Empathetic Tendencies

1. Write when inspired, even if that's all over the back of the article you're discussing.
2. Stretch your mind, even if it hurts.
3. Finding out your final paper is due two days later than you thought is a good feeling.
4. As finals get closer, look for more people wearing glasses and exhibiting jittery behavior.

It's Wednesday. It's Megan.

Sometimes (but not all the time) people turn to me with issues they're facing. Sometimes I jump the gun and run around looking for my cape so I can fly to the rescue, and other times I just try to make sure I'm around if they need me. Someone called me an enabler the other day which really, really, really threw me for a loop. The absolute last thing I'd ever want is for how I naturally react to certain situations to do more harm than good. I mean, I think I try to work towards resolving the issue and not just pacifying the outcome... I think.

I started thinking, what am I enabling? What are we all enabling when we listen to or try to help others make it through their problems? Of course it depends on the situation, but from certain Psychological perspectives, disclosing painful secrets, allowing the release of emotions, and letting yourself be open and honest with someone you trust are all positive behaviors associated with better health outcomes. That's what we enable people to do when we make ourselves available to listen.

I'm discussing empathy in my inquiry class, and as humans, our capacity for empathy serves the evolutionary purpose of creating a deep connection between us. Our brains are even wired for empathy with "mirror" neurons: for example, if you see a spider on someone's arm, your same neurons will fire as if to tell you there is a spider on your own arm.

We experience empathy because our fates are intricately intertwined. It is how we survive both as individuals and as a species. We have this need to feel connected and share experiences. Along with this conscious desire to share experiences, we also experience an unconscious ability to share in, and try to ease, someone else's suffering because we know ourselves what it's like to suffer. Humans feel the need to make life more tolerable and livable for someone else, sometimes because it's the right and compassionate thing to do, but also because we know we would want someone else to do it for us. Sometimes we acknowledge someone else's suffering in the hopes that they'll acknowledge ours--and everyone suffers in some way... at least according to the Four Noble Truths found in Buddhist teachings.

Empathy arguably arises from the acknowledgement of our own mortality. We recognize we don't have unlimited time, and so seeing or knowing that someone else is in pain is painful to us. There is an automatic desire to take on and relieve someone of that suffering. My roommate told me I have a savior complex. Well, so be it. If what I do gets people somewhere, then so be it. Empathy, luckily for us, is not confined to suffering. We have the ability to share in and experience the success, happiness, and sometimes sheer giddiness of others. Like I said, our fate and experiences are connected more than one would think.

We may all be facing our own demons, and we may all need to conquer our own demons, but that doesn't mean we can't fight them together. If you have my back, I have yours.

I leave you with a poem by John Donne as well as a link to the video that inspired much of this post.

Be well and love deeply,

-Megan

No Man is an Island

No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as a manor of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.


The Empathetic Civilisation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g