"I'm the squire in Caroline's quest for attention. "

1. When you go home, prepare to listen to msnbc 24/7.

2. Feed your mental hamster

3. Dianna Agron was in Burlesque?!

4. Crank it up.

Hellooo, Megan here and I am relaxing in a la-z-boy, as all my friends in town (and former teachers) are enjoying the snow day that my district has finally decided to allow as soon as I leave. :P

The title is a quotation from one of my favorite movies, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, which I really need to watch again.  Ever notice how the perfect playlist can do anything?  My friend drove Melissa, Sally, and I home on her way to MPLS and ultimately, Wisconsin, and she prepared an 11 hour playlist for her drive.  It had everything from Led Zepplin to Rent, to Glee and Owl City.  I thoroughly enjoyed the ride.

Playlists are like that.  They can be a mix of everything to get you through a road trip, powerful enough to get you through that long awaited hour-long workout, sad enough to make you cry, happy enough to make you forget a rough day, calm enough to lull you to sleep when you're worried about something, and just plain awesome enough to make a night with friends epic.  I'm listening to an Owl City playlist at the moment.  No regrets.

I always seem to have music going, just to give my life a soundtrack or drown out the silence, and when I'm in a car with friends that music gets turned up a little bit, just because it's us.  And honestly, when it's 10 pm and you're timing the lights just so you can speed over the bumps in a new intersection, who says you shouldn't be rocking out to Domino by Jessie J or Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes?  No one, that's who.

Music plays into our lives in ways that are hard to describe and explain whether we perform it or just listen to it, and a whole bunch of wise and famous people have commented on this notion.  My favorite quotations are "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."  -Berthold Auerbach and "Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons.  You will find it is to the soul what a water bath is to the body."  -Oliver Wendell Holmes  

So go listen to something that either fits, or changes your mood.  Have fun with it and have a ridiculously fabulous week!

-Megan 
P.S. I am having so many issues formatting this thing to fit the other posts! Nicole, fix it. :P

Cry

1. Study for a test because then the test might take you half the time allotted.

2. Re-read your favorite book.

3. Packing for a trip is difficult.

4. Crying isn't such a bad thing.

I have cried so much in the past few days - it's slightly insane. It's quite embarrassing, actually.

And I'm not talking about sad tears (we'll get to that later); most of them have been out of pure joy. On Monday, at 5:31pm, my sister Ashly gave birth to my new niece Presley. I wasn't able to be there, but I got plenty of pictures and messages about it. If you don't know my story, let me give you some background: I grew up an only child, but then last summer, shortly after my 18th birthday, my mom told me I had a half sister on my dad's side. She is 9 years older than I am and at that time, had a 2 year old son named Cash. Let's just say it was quite the shock and then it turns out she was pregnant with another. It's been a whirlwind experience.

So then Monday comes along. Shortly after Presley was born, I got a text from Ashly: Presley Kay 9lbs 9oz 21 1/2 inches long along with a picture. I was just about to head to dinner with Megan and the rest of the crew when I got the text; it was instant tears. For me, happy tears is a new thing. I don't believe I have ever felt so overjoyed to hear anything in my life. It's almost like you are joy, not just feeling it. Then my mom sent me a text saying, "Just think, she's got your blood!" Now that sent me into another round of tears. For most of my life, I have never had anything so little share so much of who I am. Not to mention, this meant I would be in her life until the day I died. I'm going to see her grow up, I'll teach her crazy things - I am forever in her life, her little amazing life.

Presley Kay

Later on that night, I was chilling in my room, trying to finish a speech. I had pretty much stopped crying (I did cry when I saw a picture of Presley's feet) and was trying to finish what I needed so I could go to bed. I was feeling slightly anxious because a few of my friends were hanging out together and I felt slightly rejected and I had spent part of my night at play rehearsal, which was pretty rough. Megan gave me a quick hug before she headed back to her dorm and as soon as the door shut, I start to cry again - this time with sadness and anger and utter fear. I was so terrified - by everything. I wasn't afraid of something happening, but I was just afraid of it all. It was a feeling of utter drowning and being lost. I was eventually pulled up and found, but for a while, I was a pile of emotion.

