Breaking Points & Super Powers

I'm sensing a theme in my life lately. If my life was a book, the reader would almost scoff at how obvious this recurring theme is. This theme is busyness. My schedule yet again looks like a kid playing with colored blocks. I thought I could handle it; five classes, two jobs, a play, two radio shows, and growing relationships. After a pretty lazy month, I was glad to be busy again.

I went to the first few days of class last week, excited for everything. But, my hours for both of my jobs started to increase and a few classes (if not all) proved to be much more difficult than I had planned on. "Oh well," I thought, "I can so handle this. I've done it before; I just need to get into a routine." After three days, though, I finally admitted to myself what I should have known all along: I am not Superwoman. However much I would like to think so, I have breaking points. Sometimes the most awesome thing ever may not be the best thing for me. Maybe that 400-level course isn't such a great idea this semester; maybe working 20 hours - even if I do finish by 5pm each day - will push me beyond my limits. I have a breaking point; I should acknowledge it and do this to avoid getting to that point.

I have a theme in my life, yes. But the conflict and resolution of such a theme may not always have to be the same. The conflict doesn't have to be a full out war against myself; it can instead be me against the forces of evil in the world. Maybe in that sense, I'm Superwoman, but I think I'll try to stay away from thinking I have super powers. 'Cause last time I checked, I can't walk through doors or fly across campus.

Peace!

-Nicole

Learn Something New

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. – Oscar Wilde

Hallo! (from Bekka)

As a student, I tend to forget that there are places other than the classroom, the library, and the coffee shop. College life, especially at Wash U, is very focused on academics. And it should be. But maybe, just maybe, there are other things to learn too.

I'm taking psych stats this semester and I walked into the class thinking that it was going to be the worst class that I will ever take. Guess what! I was wrong. It actually turned into a class that I look forward to going to. What's my point? Don't judge a course by its name.

So often in life we walk into situations with the same types of feelings I had starting psych stats, but what good does that do? Expecting failure leads to failure. Sometimes the best thing to do is be open to new things.

Without having an open mind it's hard to learn anything that's worth learning.

Keep hoping!

Bekka

Life Is Like a Box of... Pi?

1. One can have too much Spanish in one day.
2. Sometimes skipping a class is necessary.
3. Registering for classes at 6:30am is torture, but sometimes it does go well.
4. Life is like a box of...pi?

I think it is strange how life can be intensely sad and absolutely wonderful at the same time. Like right now. I have my friend Bekka staying with me from Missouri (which is pretty cool) but the reason she is here isn't so awesome - Bekka's grandma died on Monday. Although I love having her here, I almost wish she wasn't because it would mean her grandma would still be alive. It's a sort of a...bittersweet situation.

My life seems to be complied of such instances: I'm in a play right now, but it removes me from my friends and sleep. I registered for classes this morning successfully, but I had to get up at 6 in order to do so and sleep is scarce right now. I am connecting more with a friend, but she might be transferring out. My life is awesome and there is so much to be grateful for, but there's also a lot of things to hate.

But this is what I have figured out: one must find their quality of life by looking at the good side of things. Sure, there is a lot to want to get rid of, but it's like if you have a ton of coins in your hand - sometimes you see the shiny side of the coin and sometimes you see the dull side...all you have to do is flip the coin to see the shine. The dull side is still there - it's just shown from the other side.

And here is another thing: life is never ending. (In honor of Pi Day...) Like pi, life is never ending. Sometimes things repeat, but ofttimes it comes in different form and orders and it simply never ends. You can try to find the end of things, but it is practically impossible. And it's always changing; things pass and new things come your way. Terrible things don't last for long.

So on this ridiculously warm day (it's supposed to be 61), find joy in things you would never think to find joy in.

Peace!

-Nicole

Chords

1. Nutella is a great night time snack.
2. Don't slip on snow.
3. Keep the heat on in your room.
4. A single chord can bring so much.

This was my week.

My schedule looks insane right now. Purple is class, green is volunteering/work, brown is play practice, blue is campus events, and red is other. It seems as time goes along, I add more and more events and more colors - it's almost looking like an art project. I love being busy, so I'm ok with it. But the downside is I am missing out on the crazy shenanigans my friends are doing. It's weird not going to dinner with them or spending a few hours each night doing homework or jamming out while Sally plays guitar. It's almost secluding.

Tonight I went to Preston Pugmire's concert. In order for you to know what I'm talking about, check out one of his songs below.

