The Rest of the Story

1. Unplug yourself from technology during stressful times - it may increase your productivity.
2. Wear comfortable clothes during finals - you'll be happy you did.
3. Puppy love is the best.
4. The rest of the story has to be written.

Day one of finals week: Complete. Tomorrow is our last day of classes and then Wednesday-Friday are finals. It is getting to be crunch time - well, it has been crunch time for quite a while, but now everyone is feeling it. Most people can't wait for the semester to be over, but for me, it's bittersweet.

If I go back to back to August 28th, I was feeling so anxious and excited.

"Move-in day" me

I had no idea what was coming but I was ok with it. I was so excited to start a new chapter in my life - heck, I waited years for that moment to come. I was as ready as I could be. I situated myself into my room and went to orientation.

My club - see me in the middle, poking my head out?

I loved orientation. It prepared me for what I didn't know what I needed to be prepared for. I loved my orientation group and I would be spending the rest of the semester in class with them. This picture was taken one of the last days of orientation, little to my knowledge that this was my first college family. I love each and every one of them like a sibling and they are so dear to me.

Crazy how even now it represents all of our personalities (I'm center in the back row, choking my friend)

Then life became very bizarre...which is when I started this blog. I thought I would have a strict schedule and I thought I would act just as I had before, just without as much anxiety as before. I never expected for this to happen. Every day brings something new and I mean new. I never know what to expect. Sometimes I wish for consistency, but most of the time, I love the craziness. And I've done some crazy things. Heck, Megan jokes that I now have a reputation. I am the "pink-haired, bubbly, loud, emotional, girl-with-the-ideas, theatrical, cute-clothes-wearing, Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan, touchy-feely, organized, army-building" girl. Ok, so maybe most of that stuff isn't included in my reputation, but my friends sure do know about all of it.

I've changed so much. I think of when I've gone to camp or mission trips in years past and come back suddenly and abruptly changed. It's all good, but that change often doesn't last long. It's that mountaintop experience, where you feel so emotionally high and then you back to reality and that mountaintop experience was too short to really learn from that experience. For a while, I felt like college was like that. Orientation felt like camp: everything was planned out and I was in a specific group. It felt like a mountaintop experience.

But now I have started to live on that mountaintop. And I've made friends. I became friends with Melissa who accepted me for who I was instantly and allowed me to be me fully for the first time in a long time. She introduced me to Megan, who I have become connected to at the heart. I've also met Sally, Stef, Erin, and so many other people who have started to camp with me onto of that mountain with me.

Throughout my classes, I've learned to look up, instead of looking down from my position on the mountain. Little did I know that there are other mountains to climb where I could experience more mountaintop experiences. Before, I've always been looking down to see where I've been and to see how far I've gone. I'd been waiting for college for so that I didn't remember to keep on looking farther up. There is so much more waiting for me to climb. And I'm not discouraged by it...these aren't goals set by other people; I choose what one to climb. If I don't like it, all I have to do is switch to another.

I've been living on this mountain for a while and it's become semi-comfortable. As the semester ends, I can't help but think I am ready for the semester to end. But maybe I'm not. I love how everything about college is still new to me. But as these last few weeks have passed, things are becoming not-so-new, like when to eat dinner to avoid the dinner rush, the best places to study, when to get the best shower in the bathroom, or how long it takes to walk to class.

I'm also slightly sad because I will have to home for about a month. The concept of home has completely changed in my mind. Home has always been at my house; now it's mainly my dorm. When I spent mid-sem and Thanksgiving at my house, all I wanted after a few days was to go back my dorm. My college family was there and I missed seeing them. Yes, I do miss my house and my mother, but I was ready to move out when I came to college. I'm not ready to say goodbye to my friends, even if it is only for a month.

The end of the semester doesn't mean huge changes are in store. It just means that the beginning has ended...now it's time for the rest of the story to start. And I can't wait to see what crazy things are going happen.

It's going to be quite the adventure and quite a beautiful mess. 

Good luck on finals and whatever else is going on in your life.

Peace!

-Nicole

Superhero

1. George Watsky is fantastic at spoken word. Look him up.
2. Sometimes you need a day where all you do is talk to a friend.
3. Being on a technical crew is much different than being in the cast in a play.
4. We are all superheroes.

If I were a superhero, I would want to have the power to be invisible. My name would be "Mess in a Dress." No cape though, as explained in The Incredibles. Tends to get caught in things and it would injure me. Not a good plan, to have a cape. But I would wear a ball gown. Or I would wear a black, flowing dress with funky tights, ballet flats, and possibly a red hat.

I always thought it would be epic to have the power to be invisible. I could hide in places and find things out I never knew before. I could also get into concerts for free; that'd be sweet. I never wanted to have the power to fly, though. It scared me a bit. And mind reading was never appealing either, although I always did want to be able to project my thoughts to other people's head so they would understand me better. But I've always wanted to have the power to be invisible, if I were to ever become a superhero.

Melissa was having a rough time tonight, as everyone has every once in a while. After a bit of talking it out with Megan and I, she seemed to be doing a bit better. She excused herself from the room to head to the bathroom. As soon as she exited, Megan turned and said, "You are a superhero. Much better than I am at this." I disagree. Now that I think of it, each of us is a superhero, with different skills and talents.

