Cooking and Baking

I miss my kitchen and being able to bake and cook as much as I want and whenever I want to. When I got home on Monday after spending a few days with my sister Ashly, I asked my mom if I could cook this week. Being as busy as she is, she happily said yes. I spent around 50 dollars on a ton of veggies, cheese, and pasta. Tuesday night I made an Asian noodle salad and tomorrow I'm making a spinach and cheese lasagna. Plus, I just made homemade brownies with Hersey frosting. Tomorrow, after making the lasagna, I'm hoping to bake some cookies for the play I'm in, since our characters eat through the whole show. I am thrilled to be able to have a stocked kitchen and time to do it. Plus, I get to use my new apron I got for Christmas.

Today while prepping the lasagna, I realized just how different cooking and baking are. I remember once when I was cooking with my mom as a young girl, I was haphazardly measuring out flour for cookies. My mom quickly stopped me and said I had to be sure I was perfectly measuring out what was stated in the recipe, otherwise the cookies wouldn't turn out right. Cooking, on the other hand, is a sort of "anything goes" sort of food preparation. Too much of one spice? Add another to balance it out! Too little broth? Add more water and spices! Most of the time, I would rather bake than cook. Baking, I know if I follow the directions, the outcome will be fabulous. Cooking, on the other hand, is some what of a gamble.

My life is like cooking right now. I know the base of what the end-product will be, but I don't know what flavors to add and what ones will work together and balance out. It's a great cacophony of flavors, but it feels like the pan is getting too hot and I don't know how to slow it down. I'd much rather be baking - I know the exact amount of everything and there is a bit of room to add something else, like vanilla or peanut butter. But vanilla and peanut butter aren't exciting flavors. Sure, they do add sweetness, but not a kick of flavor like a jalapeño would have.

Maybe instead of viewing my life as chaotic and frustrating, I should see it as exciting. My cookies are already in the oven baking - maybe it's time to create some exciting new flavors and try a few new things in my life and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe it's something people would want to try themselves.

Peace!

-Nicole

Wandering

Today is my niece Presley's first birthday and can I just say I am flabbergasted it has been a year since she came into the world. I searched for the post I made last year around this time and I saw the picture attached to it. It's funny to look at myself. In the past year, my hair has been 4 colors, I had two semesters more of school, I spent a summer working, and multiple other things. Life has changed a lot and I along with it.

Although I haven't changed a lot physically in a year, I have in every other way. I am more confident, know a lot more, and have learned a lot more about who I am. But, in turn, I am less sure of my future and am more of a wanderer than ever. Just today I've noticed how much of a wanderer I am. I am constantly moving my place of residency - home, dorm, and this summer, camp. I don't even really what I'm going to do even in the next week, let alone in a year or four.

As you all know, I need a schedule. I need to know what's going on, but being in a theatre production and various other activities makes my schedule hard to predict. I'm becoming more frustrated with my life because of this fact. I need to know what is coming next and what my destination is and what my ultimate goal is. Let's just say I'm wandering all over the place.

But isn't that part of the adventure? The adventure of college - even life in general - is to feel uncomfortable and try new things. George Watsky last Friday told us that this was his last college show because he was moving onto play music instead. "I was getting comfortable with it and I figured I better move on," he said because he said life is about trying new things. Maybe that's what I'm missing - new things. I am certainly uncomfortable enough, but I don't really have anything new going on. I'm wandering around in a desert right now when I could (and should) go wandering in a big city and explore what it has to offer.

So here is to wandering and trying exciting things! Getting lost may happen, but at least I'll figure out a new path and new ideas and new adventures.

Peace!

-Nicole

Stories

I am currently writing from the Maize, the burger-joint we have here on campus, enjoying a strawberry banana smoothie. In about an hour, I will be entertained by George Watsky. I know Watsky mainly from his slam poetry, which is powerful, emotional, and funny. Slam poetry has a ton of variations, but it almost always revolves around a story and the stories are often very powerful and ridden with emotion.

My classes this semester seem to be about stories. In my religion class that focuses on interfaith, stories is what makes connections and builds bridges. Stories make people real and it puts a face on things. Psychology statistics often uses in-depth examples of people. My cognitive psychology focuses a lot on memory and what enhances it; stories help in remembering the information and one often pays attention to a story over a lecture. Finally, on the first day of my classical mythology class the professor said, "Things are best told through stories." I think he meant it in terms of mythology, but it got me thinking.

Our life is a story - we are writing it every day and we are the main character. But we also are the supporting character in someone else's life story. Heck, we might even be the antagonist. Our actions dictate what role we take up. And depending on what our story contains, our story might be told for a really long time. And I want mine to be very epic and for people to find adventure, love, pain, and acceptance within it.

Peace!

-Nicole

Uncle Oliver

Although it is cheesy, I have to say I love Valentine's Day. I declared that last year and I am going to say it again. I love handing out paper Valentine's to my friends and strangers and yes, they are the kiddie kind. I love having a reason to wear as many pinks and reds as possible and to look as cute as possible. My mother even came to campus today to give me two boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and a new book. Today is a good day.

