Relief

I went back to my psychologist today.  The past few months I have been feeling the pressure from life. Most of the time, I can figure things out, put systems in place, and continue on. But life has given me a ton of weird, genetically mutated lemons and I don't know how to make lemonade with them. That is to say, my way of dealing with things isn't sufficient any more. "Anxiety NOS - not otherwise specified" is what I was diagnosed with. Next week, my psychologist Amy and I will come up with a therapy plan and go from there.

After the appointment this morning, I felt something I have been waiting for: relief. Or should I say, the anticipation of relief. I am ready for my shoulders to relax, to feel rested in the morning, and to feel a good connection with someone again. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to feel relief.

My life is a mix of everything right now. I love my classes, yet I can't seem to get a good grasp on some topics. I love my family more than ever, but I am also finding more differences. I love my job in the costume studio and might have chances to co-design a show, but it doesn't pay well and takes a lot of time. Not to mention, I am (finally) a very poor college student. It's bittersweet. At around age 7, a child can begin to understand how words can have multiple meanings, but it seems only now am I fully understanding this concept of multiple meanings.

It's mucky right now, but I am slowly cleaning up the mess from the flood and rebuilding the slightly damaged walls. I'm getting there, but sometimes some time, effort, and outside help is needed. 

Relief is coming.

Peace!

-Nicole

Preschool

It has been said many times before, but I am coming to a new understanding of what it means when someone says college students are preschoolers. Of course, I get excited when I learn something new and I think it is the coolest thing ever and sometimes I need my mom to pick me up and kiss me on the head. But let me add something to this extended metaphor: preschoolers develop a thing called "false beliefs", which is the understanding that what someone thinks can be wrong, including their own thoughts.

In the past few weeks, I have been struggling with how to deal with differing opinions. When growing up, views on things that other people held were different, but not drastically. And if they were, it always seemed I could prove them wrong. It seemed I was always right. I have come to the difficult realization that my views on things may be wrong and there can be multiple truths on something. Just as preschoolers develop the ability to control their emotions, I am learning how to control my feelings when someone has a dissenting opinion, especially when someone is close to me.

There is something unique to college-age students though that differs from preschoolers - the development of being able to appreciate differing thoughts and see them as valuable. My college emphasizes the importance of interfaith and inter-anything conversation. The valuing of opinion is what makes something change for the better. And I'm slowly getting to that understanding of that value.

And although preschoolers and adults are different, I think I am still entitled to a few naps and for my mom to pick me up off the sidewalk and kiss my scrape and tell me it's all going to be ok.

Peace!

-Nicole