Parental Units

1. Allergies are terrible.
2. Sometimes being pulled out of scenes in a play is a good thing.
3. Easy Mac isn't all too bad.
4. It's ok to still depend on your parents.

Do you know what's weird? Having your hometown only 15 minutes away from college. I go home nearly every Sunday and drop by every once in a while. Like today, I spent a good part of my afternoon chilling at home, watching a bit of TV and doing my homework. It was good to spend a few relaxing hours at home, but it certainly was weird to pack up my backpack with my things and leave. It gave me the realization (again) that this wasn't really my home anymore...well, it is, but not really.

I spent about an hour talking with my mom at her work today. I had to stop by to get some money for my medication I had to pick up and I ended up talking to her for over an hour. We were just catching up and she asked me about my new job (I now work in the costume studio in the theatre). I said it was great, but frustrating because of my contract. I had just signed my contract a few hours before and I didn't know if I would be paid for what I had worked prior to signing the contract. I didn't expect my mom to do anything about it - I thought I've gotten to a point in my mind and in my mom's that I could and needed to figure it all out on my own. I would have gotten around to it eventually, but my mom decided that it was enough. She ended up calling for me to the human resources office and figuring things out.

Now it's not that I don't want the help of my mother - in fact, I love that she figured things out for me. I would have floundered around for a while and something things would have gone unanswered. What was surprising to me was the immediate release of stress when she said she would help. And it's not a bad thing.

In my psychology class, we are studying developmental psychology (which is the class I will be taking next semester). One of the stages we go through is adolescence, which starts with sexual maturity and ends with independent adult status. My professor said that period in life is becoming a longer period of time, or more of, the line between adolescence and young adulthood is becoming quite blurred. Although it gets to be confusing to define what stage someone is in, it's not such a bad thing. Depending on your parents just a bit, even while in college, and not just for finances, is good and healthy.

Parents have always been there, or at least mine has. I know my mother misses me and if I'm honest, I have missed her a bit. I know she has been waiting for an opportunity to help me, so why not take the opportunity to take that help? It's ok - you're not giving up your independence. In fact, I think it shows how independent you are when you ask for help.

Show some love to your parents.

My mom and I on moving day.

Peace!

-Nicole

It's Sally's Birthday!

1. Carry out and complete a secret mission.
2. You don't have to know someone to care about them.
3. Go ahead, buy the water bottle.
4.  Relax, you are doing some things right.

Hello hello!  Megan here and guess what?!  It's Sally's birthday!!!  Everyone say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY!"

 Sally is a HUGE Dr. Who fan and so we cooked up this plot to turn her room into the TARDIS.  Well, it was a late night, but we succeeded and Nicole put this up this morning.  Thanks to Sally's roommate for the photo. I'll be putting some more emphasis on Sally later in this post--hope she doesn't mind.

A book I'm reading for my Sociology class has introduced the concept of "Everest Psychology" and how it pertains to current American culture.  I'll try to explain it as well as I can, but it basically contains the idea that our culture values us always trying to reach the peak: we're always trying to be successful, always trying to get more enjoyment, more possessions, more status, more wealth etc.  The problem is that we never reach that peak because we always want more and more even if our needs are satisfied.

Mt. Everest fascinates me, and I studied it quite a bit when I was younger.  Well Everest and our culture share a death zone--the point at which the current pace and presence cannot be sustained without serious harm.  Too much time in Everest's death zone, and you will die.  Too much time at the metaphorical death zone and you might start sacrificing things such as time with your family, leisure, sleep, and overall interpersonal connections--things that truly fulfill us rather than that next promotion or paycheck.

I feel like this is where we're doing pretty well as college students.  We're all striving for success, but we also seem to be maintaining a balance between our interpersonal relationships and our respective workloads.  This is why I love Sally.  Sally lets everyone focus on the living in the current moment.  There's something magical about having a few people in a hallway singing a favorite song together while someone *cough* Sally, plays guitar.  See, Sally is one of those people who isn't afraid to feel human.  Sometimes its easy to let ourselves slip into a state of workaholic robotism, but Sally reminds all of us that sometimes its important to cry over a TV show, sing out loud, be embarrassed, tell a story, dream deeply, obsess a little bit over an actor, and most importantly, do what we love.

