Note: Touch

My friend Sally came up to me the other day and flat out said, "You have a people-touching problem." See, I have this weird quirk where I need to have physical contact with someone when I am around them. Don't take this the wrong way; I mean simple, light, innocent touch - like arm to arm or palm to palm. It's not romantic nor is it to gain something. I am constantly touching my friends - whether it be poking them, making them run into me, or sitting close to them. Most of the time is ok, but other times, my friends turn to me and say, "You have a people-touching problem."

I have no idea why I love innocent physical human contact so much. Maybe it's because I didn't get enough when I was younger. Maybe it's because I was too afraid of being hurt. Maybe I felt I would be rejected. Who knows. But I do know that now, all I want is touch that has no point other than to feel another person's pulse and warmth against mine. I need to know that people are real. I want to know that my heart is not the only one beating in the world.

Why is it such taboo to hold someone's hand that isn't your romantic partner? Where along the line of things did holding hands become specific to romantic partners? I love to hold hands - the feeling of immediate connection and being able to feel their pulse. I can talk to someone, but sometimes I feel like I am so far removed from them that I can't relate to them. But putting my hand in theirs, they become real and human. It is a reassuring squeeze of the hand.

The benefits of human contact is immense. A baby needs to be held to know they are safe. Their mother's heartbeat is something that will calm a fussy baby easily, but that cannot be done unless the baby is near the mother's chest. Even now, when I'm feeling lonely or sad, a hug makes it better.

I may not know the science behind it, but I know for me, touch is what really connects us with each other. You truly cannot know if someone is real and solid or just an image unless you touch them. Once you touch them, they become real. Think of movies when a couple or two friends see each other for the first time in years. They slowly approach each other and put a hand somewhere on the person (face, shoulder, arm, etc.). They need to know they are real and they simply aren't a mirage.

We all need to know we are not alone in this universe. Sometimes words aren't enough to keep us sane; sometimes holding someone's hand keeps us grounded.

Let yourself touch and be touched - emotionally and physically. It's innocent and absolutely lovely.

Peace!

-Nicole

Just Be

1. Secret Santa gift exchanges are exciting.
2. The effects of five-hour energy drinks are funny, especially if you are watching it happen to someone else.
3. Don't skip breakfast...not a good thing.
4. Just let yourself be.

Talking feels like an effort today. It is like I feel like I have nothing to say to people and everything I would say would be trivial, self-centered, and tedious. I know that whatever I say will be a bit hurtful (which I don't want to happen). All I want to do is stop talking and just ignore my own thoughts. I'm not quite sure why I'm in this mood; it just is. I am normally the bubbly, weird, and energetic person who can carry a conversation fairly well, but today, not so much.

Sometimes we just need a day to just be - to listen to conversations, watch interactions, and let the world spin around you. I think we talk too much. Over the past few months, I have been finding my voice. I am now more vocal in social situations and I'm not as afraid to make a fool of myself. But sometimes it goes a bit more beyond that and becomes a "listen to me!" thing, which I have never really been a fan of. There are times when we should use our voice - to speak out on injustice or to bring new ideas to the table. But days like today make me realize that there are other ways to speak out: silence.

In theatre, I've always been taught that silence speaks more than actions and words. When I competed in speech, I was always praised for my use of pauses. It gave the audience time to react to what my character was saying and anticipate what was coming next. So many ideas are thrown around and no time is given to ponder them and wonder what is next.

I also think that we lose touch with each other - in the emotional and physical sense. We get so caught up in the daily adventures that we don't allow ourselves to just be together. Emotions are easy to sense in each other when you sit in silence. Human contact is an amazing thing too. I love having physical touch - innocent and loving. Even simply sitting close to each other so that you can feel their warmth and pulse or even holding hands. To know that they are there and living and breathing just like you is one of the greatest comforts.

So maybe the weird mood I'm in right now is a good thing, provided that I use my time to just listen, watch, and feel another's pulse.

Just allow yourself to be in people's presence.

Peace!

-Nicole