Epic, huh? A few songs into his set, he starts to record/play a few different things...then he played the bass line. A few notes into it, instantly everyone knew he was playing "I Want You Back" by The Jackson 5. I found it absolutely crazy how one or two chords could indicate what song it was. Tons of songs have similar chords, but somehow that specific progression makes it unique.

These past few days of having a secluded feeling has taken a bit of a toll on me. My doubts get the best of me when I'm away from my friends; I think they will suddenly not want me anymore or I missed too much to know what's going on. But as soon as I enter their presence - a first chord, if you will - I know it's all ok.

My time away from my usual group of friends has also brought a few new first chords. I just had the first practice for a play I'm in (The Vagina Monologues) and I already know it's going to be a blast being around a cast of all females. Plus, spending time away from my friends allows me to appreciate the next chord with them that much more.

But sometimes that first chord isn't what you wanted or needed to hear. But even so, the song keeps on going and chords change and the key may even change. It all turns out and it resolves. The song eventually ends and another one starts.

So the next time a song starts or your schedule looks like mine, remember to listen for the first chord and anticipate the rest of the song.

Peace!

-Nicole

Trust In Life

1. Vanilla tea is wonderful at 8am, especially if it is caffeinated.
2. Re-discover old favorite songs.
3. A class in all Spanish (or any second language) is slightly terrifying.
4. Trust in life.

Yesterday was the first day of classes and to tell the truth, it was rough for me. I loved my classes (psychology and Spanish), but something got to me and I had an anxiety attack. Because of the type of anxiety I have (social anxiety), I tend to shut everyone out. Only when does someone directly ask me if I am having issues with anxiety do I tell them; other than that, I shut down. Anxiety attacks also bring a huge feeling of dread and utter panic.

While anxiety attacks are on the far end of the worry scale, I think everyone has these tendencies at times. Life seems to get to be too much for us to handle - we have a paper due, a test, and a huge audition on one day. It feels like too much and we shut down. It feels like we are all alone and no one needs to experience it with us.

Last night taught me something: trust in what life has to offer - including people. I know I have made friends who will stick with me no matter what, but I forgot it and allowed my anxiety to take control and whisper lies. Life wants to be kind to you and I fully believe that. Life sucks at times, but you have to allow good things to happen to you and for me, sometimes those good things are happening, but I don't see it, or I don't want to see it.

There is so much good in life. Everything is beautiful, even if it is a mess. Don't allow yourself to shut down during times of trouble - allow people to catch you and look for the beauty - even if the only beauty you see is a tear falling on someone's face or a snowflake caught on your eyelash.

Life is beautiful. Trust it.

Peace!

-Nicole

Join the Army!

1. Baking cookies = amazing.
2. Bleach is never fun to spill.
3. Hair dye does stain skin.
4. Create an army.

I am currently sitting in my dorm's laundry room, smelling slightly of bleach... hair bleach. Soon enough, my hands will be tinted blue and my friend Erin and her friend Ashley will have a few streaks of blue in their hair (and it's supposed to be blue this time!).

My goal right now: to create an army of people with streaks of crazy color in their hair. So far, I've recruited Megan, Erin, and Ashley. I just posted this on my Facebook, "I've created a monster. Anyone else want a funky color in their hair? I'm trying to create an army. So far I have pink, purple, and blue. I want a few more colors in my army. Anyone?" And right now, I have one person coming downstairs for me to color his hair purple. And I have five people considering joining me. It's my evil plan. I'm creating an army of colors - sort of like a Rainbow Hair Army.

I am so winning.

It may be a ridiculous goal right now to create a Rainbow Hair Army, but maybe creating an army isn't such a bad idea. It is finals weeks and things are completely crazy. Megan and I today went a little crazy at dinner and nearly everyone on campus is wearing glasses, sweatpants, and sweatshirts. During a time when people are hiding in their rooms or in the library doing homework, it is sort of a lonely time. I know for the past few days, I've craved the company of others, but haven't been able to enjoy that company because either I or they have had things to do.

I've found that stress is easier to handle when you are around others - maybe not complaining all the time, but even just being in the company of others. Think of war movies: when the huge battle scene comes, every single one of the men is quiet, preparing for the first shot to be heard. Each of them are facing their own fears and demons, but they are together.

Creating an army is creating a group of people on whom you can depend on in those times of trial; a "no man left behind" culture is created. Not to mention, that during those really happy times, they are there to share it with you. Happiness grows. Lovely, isn't it?

