Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine.

First person to comment and tell me the name of the song I got the title from gets a mental high five from me. My friend and I used to go through this song, sending each other the lyrics line by line. Oy, nostalgia.

First things first, if you're reading this, you need to look at the post before this and share it on your facebook, tumblr, twitter, whatever social networks you're involved in. Nicole has entered a scholarship competition for bloggers and needs as many 'shares' as possible. Please do this. Besides, it has some good political insight.

1. Walks help with back problems.
2. This too shall pass.
3. Get out of the house and get out of your head.
4. Have faith in friendships.

Hey, Megan here. I hope everyone is having an excellent holiday season filled with family, friends, and baked goods.

I've been home for 11 days now, and while it is nice to feel carpet beneath my feet, have a nice shower, and be able to walk to the fridge for a snack, I still miss college immensely. The truth is I have cooped myself up in my room for far too many days and am a little bit stuck in my head. Last night I went out with friends to our popular summer haunt and it made me realize not only the importance of getting out of the house, but also the importance of simply having faith in your friends. You have to trust that each other will still be the same person you know and love. Everyone changes to come extent, but, as I learned in my most recent psych class, personality is fairly constant over time, so have faith in it.

It's important to get out of your room, get out of your head, get out of your house, go spend some time in a dimly lit coffee shop, and have a good discussion in a van. Don't get stuck in your head. It's not an accurate portrayal of reality; it's just a skewed mess of constructs that can certainly and very convincingly masquerade as reality, but it really isn't. See, the trick is you actually have to go and live in the real world with real people in order to construct a more accurate reality instead of just letting your imagination take what you know and run off in all sorts of directions with it. It's so simple, yet we forget it sometimes.

So tonight I'm spending some quality time with a couple of friends who I've known since 7th grade. It's definitely time for a reunion, and I know we'll be able to pick up on our friendship right where we left off despite the fact that we've all changed quite a bit. I'm excited to spend time with them because I get to be the part of me I missed.

We all play different roles in different groups of friends or acquaintances, and I get to be wild and bubbly and silly with this particular group, whereas I sometimes like to fade into the background in other groups. Sometimes I step a little out of line and play a role I'm not meant to when I'm with certain people. Believe me, it is an uncomfortable feeling to sit there and think to yourself, "I shouldn't have said that, definitely shouldn't have done that, should have thought before I said THAT." It's okay to play different roles I think, it just depends on who other people need you to be, and what you're comfortable with. Taking on a different role doesn't mean you change your personality either, it just dictates what strengths and weaknesses you employ and when. I think it's just important to change it up a bit, and not force yourself into being typecasted as it were. Is typecasted a word?

In conclusion, get out and live a little, have faith that you'll be able to pick up where your friendships left off, and just let yourself adapt to situations. When you leave home such as I have, it's rough to go back... but, it's important to. (Let the record show that I have now expressed this sentiment in writing whenever I complain.) When you hit the road and leave, it's almost as if you have also taken upon yourself the responsibility of returning, almost like a price you have to pay for the extra freedom. It's just the way it is sometimes. Making yourself remember where you've come from isn't a bad thing by any means, and in some ways it keeps you grounded, and gives you extra motivation to get where you want to be.

So, I hope you have a most excellent week. Take care. Love and hugs.

-Megan

CHRISTMAS!!!

Melissa here.

I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN FOREVER. HI, EVERYONE.

Right now, it's officially Christmas day (even though it's almost 2 am, it still counts)!

I'm really excited, because I get to spend a lot of time with my family. I've realized over this break that I've really missed them. Today, I spent the entire day with them. We ate lunch together, then went to Christmas Eve mass, and came home to open presents. I'm really excited, because I got three books (two of which I've already read, but who's to say I can't reread them again?), one of which is Looking For Alaska by John Greene. I've wanted to read it for over a year, and now I finally can! I also got the game 'Apples To Apples', which I ended up spending a good chunk of time playing with my mom and sisters. Like I said, I've really missed them, and it took being away from home and coming back for a longer break to realize this. Being home, I've been able to have some really good talks with my mom, like we used to when I was growing up. I forgot how much I really need those talks. No one can put things into perspective for me like my mommy can. I guess what the point of this post is, don't forget the importance of family during this Christmas time. Don't forget the importance of family ever.

