I'm mean. Or at least, I have been lately. I snap back at my friends and I seem to have no tolerance for professors who don't do things the way I want them. I have no idea why... maybe it's because I'm stressed or maybe it's because I have lost sight of what's good. No matter the cause, there just seems to be no good reason for me to keep on being mean.
People have asked me in recent years what was one thing my mom taught me that I still hold onto. And my answer is always the same: be kind. She always taught me to talk about people in the best light, even if you dislike them or disagree with them. The person on the other side of the story has their own story and they have their own beliefs that they believe in as fully as I do - why would I push them down with my words for being them? This is not to say I should be 'nice'. Nice is making sure everyone is happy and gets what they want. To me, nice is an easy thing to do. Nice makes it easier for me to let them have it their way and then go home and talk about how wrong they were. Being kind, on the other hand, is harder. It requires me to slow down and really think about whether these emotions are about me not getting my way or if I am honestly hurt by someone else's actions.
To amend my first statement, I've been 'nice'. I have blamed others for being someone who isn't me. It seems my roommate, my close friends, and my boyfriend have gotten the brunt of this easy-way-out-niceness.
So what am I going to do about it? I'm going to try to be aware of what's going on around me. Megan taught me a cool little statement: "I am kind, I am patient, I am loving". I am going to write it wherever I can, make sure I can see it, and try to see everyone in the best light possible. I have recently heard from multiple spiritual leaders that when someone is hurt, the victimizer is hurt just as much. It comes in more of an implicit manner, taking a toll on how one views the world and people.
This is a promise and an open apology: be kind. And I challenge you to do the same. Be kind. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, because to them, you are the other side of the story.
Peace!
-Nicole
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Just Kidding
1. There will be days where everything is due and you have no time to get a head start on things.
2. Learning a new citation format is confusing and sometimes difficult.
3. Writing a paper is hard at 2am.
4. Jokes have a purpose.
I hate April Fool's.
Hate. It.
Just so you all know, I despise that there is a day to play jokes on innocent people. I become nearly paranoid that someone is planning something without my knowing. I despise the fact that people would even want to play a joke on me. What worst though is that as we grow older, the jokes become more than just "There's something crawling up your arm!"; they turn into something that throws your mind for a loop.
A few weeks ago, Megan told me she enjoyed April Fool's. So on Saturday, I was having lunch with her and I told her she best not be planning to pull anything on me. She smiled at me and I knew I had made a mistake - she hadn't been planning anything but now she sure was. I gave up on changing her mind after a few minutes of persistent complaining. We kept on eating and just before we were going to leave, Megan looks at me and tell me, "Nicole, I'm transferring." My stomach dropped and near-panic set in. "You're joking. You are not." Megan nodded and said, "That's why I was talking with my mom on the phone. I don't want to worry about the cost of school anymore - it's too much." A few moments later, though, long enough for the panic and sadness to really set in, she cracked a smile and told me she was completely joking. I promptly smacked her and yelled something along the lines of, "Why would you do such a thing!"
For the rest of the day and into Sunday morning, I was angry at her. Mad that she made me feel suddenly emotional. (It didn't help that she kept me in suspense of another trick Sunday morning, only to tell me she had nothing planned.) But I can't really blame Megan for anything. In fact, now that Sunday is over, I'm slightly glad it happened.
See, I don't take jokes well, especially if they are about me. I believe lies or jokes are rooted in some piece of truth, so if someone pokes fun at me, I automatically think it's true. I also don't take jokes well if they are directed towards my fears. It was crazy to see how quickly I became sad when Megan told me she was transferring. I thought of how all the things we have planned for next would not happen because she wouldn't be there.
To get to my point: don't take things so seriously. Sometimes jokes are useful to show you how much something or someone means to you. It brings up all those emotions and fears of a possible situation and it shows you just how much you want to avoid it or prevent it from happening.
So next year, I might take April Fool's a bit better...or I just might get revenge on Megan.
Peace!
-Nicole
2. Learning a new citation format is confusing and sometimes difficult.
3. Writing a paper is hard at 2am.
4. Jokes have a purpose.
I hate April Fool's.
Hate. It.
Just so you all know, I despise that there is a day to play jokes on innocent people. I become nearly paranoid that someone is planning something without my knowing. I despise the fact that people would even want to play a joke on me. What worst though is that as we grow older, the jokes become more than just "There's something crawling up your arm!"; they turn into something that throws your mind for a loop.
A few weeks ago, Megan told me she enjoyed April Fool's. So on Saturday, I was having lunch with her and I told her she best not be planning to pull anything on me. She smiled at me and I knew I had made a mistake - she hadn't been planning anything but now she sure was. I gave up on changing her mind after a few minutes of persistent complaining. We kept on eating and just before we were going to leave, Megan looks at me and tell me, "Nicole, I'm transferring." My stomach dropped and near-panic set in. "You're joking. You are not." Megan nodded and said, "That's why I was talking with my mom on the phone. I don't want to worry about the cost of school anymore - it's too much." A few moments later, though, long enough for the panic and sadness to really set in, she cracked a smile and told me she was completely joking. I promptly smacked her and yelled something along the lines of, "Why would you do such a thing!"
For the rest of the day and into Sunday morning, I was angry at her. Mad that she made me feel suddenly emotional. (It didn't help that she kept me in suspense of another trick Sunday morning, only to tell me she had nothing planned.) But I can't really blame Megan for anything. In fact, now that Sunday is over, I'm slightly glad it happened.
See, I don't take jokes well, especially if they are about me. I believe lies or jokes are rooted in some piece of truth, so if someone pokes fun at me, I automatically think it's true. I also don't take jokes well if they are directed towards my fears. It was crazy to see how quickly I became sad when Megan told me she was transferring. I thought of how all the things we have planned for next would not happen because she wouldn't be there.
To get to my point: don't take things so seriously. Sometimes jokes are useful to show you how much something or someone means to you. It brings up all those emotions and fears of a possible situation and it shows you just how much you want to avoid it or prevent it from happening.
So next year, I might take April Fool's a bit better...or I just might get revenge on Megan.
Peace!
-Nicole
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