Last week was also full of love, although the circumstances weren't as happy as Valentine's Day. My great uncle Oliver passed away about two weeks ago and his funeral was last Friday. He was one of my favorite people on Earth and I will greatly miss him. Most of my aunts and uncles (Teresa, Kerry, Arlyce, Richard, Lisa, and Lenny) can up for the funeral, along with Oliver's kids and grandkids. Despite the sadness, it was amazing to have most of my family around the same table. We told stories about Oliver, who always seemed to be involved in some sort of odd escapade which often included his nieces and nephews it seemed. The one red thread through all the stories was how loving Oliver was. Everything he did was out of utter compassion and love and by nature, he was a gentle man.

My mom, Oliver, and I this past summer.

Today on Valentine's Day, I hope to continue my uncle Oliver's amazing legacy of love and maybe his legacy of crazy escapades.

Peace!

-Nicole

Rolling With The Punches, Part 2

"You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience." -Stanislaw J. Lec

So, I don't know if many people have been keeping up to date about the MBLGTACC trip, but here is basically a continuation of last week's post.

We had to adjust a lot last week and change plans. We've had to do even more so here while on the trip. First off, a large storm came through on Thursday night when we left so we made an unscheduled stop to spend the night in Eau Claire, WI. We continued on, made it to MBLGTACC in Lansing, MI, had a good time, and then left very early on Sunday to make it back before the second storm cell hit. As it turns out we just weren't lucky enough. Two of our vehicles got flat tires in Wisconsin, one made it to a service station, one did not. After repairs, we decided it would be unsafe for us to continue the entire way home, opting instead to stay the night in Stillwater, MN with the parents of one student. We woke up this morning and decided to spend a bit of time at MOA while waiting to hear whether or not we had clearance to drive back. We did not receive such clearance as the DOT still listed dangerous driving conditions. We are still holed up in Stillwater, hoping to make it back tomorrow morning.

The whole trip feels like one giant illustration of Murphy's law. Tensions have definitely gotten high more than once, but overall we have been able to deal with the tough situations pretty well.  All of that being said, I am quickly approaching the end of my rope.  I'm struggling not so much with the people, but more with the frustrations that come with lacking control in this situation. I'm simply needed in Moorhead and I can't be there.  Still, my interpersonal reactions are starting to be affected. I'm recognizing that and trying to keep my temper in check and work with my tolerance. Honestly, I just budgeted enough emotional and cognitive resources to handle unexpected issues for 3 days and not 5 if that makes any sense. Right now, I just want to walk into my room, feed the fish, and collapse on my bed.

But, I know it's going to be over soon, and as I'm getting older, I'm getting better at approaching things like these with more patience and more recognition that it's out of my control. A poor attitude at this point won't do me, or anyone else, any favors. Safety is our primary concern and since we were not comfortable with taking such high risks of travel, the decision was pretty much made for us. We're working with what we've got and others have been extremely courteous to us and have shown us immense hospitality. We're so thankful for that.

Peace, love, and patience in frustrating situations,

-Megan

Rolling With The Punches

"In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work toward it with all of your might." -Winston Churchill

The last few days have been nothing but a change of plans. Due to a water main break here on campus, a dance was canceled, buildings were closed, and now walking routes have been designated to allow for cleaning and repair. Having a water main break with below freezing temperatures causes a lot of issues, but we're Cobbers, and we adapt... or rather, our maintenance staff does.

More pertinent, Nicole's plans have changed. A lot of us bloggers, me, Nicole, Melissa, and Malyn, were all scheduled to make a long awaited trip to this year's MBLGTACC (Midwestern Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference) with members of a campus organization. It's going to be held in Michigan and requires a nearly 15 hour drive which caused us to plan about 4 days consisting of travel, conference, and then travel again. Unfortunately, and resulting in an immense amount of grief and sadness, Nicole will now be traveling to be with family after an unexpected death. I'm sad too, since last year was so much fun and I was really looking forward to a repeat experience. I was actually in the same boat last year with the death of my grandfather, but lucky for me, I didn't run into too much interference with travel plans. Nicole is undoubtedly going to be in the right place, and it just requires a lot of flexibility and adaptation on everyone's part.

Life often times involves rolling with the punches and being able to adapt to things you never saw coming, and probably never wanted to deal with. Things come up that alter your plans for good and for worse, but you have to be able to do the best with what you have, because while it's totally normal to resist that change and resist being put in hard positions, it's going to hurt less if you try to go with the flow.

The trick is you have to accept what you can't change and learn how to effectively change what you can. A death is something you can't change, neither is something like a cancer diagnosis, but you just have to focus your energy on how you can face those situations in a way that provides the most benefit and the least amount of detriment. You have to find the little things you can control and work with those to make the best of your current situation. Sometimes that's just finding a way to take a deep breath without losing it, and that's okay sometimes.

Now, to acknowledge the other side of this, don't let that become an excuse not to utilize your agency in situations you CAN change. Accepting the things out of your control is only one side of the coin. It's equally noble to fight for changes you know are attainable. You can fight to change policy, you can fight to change injustice, and you can fight to change attitudes and beliefs. Don't accept status quo if you can dream of something truly better.

With peace and love,

Megan