I have the power to be invisible. People come to me and without knowing it, they are telling me things they never expected to say in the first place. Megan has the power of flying. She carries people when they need to be carried. They are still in the situation, but the ride is a bit easier from above. Melissa has the power of an energy force field. She's the positive energy against other things when needed. My mom is sort of like the Hulk; strong against other forces and is very protective. Everyone has a super power. We each have something to offer to someone who is hurting; each relieves suffering, but each in a different way. You may not know you have superpowers, but you do. You just may not have the typical power or you simply may have not had the chance to use it. But you do have it. Everyone has a power.

The cool thing about being a superhero is the "super" part. It's pretty super to be able to help someone. It's pretty super we each are helpful in a different way. Together, we are super superheroes. But superheroes do need help sometimes - weather it be on a rescue mission and they need backup or they need help themselves. And that's ok. Why else are there so many superheroes?

So let's take off. Let's get out there and be super. Let's know that we are not alone in this crazy world. We each can alleviate suffering in the world - we just have to be ourselves.

Peace!

-Nicole aka Mess in a Dress

Busy

1. The third floor of the library is also a very good place to study at 10:30am.
2. A vacuumed floor is an amazing thing to behold.
3. Chocolate milk makes a dreary day just a bit brighter.
4. Life gets busy at times, but it is just fine.

Let me tell you my schedule for today.

8:00 Wake up, shower, get ready
9:00 Meet Megan for breakfast, have her help me memorize my lines
9:50 go to the poetry chapel with Megan
10:30 walk Megan to Spanish, then head to the library for some homework and some blogging
12:50ish eat a small lunch
1:20 take a Spanish test and hopefully get done early to squeeze in some homework before the next class. 2:40-4:00 go to theatre productions class
4:30-5:30 go to Spanish conversation group
5:30 grab a quick dinner
6:15 be in the theatre, wearing all black, and do make-up and costume changes for the musical
10:30 practice for the scene I'm in
11:45 back to dorm then do some homework and head to bed hopefully before 2
6:50am Wake up and go to class

I'm just a bit busy. This is kind of what my week looks like too. I'm on the technical crew for Grease and this week is technical week, which means it's mass semi-organized chaos. I don't think I've been this busy since this past spring and even then I had time to breathe and sleep. From the looks of it, I won't have much time for even that this week.

Being busy is oftentimes a good thing. It means you are doing something and enjoying life. But that doesn't mean that if you aren't busy your life is meaningless. I always thought I should be busy to have a purpose. But now I have found that to be not true at all. My life is so amazing right now and I'm not nearly as busy. I am spending each night laughing with friends and meeting new people. Relationships have grown deeper and as I have said before, I'm happy.

But life should be a bit busy at times. It changes the pace and teaches you a whole new set of lessons. So find a balance. Don't overload yourself, even if you think you should build up your resumé or find some place to be. Oftentimes the best things in life come when your schedule isn't packed full of things. But if your life is busy, like mine is right now, take a few deep breaths, take one step at a time, and be in the moment.

Just enjoy whatever you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS I might not be posting much this week because of my schedule. I'll get Megan and Melissa to fill in for me.

Beautiful Mess

1. Halloween dances are exciting.
2. Fake blood is hard to wash off.
3. Don't stay up until 6:30am, then sleep, then wake up at 1pm. Doesn't feel too good.
4. It's a beautiful mess.

This weekend was a bit of a mess. Melissa, Megan, and I went to a play on Friday night, then ended up in my dorm watching Dracula. We got half way through the movie, then we all went to bed. Then on Saturday, I worked in the theatre for set construction. Then the three of us went to a thrift store to buy a costume for that night's festivities. Saturday night was our Halloween Bash, which included a haunted house, photo booth, and a dance.

Our photo booth picture
Laura (a girl on my floor), Melissa (as my victim), myself (vampire), and Megan (Trinity from the Matrix)

We had a blast, but when it got done at one in the morning, the three of us didn't want to go to sleep. So, we went back to our dorms, changed out of our costumes, then headed to a 24-hour restaurant. After we got bored of the restaurant, we hopped back into my car, and since we still didn't want to head back to campus, I gave them a 3am tour of Fargo/Moorhead. We finally ended up back in our dorms at 4am.We said goodnight to Melissa then Megan walked me to my dorm, fully intending on saying goodnight. The both of us ended up sitting outside my dorm door, talking... until 6:30am. By the time I went to sleep, my RA was already up and heading to the bathroom to shower. When I woke up I felt terribly ill; I felt like a complete mess.

But I don't regret anything. I am so happy I went out to eat with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I am glad I stayed up until 6:30, having a conversation that I needed. I was a mess the next day, but it was sure a beautiful mess. It was beautiful because it didn't feel unnatural. It felt natural for us to talk for hours on end. It felt natural for us to drive around town with no destination. It felt natural. But it was also a mess because from an outside perspective and from my logic's perspective, it was probably a poor choice to stay up so late. It was a beautiful mess.

So maybe sometimes life has to be a mess in order for beauty to show. When life is a mess, we tend to be the most vulnerable. I certainly would not have had the amazing conversation I had last night if we had had it at 4pm instead of 4am. When you are vulnerable, it is the time you change the most. It's when you become a new creation and when your beauty really shines.

Life is a mess. Don't be afraid when it is because sometimes, it's beautiful.

Peace!

-Nicole