the politics and developing my own voice, but right now, I'm glad to have some silence and most of all, peace. Maybe that is what will connect us all in the end - peace. The idea of peace everyone agrees about. Conflict may be necessary, but what is the point of conflict if there is no goal of peace?

Today, I am going to find peace in me. I am going to see peace in others and find some common ground. I believe we all have it - we just need to see it once again.

Peace.

-Nicole

Growing Pains

It's been a month since I've been back on campus. I have reorganized my room more than once, freaked out about grades a few times, and have had a few very busy days. I didn't realize it had only been a month until tonight, when I was adding a ton of events to my calendar on my computer. It seems more time than a month has passed - a lot has happened and it seems to be painful at times.

I used to have terrible growing pains when I was younger. My legs would throb and would be sensitive to touch. I never really understood why I had them - I wasn't too active and they would happen at the weirdest times, like in the middle of church or art class. To my 8-year-old self, it was a pain that was bothersome and I really didn't see the point of all that pain.

Of course now, I understand the purpose of growing pains.* A growing body means the body is changing and new things are about to happen. The outcome will always be positive - a body that is stronger and bigger than before. But until then, the growing may be painful. The past few weeks back on campus have been that way - a bit painful. I thought that once I was back on campus, this would just pick up where I left off. But I am finding that that isn't true. My friends, most of whom lived on the same floor as I did, are now scattered across campus and everyone is involved in different things. All in all, it has been difficult to stay connected.

It's been a growing pain. I'm learning that keeping connections with friends will be a continuing process and even more so, making new friends is more difficult than it was last year. It's not that I don't want to meet others, it's just difficult to get out of my comfort zone. I know that growing pains are necessary, but as many a parent will say, massaging the legs helps with the pain. What I need to do is stretch myself a bit more - stretch out my hand to meet someone new, help out an organization, and stretch myself to explore things I may have never thought of before.

Although growing pains are bothersome and complaining may help for an 8-year-old, I think it's high time for me to stretch myself up and out of what I know - there is so much more out there I have yet to learn about. My world I have created of a small group of friends can't last forever - it needs to grow, change, possibly be flipped on its head. There needs to be more of me, a big, greater, better me and isn't that the point of growing pains?

Peace!

-Nicole

*Although scientifically, growing pains are not connected to rapid, sudden growth, but for the purposes of this post, I'll just stick with the common understanding.

Sicko

"One of the most sublime experiences we can ever have is to wake up feeling healthy after we have been sick." -Rabbi Harold Kushner

Hey, it's Megan.  Hope you had a great Monday.

Well, family weekend was great and I was glad my aunt could make it up to spend it with me.  I think we both had a good time and were able to partake in activities on and off campus.  Unfortunately, I was sick the entire time.

Nicole and I have both suffered through the plague that hits campus every few weeks or so and my body hit the wall today.  I feel okay to an extent, but my throat is shot and I've been struggling with a hacking cough.  I even took off of work tonight (at the insistence of Nicole as well as my protesting throat) so I could get my homework done, relax a bit, and get to sleep early. As of writing this, I only have 15 pages left to read!  Also, I don't work until Sunday unless I pick up a shift, so now I can but more of my body's faculties towards healing up.  I think it was probably a good decision.

See, Nicole has enough sense to take time off from class and such and rest if she's sick.  Me? Not so much. Even today, I got home after class and all I could think about was how much work I have to do and how much I actually wanted to get all of it done.  Even if I was setting aside time to feel better, I wanted to instead use that time to get homework done.  My friend, Steph, eventually forced me into bed and even tucked me in.  It pays to have friends in college.  The lesson in all of this?  I clearly need to put my health higher up on the list of priorities and not always on the back burner.  Health is important--never ever forget that.  I've seen way too many people lose it or suffer with chronic conditions to not be taking better care of myself.  But, I am learning, and I am surrounded by people who are willing to force me to take care of myself, even if that's not my highest priority at the time.

So that's where I'm at.  The next time you hear from me, I will be good as new, but also perhaps a bit poorer from having had to buy so much medicine. :P

Be happy and well, but most of all, be healthy!

