Aventura

I just got a tattoo. I decided before I left for Spain that I would most definitely get a tattoo during my study abroad. My cousin Kathryn, who studied in Segovia five years ago, got one of her first tattoos in Spain, so why not me? So, on Monday, I walked to a tattoo parlor and laid on a table for 7 minutes and there it was, a very permanent thing of ink on my left calf.

The word is "aventura" which translates to "adventure". The word adventure has been following me since the day I got to college. Heck, it was even said in the first sentence of my first blog post. And my fortune cookie spoke to me about a great adventure and change just before I left. "Adventure is out there," says the movie Up.

Just before I got my tattoo, I thought a lot about what qualifies an adventure. When I was younger, I thought it was about doing things that people would find extraordinary; things that would cause a ruckus if I told people about it. But recently, the definition has changed for me. It has become more about changing my perspective on the world and changing who I am in it. When I got to Spain, my adventure was adjusting to life. It definitely had been done before and it isn't anything too extraordinary - something most people wouldn't consider an adventure. However, to me, it was one of the hardest adventures I've ever gone through. It was new to me - new emotions, new people, new language - and I came out as a slightly different person, with a new perspective on life in Spain.

Adventure doesn't have to adhere to any standards except your own. I had an adventure last week roaming around a part of Sevilla I hadn't yet seen. It wasn't grand, it was the funnest things I've ever done, but at the end, I had learned something new about the city I have been living in for a couple of months and I discovered that I have so much more to explore in Sevilla.

The quotation, "Adventure is out there" is very, very true. One just has to look for it. And maybe get a tattoo to remind them of it.

Peace!

Nicole

In Chefchaouen, Morocco

I rode a camel in the pouring rain.

My mother, who recently visited, and me in Granda.

During Semana Santa in Sevilla

Adventure in the Expo area of Sevilla. Who knew?

Rolling With The Punches

"In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work toward it with all of your might." -Winston Churchill

The last few days have been nothing but a change of plans. Due to a water main break here on campus, a dance was canceled, buildings were closed, and now walking routes have been designated to allow for cleaning and repair. Having a water main break with below freezing temperatures causes a lot of issues, but we're Cobbers, and we adapt... or rather, our maintenance staff does.

More pertinent, Nicole's plans have changed. A lot of us bloggers, me, Nicole, Melissa, and Malyn, were all scheduled to make a long awaited trip to this year's MBLGTACC (Midwestern Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference) with members of a campus organization. It's going to be held in Michigan and requires a nearly 15 hour drive which caused us to plan about 4 days consisting of travel, conference, and then travel again. Unfortunately, and resulting in an immense amount of grief and sadness, Nicole will now be traveling to be with family after an unexpected death. I'm sad too, since last year was so much fun and I was really looking forward to a repeat experience. I was actually in the same boat last year with the death of my grandfather, but lucky for me, I didn't run into too much interference with travel plans. Nicole is undoubtedly going to be in the right place, and it just requires a lot of flexibility and adaptation on everyone's part.

Life often times involves rolling with the punches and being able to adapt to things you never saw coming, and probably never wanted to deal with. Things come up that alter your plans for good and for worse, but you have to be able to do the best with what you have, because while it's totally normal to resist that change and resist being put in hard positions, it's going to hurt less if you try to go with the flow.

The trick is you have to accept what you can't change and learn how to effectively change what you can. A death is something you can't change, neither is something like a cancer diagnosis, but you just have to focus your energy on how you can face those situations in a way that provides the most benefit and the least amount of detriment. You have to find the little things you can control and work with those to make the best of your current situation. Sometimes that's just finding a way to take a deep breath without losing it, and that's okay sometimes.

Now, to acknowledge the other side of this, don't let that become an excuse not to utilize your agency in situations you CAN change. Accepting the things out of your control is only one side of the coin. It's equally noble to fight for changes you know are attainable. You can fight to change policy, you can fight to change injustice, and you can fight to change attitudes and beliefs. Don't accept status quo if you can dream of something truly better.

With peace and love,

Megan

Preschool

It has been said many times before, but I am coming to a new understanding of what it means when someone says college students are preschoolers. Of course, I get excited when I learn something new and I think it is the coolest thing ever and sometimes I need my mom to pick me up and kiss me on the head. But let me add something to this extended metaphor: preschoolers develop a thing called "false beliefs", which is the understanding that what someone thinks can be wrong, including their own thoughts.