I guess that's all I have for now, so...

Aww yeah.

-Melissa

Merry Christmas!

1. New PJs are glorious.
2. When watching the last Harry Potter with your mom, be prepared to stop a lot to explain things.
3. Blogging on a phone is hard, but worth it.
4. When it comes down to it, love is all we've got.

Merry Christmas all! I hope you spent your Christmas Eve with those you love.

My mom and I spent our night munching on artichoke dip, crackers, and cookies. We opened gifts (best of all are my PJs and Tangled movie) and then watched Harry Potter 7 part 2. Although I had to stop the movie multiple times to explain things to my mom, it was a great night.

My favorite line from the movie is from Dumbledore: "Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love." Beautiful line, isn't it?

On this Christmas Eve, all I want to say is it's all about love. God came down to earth to give us a bundle of love. Even if you don't believe in God, you have to agree that the best thing for everyone is love. So just love on people. As this season ends and a new year comes upon us, maybe our focus should be on love - nothing else.

May your night be filled with love (and hopefully Santa will bring you something pretty cool).

Peace!

-Nicole

The Story's Conflict

1. Baking cookies is exhausting.
2. A night with family is the best kind of night.
3. Write a blog post - Megan might get angry if you don't.
4. If there is no conflict, there is no story.

I am currently sitting at my kitchen table, surrounded by my family (mom, aunt Arlyce, uncle Rich, and cousin Joseph). Let me start off by saying that my uncle Rich is insanely brilliant and creative. He just got back from a script-writing conference in Hollywood. One of the main things he learned was "If a scene does not have conflict, there is no story."

My uncle, being the brilliant man he is, applied it to life. If life does not have conflict, then what is the point? Take a huge break-up. If it didn't hurt and if it didn't create some emotion, then that means there wasn't much there before.

Can you list all the fights you've had with friends? How about can you list all of the crazy things you've done in the past year? I know I can tell so many stories of fights/conflicts I've had with friends and I can tell you about the crazy antics that have happened too. Every single one of them has had a conflict involved, whether it be between myself and friends or myself vs myself.

And I've learned from each of them too. Try to remember a day where something crazy or weird or exciting didn't happen - pretty much impossible. If there is no conflict, there is no story. If there is no story, then there is no lesson. Without a lesson, then what is life? I try to learn something new every day (heck, that's why I blog). If I can't find something in my day that I can learn from, then what is the point of it?

Something can always be learned - no matter the situation. If a day seems too boring and utterly useless, create conflict. Scary, I know. But, why waste a day when posing a risky question or doing something a bit out there could create conflict and present a lesson?

Conflict also brings change. On a large scale, if a country disagrees with another, they will surely let the other know. But on a smaller scale, if something is not right in a relationship, the best thing to do is confront it and work it out. If it isn't talked about, the problem will still be there and change will never happen.

Don't be afraid of conflict. Without it, there pretty much is no life. So live, speak your mind, and learn.

Peace!

-Nicole

Watch Your Step

1. Have faith in your ability to recall information.
2. Technology is stressful. It's okay to disconnect.
3. 16 hours of sleep in 3 days = bad outcomes.
4. Trust your feet.

Hey, it's Megan. I won't wish you a happy Wednesday, since it's finals week for us... but I hope you're surviving at least.

So I have been completely disconnected from all social networks ever since Monday morning, courtesy of Nicole changing my passwords per my request. I am connected via email and text messaging and that's pretty much it. :P It's different, but I am enjoying not being so accessible. It's a lot less stress on me, especially with all my thought and effort focused on finals. The only reason I can rationalize being here and typing this is because I got out of a final sooner than I expected to. Oh, and I guess Melissa and I might grab lunch together :) It's okay, I have higher hopes for tomorrow's finals.

I worked at a bowling alley for much of my senior year and the summer before college. It was super icy this morning, and while I was walking on the iced over cobblestones on my way to DS, it just brought me back. I was always horrible at walking on the lanes--there was no real process to it, you just had to teach yourself how to do it without falling. My coworkers told me the only way to really be able to do it well and with a decent amount of speed was to walk confidently and trust in your feet.