-Megan

Be Kind

I'm mean. Or at least, I have been lately. I snap back at my friends and I seem to have no tolerance for professors who don't do things the way I want them. I have no idea why... maybe it's because I'm stressed or maybe it's because I have lost sight of what's good. No matter the cause, there just seems to be no good reason for me to keep on being mean.

People have asked me in recent years what was one thing my mom taught me that I still hold onto. And my answer is always the same: be kind. She always taught me to talk about people in the best light, even if you dislike them or disagree with them. The person on the other side of the story has their own story and they have their own beliefs that they believe in as fully as I do - why would I push them down with my words for being them? This is not to say I should be 'nice'. Nice is making sure everyone is happy and gets what they want. To me, nice is an easy thing to do. Nice makes it easier for me to let them have it their way and then go home and talk about how wrong they were. Being kind, on the other hand, is harder. It requires me to slow down and really think about whether these emotions are about me not getting my way or if I am honestly hurt by someone else's actions.

To amend my first statement, I've been 'nice'. I have blamed others for being someone who isn't me. It seems my roommate, my close friends, and my boyfriend have gotten the brunt of this easy-way-out-niceness.

So what am I going to do about it? I'm going to try to be aware of what's going on around me. Megan taught me a cool little statement: "I am kind, I am patient, I am loving". I am going to write it wherever I can, make sure I can see it, and try to see everyone in the best light possible. I have recently heard from multiple spiritual leaders that when someone is hurt, the victimizer is hurt just as much. It comes in more of an implicit manner, taking a toll on how one views the world and people.

This is a promise and an open apology: be kind. And I challenge you to do the same. Be kind. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, because to them, you are the other side of the story.

Peace!

-Nicole

Leap of Faith

1. Jumping off telephone poles is actually kinda fun.
2. Know your limits.
3. Remember that there are always people who support you.

Hey! This is Malyn, and I’m super excited that this is my first post!

Last weekend I went with the Campus Ministry Commission to do a high ropes course, as a team building exercise.  Now, you may be thinking that sounds like fun, but I went to one back in seventh grade - with the entire class. At that time I was not only afraid of heights but had terrible balance, and it was the most humiliating and embarrassing thing I’d ever done.

So when I heard that CMC would be going to do high ropes, I was naturally a bit terrified.

But I went anyway, and realized that because I was with an entirely supportive and nonjudgmental group, it was so much easier.  They realized that I wasn’t weak or dumb, and that I simply had different strengths.  When I was unable to continue at one point, they accepted it – and so did I.  In seventh grade, I had forced myself to do parts of the course that I knew were terrifying for me, and that led to an emotional breakdown 30 feet off the ground.  This time, I knew my limits and that some things just weren’t meant to be.

At the end, we climbed up a telephone pole – and jumped off.  It was a beautiful moment for me, knowing that I COULD do what I thought I couldn’t, and knowing that everyone below was as happy for me as I was.

This year, as I dive into the political world (my major!) I will remember that it’s okay to not always be on top of things, and that sometimes all there is to do is take a giant leap of faith – literal or metaphorical.

Peace, and have a fabulous week!

-Malyn

Bursting Bubbles

1. Sleep is VERY important.
2. Sometimes, in order to achieve your goals, you may need to give up something else.
3. Friends are always around, you just gotta go for it!

Hey again!

I just need to start with: COLLEGE IS AWESOME!

College has been quite the adventure, mainly because its something that I thought I knew everything there was to know, and I am honestly (pleasantly) surprised each & every day! I have made so many friends and have gotten to know so many people that I probably would not have talked to otherwise. I am also learning valuable lessons, such as time management. But, I have much more interesting things to tell you about: friends.

So, at Concordia, we have about four days of orientation before classes even start and then we, as freshmen, have two classes with our orientation group all semester. This basically ensures that we will have people we know in at least some of our classes and we get out of our bubbles and that kind of stuff. But, I have seriously lucked out.

Some students end up in orientation groups where they don't really click with their clubbies, and I feel so badly for them because my group is AWESOME. We all get along well; plus I have made some really great friends that I can see myself being friends with through college, and who knows... maybe even life after? Haha.