I don't think I've cried like that since last summer - both the happy and sad crying. Although I hated some of the feelings, I'm glad. The release of emotions reminded me of who I am - what my joys and fears are and who I want to depend on.

Crying shows us at our highest and lowest moments. It gives us the release we need and it allows us to keep on moving. Sometimes we get so stuck and we need to be freed. And maybe we get stuck in a good place, but here's the catch: we're stuck. We can't move on and experience more.

Sometimes we just need to cry.

Peace!

-Nicole

Smith, Nash, and Triggers.

1. Keep your phone close.
2. Laugh and laugh a lot.
3. Oranges are wonderful and necessary to happiness.
4. Professors are people too.

Megan here aaaand we are back on track.  Happy Wednesday!

So the theme that seems to be constantly popping up for me this week is the idea of how we affect each other with our actions, whether those effects were intentional or not.  Adam Smith advocated individualistic economic thought and practices as a means of attaining the greater good for all people through competition and whatnot.  John Nash, the central figure in A Beautiful Mind, countered this with his idea of Governing Dynamics which showed that collectivistic thought and the pursuit of goals with the group in mind was also a viable strategy. Here's the clip from the film!

 

Cool right?  Now, this is great for economic theory but what about our everyday lives?  How do our individual actions manifest in other people?  Well, me being biased towards psychology, I find that triggers are a good example of how we affect each other which can result in consequences we never intended.  Triggers are stimuli such as words or images that "set someone off" and "trigger" a response, whether that be a strong physical response, a memory, a mindset, emotions etc.  They're commonly tied to previous experience and can actually be really rough.  I know last night's episode of Glee handled heavy subject matter and didn't provide any trigger warnings which upset some people. An example of a trigger would be a gunshot triggering a flashback for a veteran who experienced combat.  I have a bunch of triggers too, but I can usually avoid them or navigate whatever they bring up with relative ease.

So last night I was browsing the web and chilling on various social networks when I was triggered by an image I couldn't avoid or prepare for.  Normally I could handle it, but if I get hit in the right spot at the right time I definitely feel it, and this particular instance sent me into an intense physical reaction which I would describe as a prolonged fight or flight response.  Over an hour's worth of calm music, tea, a stress wrap, and breathing exercises could not get be back to a sense of calm, safety, security, and general well-being, which is a frustrating experience when you're alone in your dorm.  I tried getting in touch with several friends to draw my focus, but even that plan had flaws and I ended up needing someone physically present to calm me down.  When I went to bed 5 hours later, I was still experiencing pain in my chest.  Even this morning I'm still not 100% but I'm totally fine and bouncing back.

I think we need to be mindful of how we affect other people with everything we project into the world, whether that's our own emotions, art, words, whatever and however we express ourselves.  I think there's a difference between censoring yourself and being mindful about how what you do could affect your audience. In a way, part of our self-concept is just a reflection of how we perceive we affect other people.  Ex. I think I'm funny because I make people laugh, but I wouldn't think so if they had no reaction.  I know I need to work on recognizing the effects I have on other people--I've been somewhat inconsiderate lately.  My point is we're all connected and affected by each other in various ways, positive AND negative and we just need to be respectful and mindful of those effects, especially surrounding sensitive subject material.  Still, think about the last time you made someone's day.  It's a wonderful thing to be able to affect someone else.

So I challenge you to get out of your own head and focus on someone's reactions to you.  I think you'll learn a lot about yourself and the power you have, as well as about that other person.

Hope your week is filled with smiles and hugs,

-Megan

Keep Calm

1. Drink lots of water when you're sick.
2. If you do drink a ton of water, be prepared to go to the bathroom a lot.
3. Horton Hears a Who is a great way to spend a Saturday night.
4. Keep calm.

It seems to me that all of my friends - as of late - are falling apart, which leaves me wanting to fall apart too. It seems easier to let myself fall than to face the fact that my friends may not be well and I may not be able to help them. I'm getting the point where all I want to do was throw my hands up and say "I'm done" - done with the negativity, rude comments, emotional roller coaster.