In the past few weeks, I have been struggling with how to deal with differing opinions. When growing up, views on things that other people held were different, but not drastically. And if they were, it always seemed I could prove them wrong. It seemed I was always right. I have come to the difficult realization that my views on things may be wrong and there can be multiple truths on something. Just as preschoolers develop the ability to control their emotions, I am learning how to control my feelings when someone has a dissenting opinion, especially when someone is close to me.

There is something unique to college-age students though that differs from preschoolers - the development of being able to appreciate differing thoughts and see them as valuable. My college emphasizes the importance of interfaith and inter-anything conversation. The valuing of opinion is what makes something change for the better. And I'm slowly getting to that understanding of that value.

And although preschoolers and adults are different, I think I am still entitled to a few naps and for my mom to pick me up off the sidewalk and kiss my scrape and tell me it's all going to be ok.

Peace!

-Nicole

How To: Enjoy an Internship

Steps:
1. Accept the fact you must be there for the whole time.
2. Work with friends or if no friends are present, make some.
3. Pick an internship in an area you're interested in, but you are unsure about.
4. Stay calm when your boss frustrates you. Remind yourself that you're still an intern, no matter how much responsibility you have.
5. Remember that your main priority is to learn.

This summer, I was given an internship at a local theatre, primarily working with costumes. (We're doing How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying. Get the theme for blog this summer?) I'm still not sure if I want to continue getting a degree in theatre and I thought this was the perfect way to make it more clear. I thought I was going to love it and be so happy to go there every morning, but after the first week, I wasn't too happy to be an intern. I thought I was going to be doing costumes for most of my time there, but it turns out I also have to clean, take out garbage, and general maintenance things. I only was able to spend 3 hours doing costumes, which wasn't enough time for me to learn what I wanted to and for Jen, our designer, it wasn't enough time to get things done. I was increasingly becoming frustrated with the people (especially my boss), the work, and everything in-between.

After a week of increasing frustration and slight anger, I finally took a step back. Little did I remember that this is what I love to do. Not only would I be creating wonderful pieces of clothing, I would be doing it for kids (age 11-17, so not really kids, but younger than I). The designer, Jen, is wonderful (although crass at times) and is more than willing to teach me. I am working with friends who make me feel wonderful and who I still want to hang out with after work is done. (Favorite quotation so far is from Amanda, after we crashed a cart on the stairs to our office: "It's a waterfall of book knowledgeableness!")

I also was having issues with the time. I would be working 9 to 5 everyday and every Tuesday and Thursday, I would work an added three hours from 6 to 9. It was more than I thought I bargained for, but when I put it into perspective, I thought differently. It's a theatre production and even when I'm not paid, I put in more time than I am right now. Perspective, it works.

Then there was my boss. He was my professor for the two theatre classes I took and the director for the only play I was in this past year. Frankly, I was sick of him and his methods. And I wasn't the only one. Amanda and Erin, the other interns, are just as frustrated, if not more, with him. I've discovered that it makes no sense to be frustrated. The best thing I can do is stay calm and be reasonable when communicating with him.

And lastly, I remembered that an internship means a job where you learn. I think I have learned more about costumes in the few weeks I've worked than I have in the past couple of years. It's intensive learning and quite hands on. And not only that, but my learning will end up on stage, in front of crowds.

And I'm pretty proud of that.

Peace!

-Nicole

Parental Units

1. Allergies are terrible.
2. Sometimes being pulled out of scenes in a play is a good thing.
3. Easy Mac isn't all too bad.
4. It's ok to still depend on your parents.

Do you know what's weird? Having your hometown only 15 minutes away from college. I go home nearly every Sunday and drop by every once in a while. Like today, I spent a good part of my afternoon chilling at home, watching a bit of TV and doing my homework. It was good to spend a few relaxing hours at home, but it certainly was weird to pack up my backpack with my things and leave. It gave me the realization (again) that this wasn't really my home anymore...well, it is, but not really.