Anyways, moral of the story: you need to burst your own bubble and get out there, to mingle & to just be yourself. You never know when you're missing out on a great friend!



Yay friends!

Loves!
(: Katie!

How To: Let Someone Surprise You

1. Believe everything people tell you.  There's no way they're not telling you the whole truth.
2. Underestimate your friends.
3. Underestimate your parents.
4. Refrain from texting people because you don't want to impose.  It will give them time to drive to your town.
5. Tell everyone where you're going and the exact time you leave.  It will give them time to call your parents.

In case you didn't hear--but you probably did if you read Nicole's last post--I had quite the birthday.  First things first, birthdays are not a big thing in my family.  You get a cake if you're lucky.  We'll take you out to your favorite restaurant eventually, but they've never been super celebrated.  For the record, it's not that we never celebrate, we just do it when it's convenient.  I've always celebrated my birthday on July 3rd when my family gets together because the church and town throws a party. Three of us grandkids have birthdays in July so it's nice and convenient.  Plus there's a fireworks show.  Sometimes I'll have a bonfire in late July or early August if I'm feeling motivated.

I did not expect anything different this year.  I really didn't.  Every time Nicole would mention my birthday, I told her I wasn't planning anything.  She would always get upset and the conversation would end with something like:

Nicole:  You're so frustrating.  You're driving me crazy.
Me: I'm sorry, I told you I might do something in August.

So the night before my birthday, I was feeling a little weird about turning 20.  It's a scary number, especially when you feel like you should be taller or just feel older. I was talking to Nicole when Melissa asked me to come over and watch a movie. I asked Nicole if I should go and she told me I should. Mind you, this was 11:45 at night. I knew Nicole had something to do with it, I thought she put Melissa up to it. I decided to go to get my mind off things and when I walked downstairs, there was a figure in a hoodie just chilling on the couch.  I thought it was Melissa's sister, until the figure started laughing.  Helloooo Nicole. Surprise #1.  At that point I thought that was the extent of the surprise.  I had no reason to believe anything else.  I was in complete and utter shock.  For weeks I had heard her griping about how she was working that weekend. I smiled for the rest of the night--until I went to bed at 4 am.

Melissa and Nicole wanted to take me out for lunch the next day, but I declined, saying I had a grad party to go to. Nicole told me the grad party started at 2...at which point I knew this was a lot deeper than I thought and that my parents knew about this. Surprise #2.  So they took me out to lunch the next day and we made plans to hook up with Melissa after she got off work at 9. Meanwhile, Nicole and I headed to that grad party.  After that, we went to my place, rented a movie, and I started to wind down for what I thought would be a relaxing night.  I decided to check the mail, at which point Nicole told me she told people to write letters to me.  Surprise #3.

We took some time to chill before watching the film when all of a sudden my doorbell rang.  Nicole ran to go get it and at THAT point, I knew I was in for much, much more. Surprise #4.  My friends started showing up and I was treated to my first ever surprise party, which included having packing peanuts poured on me multiple times and one heck of a cake. My parents knew about everything.  Everything.

I had no reason to suspect anything. No one made me suspect anything and even if there were hints, I never picked up on them.  Nicole has never been dishonest and this has dealt a serious blow to my trust! :P  Maybe this is what I get for befriending people with acting experience?  After reluctantly kicking people out because we both had horribly early mornings, we went to bed.  As I was practically in tears out of pure happiness and awe that someone had put in so much time and effort to throw me a party, Nicole said, "I told you, I just like birthdays." Go figure.

And that is how to let someone surprise you.  Needless to say, Melissa and Nicole turned turning 20 into an event I won't soon forget.

With love and hugs,

Megan

How To: Listen (And Sometimes Talk)

Steps:
1. Be patient.
2. Only talk when whoever is talking has finished their thought.
3. When you do talk, keep it to a limit. Only say things that are direct and things that don't put down.

When I was little, people always said I was a good listener. And in my opinion, I was. I could sit for hours and listen to people talk about anything and everything. I enjoyed hearing other's views on things and I didn't find it necessary to make my own opinion be heard. This also translated into my relationships with friends. Very rarely would I know a solution to a situation, but somehow just by listening and telling them my truth, it seemed to work out. Now that I'm a bit older, it has been flipped just a bit. I tend to want to have people know my opinion or if someone is in need of help, I talk more than is necessary.

