Shadows in the Painting

I met someone today in chapel. His name is Lyle and he graduated from Concordia 60 years ago. While chapel was engaging today, the message I took away from it came from Lyle afterwards.

After chit-chatting for a while, Lyle and mine's conversation soon became a deep conversation. We began to talk about the imperfections in life and the difficulties that ensue. Here's what he told me:
Think of a good oil painting. Every good painting has shadows that bring out the light. Keep the paint wet and the painter can change what is on the canvas. Too many shadows, the painting has no depth. Not enough shadows and the brilliance of the colors and lighting is lost. Shadows are necessary but one cannot let it take over.

This past year has been the hardest yet for me, as I have said before. The shadows of my life ruled my picture for months. But, like an oil painting, I can remove some of the paint and paint more light into it. I have tried and tried to forget everything that happened and begin anew with not much success; but Lyle's words now ring true.

The shadows are nothing to be afraid of; sure, they suck. They are terrible and I wish they didn't happen but they did. But now, I can paint more light into my life portrait, utilizing the shadows to my benefit. As Lyle said, I can learn from them - both the shadows and the light - and see what picture they can create by themselves. Together, they are beautiful. A bit of a mess up close with valleys and ridges of paint, but what oil painting isn't a mess close up? The greater picture, though, can be simply stunning.

Peace.

-Nicole

Be Kind

I'm mean. Or at least, I have been lately. I snap back at my friends and I seem to have no tolerance for professors who don't do things the way I want them. I have no idea why... maybe it's because I'm stressed or maybe it's because I have lost sight of what's good. No matter the cause, there just seems to be no good reason for me to keep on being mean.

People have asked me in recent years what was one thing my mom taught me that I still hold onto. And my answer is always the same: be kind. She always taught me to talk about people in the best light, even if you dislike them or disagree with them. The person on the other side of the story has their own story and they have their own beliefs that they believe in as fully as I do - why would I push them down with my words for being them? This is not to say I should be 'nice'. Nice is making sure everyone is happy and gets what they want. To me, nice is an easy thing to do. Nice makes it easier for me to let them have it their way and then go home and talk about how wrong they were. Being kind, on the other hand, is harder. It requires me to slow down and really think about whether these emotions are about me not getting my way or if I am honestly hurt by someone else's actions.

To amend my first statement, I've been 'nice'. I have blamed others for being someone who isn't me. It seems my roommate, my close friends, and my boyfriend have gotten the brunt of this easy-way-out-niceness.

So what am I going to do about it? I'm going to try to be aware of what's going on around me. Megan taught me a cool little statement: "I am kind, I am patient, I am loving". I am going to write it wherever I can, make sure I can see it, and try to see everyone in the best light possible. I have recently heard from multiple spiritual leaders that when someone is hurt, the victimizer is hurt just as much. It comes in more of an implicit manner, taking a toll on how one views the world and people.

This is a promise and an open apology: be kind. And I challenge you to do the same. Be kind. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, because to them, you are the other side of the story.

Peace!

-Nicole