Perfect

"Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattainable. However, they who aim at it, and persevere, will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up at unattainable." -Lord Chesterfield

Yesterday, Nicole and I were talking about identity formation: how in adolescence you have to figure yourself out and work through the conflicts and events holding you back before you can move forward and focus on other parts of your life experience. In a stroke of luck, this conversation coincided with an episode of Grey's Anatomy I just watched (Grey's Anatomy is my new thing, don't judge.) The idea is there are a lot of things in life that you have to handle in sequential order. It's all a process.

I find the concept of perfection to be so strange. It doesn't exist, and I'm not even sure we could conceptualize something that is truly perfect. I mean, there's a reason why the Islamic traditions maintains that  Allah is the sole perfect being. I dislike the word "perfect." I never want it to be used to describe me by anyone I know, not by my family members, not by my friends, not by someone I'm dating, not even by a stranger on a street. I don't want to hear that I'm perfect. I want to hear that I am flawed, but that I am using my flaws to every advantage I can, that I'm learning and growing because of them. I'm never going to wake up, look in the mirror, and tell myself I'm perfect. However, I may tell myself that I've made some pretty great progress, that I can handle a situation better today than I was able to the day before.

I don't necessarily think conceptualizing perfection as the goal is helpful. To have a perfect state be the end stop everyone's fighting for removes emphasis from the sheer process of improving, and I think everyone should be constantly striving for improvement in all that they do. That doesn't mandate being discontent in everything you've done, it's actually being content with the level of effort you've put in. It's finding contentment in accepting where you're at and knowing you've got work to do, but that you're actually doing the work. If everyone looked around and thought, "Well, everything's perfect, nothing left to do but go home," we wouldn't have innovation! I don't think people should see themselves in a similar way.

At the end of the day, our value lies not in that we can attain perfection, (we can't) but that we can identify opportunities for change and improvement, and that's a pretty cool thing.

Peace and love,

-Megan

Cooking and Baking

I miss my kitchen and being able to bake and cook as much as I want and whenever I want to. When I got home on Monday after spending a few days with my sister Ashly, I asked my mom if I could cook this week. Being as busy as she is, she happily said yes. I spent around 50 dollars on a ton of veggies, cheese, and pasta. Tuesday night I made an Asian noodle salad and tomorrow I'm making a spinach and cheese lasagna. Plus, I just made homemade brownies with Hersey frosting. Tomorrow, after making the lasagna, I'm hoping to bake some cookies for the play I'm in, since our characters eat through the whole show. I am thrilled to be able to have a stocked kitchen and time to do it. Plus, I get to use my new apron I got for Christmas.

Today while prepping the lasagna, I realized just how different cooking and baking are. I remember once when I was cooking with my mom as a young girl, I was haphazardly measuring out flour for cookies. My mom quickly stopped me and said I had to be sure I was perfectly measuring out what was stated in the recipe, otherwise the cookies wouldn't turn out right. Cooking, on the other hand, is a sort of "anything goes" sort of food preparation. Too much of one spice? Add another to balance it out! Too little broth? Add more water and spices! Most of the time, I would rather bake than cook. Baking, I know if I follow the directions, the outcome will be fabulous. Cooking, on the other hand, is some what of a gamble.

My life is like cooking right now. I know the base of what the end-product will be, but I don't know what flavors to add and what ones will work together and balance out. It's a great cacophony of flavors, but it feels like the pan is getting too hot and I don't know how to slow it down. I'd much rather be baking - I know the exact amount of everything and there is a bit of room to add something else, like vanilla or peanut butter. But vanilla and peanut butter aren't exciting flavors. Sure, they do add sweetness, but not a kick of flavor like a jalapeño would have.

Maybe instead of viewing my life as chaotic and frustrating, I should see it as exciting. My cookies are already in the oven baking - maybe it's time to create some exciting new flavors and try a few new things in my life and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe it's something people would want to try themselves.

Peace!

-Nicole

Wandering

Today is my niece Presley's first birthday and can I just say I am flabbergasted it has been a year since she came into the world. I searched for the post I made last year around this time and I saw the picture attached to it. It's funny to look at myself. In the past year, my hair has been 4 colors, I had two semesters more of school, I spent a summer working, and multiple other things. Life has changed a lot and I along with it.

Although I haven't changed a lot physically in a year, I have in every other way. I am more confident, know a lot more, and have learned a lot more about who I am. But, in turn, I am less sure of my future and am more of a wanderer than ever. Just today I've noticed how much of a wanderer I am. I am constantly moving my place of residency - home, dorm, and this summer, camp. I don't even really what I'm going to do even in the next week, let alone in a year or four.