The past few weeks, I have sought out some advice and someone to listen to me because things have come up in my life. I've discovered that more often than not, I knew the solution to the problem. What made me realize that solution was not always because of the person's words, but it was their attentiveness. They may have thought of solutions to the problems, but they refrained from telling me because I probably wouldn't have listened. What works for them, wouldn't work for me. A little direction is always helpful, but when they did give direction, it was never a command.

I've also discovered that when someone listens to me rant/complain/cry and they just allow me to do so, I begin to hear myself. I hear how ridiculous and irrational the words that are coming out of my mouth are. "Silence speaks more than words and actions" has been my rule of thumb when it comes to acting serious pieces/scenes. It gives the audience time to take the words spoken and process them. The silence is a breath, something to bring you back to the present. My mom always tells trip chaperons that during small group discussions, don't be afraid of silence. Know the kids are thinking and if they come up with an answer, it will be much more beneficial than you just giving them your answer. Silence in a conversation makes you think harder and figure things out.

Listening - it seems to be a lost art. But to those who have helped me through rough times and to anyone who has helped anyone, thanks for listening.

Peace!

-Nicole

Note: Wrap Up

First off, too wrap up this blog's "first year at college", here are some statistics.

Most common tag: Friends

Total posts: 107

Most viewed post: Note: Glances with 66 views

Best month: October with 1,009 views

Total views: 5,562 (as of right now)

Oh and we have 235 views from people in Russia (2nd next to the US)

This summer, all of here on Dorm Room 718 will be taking a break. There will be occasional posts, but it won't be on a regular schedule. Us writers will be brainstorming some ideas on what will come next for the blog during our sophomore year that will be revealed just before we start school again in the fall. But until then, enjoy our other blogs (plus a few I enjoy reading):

My Epic Life: Megan's other blog

Musings of a Poetess: My poetry blog

Undefined: My friend Meg's blog (she wrote the article on the blog for our school's newspaper)

Bound South: A classmate from high school is just finishing up his bike tour across all of the Americas

Late Nights, Street Lights: My friend Andrew's blog

Sleeping with the Sunrise: My friend Geneva's blog

The Zenith Perspective: My friend Blake's photo blog

Enjoy reading and enjoy summer and enjoy life.

Peace!

Until next time,

Nicole

Freshman Year

1. It's been amazing.

Well, it's done. Freshman year is completed and summer has officially begun. It's been a bit emotional but I honestly could not have asked for more. I wrote a few letters to friends before they left and nearly every single one of them said something along the lines of "This year has been the weirdest, moodiest, and craziest year yet, but it's definitely been the best." And I think everyone agrees (see Megan's post here and on her personal blog and my friend Meg's post). When I started this year, I didn't expect it to go the way it did. Of course, the way it turned out isn't terrible or bad in the least bit - it has been the best. I became someone I didn't know was inside of me. I created relationships that are deeper than I could ever imagine (or anyone could imagine I think). I tried things I would have never dared to do. Now, looking back at it, I honestly could have not asked for more.

I would do a sappy post with a ton of pictures and emotional-ridden stories, but I feel like this whole blog is just that. The only thing I can say is...

Thanks for reading. It's been wonderful. And there will only be more shenanigans to come.

Until next time,

Nicole

How Do You Measure?

1. Speak up.
2. Migraines aren't fun.
3. Don't take lofts down by yourself, but if you do, you're gonna have some epic bruises.
4. Take time to reflect on the times life has been good to you.

Oh my gosh!  Megan here... It's the last Wednesday of the year, so you'll probably be hearing a lot less from me.  I'll post some over summer, but I think we're going off the usual schedule.

This week has been so strange.  I've been emotional almost the entire week, and can't seem to get over the fact that freshman year is almost over.  I'm taking a break from studying as I have 2 exams on Friday that I'm a little nervous about.  When you mix the stress of finals with packing and having to understand that you won't see the people you've lived with, laughed with, studied with, cried with, learned with, for the next four months...  It feels a little overwhelming.  I go into my emotions a little bit more on my other blog.