I spent about an hour talking with my mom at her work today. I had to stop by to get some money for my medication I had to pick up and I ended up talking to her for over an hour. We were just catching up and she asked me about my new job (I now work in the costume studio in the theatre). I said it was great, but frustrating because of my contract. I had just signed my contract a few hours before and I didn't know if I would be paid for what I had worked prior to signing the contract. I didn't expect my mom to do anything about it - I thought I've gotten to a point in my mind and in my mom's that I could and needed to figure it all out on my own. I would have gotten around to it eventually, but my mom decided that it was enough. She ended up calling for me to the human resources office and figuring things out.

Now it's not that I don't want the help of my mother - in fact, I love that she figured things out for me. I would have floundered around for a while and something things would have gone unanswered. What was surprising to me was the immediate release of stress when she said she would help. And it's not a bad thing.

In my psychology class, we are studying developmental psychology (which is the class I will be taking next semester). One of the stages we go through is adolescence, which starts with sexual maturity and ends with independent adult status. My professor said that period in life is becoming a longer period of time, or more of, the line between adolescence and young adulthood is becoming quite blurred. Although it gets to be confusing to define what stage someone is in, it's not such a bad thing. Depending on your parents just a bit, even while in college, and not just for finances, is good and healthy.

Parents have always been there, or at least mine has. I know my mother misses me and if I'm honest, I have missed her a bit. I know she has been waiting for an opportunity to help me, so why not take the opportunity to take that help? It's ok - you're not giving up your independence. In fact, I think it shows how independent you are when you ask for help.

Show some love to your parents.

My mom and I on moving day.

Peace!

-Nicole

Flying Solo... with bruises

1. Don't start papers at 11 pm.
2. Eat something.
3. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own comfort for someone else.
4. Your professor will make a meeting go 30 minutes over.

Hey guys, Megan here.  Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I'm kind of in the middle of a family emergency and I was figuring out a bunch of logistical things.  I finally have a moment to sit down and relax--there's not a whole lot of work I am willing to do right now anyways.  So the big news is that Nicole and I will be leaving at 7am tomorrow for a conference in Iowa and we'll be getting back Sunday night, after which I'll be leaving to go home around 1pm on Monday and getting back on Tuesday night.  I guess I'll just be living out of a suitcase for the next five days.

Flying Solo was the name of my yearbook junior year, and it was by far my most difficult, due to the fact that I was dealing with a lot of things at the time as well as tough classes, but it was also really, really enjoyable.  I discovered a lot about myself and I also took my first psych and poetry classes... now I'm a psych major with a possible English writing minor, so I guess things worked out.

In case you didn't know, I'm now living alone, essentially flying solo.  My roommate transferred to the University of Nebraska--Omaha, and she tells me she's loving it and that it's exactly where she's supposed to be.  It also puts her closer to her friends, boyfriend, and family which is really cool.  I still miss her a lot though.  I think roommates share a really unique bond that comes with the somewhat terrifying experience of going off to college.  I see it a lot, especially with the floor that adopted me.  Melissa and her roommate are perfect together!  It's actually really fun to see them interact.  My roommate and I got along well and we had some really great discussions about anything and everything, and I miss that.  One of my favorite stories is when I dropped something or did something clumsy and my roommate said to me, "You know... sometimes I wake up and I have bruises that I don't know where they came from, and I feel like that's kind of like your life sometimes."  There are tons and tons of quotations like that.

Sure, it's nice to live alone sometimes, but I miss having a roommate--mine was always someone welcoming to come home to.  My room is a little more sterile feeling these days.  In a way, she was part of what I wanted out of the college experience.  She provided me with a different outlook on EVERYTHING!  Her life has been completely different than mine and I got loads of new perspective just by listening to her stories.  She made me reconsider things I probably needed to.  I miss her sometimes, especially just the sound of her skyping her boyfriend or the way she looked like she wanted to murder someone in the mornings. :P We are definitely not morning people. I'd gotten used to falling asleep to her talking and the lights on and now the silence bothers me sometimes.  I couldn't sleep at all on my first night back. 

So, I miss her.  Adjusting to living alone is a lot of getting in the mindset that being alone shouldn't be a cause of loneliness, but rather a source of solitude, and I'm getting there.  I've also been lucky enough to be adopted by Nicole, Melissa, and Sally's floor.  Everyone there has been so kind and welcoming to me that they've been like a family to me.  I have no idea what I'd do without them.  So I guess I'm not really flying solo after all, am I?

Peace and be well.  Maybe Nicole will blog from Iowa...

