Preschool

It has been said many times before, but I am coming to a new understanding of what it means when someone says college students are preschoolers. Of course, I get excited when I learn something new and I think it is the coolest thing ever and sometimes I need my mom to pick me up and kiss me on the head. But let me add something to this extended metaphor: preschoolers develop a thing called "false beliefs", which is the understanding that what someone thinks can be wrong, including their own thoughts.

In the past few weeks, I have been struggling with how to deal with differing opinions. When growing up, views on things that other people held were different, but not drastically. And if they were, it always seemed I could prove them wrong. It seemed I was always right. I have come to the difficult realization that my views on things may be wrong and there can be multiple truths on something. Just as preschoolers develop the ability to control their emotions, I am learning how to control my feelings when someone has a dissenting opinion, especially when someone is close to me.

There is something unique to college-age students though that differs from preschoolers - the development of being able to appreciate differing thoughts and see them as valuable. My college emphasizes the importance of interfaith and inter-anything conversation. The valuing of opinion is what makes something change for the better. And I'm slowly getting to that understanding of that value.

And although preschoolers and adults are different, I think I am still entitled to a few naps and for my mom to pick me up off the sidewalk and kiss my scrape and tell me it's all going to be ok.

Peace!

-Nicole

Molehills

My foot was bleeding this morning. I was sitting at my desk and I suddenly felt a sneeze coming on. I got up, grabbed a tissue, and quickly caught the sneeze. I tossed my used tissue away and as I looked down to make sure the crumpled ball of tissue made it in, I noticed the top of my foot was bleeding. I quickly cleaned it up and put a bandaid on it. Megan asked me what happened and I answered, "I have no idea." I didn't shave this morning, so my razor couldn't have nicked me and there isn't many sharp things that would skin the top of my foot.

Whenever I babysit or am around kids in general, it seems a child always ends up falling over. Some of the time they are fine and pull themselves up without a second thought. Sometimes, it really does hurt and they need some help. But most of the time, they fall and only when someone looks at them do they start crying. My mom and I decided a while ago the reason why this happens is only when they themselves realize it or someone acknowledges it do they feel the pain of falling down.

The same goes for my foot this morning. Only when I looked down at my foot (which clearly had stopped bleeding a while ago) did I feel the slight twinge of pain. Although the pity hug I got from Megan made me feel better, if I hadn't given it much thought besides cleaning it, I would have been fine. As the old saying goes, "Don't make mountains out of molehills."

For me, sometimes life seems so difficult and stressful and annoying and every other word I can use to describe an oh-so-difficult life. Of course, life can become quite difficult, but sometimes I make mountains out of molehills. That two-page paper? It becomes the largest paper I've written in my life. That meeting I attend every week and have no leadership position? It becomes the most time consuming thing in the world. And it seems when there is a slight miscommunication between me and someone else, the whole relationship is down the drain.

Hours later when I got back from church this morning, I was scratching my foot and realized I had a bandaid there. I had nearly forgotten about it. What I was stressing out about before and was the biggest catastrophe was now nearly nothing. This rings true with everything else. The paper, if I take it in stride and simply get it done, is an easy paper to write. The meeting just becomes part of routine and somethings to look forward to. And that slight miscommunication is easily worked out and life can go on. It seems if I don't give those little things my attention, they become a part of the flow of the day and not a road block.

Don't make mountains out of molehills. It's more of a pain than it's worth.

Peace!

-Nicole

How To: Watch People Grow

A week ago, I got back from a 10 day adventure across the country with 40 other people to the ELCA National Youth Gathering, saw the ocean, overtook New Orleans with 37,000 other Lutherans, walked into an empty Superdome, got terribly ill, went on a few roller coasters, and had the greatest pleasure of watching people grow.

My home for the past two weeks - bus 718!

