Change, People, and Self

Welcome back to Dorm Room 718! It is now junior year and goodness, have the changes been great. I am no longer a theatre major and am instead a psychology major. I have added two more minors besides Spanish (religion and women's studies). Speaking of that Spanish minor, I will be in Spain this coming Spring for a study away program. I've had two different summer jobs, both working with children. I now live in an apartment with my freshman floor-mate Melissa. My niece and nephew are no longer babies, but instead toddlers. I hold two jobs and am involved in multiple on-campus clubs. Change is good, but sometimes it looks a bit different than expected.

I've always thought of myself as innocent and positive. Sometimes it had a bad connotation and sometimes it was a fabulous descriptor. No matter what meaning it held, I still thought of myself as innocent. Someone close to my heart told me last night that recently, they had failed to see that innocence and that I've become almost... cynical. They have missed the part of me that saw the best in people and if I did see something no so favorable, I didn't focus on it or bring it up. The more I thought about their words, the more it seemed to ring true. Yes, I have started to fail to see the good in people and I immediately believe the bad. The cause and root of this, though, I cannot seem to figure out.

My last year has been an odd one. I have said before I strive to be the one who is always growing in who she is. It seems I have not been able to say that in the last year. Important relationships have changed and become strained and my summer job as a camp counselor has challenged how I interact with people and life situations. I have discovered my limitations and shortcomings instead of my strengths. This isn't to say finding out such limitations and shortcomings is a terrible thing, but it is a bit of a downer after a long period of time.

Maybe that's it. Maybe I have failed to see the good in myself, which causes me to skip over the good in others. I have always said I'm a people-person and I thrive off of human interaction. Rather than thrive, I seem to diminish in who I am. I am still not sure what will remedy this undesirable change and maybe all I need is time, but it can't but help my situation if I actively search out a solution.

Until next,

peace.

-Nicole

Learn Something New

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. – Oscar Wilde

Hallo! (from Bekka)

As a student, I tend to forget that there are places other than the classroom, the library, and the coffee shop. College life, especially at Wash U, is very focused on academics. And it should be. But maybe, just maybe, there are other things to learn too.

I'm taking psych stats this semester and I walked into the class thinking that it was going to be the worst class that I will ever take. Guess what! I was wrong. It actually turned into a class that I look forward to going to. What's my point? Don't judge a course by its name.

So often in life we walk into situations with the same types of feelings I had starting psych stats, but what good does that do? Expecting failure leads to failure. Sometimes the best thing to do is be open to new things.

Without having an open mind it's hard to learn anything that's worth learning.

Keep hoping!

Bekka

Happy New Day!

1. Sifting through old pictures is a great way to spend an evening.
2. Spending time with old friends is a hoot.
3. Being in your element is a great confidence booster.
4. Every day is new.

Happy New Day! Here's to a new day and I have a few resolutions for this New Day. I will be happier, eat as I please, and try new things. It will be better than the one before.

I've never been a fan of New Year's. I don't know why, but it just seems like a lot of hype for nothing but the change of a time. On New Year's Day, I was on Facebook and it was full of New Year's resolutions, such as eating better, moving on from past relationships, becoming more emotionally stable, and living for themselves.

While I agree with some of the resolutions and raise my eyebrows at others, I think it is simply odd we make all of these resolutions on a day that is like every other. Every day has a new date - why should we make the first of the new year any different?

I do think we should celebrate the fact we made it another trip around the sun, but sometimes, it get's a bit ridiculous. Each day we are given a chance to do things differently, to make a bigger and greater impact on the world around us. Every day is like the first of the year. Heck, every moment is like the first of the year. In Buddhist thought, we are never the same person moment to moment. Each new moment, a few cells in our body have died, a new thought is in our mind, different words are being spoken, we are breathing different air - everything about us is different. The only thing we share in common with our 2-minutes-ago-self is our past, but other than that, we are totally different.

Each new year, day, moment brings a new opportunity to change things - about ourselves and the world. So instead of making New Year's Resolutions, why don't we make New Day Resolutions? Why don't we toast each new day with a cup of orange juice at breakfast? Why don't we count down to midnight each night?

We have a brand-new day ahead of us. My resolution is to be happier, eat as much ice cream and cookies as I want, and do crazy, wonderful things. This day will be even better than the last.

Peace!

-Nicole

The Rest of the Story

1. Unplug yourself from technology during stressful times - it may increase your productivity.
2. Wear comfortable clothes during finals - you'll be happy you did.
3. Puppy love is the best.
4. The rest of the story has to be written.

Day one of finals week: Complete. Tomorrow is our last day of classes and then Wednesday-Friday are finals. It is getting to be crunch time - well, it has been crunch time for quite a while, but now everyone is feeling it. Most people can't wait for the semester to be over, but for me, it's bittersweet.

If I go back to back to August 28th, I was feeling so anxious and excited.

"Move-in day" me

I had no idea what was coming but I was ok with it. I was so excited to start a new chapter in my life - heck, I waited years for that moment to come. I was as ready as I could be. I situated myself into my room and went to orientation.

