2. Re-read your favorite book.
3. Packing for a trip is difficult.
4. Crying isn't such a bad thing.
I have cried so much in the past few days - it's slightly insane. It's quite embarrassing, actually.
And I'm not talking about sad tears (we'll get to that later); most of them have been out of pure joy. On Monday, at 5:31pm, my sister Ashly gave birth to my new niece Presley. I wasn't able to be there, but I got plenty of pictures and messages about it. If you don't know my story, let me give you some background: I grew up an only child, but then last summer, shortly after my 18th birthday, my mom told me I had a half sister on my dad's side. She is 9 years older than I am and at that time, had a 2 year old son named Cash. Let's just say it was quite the shock and then it turns out she was pregnant with another. It's been a whirlwind experience.
So then Monday comes along. Shortly after Presley was born, I got a text from Ashly: Presley Kay 9lbs 9oz 21 1/2 inches long along with a picture. I was just about to head to dinner with Megan and the rest of the crew when I got the text; it was instant tears. For me, happy tears is a new thing. I don't believe I have ever felt so overjoyed to hear anything in my life. It's almost like you are joy, not just feeling it. Then my mom sent me a text saying, "Just think, she's got your blood!" Now that sent me into another round of tears. For most of my life, I have never had anything so little share so much of who I am. Not to mention, this meant I would be in her life until the day I died. I'm going to see her grow up, I'll teach her crazy things - I am forever in her life, her little amazing life.
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| Presley Kay |
Later on that night, I was chilling in my room, trying to finish a speech. I had pretty much stopped crying (I did cry when I saw a picture of Presley's feet) and was trying to finish what I needed so I could go to bed. I was feeling slightly anxious because a few of my friends were hanging out together and I felt slightly rejected and I had spent part of my night at play rehearsal, which was pretty rough. Megan gave me a quick hug before she headed back to her dorm and as soon as the door shut, I start to cry again - this time with sadness and anger and utter fear. I was so terrified - by everything. I wasn't afraid of something happening, but I was just afraid of it all. It was a feeling of utter drowning and being lost. I was eventually pulled up and found, but for a while, I was a pile of emotion.
I don't think I've cried like that since last summer - both the happy and sad crying. Although I hated some of the feelings, I'm glad. The release of emotions reminded me of who I am - what my joys and fears are and who I want to depend on.
Crying shows us at our highest and lowest moments. It gives us the release we need and it allows us to keep on moving. Sometimes we get so stuck and we need to be freed. And maybe we get stuck in a good place, but here's the catch: we're stuck. We can't move on and experience more.
Sometimes we just need to cry.
Peace!
-Nicole