I think it goes without saying that I've been doing way too much reflecting and thinking and feeling this past week about the year and the future...  It was inevitable.  I just feel so rushed with finals that there's little time to relax, have fun, and celebrate the year.

You know, the first movie night of many in my dorm was when Melissa and Nicole came over and we watched Rent--since I had never seen it before.  I think Nicole and I stayed up late and woke up early just talking about anything and everything.  It's kind of my first really happy, really groundbreaking memory of college that let me know this year was going to be something special.  Since then, I've listened to the Rent soundtrack way too many times, especially over Christmas break.  I almost have all of "La Vie Boheme" memorized I think, but the song that really gets to me is "Seasons of Love."  It gets me--and Sally--every time.  The song pretty much asks the question, "How do you measure a year?"  So... here are some ways in which I will measure my freshman year in college, all with the fondest of memories:
 

Tumblr posts

Facebook statuses

Dollars spent

Facebook events attended

Miles traveled

Ticket stubs

Movies watched

Cups of tea

Blog posts

Papers written

Hugs

Stories told

Times I laughed 'til I cried

Letters written

Text messages sent

Hours I should have been sleeping

Hours spent talking

Exams taken

Loads of laundry done

New facebook friends

Phone calls home

Photos taken

Meals in DS

Times I’ve redyed my hair

Times I wanted to cry

Times I felt overwhelmed

Times I felt loved

And last but not least, times I realized that I was where I was meant to be.

It has been such a wonderful year, and while it was honestly the most stressful and difficult I've had, it's also been the greatest.  Nicole thinks this post is cheesy.  I say it's nostalgic.

All of my love,

-Megan

  

Farewell For Now

1. Taking a loft bed down is quite the undertaking.
2. Have tall people help out when taking the loft down.
3. Puppies are great therapy.
4. Saying good-bye is tough.

Well, here it is. The last week of school: one more day of classes, one study day, and then three days of finals. Then by next Monday, the campus will be empty and everyone will be back home. It's sort of crazy to think of (and I'll post about that later).

This morning, Megan and I headed to church, like we usually do. It was a normal Sunday for me, but for Megan it was a different Sunday: it was her last day at church for a few months. Since she has come with me to church nearly every Sunday, she's become a 'regular' at my church and she has made connections with people outside of me. Today, Megan had to say good-bye to new friends that she won't probably see for a few months.

With this week and this year coming to a close, I'm discovering I'm going to have to say some good-byes. Good-byes are always hard, even if you are going to see them in the near future. It's even harder if you know you won't see them for quite a long while or even ever. It's tough to know that the relationship will change and the next time you see them, you may never have the same relationship as before.

But good-byes aren't all bad. Good-bye allows you to change; it allows you to grow more and beyond. Saying good-bye to a friend for a while gives you the ok to move on. Although it's painful, sometimes it's just the point in your life that requires a few farewells and for some new adventure to come along and give you something different.

So although I'm going to be saying goodbye for only a few months, I'm still giving myself and others the OK to move beyond - to grow apart, discover new things about ourselves then come back in the fall and be able to show off what we've found out about ourselves and the world around us. Then, once we've shared, a whole new adventure can begin together - we will be forever growing.

Peace!

-Nicole

Definition of Family

1. Writer's block sucks.
2. Walking without shoes on in 31 degree weather is interesting.
3. Chocolate is wonderful.
4. Welcome to the family.

Happy Easter everyone! I hope it was swell and was restful. My weekend was fairly relaxed - did a ton of sleeping, talking, laughing, cooking, and just doing nothing. I was able to see my aunt and uncle, which is always a blessing because they live a bit ways away. I got to spend a whole day with my mother (which I have waited for for a while) and we went to see The Hunger Games, in which I cried buckets of tears. I also got to experience a new kind of family.