As you all know, I need a schedule. I need to know what's going on, but being in a theatre production and various other activities makes my schedule hard to predict. I'm becoming more frustrated with my life because of this fact. I need to know what is coming next and what my destination is and what my ultimate goal is. Let's just say I'm wandering all over the place.

But isn't that part of the adventure? The adventure of college - even life in general - is to feel uncomfortable and try new things. George Watsky last Friday told us that this was his last college show because he was moving onto play music instead. "I was getting comfortable with it and I figured I better move on," he said because he said life is about trying new things. Maybe that's what I'm missing - new things. I am certainly uncomfortable enough, but I don't really have anything new going on. I'm wandering around in a desert right now when I could (and should) go wandering in a big city and explore what it has to offer.

So here is to wandering and trying exciting things! Getting lost may happen, but at least I'll figure out a new path and new ideas and new adventures.

Peace!

-Nicole

Stories

I am currently writing from the Maize, the burger-joint we have here on campus, enjoying a strawberry banana smoothie. In about an hour, I will be entertained by George Watsky. I know Watsky mainly from his slam poetry, which is powerful, emotional, and funny. Slam poetry has a ton of variations, but it almost always revolves around a story and the stories are often very powerful and ridden with emotion.

My classes this semester seem to be about stories. In my religion class that focuses on interfaith, stories is what makes connections and builds bridges. Stories make people real and it puts a face on things. Psychology statistics often uses in-depth examples of people. My cognitive psychology focuses a lot on memory and what enhances it; stories help in remembering the information and one often pays attention to a story over a lecture. Finally, on the first day of my classical mythology class the professor said, "Things are best told through stories." I think he meant it in terms of mythology, but it got me thinking.

Our life is a story - we are writing it every day and we are the main character. But we also are the supporting character in someone else's life story. Heck, we might even be the antagonist. Our actions dictate what role we take up. And depending on what our story contains, our story might be told for a really long time. And I want mine to be very epic and for people to find adventure, love, pain, and acceptance within it.

Peace!

-Nicole

Uncle Oliver

Although it is cheesy, I have to say I love Valentine's Day. I declared that last year and I am going to say it again. I love handing out paper Valentine's to my friends and strangers and yes, they are the kiddie kind. I love having a reason to wear as many pinks and reds as possible and to look as cute as possible. My mother even came to campus today to give me two boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and a new book. Today is a good day.

Last week was also full of love, although the circumstances weren't as happy as Valentine's Day. My great uncle Oliver passed away about two weeks ago and his funeral was last Friday. He was one of my favorite people on Earth and I will greatly miss him. Most of my aunts and uncles (Teresa, Kerry, Arlyce, Richard, Lisa, and Lenny) can up for the funeral, along with Oliver's kids and grandkids. Despite the sadness, it was amazing to have most of my family around the same table. We told stories about Oliver, who always seemed to be involved in some sort of odd escapade which often included his nieces and nephews it seemed. The one red thread through all the stories was how loving Oliver was. Everything he did was out of utter compassion and love and by nature, he was a gentle man.

My mom, Oliver, and I this past summer.

Today on Valentine's Day, I hope to continue my uncle Oliver's amazing legacy of love and maybe his legacy of crazy escapades.

Peace!

-Nicole

Rolling With The Punches, Part 2

"You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience." -Stanislaw J. Lec

So, I don't know if many people have been keeping up to date about the MBLGTACC trip, but here is basically a continuation of last week's post.

We had to adjust a lot last week and change plans. We've had to do even more so here while on the trip. First off, a large storm came through on Thursday night when we left so we made an unscheduled stop to spend the night in Eau Claire, WI. We continued on, made it to MBLGTACC in Lansing, MI, had a good time, and then left very early on Sunday to make it back before the second storm cell hit. As it turns out we just weren't lucky enough. Two of our vehicles got flat tires in Wisconsin, one made it to a service station, one did not. After repairs, we decided it would be unsafe for us to continue the entire way home, opting instead to stay the night in Stillwater, MN with the parents of one student. We woke up this morning and decided to spend a bit of time at MOA while waiting to hear whether or not we had clearance to drive back. We did not receive such clearance as the DOT still listed dangerous driving conditions. We are still holed up in Stillwater, hoping to make it back tomorrow morning.