-Megan

Can't Breathe

1. Teaching in Spanish is not as scary as one would think.
2. Phone cases made to look like a cassette tape are epic (even better if they glow in the dark).

New phone case!

3. 6:45am does exist.
4. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

Last night was rough - I couldn't stop laughing. It was one of those laughing fits where there is no cause and everything is funny. I am fairly sure all my friends thought I was going insane, but hey, I made them laugh. And because of my laughing fit, I was having a hard time catching my breath.

I've always had issues breathing. I developed allergy-induced asthma when I was about 12 and for a few summers, I had to be on a low-dose inhaled steroid to control it. It's scary when you are having an asthma attack and you can't find your inhaler. Another issue I experience is sometimes, it feels like a large needle is being stuck into my lungs and every time I breathe in, the pain gets worse. When I was little, I use to hold my breath so I wouldn't have to feel the pain, but nearly every time, I had to take a gulp of air in so I wouldn't pass out. My mom told me, after I had experienced a few painful instances of it, that I just had to endure the pain; take a few deep breaths in and soon enough the pain will go away.

I have a few friends who are suffering like I will never know - family members are dying, depression is tormenting them, self-esteem issues are tearing them apart, and other things I may never know about. Even for me, I am having some issues with my anxiety. Although the only thing I want to do is sleep through it, ignore it, and pretend it doesn't exist, it won't help me.

Sometimes it has to get worse in order to get better. Sometimes you have to fall a bit farther to appreciate what you had before and to notice things you couldn't before. But that doesn't mean you should hold your breath during it all. Like when I was little, if I held my breath, the pain eventually disappeared, but it took twice as long for me to not feel the pain any more. And sometimes you need someone to tell you to breathe.

Don't be afraid to fall - it always gets better. And don't be afraid to tell someone about it - whatever it is - they may just help you.

Peace!

-Nicole

All I Know

1. Learn to love iguanas.
2. Nutella and tortilla chips.
3. There will be good days and bad days.
4. Take a second to notice the ice on branches

Hello there!  Megan here and we appear to be back to our regular schedule somewhat.  Happy Wednesday.

Oh Socrates. He can actually be really annoying, especially when discussing the nature of piety.  I digress. Socrates is excellent because he recognized and understood his own lack of knowledge.  The quotation is as follows, or at least what we believe it to be, "All I know is I know nothing."  Being faced with all the things we don't know is a little bit terrifying, not to mention uncomfortable.  It can be easy to fall into a state of complacency with who we are and where we're at, after all, who wants to face the enormity of what we actually don't know or haven't experienced.

If there is one thing that we have a better handle on, it's ourselves.  In my opinion, we know ourselves better than we think we do--though I am very guilty of spinning myself into more than one existential crisis on more than one occasion. It is important to take the time to figure out what makes us tick because ultimately, we can never fully divulge everything to someone else.  We can get to know each other very well, but no one will ever know someone else, not completely.

I say this because I have been riding the struggle bus a lot lately, oh boy have I. I seem to be conflicted about everything, ranging from my emotions, to my major, to my goals for next year, and finally, to my career choice.  I never seem to find any conviction to back up my decisions, or even the will to commit to a decision.  I struggle with a lot of aspects of my own identity really.  It's just how I am. 

Now, I may not have the greatest grasp on myself, but I think I know what I enjoy, what I'm good at, and what I want for the future.  Never in a million years did I think I would be pondering the concept of vocation.  I'm a bit stuck in its religious context after hearing prayers for an increase in vocations every Sunday for years.  But I think I need to just follow my instincts and go with what feels natural to me as far as major and career, and maybe even life itself.  That's what vocation is right?  A calling to employ your natural gifts and interests. 

So when you feel like you don't know anything, stick to what you're good at, and stick to what you love.  I'm a strong believer in that if you have a will to succeed and be happy, you will find a way, all while being able to do what you love.  I mean heck, the artist who works on Google's special occasion doodles is probably successful and happy with what he's doing.  So maybe I should just take a breath and not question everything so much.  Maybe it's where I belong.  I mean, I would make a terrible surgeon because it completely goes against every one of my talents, interests, and abilities. Yep, I'll stick to psych.

Cliché as it is, just follow your heart.  It may not be right 100% of the time, but I think it's the best you and I have.