So create an army. It will be a force against all that is bad and something that will create joy. Just don't start any wars against any people.

Peace!

-Nicole

I Lost My Phone

1. Breakfast is delicious, especially when you haven't had a good one in a few days.
2. Getting done with classes at 9:40am is awesome.
3. Gloves are useful when dying hair.
4. Maybe losing your phone isn't such a bad thing.

I lost my cell phone today. I had a class from 8:00am until 9:40am and then I had the rest of the day free to do homework and such. Right after class, I checked my mailbox and headed straight for my dorm room. I threw my stuff on the floor, grabbed my laundry, and headed downstairs to clean my clothes. On the way down, I noticed I didn't have my phone. "I'll just grab it later. It has to be somewhere," I said to myself.

So, after an hour and half, I went back upstairs to put my clean clothes away and then head to lunch. I put all of my stuff away, including the stuff I thrown on the ground earlier. Just as I was about to leave, I still had no phone. My room was completely clean and I could not find my phone. "I must have left it in the classroom." So, I went to go check for it. Still, nothing. I asked the information desk if someone had returned it, and they didn't have it. I decided I needed food before I continued on my adventure to find my phone.

I grabbed some food and sat down. It was then I realized that I have an iPhone and on that iPhone I have the "Find My iPhone" app, which allows me to go online and locate it. I logged on and located it. It was still on campus, so I zoomed in to see exactly where it is.

Turns out it was still in my dorm room. A few minutes later, I remembered I had put it up on my loft bed for safe-keeping. It was safe alright, but it just liked to hide from me.

I go through these phases where I forget and lose everything. I've already lost my hat, a favorite ring, and a pair of earrings (which I just found). I also forget about homework and stuff on my calendar. It's not that I'm disorganized; I'm probably the most organized person ever. It's just I get so wrapped up in life and I forget everything else.

And maybe that's not such a bad thing. I become so much engulfed in the present that I forget about everything else. I've always been told to just focus on the present and it seems without trying, I am. And it feels pretty good because the present is all we have.

But I do miss my red hat... maybe I should look at my schedule a bit more often. Find a balance and the present will be amazing, all the while having the future within reach.

Peace!

-Nicole

Down to the Wire

1. If you break into a coughing fit, people will stare.
2. Breathe... slowly, or else you'll have another coughing fit.
3. Phone calls are nice sometimes.
4. Have faith things will work out.

Hey, it's Megan. Is it Wednesday? It doesn't feel like Wednesday.

Holy buckets has it been a stressful week so far. Grease opens tomorrow, and while neither Melissa nor I have been involved, Nicole is logging some serious hours. It's funny, I kind of want to find an association between level of stress, lack of time, and propensity to blog... On top of that, we all have assignments or papers due, aaaand it's registration week which means we're all stressing over our adviser meetings and deciding what classes to take.

I myself have been incredibly ill over the past three days. I think I caught the plague. Don't listen to Nicole or Melissa--I won't cough up a lung, nor do I intend to die. I just have a racking cough and some congestion, that's all. I've been chugging DayQuil as well as tea and popping cough drops as well as vitamins. Just give me another day or so and I'm sure I'll be good as new.

It seems like everything is suddenly hurling into hyper speed and coming down to the wire. I have to be up around 6 tomorrow to register for my classes and I'm entirely set on taking this one history class. The problem is it appears to be full. Sad right? Naturally, I emailed the professor and am anxiously awaiting a reply that says I've been granted an override, but I'm still stressing about the possibility that I won't get the email in time and thus not be able to take this class--a huge bummer since I've been looking forward to diving into my history major.

The trick is to remain positive and have some faith that it will all be okay in the end. This situation has loads of possible outcomes. I might get the override and be able to take an epic class, or I might have to take something else. If I don't get in, I still have an epic psychology class and philosophy class I will hopefully get into. Oh, and did I mention I'm going to try to take Social Dance? Yep, look out world! Megan's going to try to learn how to dance. Even if things are really stressful and coming down to the wire, it's going to be okay. That's what the weekends are for, relieving stress, and we're already making plans...

Take care, be well. Don't get sick like me.
-Megan

Take a Moment

1. Caffeine is a good thing if you didn't get much sleep.
2. You can tell who is on the make-up and hair crew because they their hands are covered in make-up testing and their clothes have bobby pins clipped on.
3. Hugs make life better.
4. Come back down to earth.