When I got on the bus early on the 14th of July, I expected it to be like any other trip... and I was right. It was full of crazy loud teenagers, high tensions, sleep deprivation, and good conversations. But something was different - I was able to watch it all. I had been a student on the last trip to the Youth Gathering in 2009, which was an amazing experience. Now three years later, I decided to tag along for this trip.

I had five "children" in my group, most of whom I knew before this trip. Our conversations in the beginning were rough and a bit sluggish, as expected, but on the last two days something unexpected for me happened. The conversation flowed and flourished and I heard things I never even thought of before. I saw eyes with a new spark and I knew that beyond this trip is where real growth will be seen.

I also saw Megan grow. We had someone drop out of the trip a few months before we left and my mom (the director of youth at my church) decided to invite Megan to go along. Megan was cautious and thought herself into a tizzy about it all. Although I was happy to have my partner-in-crime along for the trip, I was also excited to see her find some other partners-in-crime. And she did. I barely had time to talk to her. And since I cannot speak for her, here is what Megan thought of it all.

So what about me? It's hard to know. When I was younger, I knew if I had suddenly changed after camp and other 'mountain-top experiences'. But now that I'm older, it's harder to tell. I think after this trip and watching so many hearts and minds change, I can't help but feel I've changed and grown myself.

It seems to me that change is easier to see after a period of time. Comparing me a few weeks ago and me now, I can see the change. I dunno what that is, but it's there. I guess only time will tell with new experiences and new people, but I guess I'm ok with that.

Peace!

-Nicole

Cry

1. Study for a test because then the test might take you half the time allotted.

2. Re-read your favorite book.

3. Packing for a trip is difficult.

4. Crying isn't such a bad thing.

I have cried so much in the past few days - it's slightly insane. It's quite embarrassing, actually.

And I'm not talking about sad tears (we'll get to that later); most of them have been out of pure joy. On Monday, at 5:31pm, my sister Ashly gave birth to my new niece Presley. I wasn't able to be there, but I got plenty of pictures and messages about it. If you don't know my story, let me give you some background: I grew up an only child, but then last summer, shortly after my 18th birthday, my mom told me I had a half sister on my dad's side. She is 9 years older than I am and at that time, had a 2 year old son named Cash. Let's just say it was quite the shock and then it turns out she was pregnant with another. It's been a whirlwind experience.

So then Monday comes along. Shortly after Presley was born, I got a text from Ashly: Presley Kay 9lbs 9oz 21 1/2 inches long along with a picture. I was just about to head to dinner with Megan and the rest of the crew when I got the text; it was instant tears. For me, happy tears is a new thing. I don't believe I have ever felt so overjoyed to hear anything in my life. It's almost like you are joy, not just feeling it. Then my mom sent me a text saying, "Just think, she's got your blood!" Now that sent me into another round of tears. For most of my life, I have never had anything so little share so much of who I am. Not to mention, this meant I would be in her life until the day I died. I'm going to see her grow up, I'll teach her crazy things - I am forever in her life, her little amazing life.

Presley Kay

Later on that night, I was chilling in my room, trying to finish a speech. I had pretty much stopped crying (I did cry when I saw a picture of Presley's feet) and was trying to finish what I needed so I could go to bed. I was feeling slightly anxious because a few of my friends were hanging out together and I felt slightly rejected and I had spent part of my night at play rehearsal, which was pretty rough. Megan gave me a quick hug before she headed back to her dorm and as soon as the door shut, I start to cry again - this time with sadness and anger and utter fear. I was so terrified - by everything. I wasn't afraid of something happening, but I was just afraid of it all. It was a feeling of utter drowning and being lost. I was eventually pulled up and found, but for a while, I was a pile of emotion.

I don't think I've cried like that since last summer - both the happy and sad crying. Although I hated some of the feelings, I'm glad. The release of emotions reminded me of who I am - what my joys and fears are and who I want to depend on.