-Megan

At Least I'm Breathing

1. You can never have too much tea.
2. Remember important meetings.
3. Don't scare someone awake - it's not nice.
4. At least you're still breathing.

Today was a struggle. I woke up at 7:15, ended up hitting my snooze and waking up later than wanted. I ran a few errands during the afternoon, but in order to do so, I needed a car...which was covered in 3 inches of snow. I didn't have a brush to get the snow off - I was intending on getting one while I was running errands - so I ended up covered in snow, sopping wet. The roads were quite slippery, which made for a terrible and terrifying driving experience. I nearly locked myself out of my car and I forgot my debit card in my car while I was shopping and didn't realize it until I was checking out. I also forgot I had a meeting for one of my plays I'm in and it lasted longer than I wanted it to.

It's been a rough day. Plus I keep on running into things and in the past few hours, I've slowly started to feel overwhelmed. I am in two plays, trying to get a job (which I need to volunteer for a bit before I'm hired), and oh, I am still a student.

But at least I'm still breathing.

I stopped at home for about an hour and a half today just to relax and drop a few things off. I forgot something in my car and I told myself, "Gah! Everything is going wrong!" But as I was running to my car, I started to list off everything that went right. I woke up - that's a miracle. I had food to eat and I got two meals before 10:30am. I was able to spend a few hours at home. And the best of all - I'm breathing. I am able to fill my lungs with air and feel myself living for just a moment.

After such a rough day, I can't help but laugh at myself. I have so much to be thankful for, even if nothing seems to be going right. So when you're having a rough day, just remember everything that went right.

And at least you're still breathing.

Megan's note to me and someone drew an illustration of it.

Peace!

-Nicole

Happy New Day!

1. Sifting through old pictures is a great way to spend an evening.
2. Spending time with old friends is a hoot.
3. Being in your element is a great confidence booster.
4. Every day is new.

Happy New Day! Here's to a new day and I have a few resolutions for this New Day. I will be happier, eat as I please, and try new things. It will be better than the one before.

I've never been a fan of New Year's. I don't know why, but it just seems like a lot of hype for nothing but the change of a time. On New Year's Day, I was on Facebook and it was full of New Year's resolutions, such as eating better, moving on from past relationships, becoming more emotionally stable, and living for themselves.

While I agree with some of the resolutions and raise my eyebrows at others, I think it is simply odd we make all of these resolutions on a day that is like every other. Every day has a new date - why should we make the first of the new year any different?

I do think we should celebrate the fact we made it another trip around the sun, but sometimes, it get's a bit ridiculous. Each day we are given a chance to do things differently, to make a bigger and greater impact on the world around us. Every day is like the first of the year. Heck, every moment is like the first of the year. In Buddhist thought, we are never the same person moment to moment. Each new moment, a few cells in our body have died, a new thought is in our mind, different words are being spoken, we are breathing different air - everything about us is different. The only thing we share in common with our 2-minutes-ago-self is our past, but other than that, we are totally different.

Each new year, day, moment brings a new opportunity to change things - about ourselves and the world. So instead of making New Year's Resolutions, why don't we make New Day Resolutions? Why don't we toast each new day with a cup of orange juice at breakfast? Why don't we count down to midnight each night?

We have a brand-new day ahead of us. My resolution is to be happier, eat as much ice cream and cookies as I want, and do crazy, wonderful things. This day will be even better than the last.

Peace!

-Nicole

The Story's Conflict

1. Baking cookies is exhausting.
2. A night with family is the best kind of night.
3. Write a blog post - Megan might get angry if you don't.
4. If there is no conflict, there is no story.

I am currently sitting at my kitchen table, surrounded by my family (mom, aunt Arlyce, uncle Rich, and cousin Joseph). Let me start off by saying that my uncle Rich is insanely brilliant and creative. He just got back from a script-writing conference in Hollywood. One of the main things he learned was "If a scene does not have conflict, there is no story."

My uncle, being the brilliant man he is, applied it to life. If life does not have conflict, then what is the point? Take a huge break-up. If it didn't hurt and if it didn't create some emotion, then that means there wasn't much there before.

Can you list all the fights you've had with friends? How about can you list all of the crazy things you've done in the past year? I know I can tell so many stories of fights/conflicts I've had with friends and I can tell you about the crazy antics that have happened too. Every single one of them has had a conflict involved, whether it be between myself and friends or myself vs myself.