But I can't do that; if I were to give up, I would lose everything good about my relationships...and that would surely send me into a hole. Plus, I can't blame them for anything; what they are going through is über hard.

Here is what I have found to work:

I know, a bit over-done, but so very true. The best thing for my friends and for me is to take it day by day. Each day brings it's own challenges and worrying about tomorrow's will only let the challenges of today grow and they will eventually become the worries of tomorrow. The best thing I can do for my friends and anyone who is going through something really tough is to see the pain and acknowledge it. If I ignore it, the pain will only become worse. I can't fix everyone, nor do I want to be the repair person; my job is to be there for them and give a hug when needed and to make them laugh when they need to be pulled out of their own heads. Heck, if I do that for them, it pulls me out of my own head and the viscous thoughts that can occur.

Life gets tough, but things do get better - maybe not in the way you planned or it is an unexpected outcome, but things do turn out.

Keep calm, breathe, and see the goodness in life.

Peace!

-Nicole

"I just can't deal with this right now."

1. Document the sleep deprived quotations.
2. Ever in Ames, Iowa?  Eat at Jeff's Pizza.
3. Go.  You won't regret it.
4. Salsa Doritos are actually kind of good.

Megan here, better late than never right?  I promise I'll post next Wednesday.

Sadly, the title seemed to be my inner mantra for the last two weeks.  It knew I was in for a marathon with MBLGTACC alone, but then my family emergency popped up as well as a few other things I didn't account for.  I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed.  To give you an idea, I spent 19 hours in a vehicle over a span of 5 days and during those 5 days, I went a 72 hour stint with 11 total hours of sleep.  It was really rough and I kind of got a little bit goofy on the ride back.  MBLGTACC was incredible though and feel free to ask us about it.  It was a life changing experience as someone put it in our meeting yesterday, and I really really hope to be able to make next year's conference in Michigan.

I guess I learned a lot over the last week.  Sure, some things I didn't want to know, but it happens.  I was just stressed over going home and having to finally come to terms with another death in the family. There's been 4 since winter break started. Plus the funeral was on Valentine's Day which I already associate with negative connotations having nothing to do with over-commercialization or my currently single status.  So yeah, it was rough, especially with living out of a suitcase and missing classes and whatnot.

Things are rough sometimes, and sometimes they're utterly overwhelming and difficult, but they do get better.  I got back to campus on Tuesday night after white knuckling it through a snow storm to get here.  Yay for 30 mph on the interstate! (I digress) and so yesterday was my first full day back and I was so happy to just have familiarity and routine again.  Yesterday felt great for me.  I felt genuinely good and not stressed out.  Things definitely felt better, and I feel better in general.  It just goes to show that while things may be stressful, they can also be good at the same time.  MBLGTACC opened my eyes to a lot of things, plus I bonded with a lot of amazing people.  I learned, I laughed, I cried, and I experienced solidarity like I've never felt before.  Sure I was stressed when I got back over having to go home, but home was exactly where I needed to be and I'm glad I went back.  I would have regretted it if I hadn't, and I really needed the closure.

Feeling overwhelmed and like you can't handle things as they currently are, much less when an emergency arises, is scary; that's what friends are for.  Reach out and let someone else support you until things stabilize, and then you can get back to normal.  Things will ease up, and they will get better. 

Trust in other people as well as yourself.  You're going to be just fine.
Have a great week and hug someone you love.

-Megan

Celebrate Love

1. Sleeping until 12:30pm when you're sick is the way to go.
2. Make sure emails warning your professors that you are going to be missing class are sent out before you fall asleep.
3. Conversation hearts really aren't that good.
4. Celebrate love.

Happy Valentine's day. I've been home all day in bed, quite ill. I slept from about 11:30pm until about 12:30pm. I feel much better now, although my stomach doesn't like me (but that's probably because I just ate a ton of chocolate). My nose is still stuffed up and I'm a bit sore, but other than that and my stomach, I'm just fine.

Eating yet another piece of candy.