My family is pretty small right now, especially at holidays. My mother and I often spend holidays with another family, with whom we are close with. When making plans for this Easter, I simply assumed we would be spending it with that family again. On the contrary, it turns out we were going to have a total of 7 people at our house. My house is small and our table can only handle about 4 people and 6 is squishy, but possible. Having 7 people in our house for a few hours was going to be a feat and having a meal - oh dear, was it going to be an adventure.

My concept of family has always been very fluid. Because I grew up an only child, anyone who I connected on deeper levels with I considered to be a sibling in some sense. I have always had multiple parents because I was always in church ("it takes a village to raise a child"). It hasn't been until recently I've discovered how deep I can be connected with someone and not be related to them. With the addition of my sister, I have gone on a huge discovery process of what being family, especially what having and being a sibling means. My definition became shared experiences and having to deal with one another, despite emotions. At the end of the day, even though one might be angry or annoyed at the other, there is still that desire to be with one another. The other almost becomes a home base. In talking with friends about missing home, the recurring theme seems to be that: the comfort and feeling of home, no matter where or what the situation is.

This Easter has taught me something a bit more about family - it can grow in ways one would not expect. Megan stayed with me nearly the whole break. We spent a ton of time at church and she's gotten to the point where she has developed her own relationships outside of me. Because church is such a huge part of my life, it will frankly be very weird to not have her with me at church this summer. I have a fairly large network of people at my church and Megan has found her own place. It's just a new definition of family - she went from being a friend of a friend to being a sister in many aspects (heck, my mom even gave her an Easter basket).

For the past few months, I have created a family at school. And I expected it to happen. What I didn't expect to happen is the growing of my family at home. Not only has Megan sort of become an addition, it has happened with my mom also. She now has more children to take care of - she has dedicated herself more to relationships with the kids she mentors. I apparently now have about 20+ siblings.

So to wrap it, my definition of family is continuing to grow and change. It seems that anyone I meet may just become my newest family member. And it's pretty sweet.

Peace!

-Nicole

Energy

1. Chocolate cupcakes are a great pick-me-up.
2. Smash is a great TV show, although it does have some faults.
3. Doing simple math in Spanish is quite hard.
4. Renew your energy.

Well hello there! Sorry for the long hiatus - it was spring break for us last week and this week is "hell week" for the Vagina Monologues (we open tomorrow!), so things have been busy. Life is pretty much back to normal, which is always good.

But to be frank, the weeks leading up to spring break weren't the greatest; it felt like everyone was falling apart and there was nothing I or anyone could do. Energy levels were really low and what was there was very negative. I hated to say it, but I just wanted to get away from everyone. I didn't want to leave campus because I loved the people and the culture of it all, but I couldn't stand the negative energy.

Then spring break came. I ended up spending a few days with my sister and brand-new niece (who, by the way, is my goddaughter). I was hesitant to go because I was so exhausted physically and emotionally. But it was what I needed. What I wanted was to spend a whole week alone in my house, watching movies and doing nothing. But I needed was to be somewhere with someone who loved me, but didn't care about what was going on. I needed to be swept up into a different energy. Being around a 1 week old baby and a 2 year old - one can't particularly think about themselves. It was what I needed and I am so glad I went. (I did end up spending some time alone and some time with friends from high school.)

Presley and I

Each of us influences the energy around us. The more positive people, there are more positive thoughts and ideas - positivity breeds positivity and negativity breeds negativity. Typically, when I felt like I was in a negative situation, I would leave. But because I am so connected with my friends here on campus, I couldn't do that - it would hurt more than help. I needed to 'reset' my energy, bring it back to a neutral level, one that was stable and easy.

Sometimes, we need to get away, we need to be swept up into a different energy. Sometimes we need to stop focusing on ourselves. Sometimes we need to stop trying to fix ourselves because at some point, it loses its effectiveness. And when you do come back to your world, come with an open mind and heart. Connect with friends in different ways and on deeper levels.

Sometimes, we just need to fix the fuse and flip the switch.

Peace!