And I've learned from each of them too. Try to remember a day where something crazy or weird or exciting didn't happen - pretty much impossible. If there is no conflict, there is no story. If there is no story, then there is no lesson. Without a lesson, then what is life? I try to learn something new every day (heck, that's why I blog). If I can't find something in my day that I can learn from, then what is the point of it?

Something can always be learned - no matter the situation. If a day seems too boring and utterly useless, create conflict. Scary, I know. But, why waste a day when posing a risky question or doing something a bit out there could create conflict and present a lesson?

Conflict also brings change. On a large scale, if a country disagrees with another, they will surely let the other know. But on a smaller scale, if something is not right in a relationship, the best thing to do is confront it and work it out. If it isn't talked about, the problem will still be there and change will never happen.

Don't be afraid of conflict. Without it, there pretty much is no life. So live, speak your mind, and learn.

Peace!

-Nicole

Don't Hide

1. Remember to blog, even when you're busy.
2. The first snowfall is really pretty.
3. Lazy days are good.
4. Face emotions head on.

When I was little, I had a tendency to hide. It wasn't because there was something to hide from, it's just I like to run and hide from people. It was like a big game to me, even though no one was playing it with me. When my mom would come home from work, I would sometimes hide in my closet. I would then get bored and walk out.

I want to hide today. I don't really want to hide from people, but I want to hide from my emotions. I want to hide from people asking me what is wrong, because I don't really know what's wrong myself. I don't want to face the fact that I am feeling a bit off today. I simply want to toss these weird emotions aside and wait for them to disappear.

One can try and hide from what they are feeling, but for me, I never seem to be able to run away from them. I can block out one emotion but then another emotion takes its place. Like today, I am feeling sad, but once I try to block it out, I become frustrated and bit angry. Now I have to work through this frustration in order to deal with the sadness.

Some feels do disappear with time, but if you work through them the first time, less chances are they will plague you later. In Buddhist teaching, one isn't supposed to ignore pain (physical and emotional) in meditation. Instead, one is supposed to take that pain and work through it. By working through it and figuring out what's the root of this pain, then one becomes more enlightened and free from suffering.

So next time you are feeling an emotion that really sucks, face it head on. And don't become angry with it. You are feeling this emotion for a reason; it might suck, but know that after you do face it, life will be easier and you'll see things a bit differently.

Feeling is a part of being human.

Peace!

-Nicole

Don't Fear the Reaper

1. Snow should not come before Thanksgiving.
2. Read a book before it's due at the library.
3. Catching up on writing letters feels good.
4. Don't fear the reaper.

Monday night, I went to my high school's one act play entitled, "Don't Fear the Reaper." As you might guess, it's about the Grim Reaper, who has begun to be compassionate. He gives some people the choice to pick heaven or hell, and once they do, he sends them back to earth to be able to make that choice. And because of his compassion, he is fired from his Reaping job.

I haven't had a ton of "experience" with death. I haven't been super close to anyone who has died, but I have seen quite a few people go through grief. Death and dying are a common fear. But the fear of death is not about the process, but the life not lived. When someone dies young, people say that it is tragic because they had so much ahead of them... a life not lived.

Why do we fear the life not lived? We sometimes spend so much time focusing on death and the future that we forget the present. We all know that death is inevitable, so why fret over it? We won't be forgotten; we are just a drop in the ocean, but the ripples continue on. The best thing we can do is be loving.

We can't change the past; life isn't supposed to be flawless. I believe life is perfect; what makes it that way are the flaws. If nothing terrible happened and everything went smoothly, then all we would know is the same thing, which would become very boring. Life is supposed to be lived with flaws. Think about it. When have you felt the happiest? It's often after a tough period or moment. You need to have both sides of the coin. And if you "mess up", then you found another way not to do it. You take what you've learned and keep on walking. And if you take everything in stride, then when you get to the end of your journey, you'll take that in stride too.

Don't fear death. In fact, don't worry about it at all. Live day by day, because that's all you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Megan's off for today, so that's why I'm posting on a Wednesday.

That Melancholy Feeling

1. It's so much fun to be with your sister, especially if it is the second time you've met.
2. Halloween candy is quite delicious.
3. Get your assignments done before class, just so you don't have to catch up later.
4. Life has it's ups and downs.