I'm sad I missed today; Valentine's day is one of my favorite holidays. I love how much candy one is allowed to eat (any holiday involving candy eating is on my favorite list) and I love how much pink and red I'm allowed to wear. I love getting cards from someone I never expected to - like my aunt or my grandpa or a friend I haven't talked to in a while. Valentine's day has never been a day to dread. For me, Valentine's day is a day to celebrate love. And not just romantic love - all kinds of love. Love for a friend, a sibling, a parent, a roommate, anyone.

Although today is a day to celebrate love, I have always wondered why we don't celebrate it all the time. Love is the driving force for so many things (or at least, it should be) - why not celebrate that all the time? So let this day teach you something: first, Valentine's day isn't such a terrible thing if you focus on all love, not just being single or taken; second, celebrate love all the time.

It's so worth it.

Peace!

-Nicole

Wake Up!

1. Make sure your alarm is set.
2. Make sure you don't turn off your alarm instead of hitting the snooze.
3. If all else fails, just make sure your phone isn't on silent so someone can call you to wake you up.
4. Wake up.

Hello from Iowa! I am currently sitting in a hotel in Ames, IA, planning out tomorrow with Megan. We are at MBLGTACC (Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference) with our Straight and Gay Alliance. So far it has been amazing - went to a session on trans*, heard Rev. Dr. Jamie Washington speak, and saw Andrea Gibson perform.

We were scheduled to load up at 6:45 this morning and leave by 7....I woke up to Megan storming my dorm, telling me to wake up and get going. I had overslept my alarm and only had a few moments to finish packing and quickly get ready. If you know me, you know I do not feel human until I have a shower - I cannot function and I am not a happy camper as I normally am.

My "grr" face...

Although I felt non-human all day because I didn't get a shower, I woke up today. I woke up to the fact that there is more to learn and more to discover. I woke up to the fact that there needs to be change. I woke up to the fact I don't know myself as much as I thought I did. All of this isn't bad; it's exciting.

So here is my quick lesson for today: wake up to the world around you and wake up to yourself. When you think you know it all, something has gone terribly wrong. There is always something to learn - wake up to it.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Listen to the Circle of Life while watching the sunrise.

Flying Solo... with bruises

1. Don't start papers at 11 pm.
2. Eat something.
3. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own comfort for someone else.
4. Your professor will make a meeting go 30 minutes over.

Hey guys, Megan here.  Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I'm kind of in the middle of a family emergency and I was figuring out a bunch of logistical things.  I finally have a moment to sit down and relax--there's not a whole lot of work I am willing to do right now anyways.  So the big news is that Nicole and I will be leaving at 7am tomorrow for a conference in Iowa and we'll be getting back Sunday night, after which I'll be leaving to go home around 1pm on Monday and getting back on Tuesday night.  I guess I'll just be living out of a suitcase for the next five days.

Flying Solo was the name of my yearbook junior year, and it was by far my most difficult, due to the fact that I was dealing with a lot of things at the time as well as tough classes, but it was also really, really enjoyable.  I discovered a lot about myself and I also took my first psych and poetry classes... now I'm a psych major with a possible English writing minor, so I guess things worked out.

In case you didn't know, I'm now living alone, essentially flying solo.  My roommate transferred to the University of Nebraska--Omaha, and she tells me she's loving it and that it's exactly where she's supposed to be.  It also puts her closer to her friends, boyfriend, and family which is really cool.  I still miss her a lot though.  I think roommates share a really unique bond that comes with the somewhat terrifying experience of going off to college.  I see it a lot, especially with the floor that adopted me.  Melissa and her roommate are perfect together!  It's actually really fun to see them interact.  My roommate and I got along well and we had some really great discussions about anything and everything, and I miss that.  One of my favorite stories is when I dropped something or did something clumsy and my roommate said to me, "You know... sometimes I wake up and I have bruises that I don't know where they came from, and I feel like that's kind of like your life sometimes."  There are tons and tons of quotations like that.