So my advice to you is to go all out on someone's birthday and have a good time with it, and also to recognize the value in putting aside the quest for success for a few moments and enjoy where you're at and the people you're with.  Oh, and it's okay to cry.

Be well and have an awesome week.

-Megan

Sewing

1. Waffles are good for lunch too.
2. Wearing flats is cute - but freezing in winter.
3. Playing with children is the perfect pick-me-up.
4. Sewing is scary.

For the past few days, I've been volunteering in the costume studio in the theatre (my goal is to be hired as a technical assistant). Mostly I've been cleaning things or cutting out patterns and pinning pieces together to be sewn together by someone else. On Friday, I was given a new project - sew a pair of pants. Sure, I've been on a sewing machine, but that was two years ago and that machine was not as fancy as the ones in the costume studio. Let's just say, I was slight afraid I was going to mess up this pair of pants. This was to be worn by someone on stage, in a production - to be seen by everyone.

Life is a huge sewing project. Two pieces of fabric - two souls - are put together, the edges are matched together, and they are pinned together. Then a few stitches are put in and tah-dah! a piece of clothing or whatever it may be. Sometimes the edges don't quite meet or sometimes the stitches aren't as strong or frequent as it should be or the line isn't straight. But those imperfections - no matter how huge - is what makes life. Heck, what sometimes seems like an imperfection turns out to be what is exactly needed. There are a ton of different kinds of stitches - there are tight stitches for a frequently pulled on, there are hidden, loose stitches for hems and so on and so forth. Every relationship we have serves a different purpose - so of course the pattern used, the tightness of the stitches, the placement of the thread is going to be different.

My life right now is full of sewing (literally and figuratively). I am meeting new people, in new places, having new adventures - trying different fabrics that would coordinate well with me. Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes the line isn't straight, sometimes the grain isn't matched up, sometimes it's crazy-intricrate.

What I'm trying to say is this - sometimes you can't see what the finished product is. You just have to sew along the line and make it the best you can from what you see. Sometimes the end product turns out to be a mess but sometimes, it's amazing.

Keep on sewing away.

Peace!

-Nicole

Chords

1. Nutella is a great night time snack.
2. Don't slip on snow.
3. Keep the heat on in your room.
4. A single chord can bring so much.

This was my week.

My schedule looks insane right now. Purple is class, green is volunteering/work, brown is play practice, blue is campus events, and red is other. It seems as time goes along, I add more and more events and more colors - it's almost looking like an art project. I love being busy, so I'm ok with it. But the downside is I am missing out on the crazy shenanigans my friends are doing. It's weird not going to dinner with them or spending a few hours each night doing homework or jamming out while Sally plays guitar. It's almost secluding.

Tonight I went to Preston Pugmire's concert. In order for you to know what I'm talking about, check out one of his songs below.

Epic, huh? A few songs into his set, he starts to record/play a few different things...then he played the bass line. A few notes into it, instantly everyone knew he was playing "I Want You Back" by The Jackson 5. I found it absolutely crazy how one or two chords could indicate what song it was. Tons of songs have similar chords, but somehow that specific progression makes it unique.

These past few days of having a secluded feeling has taken a bit of a toll on me. My doubts get the best of me when I'm away from my friends; I think they will suddenly not want me anymore or I missed too much to know what's going on. But as soon as I enter their presence - a first chord, if you will - I know it's all ok.

My time away from my usual group of friends has also brought a few new first chords. I just had the first practice for a play I'm in (The Vagina Monologues) and I already know it's going to be a blast being around a cast of all females. Plus, spending time away from my friends allows me to appreciate the next chord with them that much more.