Following my usual blog pattern, I think this makes a great metaphor for life. Life isn't always easy or solid, and sometimes it's downright slippery. Finals are tough to navigate, especially when you don't know what to study or for how long... or how much it will impact you. Sometimes everything feels unstable or uncertain, but even though that may be the case, it doesn't mean you'll fall, or fail for that matter. It's okay to trust in your step and trust in your feet, because when you do that, there's less freaking out and compensating. My friend and coworker always told me that we overcompensate when we're on a slippery surface which makes us even more likely to fall.

If you're stressed and freaking out over anything, whether that be an exam, a presentation, a date, or even going home for winter break, it's important to take a deep breath, reset yourself, and walk--all while trusting in your step. Well, I tried to remember what my coworkers said and I didn't slip this morning, so I guess that means I must be doing ok.

Good luck on the rest of the week, be well and stay safe.

-Megan

The Rest of the Story

1. Unplug yourself from technology during stressful times - it may increase your productivity.
2. Wear comfortable clothes during finals - you'll be happy you did.
3. Puppy love is the best.
4. The rest of the story has to be written.

Day one of finals week: Complete. Tomorrow is our last day of classes and then Wednesday-Friday are finals. It is getting to be crunch time - well, it has been crunch time for quite a while, but now everyone is feeling it. Most people can't wait for the semester to be over, but for me, it's bittersweet.

If I go back to back to August 28th, I was feeling so anxious and excited.

"Move-in day" me

I had no idea what was coming but I was ok with it. I was so excited to start a new chapter in my life - heck, I waited years for that moment to come. I was as ready as I could be. I situated myself into my room and went to orientation.

My club - see me in the middle, poking my head out?

I loved orientation. It prepared me for what I didn't know what I needed to be prepared for. I loved my orientation group and I would be spending the rest of the semester in class with them. This picture was taken one of the last days of orientation, little to my knowledge that this was my first college family. I love each and every one of them like a sibling and they are so dear to me.

Crazy how even now it represents all of our personalities (I'm center in the back row, choking my friend)

Then life became very bizarre...which is when I started this blog. I thought I would have a strict schedule and I thought I would act just as I had before, just without as much anxiety as before. I never expected for this to happen. Every day brings something new and I mean new. I never know what to expect. Sometimes I wish for consistency, but most of the time, I love the craziness. And I've done some crazy things. Heck, Megan jokes that I now have a reputation. I am the "pink-haired, bubbly, loud, emotional, girl-with-the-ideas, theatrical, cute-clothes-wearing, Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan, touchy-feely, organized, army-building" girl. Ok, so maybe most of that stuff isn't included in my reputation, but my friends sure do know about all of it.

I've changed so much. I think of when I've gone to camp or mission trips in years past and come back suddenly and abruptly changed. It's all good, but that change often doesn't last long. It's that mountaintop experience, where you feel so emotionally high and then you back to reality and that mountaintop experience was too short to really learn from that experience. For a while, I felt like college was like that. Orientation felt like camp: everything was planned out and I was in a specific group. It felt like a mountaintop experience.

But now I have started to live on that mountaintop. And I've made friends. I became friends with Melissa who accepted me for who I was instantly and allowed me to be me fully for the first time in a long time. She introduced me to Megan, who I have become connected to at the heart. I've also met Sally, Stef, Erin, and so many other people who have started to camp with me onto of that mountain with me.

Throughout my classes, I've learned to look up, instead of looking down from my position on the mountain. Little did I know that there are other mountains to climb where I could experience more mountaintop experiences. Before, I've always been looking down to see where I've been and to see how far I've gone. I'd been waiting for college for so that I didn't remember to keep on looking farther up. There is so much more waiting for me to climb. And I'm not discouraged by it...these aren't goals set by other people; I choose what one to climb. If I don't like it, all I have to do is switch to another.

I've been living on this mountain for a while and it's become semi-comfortable. As the semester ends, I can't help but think I am ready for the semester to end. But maybe I'm not. I love how everything about college is still new to me. But as these last few weeks have passed, things are becoming not-so-new, like when to eat dinner to avoid the dinner rush, the best places to study, when to get the best shower in the bathroom, or how long it takes to walk to class.