I have been ridiculously happy lately. It's been sort of crazy. I have so much going for me to be happy for. I can't seem to find anything to be sad about. Sure, there are things to be sad about, but it seems nothing will bring me down. And it's easy to see why: I have amazing friends, I love my college, and I am pretty emotionally stable.

I was talking with Megan last night about being happy. We had spent most of the evening with Melissa and Sally (a girl on our floor), just telling stories and laughing. I was already excited when I met up with them at around 7 because I had just spent the last few hours with my sister and my nephew. When I met with them, they were jittery and full of energy. We spent nearly 3 hours laughing. Later on, when I was talking with Megan, I said I had a headache. "Too much happiness?" she asked. I quickly responded, "Never too much happiness!" Then, Megan being the psychology major she is, she said, "In psychology we talked about how one can have too much happiness. If you're constantly happy, that's a lot of wear and tear. If you're constantly depressed, it's the same thing. If you experience a balance of highs and lows, you maintain overall balance."


That got me thinking. Sure, everyone wants to be happy and we all strive to make everyone else happy too. But I have always believed that there should be contrasts. Take love. In order to know what love is, we need to know what hate is. If we don't know what hate is, then we would never appreciate the other side of the coin - love. It seems the same is true for happiness. If we don't know what sadness feels likes, then how can we appreciate happiness?


Megan, Melissa, and I went to a play on Friday night called Melancholy Play by Sarah Ruhl. The basic premise of the play is about a woman named Tilly who is very, very melancholy. As the play progresses, she meets a few friends and they are all fascinated by her. Tilly often goes off on tangents about life and her friends soon fall in love with who she is. But then, because Tilly senses this love, she becomes dramatically happy. She almost becomes insane with happiness. But then Tilly's friends, who were once quite happy, become melancholy because Tilly isn't teaching them the things they craved to know. She notices her friends' unhappiness but doesn't know how to feel sadness for her friends because she has been wrapped up in her happiness.

We need both happiness and sadness to be balanced and content. For the past few days, I have been fearing my "downfall" from my happiness. I love the way I feel when I'm happy. Who doesn't? But sometimes it does get a bit tiring, being so happy all the time. And we need to feel all range of emotions to be well-rounded - it's what we all learn in 7th grade health.

So, don't fear sadness or melancholy. Often that's when we appreciate things the most. We need a balance. Be happy for a while, but also let yourself fall into sadness for a while. Always know that happiness will come your way again.

Peace!

-Nicole

National Coming Out Day

1. Finishing a paper feels really good, especially if it is over the page length needed and there is still more to write.
2. Sometimes all you need is a hug.
3. Uploading videos to Youtube is a difficult process.
4. I'm coming out as stunning and crazy...and an ally.

Today is National Coming Out Day. Today, instead of writing a ton of stuff, I want to share a few videos.

First off, here is the first video that inspired the rest of them:

Since I cannot seem to embed the videos, here are links to the rest of them:

Melissa's Message

Megan's Message

And finally, mine: My Message

Please check out other videos. Everyone has a story to tell. Let their words speak for me. Just know that if someone around you is struggling, the best thing you can do for them is to love them and be supportive. Whatever they're going through (whether it be coming out or anything else), all they need is someone to stand by them and be that little bit of love that makes any day a bit brighter.

Peace!

-Nicole

Home

1. Lazy Sunday afternoons are fantastic.
2. Nutella is delicious.
3. The History Channel is quite bizarre, especially the show Ancient Aliens.
4. The concept of home can change.

It's been four weeks. Four weeks since I started classes and nearly five weeks since I moved into my dorm.

When I graduated high school, I didn't cry nor did I rejoice. I wasn't particularly sad to be leaving my high school years behind, nor was I too ecstatic to be leaving. It just felt right to be done with high school. And it felt right to be moving to the next stage of my life: college.

I had split feelings about moving to college. On one hand, I was thrilled over the idea I would have my own place and I could choose what I wanted to study. But on the other, I loved my house. I loved my room and how it got a ton of light in the morning. I loved my kitchen and I loved having a bathroom to myself. But I guess, more than anything, I loved the concept of home. Being able to come to a place of comfort after a long day of classes, work, and practice and just relax. Seeing a very familiar face and know that they will care for you and love you no matter what. I didn't want to leave that behind when I went to college.