But sometimes that first chord isn't what you wanted or needed to hear. But even so, the song keeps on going and chords change and the key may even change. It all turns out and it resolves. The song eventually ends and another one starts.

So the next time a song starts or your schedule looks like mine, remember to listen for the first chord and anticipate the rest of the song.

Peace!

-Nicole

Just Be

1. Secret Santa gift exchanges are exciting.
2. The effects of five-hour energy drinks are funny, especially if you are watching it happen to someone else.
3. Don't skip breakfast...not a good thing.
4. Just let yourself be.

Talking feels like an effort today. It is like I feel like I have nothing to say to people and everything I would say would be trivial, self-centered, and tedious. I know that whatever I say will be a bit hurtful (which I don't want to happen). All I want to do is stop talking and just ignore my own thoughts. I'm not quite sure why I'm in this mood; it just is. I am normally the bubbly, weird, and energetic person who can carry a conversation fairly well, but today, not so much.

Sometimes we just need a day to just be - to listen to conversations, watch interactions, and let the world spin around you. I think we talk too much. Over the past few months, I have been finding my voice. I am now more vocal in social situations and I'm not as afraid to make a fool of myself. But sometimes it goes a bit more beyond that and becomes a "listen to me!" thing, which I have never really been a fan of. There are times when we should use our voice - to speak out on injustice or to bring new ideas to the table. But days like today make me realize that there are other ways to speak out: silence.

In theatre, I've always been taught that silence speaks more than actions and words. When I competed in speech, I was always praised for my use of pauses. It gave the audience time to react to what my character was saying and anticipate what was coming next. So many ideas are thrown around and no time is given to ponder them and wonder what is next.

I also think that we lose touch with each other - in the emotional and physical sense. We get so caught up in the daily adventures that we don't allow ourselves to just be together. Emotions are easy to sense in each other when you sit in silence. Human contact is an amazing thing too. I love having physical touch - innocent and loving. Even simply sitting close to each other so that you can feel their warmth and pulse or even holding hands. To know that they are there and living and breathing just like you is one of the greatest comforts.

So maybe the weird mood I'm in right now is a good thing, provided that I use my time to just listen, watch, and feel another's pulse.

Just allow yourself to be in people's presence.

Peace!

-Nicole

Fairy Dust

1. Finding an on-campus job is difficult.

2. Don't leave 8-10 page papers to the last minute.

3. Christmas gifts are hard to think of.

4. Think happy thoughts and the fairy dust will do the rest.

A lot has gone wrong in the past two days. First off, I procrastinated a 8-10 page paper until last night and it wasn't simply a analytical paper; it was a research paper on the use and effectiveness of meditation in anxiety treatment. I had all of my research done, but I had to paraphrase, use, and weave together 14 sources eloquently. I didn't really start the paper until about 8pm last night and I didn't finish it until 2:30am. Then I had to get up at 6:45.

Second, I spilled tea all over my desk. I save my computer, but my case now smells like mint tea.

Third,  I opened my email inbox yesterday and there, waiting for me to read, was an email telling me if I got an on-campus job. I read it and turns out I didn't get it. This is the third for fourth job I applied to and didn't get. I felt so defeated and quite angry that I still didn't have a job. I'm mean, come on! I am a hard worker and I am super organized and quite personal.

Fourth, because it's Christmas concert season and the semester is coming to a close, every single one of my friends has a different schedule from each other...so we haven't seen much of each other. Although I see them nearly every day, I still miss the contact I get.

A lot has gone wrong. But, then again, a lot has gone right. I got a Subway gift card in the mail from a foundation that gave me a scholarship, I got a washing machine right away tonight, I got to wear my costume for the first time for the 10 minute scene I'm in, and one of my good friends from high school who I haven't seen since mid-summer might be coming to stay with me for a few days.

We tend to focus on the terrible things of a day. Bad energy, like all energy, is contagious. And bad energy requires less of us - it's easy to succumb to. If we let the bad things get us down, we tend to stay down because, well, sometimes it's easier to complain than it is to smile.

