Cry

1. Study for a test because then the test might take you half the time allotted.

2. Re-read your favorite book.

3. Packing for a trip is difficult.

4. Crying isn't such a bad thing.

I have cried so much in the past few days - it's slightly insane. It's quite embarrassing, actually.

And I'm not talking about sad tears (we'll get to that later); most of them have been out of pure joy. On Monday, at 5:31pm, my sister Ashly gave birth to my new niece Presley. I wasn't able to be there, but I got plenty of pictures and messages about it. If you don't know my story, let me give you some background: I grew up an only child, but then last summer, shortly after my 18th birthday, my mom told me I had a half sister on my dad's side. She is 9 years older than I am and at that time, had a 2 year old son named Cash. Let's just say it was quite the shock and then it turns out she was pregnant with another. It's been a whirlwind experience.

So then Monday comes along. Shortly after Presley was born, I got a text from Ashly: Presley Kay 9lbs 9oz 21 1/2 inches long along with a picture. I was just about to head to dinner with Megan and the rest of the crew when I got the text; it was instant tears. For me, happy tears is a new thing. I don't believe I have ever felt so overjoyed to hear anything in my life. It's almost like you are joy, not just feeling it. Then my mom sent me a text saying, "Just think, she's got your blood!" Now that sent me into another round of tears. For most of my life, I have never had anything so little share so much of who I am. Not to mention, this meant I would be in her life until the day I died. I'm going to see her grow up, I'll teach her crazy things - I am forever in her life, her little amazing life.

Presley Kay

Later on that night, I was chilling in my room, trying to finish a speech. I had pretty much stopped crying (I did cry when I saw a picture of Presley's feet) and was trying to finish what I needed so I could go to bed. I was feeling slightly anxious because a few of my friends were hanging out together and I felt slightly rejected and I had spent part of my night at play rehearsal, which was pretty rough. Megan gave me a quick hug before she headed back to her dorm and as soon as the door shut, I start to cry again - this time with sadness and anger and utter fear. I was so terrified - by everything. I wasn't afraid of something happening, but I was just afraid of it all. It was a feeling of utter drowning and being lost. I was eventually pulled up and found, but for a while, I was a pile of emotion.

I don't think I've cried like that since last summer - both the happy and sad crying. Although I hated some of the feelings, I'm glad. The release of emotions reminded me of who I am - what my joys and fears are and who I want to depend on.

Crying shows us at our highest and lowest moments. It gives us the release we need and it allows us to keep on moving. Sometimes we get so stuck and we need to be freed. And maybe we get stuck in a good place, but here's the catch: we're stuck. We can't move on and experience more.

Sometimes we just need to cry.

Peace!

-Nicole

At Least I'm Breathing

1. You can never have too much tea.
2. Remember important meetings.
3. Don't scare someone awake - it's not nice.
4. At least you're still breathing.

Today was a struggle. I woke up at 7:15, ended up hitting my snooze and waking up later than wanted. I ran a few errands during the afternoon, but in order to do so, I needed a car...which was covered in 3 inches of snow. I didn't have a brush to get the snow off - I was intending on getting one while I was running errands - so I ended up covered in snow, sopping wet. The roads were quite slippery, which made for a terrible and terrifying driving experience. I nearly locked myself out of my car and I forgot my debit card in my car while I was shopping and didn't realize it until I was checking out. I also forgot I had a meeting for one of my plays I'm in and it lasted longer than I wanted it to.

It's been a rough day. Plus I keep on running into things and in the past few hours, I've slowly started to feel overwhelmed. I am in two plays, trying to get a job (which I need to volunteer for a bit before I'm hired), and oh, I am still a student.

But at least I'm still breathing.

I stopped at home for about an hour and a half today just to relax and drop a few things off. I forgot something in my car and I told myself, "Gah! Everything is going wrong!" But as I was running to my car, I started to list off everything that went right. I woke up - that's a miracle. I had food to eat and I got two meals before 10:30am. I was able to spend a few hours at home. And the best of all - I'm breathing. I am able to fill my lungs with air and feel myself living for just a moment.

After such a rough day, I can't help but laugh at myself. I have so much to be thankful for, even if nothing seems to be going right. So when you're having a rough day, just remember everything that went right.

And at least you're still breathing.

Megan's note to me and someone drew an illustration of it.

Peace!

-Nicole

Note: Dear You

Dear Readers,

Exciting news! Today we hit 1,234 views! I don't know how this is bigger than 1,000 page views, but somehow it is.

Oh, and I want more comments. I know you are all reading this, but I still get no comments. You don't need a profile to post a comment. Please? I want feedback.

Another thing, check out the new page...it's a comprehensive list of simple pleasures. If you have something that you think should be added, just comment on the page and I'll list it!

That's all. Enjoy your Monday.

-Nicole