I did make it through my crazy day yesterday! By the time I got back to my dorm, it was 11:45pm, my hands were covered in hairspray and make-up (because I am doing make-up, hair, and costumes for the musical), and all I could think about was writing a letter. Odd, huh? Of all the things I could think about, I thought about writing a letter to a friend.

This is what I posted as my status today: "Breathe in, breathe out. That's all I can do at this current moment of stress." So here's to breathing. Or writing a letter. Or whatever else. If you are stressed beyond belief, take a moment to yourself. Focus on something and be in the moment, weather that be your breath, writing a letter, drinking a cup of tea, reading a non-school related book, or whatever else you enjoy. Take a moment to not worry about what is to come or whatever else.

Megan's note to me on my white board

You've got time to do so too. Or at least, make some time for it. You are of no use to the world if you are frantic and flustered and generally disconnected. Take a moment to come back to the ground. You will be of so much more use to yourself and others if both of your feet are on the ground.

Just breathe. And try to enjoy what you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS A hug might help the cause too.

Back to Basics

1. Handing in a paper feels really good.
2. Doing laundry is a very good thing.
3. Perks of Being a Wallflower is a fantastic book.
4. Sometimes you have to go back to the basics to understand the bigger concept.

Today I printed off an assignment for my writing class. It was an academic article entitled "What Is a Paragraph?" I wasn't sure if I should be slightly offended or simply intrigued. I thought I should be offended because I am 18 and I know what a paragraph is and dang it, I know how to write. But then I thought I should be intrigued because maybe I do need to know what a paragraph is. Maybe I need to go back to the basics.

The past few weeks has been stuffed full of information: first orientation, then the first few days of class that freaked some of us out, and now the first papers and exams. Most of the time, I don't know what to do with all this information. So, the information is stored in the back of my brain or cast to the side.

And the information is not simple. The concepts are getting more complicated and more in-depth than ever before. We don't review past information; we just pick off right where we should have left off. Oftentimes, without realizing it, I am wishing to go back to the basics.

I am currently taking a class on Buddhism and mindfulness. The main concept we are learning about is simplicity and not thinking... basically, going back to the basics. There, we re-learn the basis for everything: how to treat people, how to care for the planet, and even what a paragraph is. We often complicate our minds with difficult concepts, which are fantastic and sometimes they change the world we live in. But that's just it: we complicate it. If we get back to the basics, we understand why we started in the first place. And if we don't understand that, then why are we doing it?

So maybe I should be intrigued on what a paragraph is...

Peace!

-Nicole

PS I just wrote a few paragraphs right there!

Laughing and Tackling

1. Study...it might help.

2. Don't be afraid to be yourself, but try not to tackle people while doing so.

3. Enjoy laughter.

4. You will find some darn amazing friends.

So, over a week since orientation finished. Classes started and I added a ton of stuff to my calendar. I auditioned for a play, but didn't make the cut. Suddenly feeling not so confident about my major, which I am slightly frustrated about, but I'm ok with. And I think I finally found my studying groove.

Mostly, the past week has been full of laughter. There has been so much laughter I think I lost a few pounds from doing so. I have become closer to the people in my orientation group, my roommate, and I found someone amazing on my floor, who in turn has introduced me to someone I am very intrigue by.

Throughout high school, and especially in my senior year, all I wanted was a friend. A friend who I could trust and simply be myself with. High school didn't provide me with that. I have no idea why. It could have been I had previously been friends with everyone and there was no one left to 'try out'. It could have been I was too shy and awkward to find a friend. It also could have been everyone just wanted out of high school so no one tried. It could have been various different things, but either way, all I wanted was a friend who was my 'other half'. 

I am not quite sure I found that person yet, but I do know I found someone who I can simply be myself with. Someone who laughs at the same things and someone who is still slightly different from me, so that I can learn and grow. Whenever we are together, I can't help but laugh and be myself. I can't help but talk. For those who didn't know me before college, I was painfully shy. Angry at being so. Frustrated with how people treated me (or didn't).

I don't believe college was the reason I suddenly changed. I was this person all along. I just didn't show her sometimes. Now I am her all the time, which is amazing. I am now running down the hallway and full-on tackling someone I sort of just met. (I truly didn't mean to. It just happened.)

I am full of laughter and I love it. I met someone who I can be myself and I also met someone who I very very very curious about. She isn't someone I have figure out, but someone who I truly want to get to know more.

And it just isn't her I want to know. It is everyone I have met. I feel surrounded by people I want to learn from and laugh with.

I love my life.

Peace!

-Nicole Rae