The whole trip feels like one giant illustration of Murphy's law. Tensions have definitely gotten high more than once, but overall we have been able to deal with the tough situations pretty well.  All of that being said, I am quickly approaching the end of my rope.  I'm struggling not so much with the people, but more with the frustrations that come with lacking control in this situation. I'm simply needed in Moorhead and I can't be there.  Still, my interpersonal reactions are starting to be affected. I'm recognizing that and trying to keep my temper in check and work with my tolerance. Honestly, I just budgeted enough emotional and cognitive resources to handle unexpected issues for 3 days and not 5 if that makes any sense. Right now, I just want to walk into my room, feed the fish, and collapse on my bed.

But, I know it's going to be over soon, and as I'm getting older, I'm getting better at approaching things like these with more patience and more recognition that it's out of my control. A poor attitude at this point won't do me, or anyone else, any favors. Safety is our primary concern and since we were not comfortable with taking such high risks of travel, the decision was pretty much made for us. We're working with what we've got and others have been extremely courteous to us and have shown us immense hospitality. We're so thankful for that.

Peace, love, and patience in frustrating situations,

-Megan

Rolling With The Punches

"In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work toward it with all of your might." -Winston Churchill

The last few days have been nothing but a change of plans. Due to a water main break here on campus, a dance was canceled, buildings were closed, and now walking routes have been designated to allow for cleaning and repair. Having a water main break with below freezing temperatures causes a lot of issues, but we're Cobbers, and we adapt... or rather, our maintenance staff does.

More pertinent, Nicole's plans have changed. A lot of us bloggers, me, Nicole, Melissa, and Malyn, were all scheduled to make a long awaited trip to this year's MBLGTACC (Midwestern Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference) with members of a campus organization. It's going to be held in Michigan and requires a nearly 15 hour drive which caused us to plan about 4 days consisting of travel, conference, and then travel again. Unfortunately, and resulting in an immense amount of grief and sadness, Nicole will now be traveling to be with family after an unexpected death. I'm sad too, since last year was so much fun and I was really looking forward to a repeat experience. I was actually in the same boat last year with the death of my grandfather, but lucky for me, I didn't run into too much interference with travel plans. Nicole is undoubtedly going to be in the right place, and it just requires a lot of flexibility and adaptation on everyone's part.

Life often times involves rolling with the punches and being able to adapt to things you never saw coming, and probably never wanted to deal with. Things come up that alter your plans for good and for worse, but you have to be able to do the best with what you have, because while it's totally normal to resist that change and resist being put in hard positions, it's going to hurt less if you try to go with the flow.

The trick is you have to accept what you can't change and learn how to effectively change what you can. A death is something you can't change, neither is something like a cancer diagnosis, but you just have to focus your energy on how you can face those situations in a way that provides the most benefit and the least amount of detriment. You have to find the little things you can control and work with those to make the best of your current situation. Sometimes that's just finding a way to take a deep breath without losing it, and that's okay sometimes.

Now, to acknowledge the other side of this, don't let that become an excuse not to utilize your agency in situations you CAN change. Accepting the things out of your control is only one side of the coin. It's equally noble to fight for changes you know are attainable. You can fight to change policy, you can fight to change injustice, and you can fight to change attitudes and beliefs. Don't accept status quo if you can dream of something truly better.

With peace and love,

Megan

The Positive Past

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” -Søren Kierkegaard

The past can suck. Well, okay actually parts of the past can suck, but there are a ton of positive things as well. Here's an example:

If there's one thing I'm proud of, it's my social network: the people I have surrounded myself with for the past 7 or so years. From middle school on up I have been allowed to influence, and have been influenced by the most incredible circle of people, and over the last few weeks I bit a rather specific sort of bullet and chose to reconnect as much as I could with individuals I had lost some closeness with. I talked to pals from high school, my various friend groups, old teachers, and some others. I count myself very lucky to have all of them, not because of any action on my part, but because of everything on their part.

The past... it can be difficult, but it influences your present whether you like it or not. It is completely in your control however, how and where that influence comes into play--for positive or for negative. For me, my experiences with all these people have helped to lay the foundation for my current self, and so when I made all these re-connections, I was simply hoping that these people remembered me with the same fondness that I remembered them.

What I walked away with was the realization that even though we hadn't spoken in a while, or there had been past misunderstandings and miss-communications, there was still so much positive history that when push came to shove, a reciprocated friendship and understanding still remained. By nature, humans are pro-social, working for the benefit of each other most of the time, and it leaves a mark. So all those times when maybe you took someone aside in an empty hallway so they could tell you how they were feeling, all those times you crowded into a van and solved the world's problems, all those times you let yourself be vulnerable in a piece of writing, or even those times when you got into a car together and didn't know where you'd end up or when you'd be back... all those shared experiences aren't meaningless. When I reached out to those connections with something like, "Is it ok if I talk with you for a little bit? because I'm hurting and I feel helpless and I need some reassurance to help me get through this." The response I got was nothing short of an incredible resurgence of all of that past positive regard and those positive experiences.