But smiling isn't all that hard. "You just think happy thoughts. They lift you into the air," as said by Wendy in Peter Pan. Good energy breeds good energy. It picks you up off your feet and gives you a little nudge to keep on going.

So don't let bad thoughts bring you down because then you can't fly. And who doesn't want to do that?

Peace!

-Nicole

Don't Hide

1. Remember to blog, even when you're busy.
2. The first snowfall is really pretty.
3. Lazy days are good.
4. Face emotions head on.

When I was little, I had a tendency to hide. It wasn't because there was something to hide from, it's just I like to run and hide from people. It was like a big game to me, even though no one was playing it with me. When my mom would come home from work, I would sometimes hide in my closet. I would then get bored and walk out.

I want to hide today. I don't really want to hide from people, but I want to hide from my emotions. I want to hide from people asking me what is wrong, because I don't really know what's wrong myself. I don't want to face the fact that I am feeling a bit off today. I simply want to toss these weird emotions aside and wait for them to disappear.

One can try and hide from what they are feeling, but for me, I never seem to be able to run away from them. I can block out one emotion but then another emotion takes its place. Like today, I am feeling sad, but once I try to block it out, I become frustrated and bit angry. Now I have to work through this frustration in order to deal with the sadness.

Some feels do disappear with time, but if you work through them the first time, less chances are they will plague you later. In Buddhist teaching, one isn't supposed to ignore pain (physical and emotional) in meditation. Instead, one is supposed to take that pain and work through it. By working through it and figuring out what's the root of this pain, then one becomes more enlightened and free from suffering.

So next time you are feeling an emotion that really sucks, face it head on. And don't become angry with it. You are feeling this emotion for a reason; it might suck, but know that after you do face it, life will be easier and you'll see things a bit differently.

Feeling is a part of being human.

Peace!

-Nicole

Take a Moment

1. Caffeine is a good thing if you didn't get much sleep.
2. You can tell who is on the make-up and hair crew because they their hands are covered in make-up testing and their clothes have bobby pins clipped on.
3. Hugs make life better.
4. Come back down to earth.

I did make it through my crazy day yesterday! By the time I got back to my dorm, it was 11:45pm, my hands were covered in hairspray and make-up (because I am doing make-up, hair, and costumes for the musical), and all I could think about was writing a letter. Odd, huh? Of all the things I could think about, I thought about writing a letter to a friend.

This is what I posted as my status today: "Breathe in, breathe out. That's all I can do at this current moment of stress." So here's to breathing. Or writing a letter. Or whatever else. If you are stressed beyond belief, take a moment to yourself. Focus on something and be in the moment, weather that be your breath, writing a letter, drinking a cup of tea, reading a non-school related book, or whatever else you enjoy. Take a moment to not worry about what is to come or whatever else.

Megan's note to me on my white board

You've got time to do so too. Or at least, make some time for it. You are of no use to the world if you are frantic and flustered and generally disconnected. Take a moment to come back to the ground. You will be of so much more use to yourself and others if both of your feet are on the ground.

Just breathe. And try to enjoy what you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS A hug might help the cause too.

Busy

1. The third floor of the library is also a very good place to study at 10:30am.
2. A vacuumed floor is an amazing thing to behold.
3. Chocolate milk makes a dreary day just a bit brighter.
4. Life gets busy at times, but it is just fine.

Let me tell you my schedule for today.

8:00 Wake up, shower, get ready
9:00 Meet Megan for breakfast, have her help me memorize my lines
9:50 go to the poetry chapel with Megan
10:30 walk Megan to Spanish, then head to the library for some homework and some blogging
12:50ish eat a small lunch
1:20 take a Spanish test and hopefully get done early to squeeze in some homework before the next class. 2:40-4:00 go to theatre productions class
4:30-5:30 go to Spanish conversation group
5:30 grab a quick dinner
6:15 be in the theatre, wearing all black, and do make-up and costume changes for the musical
10:30 practice for the scene I'm in
11:45 back to dorm then do some homework and head to bed hopefully before 2
6:50am Wake up and go to class

I'm just a bit busy. This is kind of what my week looks like too. I'm on the technical crew for Grease and this week is technical week, which means it's mass semi-organized chaos. I don't think I've been this busy since this past spring and even then I had time to breathe and sleep. From the looks of it, I won't have much time for even that this week.