Sure, it's nice to live alone sometimes, but I miss having a roommate--mine was always someone welcoming to come home to.  My room is a little more sterile feeling these days.  In a way, she was part of what I wanted out of the college experience.  She provided me with a different outlook on EVERYTHING!  Her life has been completely different than mine and I got loads of new perspective just by listening to her stories.  She made me reconsider things I probably needed to.  I miss her sometimes, especially just the sound of her skyping her boyfriend or the way she looked like she wanted to murder someone in the mornings. :P We are definitely not morning people. I'd gotten used to falling asleep to her talking and the lights on and now the silence bothers me sometimes.  I couldn't sleep at all on my first night back. 

So, I miss her.  Adjusting to living alone is a lot of getting in the mindset that being alone shouldn't be a cause of loneliness, but rather a source of solitude, and I'm getting there.  I've also been lucky enough to be adopted by Nicole, Melissa, and Sally's floor.  Everyone there has been so kind and welcoming to me that they've been like a family to me.  I have no idea what I'd do without them.  So I guess I'm not really flying solo after all, am I?

Peace and be well.  Maybe Nicole will blog from Iowa...

-Megan

Can't Breathe

1. Teaching in Spanish is not as scary as one would think.
2. Phone cases made to look like a cassette tape are epic (even better if they glow in the dark).

New phone case!

3. 6:45am does exist.
4. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

Last night was rough - I couldn't stop laughing. It was one of those laughing fits where there is no cause and everything is funny. I am fairly sure all my friends thought I was going insane, but hey, I made them laugh. And because of my laughing fit, I was having a hard time catching my breath.

I've always had issues breathing. I developed allergy-induced asthma when I was about 12 and for a few summers, I had to be on a low-dose inhaled steroid to control it. It's scary when you are having an asthma attack and you can't find your inhaler. Another issue I experience is sometimes, it feels like a large needle is being stuck into my lungs and every time I breathe in, the pain gets worse. When I was little, I use to hold my breath so I wouldn't have to feel the pain, but nearly every time, I had to take a gulp of air in so I wouldn't pass out. My mom told me, after I had experienced a few painful instances of it, that I just had to endure the pain; take a few deep breaths in and soon enough the pain will go away.

I have a few friends who are suffering like I will never know - family members are dying, depression is tormenting them, self-esteem issues are tearing them apart, and other things I may never know about. Even for me, I am having some issues with my anxiety. Although the only thing I want to do is sleep through it, ignore it, and pretend it doesn't exist, it won't help me.

Sometimes it has to get worse in order to get better. Sometimes you have to fall a bit farther to appreciate what you had before and to notice things you couldn't before. But that doesn't mean you should hold your breath during it all. Like when I was little, if I held my breath, the pain eventually disappeared, but it took twice as long for me to not feel the pain any more. And sometimes you need someone to tell you to breathe.

Don't be afraid to fall - it always gets better. And don't be afraid to tell someone about it - whatever it is - they may just help you.

Peace!

-Nicole

Do You Smell That?

1. Real butter is a treasure in a dorm room.
2. When selling chocolate bars for a fundraiser, it's a bad idea to to keep the box in your dorm.
3. Time After Time is an over-done song.
4. Smell the world.

Now I don't know if I am simply weird or if it is just an unspoken thing, but the first thing I notice about people is how they smell. Whenever I am with people, I can't help but notice what they smell like. For example, Megan smells like vanilla, sugar, and a mess of flowers. Melissa smells about the same, but it's less sweet and more rich. My mom, when I was younger, smelled like a bakery/deli because she worked at our local grocery store. When she had her days off, she smelled like clean clothes, her shampoo, and she smelled like her skin. Now, she just smells of home.

It's weird being at college. The first week weeks of living in the dorm were weird. I remember just feeling uncomfortable and I couldn't figure out why but then I figured it out: everything smelled differently. The bathroom didn't smell of my usual shampoo and my mom's hairspray - it now smelled like cleaning products and a mess of hair care supplies. My room smelled like it normally did, but it had a mix of something else. This was the most puzzling to me. I figured out why the bathroom smelled differently (the bathroom was cleaned every other day and was used by 30 girls), but my dorm room confused me the most. I knew my roommate had put out an air freshener, so I closed that for a while, figuring it would go back to the way I think it should smell - it didn't fix it. Finally, I figured it out: I wasn't the only one living in my room. I had my roommate and a ton more people were popping in and out of my dorm daily, so of course my room wouldn't just smell of me. After time, I didn't notice the difference as much.