My club - see me in the middle, poking my head out?

I loved orientation. It prepared me for what I didn't know what I needed to be prepared for. I loved my orientation group and I would be spending the rest of the semester in class with them. This picture was taken one of the last days of orientation, little to my knowledge that this was my first college family. I love each and every one of them like a sibling and they are so dear to me.

Crazy how even now it represents all of our personalities (I'm center in the back row, choking my friend)

Then life became very bizarre...which is when I started this blog. I thought I would have a strict schedule and I thought I would act just as I had before, just without as much anxiety as before. I never expected for this to happen. Every day brings something new and I mean new. I never know what to expect. Sometimes I wish for consistency, but most of the time, I love the craziness. And I've done some crazy things. Heck, Megan jokes that I now have a reputation. I am the "pink-haired, bubbly, loud, emotional, girl-with-the-ideas, theatrical, cute-clothes-wearing, Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan, touchy-feely, organized, army-building" girl. Ok, so maybe most of that stuff isn't included in my reputation, but my friends sure do know about all of it.

I've changed so much. I think of when I've gone to camp or mission trips in years past and come back suddenly and abruptly changed. It's all good, but that change often doesn't last long. It's that mountaintop experience, where you feel so emotionally high and then you back to reality and that mountaintop experience was too short to really learn from that experience. For a while, I felt like college was like that. Orientation felt like camp: everything was planned out and I was in a specific group. It felt like a mountaintop experience.

But now I have started to live on that mountaintop. And I've made friends. I became friends with Melissa who accepted me for who I was instantly and allowed me to be me fully for the first time in a long time. She introduced me to Megan, who I have become connected to at the heart. I've also met Sally, Stef, Erin, and so many other people who have started to camp with me onto of that mountain with me.

Throughout my classes, I've learned to look up, instead of looking down from my position on the mountain. Little did I know that there are other mountains to climb where I could experience more mountaintop experiences. Before, I've always been looking down to see where I've been and to see how far I've gone. I'd been waiting for college for so that I didn't remember to keep on looking farther up. There is so much more waiting for me to climb. And I'm not discouraged by it...these aren't goals set by other people; I choose what one to climb. If I don't like it, all I have to do is switch to another.

I've been living on this mountain for a while and it's become semi-comfortable. As the semester ends, I can't help but think I am ready for the semester to end. But maybe I'm not. I love how everything about college is still new to me. But as these last few weeks have passed, things are becoming not-so-new, like when to eat dinner to avoid the dinner rush, the best places to study, when to get the best shower in the bathroom, or how long it takes to walk to class.

I'm also slightly sad because I will have to home for about a month. The concept of home has completely changed in my mind. Home has always been at my house; now it's mainly my dorm. When I spent mid-sem and Thanksgiving at my house, all I wanted after a few days was to go back my dorm. My college family was there and I missed seeing them. Yes, I do miss my house and my mother, but I was ready to move out when I came to college. I'm not ready to say goodbye to my friends, even if it is only for a month.

The end of the semester doesn't mean huge changes are in store. It just means that the beginning has ended...now it's time for the rest of the story to start. And I can't wait to see what crazy things are going happen.

It's going to be quite the adventure and quite a beautiful mess. 

Good luck on finals and whatever else is going on in your life.

Peace!

-Nicole

Megan Goes On A Rant

1. Don't spill ice cream on self.
2. Dresses on a windy day can be a bad thing.
3. Mondays are awful...and so are allergies.
4. It's possible to make libraries fun.

Ok, my name is Megan, and Nicole asked me to write tonight's blog entry, so I am.  I apologize in advance.

Um, I'm going to talk about... meeting new people.  You should do it, and do it often--because college can be an extremely lonely experience, even when you're immersed in an extremely busy environment such as a college campus.  I myself am about 3 hours away from home, and I guess I can't speak for Nicole, but the last few weeks for me have been a roller coaster--in good ways, in good ways!  Relax, I won't freak you out about college.  I promise!

All I'm saying is that you ought to make a conscious effort to go out and meet new people, no matter how scary or how far out of the comfort zone that may feel.   Everyone needs family, and when you're far from home and stranded in the middle of nowhere without a car (like me!) you need a family aaaaand in college... your friends will be your family.  You might think I'm a bit off my rocker when I say that, but think about it--you eat your meals together, you study together, you see a lot of each other in general.  You seek each other out for advice and comfort, and you have the awesome ability to crash in each other's dorm rooms when you're too scared to walk back to your own (like me again!) You also, unfortunately, get to see one another go through really times and get very, very stressed out.

Friends make the scary parts of college a lot less intimidating, so go make friends! Be open to new people and new experiences and your college education will be filled with much more than just how to write a research paper, Spanish language tenses, Psychological stage theories, and Greek philosophy.

I know I gave that little rant from the perspective of a college student, but everything I've said holds true for  any stage of life, especially high school.  Yes.  Go meet people.  Go have fun.  Go take a night and stay up really late and talk and laugh and solve the world's problems.  Go affect someone else in a positive way and let them positively affect you.

Ok,  I'm done.  Take care and all my love!

-Megan