Crying shows us at our highest and lowest moments. It gives us the release we need and it allows us to keep on moving. Sometimes we get so stuck and we need to be freed. And maybe we get stuck in a good place, but here's the catch: we're stuck. We can't move on and experience more.

Sometimes we just need to cry.

Peace!

-Nicole

Sewing

1. Waffles are good for lunch too.
2. Wearing flats is cute - but freezing in winter.
3. Playing with children is the perfect pick-me-up.
4. Sewing is scary.

For the past few days, I've been volunteering in the costume studio in the theatre (my goal is to be hired as a technical assistant). Mostly I've been cleaning things or cutting out patterns and pinning pieces together to be sewn together by someone else. On Friday, I was given a new project - sew a pair of pants. Sure, I've been on a sewing machine, but that was two years ago and that machine was not as fancy as the ones in the costume studio. Let's just say, I was slight afraid I was going to mess up this pair of pants. This was to be worn by someone on stage, in a production - to be seen by everyone.

Life is a huge sewing project. Two pieces of fabric - two souls - are put together, the edges are matched together, and they are pinned together. Then a few stitches are put in and tah-dah! a piece of clothing or whatever it may be. Sometimes the edges don't quite meet or sometimes the stitches aren't as strong or frequent as it should be or the line isn't straight. But those imperfections - no matter how huge - is what makes life. Heck, what sometimes seems like an imperfection turns out to be what is exactly needed. There are a ton of different kinds of stitches - there are tight stitches for a frequently pulled on, there are hidden, loose stitches for hems and so on and so forth. Every relationship we have serves a different purpose - so of course the pattern used, the tightness of the stitches, the placement of the thread is going to be different.

My life right now is full of sewing (literally and figuratively). I am meeting new people, in new places, having new adventures - trying different fabrics that would coordinate well with me. Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes the line isn't straight, sometimes the grain isn't matched up, sometimes it's crazy-intricrate.

What I'm trying to say is this - sometimes you can't see what the finished product is. You just have to sew along the line and make it the best you can from what you see. Sometimes the end product turns out to be a mess but sometimes, it's amazing.

Keep on sewing away.

Peace!

-Nicole

Child's Play

1. Grammar hard at 12:20am.
2. Don't fall out of folding chairs.
3. Don't procrastinate... it's not too fun.
4. Be in awe.

For the past week Friday mornings, I have been volunteering at a daycare. I was assigned to the toddler room and at first, I was slightly concerned that I would be working with 15 toddlers. I had never worked with a group of kids that age in a controlled environment. But, I went for it, and boy, was I in for something great.

I think I have read the same children's book about 25 times in the past three weeks. It's the same one: Dinosaur Roar! It pretty much goes like this, "Dinosaur roar, dinosaur squeak. Dinosaur fat, dinosaur skinny. Dinosaur clean, dinosaur slimy." It continues on like this for a few pages more. It really has no point, but the pictures are fairly colorful and it's cute to see the kids roar whenever it comes up. At first, I thought it was cute.

But then I read it 6 times in a row and it got fairly old. The same thing happened the next week, and then again the next time I came. Always the same book and always the same reactions from the kids. Just as I was about to chuck the book across the room, I thought, "Why can't you be like the kids and read the book like it is the first time?" It seemed that every time I read the book again to them, they got something else out of it. They look at the pictures and try to find something new or they point out something familiar. They are excited to show me the little bird in the corner of the page they found the first few times the book was read. They are in constant awe of the book.

And it isn't just the books they come at with new eyes every time. A man and his dog always pass by the window every time I am there. And every time, the kids run to the window and wave to the dog. The man and his dog haven't changed since the last time they saw them, but they still have the same reaction: one of wonder and awe.

Children follow by example and they imitate nearly everything they see. So why don't we reverse what happens and imitate them? Children are happy and don't worry about much. They see the world through different eyes; everything is something to explore and something to learn from. Everything is awe-inspiring.

So, why not have child's play? It seems to work for them. So why not us?

Peace!

-Nicole