My friends, my family, my mentors, and my random acquaintances showed me love and support impossible to measure. They came through for me, just like I needed them to. I have faith in them no doubt, but maybe more importantly, they have faith in me. They told me again and again that I knew what was best for me, and that I knew what was right. It's not necessarily so much what our connections do for us, but what they teach us to do for ourselves that stands the ultimate test of time. How lucky I am then, to have both beautiful experiences. Through all those many many many conversations, re-connections  and essentially trust falls, I now know with everything in me, that I'm doing the right thing. I am in a beautiful situation, and I'm in a wonderful place in my life.

As my high school poetry teacher recently told me,
"Trust yourself. Trust love."

-Megan

Reading Lips

Have you seen this video? This video proves that Michelle Obama is the queen of everything. But putting that fact aside, a professional lip reader decoded what had been said between the President and Boehner (check out what went on here). The idea someone could learn to read lips professionally blows my mind. It's now on my list of "Jobs I Wish I Had, But Never Will Get the Chance to Do."

This video reminds me of the Bad Lip Reading things on Youtube. (Check them out. They are pretty funny.) If I were to try to lip-read the video above - let alone anything - it would be a huge disaster. Boehner would end up talking about overthrowing Obama's power and Michelle would join him. I would be putting words into his mouth that are far from the truth.

This week, I've discovered I can't speak for people. I cannot say that this is what they said and this is what they think. It's like the game of telephone - words get messed up and lost in translation. It is the basic lesson about gossip for me, although it seems less like gossip and more like me trying to get my way. Although I wish I could say this person thinks that because of this reason, it is often far from their truth. They see their life differently than I see theirs and in the end, it is their life and their story to tell, not mine. And I can only hope they understand that my life and my story are mine and mine to tell.

No matter how tempted I am to read lips or create stories that fit the little bits of information I know, I have to understand that the outcome is going to be as ridiculous as thinking Boehner is trying to overthrow Obama.

Peace!

-Nicole

Greatness in Context

"There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies." -Martin Luther King Jr.

So if there's a recent theme for me, it's that concepts and understanding change vastly over time. Unfortunately, that change doesn't always happen in the span of a single life and we, as finite beings are really only able to work within our own context and with the information available to us. Context is key. For example, I'm taking a course on society and human sexuality currently for my WS minor, and so far I've learned that in antiquity, the concept of two sexes did not exist. There was only one sex, the male, and the inferior male. The concept of "sexuality" or "sexual orientation" did not exist in regards to it being an aspect of an individual identity, and here's the kicker, heterosexuality originally held a very negative connotation. It was conceptualized to regard one of hyper-sexual tendencies which would lead to "sexual perversion." As you can see, concepts and understanding change over time.

It's MLK Jr. Day, a pretty big event on campus, and one I enjoy since I do consider myself a fan of MLK Jr's philosophies and teachings. Imagine my despair then, when I went to a concurrent session that revealed MLK Jr's possible anti-gay marriage/rights stance, based on statements from his children, as well as his own responses to questions regarding homosexuality. Martin Luther King Jr. was a champion for civil rights. I admire him, his philosophies, and his ability to galvanize and inspire a generation to act in non-violent protest. I think I always will, but I still felt unhappy today. After discussing it all with fellow students, the consensus was reached that MLK Jr. might have held different views if he was exposed to the same information and experiences we have at our very fingertips.

So my conclusion is to understand that people think and behave according to what they know. In the 60's, homosexuality was conceptualized as being characteristic of pedophilia and sociopathic tendencies. It was probably the majority view, simply due to the information and communication of the time. Taking MLK Jr. out of his context and placing it in mine might have different results. Perhaps this is a tangent, but he was also human. I know that gets lost in the rhetoric surrounding how much good he did, but humans sometimes think and act in ways unbecoming of their true nature. A person's behavior does not always reveal their character--that's not to condone it, but to understand that judging a person's behavior and judging a person's character are two different things. Heck I think it was even Martin Luther who said good deeds to not necessarily make a person good and bad deeds do not necessarily make a person bad. (You can correct me if I'm wrong.)

The lesson I learned from all of this?  Patience. Patience with the acquisition of new information and the evolution of concepts, patience with other people and how they interact with information, and patience with my own emotions and reactions.

Peace, love, and especially WARMTH to all of you.

-Megan