-Nicole

"I'm the squire in Caroline's quest for attention. "

1. When you go home, prepare to listen to msnbc 24/7.

2. Feed your mental hamster

3. Dianna Agron was in Burlesque?!

4. Crank it up.

Hellooo, Megan here and I am relaxing in a la-z-boy, as all my friends in town (and former teachers) are enjoying the snow day that my district has finally decided to allow as soon as I leave. :P

The title is a quotation from one of my favorite movies, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, which I really need to watch again.  Ever notice how the perfect playlist can do anything?  My friend drove Melissa, Sally, and I home on her way to MPLS and ultimately, Wisconsin, and she prepared an 11 hour playlist for her drive.  It had everything from Led Zepplin to Rent, to Glee and Owl City.  I thoroughly enjoyed the ride.

Playlists are like that.  They can be a mix of everything to get you through a road trip, powerful enough to get you through that long awaited hour-long workout, sad enough to make you cry, happy enough to make you forget a rough day, calm enough to lull you to sleep when you're worried about something, and just plain awesome enough to make a night with friends epic.  I'm listening to an Owl City playlist at the moment.  No regrets.

I always seem to have music going, just to give my life a soundtrack or drown out the silence, and when I'm in a car with friends that music gets turned up a little bit, just because it's us.  And honestly, when it's 10 pm and you're timing the lights just so you can speed over the bumps in a new intersection, who says you shouldn't be rocking out to Domino by Jessie J or Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes?  No one, that's who.

Music plays into our lives in ways that are hard to describe and explain whether we perform it or just listen to it, and a whole bunch of wise and famous people have commented on this notion.  My favorite quotations are "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."  -Berthold Auerbach and "Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons.  You will find it is to the soul what a water bath is to the body."  -Oliver Wendell Holmes  

So go listen to something that either fits, or changes your mood.  Have fun with it and have a ridiculously fabulous week!

-Megan 
P.S. I am having so many issues formatting this thing to fit the other posts! Nicole, fix it. :P

"I just can't deal with this right now."

1. Document the sleep deprived quotations.
2. Ever in Ames, Iowa?  Eat at Jeff's Pizza.
3. Go.  You won't regret it.
4. Salsa Doritos are actually kind of good.

Megan here, better late than never right?  I promise I'll post next Wednesday.

Sadly, the title seemed to be my inner mantra for the last two weeks.  It knew I was in for a marathon with MBLGTACC alone, but then my family emergency popped up as well as a few other things I didn't account for.  I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed.  To give you an idea, I spent 19 hours in a vehicle over a span of 5 days and during those 5 days, I went a 72 hour stint with 11 total hours of sleep.  It was really rough and I kind of got a little bit goofy on the ride back.  MBLGTACC was incredible though and feel free to ask us about it.  It was a life changing experience as someone put it in our meeting yesterday, and I really really hope to be able to make next year's conference in Michigan.

I guess I learned a lot over the last week.  Sure, some things I didn't want to know, but it happens.  I was just stressed over going home and having to finally come to terms with another death in the family. There's been 4 since winter break started. Plus the funeral was on Valentine's Day which I already associate with negative connotations having nothing to do with over-commercialization or my currently single status.  So yeah, it was rough, especially with living out of a suitcase and missing classes and whatnot.

Things are rough sometimes, and sometimes they're utterly overwhelming and difficult, but they do get better.  I got back to campus on Tuesday night after white knuckling it through a snow storm to get here.  Yay for 30 mph on the interstate! (I digress) and so yesterday was my first full day back and I was so happy to just have familiarity and routine again.  Yesterday felt great for me.  I felt genuinely good and not stressed out.  Things definitely felt better, and I feel better in general.  It just goes to show that while things may be stressful, they can also be good at the same time.  MBLGTACC opened my eyes to a lot of things, plus I bonded with a lot of amazing people.  I learned, I laughed, I cried, and I experienced solidarity like I've never felt before.  Sure I was stressed when I got back over having to go home, but home was exactly where I needed to be and I'm glad I went back.  I would have regretted it if I hadn't, and I really needed the closure.

Feeling overwhelmed and like you can't handle things as they currently are, much less when an emergency arises, is scary; that's what friends are for.  Reach out and let someone else support you until things stabilize, and then you can get back to normal.  Things will ease up, and they will get better. 

Trust in other people as well as yourself.  You're going to be just fine.
Have a great week and hug someone you love.

-Megan