Being busy is oftentimes a good thing. It means you are doing something and enjoying life. But that doesn't mean that if you aren't busy your life is meaningless. I always thought I should be busy to have a purpose. But now I have found that to be not true at all. My life is so amazing right now and I'm not nearly as busy. I am spending each night laughing with friends and meeting new people. Relationships have grown deeper and as I have said before, I'm happy.

But life should be a bit busy at times. It changes the pace and teaches you a whole new set of lessons. So find a balance. Don't overload yourself, even if you think you should build up your resumé or find some place to be. Oftentimes the best things in life come when your schedule isn't packed full of things. But if your life is busy, like mine is right now, take a few deep breaths, take one step at a time, and be in the moment.

Just enjoy whatever you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS I might not be posting much this week because of my schedule. I'll get Megan and Melissa to fill in for me.

That Melancholy Feeling

1. It's so much fun to be with your sister, especially if it is the second time you've met.
2. Halloween candy is quite delicious.
3. Get your assignments done before class, just so you don't have to catch up later.
4. Life has it's ups and downs.

I have been ridiculously happy lately. It's been sort of crazy. I have so much going for me to be happy for. I can't seem to find anything to be sad about. Sure, there are things to be sad about, but it seems nothing will bring me down. And it's easy to see why: I have amazing friends, I love my college, and I am pretty emotionally stable.

I was talking with Megan last night about being happy. We had spent most of the evening with Melissa and Sally (a girl on our floor), just telling stories and laughing. I was already excited when I met up with them at around 7 because I had just spent the last few hours with my sister and my nephew. When I met with them, they were jittery and full of energy. We spent nearly 3 hours laughing. Later on, when I was talking with Megan, I said I had a headache. "Too much happiness?" she asked. I quickly responded, "Never too much happiness!" Then, Megan being the psychology major she is, she said, "In psychology we talked about how one can have too much happiness. If you're constantly happy, that's a lot of wear and tear. If you're constantly depressed, it's the same thing. If you experience a balance of highs and lows, you maintain overall balance."


That got me thinking. Sure, everyone wants to be happy and we all strive to make everyone else happy too. But I have always believed that there should be contrasts. Take love. In order to know what love is, we need to know what hate is. If we don't know what hate is, then we would never appreciate the other side of the coin - love. It seems the same is true for happiness. If we don't know what sadness feels likes, then how can we appreciate happiness?


Megan, Melissa, and I went to a play on Friday night called Melancholy Play by Sarah Ruhl. The basic premise of the play is about a woman named Tilly who is very, very melancholy. As the play progresses, she meets a few friends and they are all fascinated by her. Tilly often goes off on tangents about life and her friends soon fall in love with who she is. But then, because Tilly senses this love, she becomes dramatically happy. She almost becomes insane with happiness. But then Tilly's friends, who were once quite happy, become melancholy because Tilly isn't teaching them the things they craved to know. She notices her friends' unhappiness but doesn't know how to feel sadness for her friends because she has been wrapped up in her happiness.

We need both happiness and sadness to be balanced and content. For the past few days, I have been fearing my "downfall" from my happiness. I love the way I feel when I'm happy. Who doesn't? But sometimes it does get a bit tiring, being so happy all the time. And we need to feel all range of emotions to be well-rounded - it's what we all learn in 7th grade health.

So, don't fear sadness or melancholy. Often that's when we appreciate things the most. We need a balance. Be happy for a while, but also let yourself fall into sadness for a while. Always know that happiness will come your way again.

Peace!

-Nicole