But, after five weeks of being here, I have discovered home is transferrable. My dorm has now become a place of comfort. My friends have become my family - the people I want to see and talk to after a long day. Every good feeling I had about my house I now feel about college. This is home. And I'm happy.

Though I could do with a more comfortable bed.

Peace!

-Nicole Kippen

Defy Gravity

Note from Nicole: Yes, we do seem to like the musical Wicked. It's a good theme to go with.

Melissa here. This is my first official blog post on here, so bear with me. I'm gonna post random stuff, and then elaborate on it all. Make sense? I hope so.

1. Study breaks are good. You know it's gone bad when you start reading words for other words that aren't that word... yeah.

Studying is not a good time. But, when you misread a word for a different word and tell your friends about it, it can be quite the amusing time. Let's just say I'm special. Also, sunflower seeds for me make EVERYTHING better. Especially studying.

2. Friends are awesome.

The friends I've made here are wonderful, and I feel so lucky to have found them. With me is one of my friends from high school, and I'm so glad I have her here with me. She's my safety blanket, and I'd be lost without her. I've managed to make new friends, too, and each and everyone one of them is amazing in their own way. I've managed to meet my twin (HI, NICOLE!), fellow Gleeks, Potterheads, Starkids, choir nerds, etc. It's kinda blowing my mind how awesome people are. I'm so excited to make some life-long friendships with some truly awesome people.

3. Sometimes, it's okay to be in a total state of confusion.

Finishing up my third week of classes, I've come to realize that they're not what I expected them to be, and I'm completely okay with that. My freshman inquiry seminar is called "gendered performance." It makes my brain hurt, it makes me totally confused, and it makes me question everything I know (or thought I knew) about gender, and I LOVE IT. I want to learn more, I want to know about all the different theories, and I want to hear other points of view. It's one of the first times that I really, really, REALLY want to learn. And it's a fabulous feeling. I'm actually excited to write my paper for this class, and it's one of the few times I've felt like this. It's wonderful.

4. Defy gravity.

Last week I was really struggling. I was constantly in a state of unhappiness, and I couldn't figure out exactly why. I just felt numb. I'm not sure how exactly I got myself out of the shlump (probably the amazing friends I talked about earlier), but now I don't want to let myself get back there. I've struggled with bouts of depression all throughout high school, and I want college to be that turning point. The time where I be myself, and I'm happy with myself, and I don't let anything stop me. In high school, I was sometimes afraid to just be myself and not worry about what others thought. I always thought I wasn't good enough, I was hard on myself, and at times, I was my own worst enemy. Now that I'm in college where no one knows who I am, was, or want to be, it's like a fresh slate has been handed to me, and I can do whatever I want. And that's exactly what I'm going to do, and it makes me so excited. It'll be difficult at times, but it's a new opportunity. Life is full of these opportunities and I have finally taken it.

It's my time to defy gravity. (I'm so cliché and cheesy. It doesn't help that "Defying Gravity" is the song Nicole and I will hopefully be singing for the freshman showcase, and the song is stuck in my head).

Yay for being cheesy. It's what I do best. That, and being awkward...

Aww yeah.

-Melissa

Perfect Medicine

1. Some people have classes on Saturdays.
2. A cappella groups rock!
3. Naps are fantastic, glorious, and wonderful.
4. Spending a night with friends is the perfect medicine.

Yesterday, I had a ton of doubts. They seemed to consume my mind and I couldn't get away from them. Most of them were random and didn't make much sense, but there were still a few that really got to me, like am I in the right place, do I make a difference, and do I truly have a friends?

Well, after being yelled at for being too loud, hitting people with a pillow, eating two bags of popcorn, watching Rent, spending the night with a few friends, and getting up way to early and talking seems to be the perfect medicine for such doubts.

In the past, I haven't had such good luck with making friends. I never could seem to keep a friend for too long and I never could get too close to someone without them backing away a bit. But, it doesn't seem to be happening. Again, college isn't the perfect cure for anything; it is still life and pain still happens. I think what happened was a rare stroke of luck...or just the way it was always supposed to be.

Either way, I discovered everyone craves attention, touch, and acceptance. They are human qualities that every single human contains. We all need it and want it.

I guess it is just can we notice that want and need in others? Because once we do, everything seems to be just a bit better.

Peace!

-Nicole