When I was home for Christmas break, my mom came home one day after work. I had spent the whole day just lounging around and when I came downstairs, my mom looked at me and said, "I forgot you were here; I knew something smelled different." I never thought I had such a distinct smell until today, when I hugged my friend Shelby from behind. Although she didn't see my face, she somehow knew it was me. "I knew it was you," she said. "I could smell you." I laughed at it and made a comment about it later to Megan. "You have a very distinct smell," she said to me. I never thought I had a distinct smell. I never wear perfume and rarely do I put on lotion. The only thing that is consistent that I use that has a smell is my shampoo and conditioner. When I do put on something that has a smell to it, the smell tends to fade quite quickly. It just seems that there is something about me that smells a certain way.

Whenever I spend a few hours or the night in Megan's dorm, I come back smelling like a combination of her dorm (vanilla) and me. And this happens no matter where I go - I always come back smelling a bit different. Even when I hug someone, their smell lingers and it's almost like they are there all the time. It's crazy how much a smell can affect you - it can bring you back to a certain moment or bring back memories of someone. For me, the smell of a garden will forever remind me of my grandma. Beef jerky will remind me of car rides home with my mom from school.

Here's the point I'm trying to make: our sense of smell is here for a reason. Smell the world - I know it sounds funny, but we use our ears, eyes, and hands so often we sometimes forget about our noses. Our sense of smell can remind us of where we have been and who we've been with. Our skin is was reminds people of who we are - that we are real and sitting next to them or really giving them a hug. Sure, they can feel us, but when the smell of us (because each of us has a distinct smell) surrounds them, we really become real and our smell lingers and reminds them of who we are.

Stop and smell the flowers around you - you never know what they will remind you of.

Peace!

-Nicole

It's Sally's Birthday!

1. Carry out and complete a secret mission.
2. You don't have to know someone to care about them.
3. Go ahead, buy the water bottle.
4.  Relax, you are doing some things right.

Hello hello!  Megan here and guess what?!  It's Sally's birthday!!!  Everyone say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY!"

 Sally is a HUGE Dr. Who fan and so we cooked up this plot to turn her room into the TARDIS.  Well, it was a late night, but we succeeded and Nicole put this up this morning.  Thanks to Sally's roommate for the photo. I'll be putting some more emphasis on Sally later in this post--hope she doesn't mind.

A book I'm reading for my Sociology class has introduced the concept of "Everest Psychology" and how it pertains to current American culture.  I'll try to explain it as well as I can, but it basically contains the idea that our culture values us always trying to reach the peak: we're always trying to be successful, always trying to get more enjoyment, more possessions, more status, more wealth etc.  The problem is that we never reach that peak because we always want more and more even if our needs are satisfied.

Mt. Everest fascinates me, and I studied it quite a bit when I was younger.  Well Everest and our culture share a death zone--the point at which the current pace and presence cannot be sustained without serious harm.  Too much time in Everest's death zone, and you will die.  Too much time at the metaphorical death zone and you might start sacrificing things such as time with your family, leisure, sleep, and overall interpersonal connections--things that truly fulfill us rather than that next promotion or paycheck.

I feel like this is where we're doing pretty well as college students.  We're all striving for success, but we also seem to be maintaining a balance between our interpersonal relationships and our respective workloads.  This is why I love Sally.  Sally lets everyone focus on the living in the current moment.  There's something magical about having a few people in a hallway singing a favorite song together while someone *cough* Sally, plays guitar.  See, Sally is one of those people who isn't afraid to feel human.  Sometimes its easy to let ourselves slip into a state of workaholic robotism, but Sally reminds all of us that sometimes its important to cry over a TV show, sing out loud, be embarrassed, tell a story, dream deeply, obsess a little bit over an actor, and most importantly, do what we love.

So my advice to you is to go all out on someone's birthday and have a good time with it, and also to recognize the value in putting aside the quest for success for a few moments and enjoy where you're at and the people you're with.  Oh, and it's okay to cry.

Be well and have an awesome week.

-Megan