I'm also slightly sad because I will have to home for about a month. The concept of home has completely changed in my mind. Home has always been at my house; now it's mainly my dorm. When I spent mid-sem and Thanksgiving at my house, all I wanted after a few days was to go back my dorm. My college family was there and I missed seeing them. Yes, I do miss my house and my mother, but I was ready to move out when I came to college. I'm not ready to say goodbye to my friends, even if it is only for a month.

The end of the semester doesn't mean huge changes are in store. It just means that the beginning has ended...now it's time for the rest of the story to start. And I can't wait to see what crazy things are going happen.

It's going to be quite the adventure and quite a beautiful mess. 

Good luck on finals and whatever else is going on in your life.

Peace!

-Nicole

Join the Army!

1. Baking cookies = amazing.
2. Bleach is never fun to spill.
3. Hair dye does stain skin.
4. Create an army.

I am currently sitting in my dorm's laundry room, smelling slightly of bleach... hair bleach. Soon enough, my hands will be tinted blue and my friend Erin and her friend Ashley will have a few streaks of blue in their hair (and it's supposed to be blue this time!).

My goal right now: to create an army of people with streaks of crazy color in their hair. So far, I've recruited Megan, Erin, and Ashley. I just posted this on my Facebook, "I've created a monster. Anyone else want a funky color in their hair? I'm trying to create an army. So far I have pink, purple, and blue. I want a few more colors in my army. Anyone?" And right now, I have one person coming downstairs for me to color his hair purple. And I have five people considering joining me. It's my evil plan. I'm creating an army of colors - sort of like a Rainbow Hair Army.

I am so winning.

It may be a ridiculous goal right now to create a Rainbow Hair Army, but maybe creating an army isn't such a bad idea. It is finals weeks and things are completely crazy. Megan and I today went a little crazy at dinner and nearly everyone on campus is wearing glasses, sweatpants, and sweatshirts. During a time when people are hiding in their rooms or in the library doing homework, it is sort of a lonely time. I know for the past few days, I've craved the company of others, but haven't been able to enjoy that company because either I or they have had things to do.

I've found that stress is easier to handle when you are around others - maybe not complaining all the time, but even just being in the company of others. Think of war movies: when the huge battle scene comes, every single one of the men is quiet, preparing for the first shot to be heard. Each of them are facing their own fears and demons, but they are together.

Creating an army is creating a group of people on whom you can depend on in those times of trial; a "no man left behind" culture is created. Not to mention, that during those really happy times, they are there to share it with you. Happiness grows. Lovely, isn't it?

So create an army. It will be a force against all that is bad and something that will create joy. Just don't start any wars against any people.

Peace!

-Nicole

Plans for World Domination

1. Purchase copious amounts of hair dye.
2. Find friends who will allow me to dye their hair.
3. Dye their hair funky colors.
4. Take over people's blogs.

This blog has been taken over by a special guest blogger, Andrew (who has a blog here) . . . Nicole is currently up to her hands in hair and hair dye. She is currently dying someone's hair blue. She just finished up with Erin's, a friend of ours. She might be doing mine next. Not sure. I'm debating it. It's temporary and wouldn't be much hair that was dyed. Plus, I've wanted to do stuff with my hair for a while. It is almost the end of semester too, so a change would be amazing to start Finals Week off with a bang.

Nervous

1. Let someone hack your computer or smart phone. It's interesting to see what they do.
2. Don't let anyone who you don't trust hack your computer or phone.
3. It really is quiet on campus with all the choir kids gone.
4. Don't let nerves get the best of you.

Last night, I had a meeting at my church for a trip I am taking next summer. When I got back to my dorm, I found I had a new text message from Megan: "hey, wanna help me with my speech?" Unlike me, Megan has terrible stage-fright and today, she had an eight-minute speech to present to her oral communications class. We ended up spending about two hours practicing, critiquing, and fixing her speech.

When I ran into Megan this morning at breakfast, she was riddled fear and nerves. Her leg was twitching, her fingers were tapping on the table, and her eyes were darting every-which way. "Megan, what's wrong?" She then looked up at me and said something along the lines that she just wanted it to be over. I found this whole situation to be a bit funny - all that she was doing was giving a speech to her friends on a topic she was passionate about. What was there to be nervous about?

I guess I am coming from the perspective of a person who has spent the last seven years performing on stage and competing. But I wasn't always this way...I used to be scared of even talking with people. I was afraid I was going to stumble over words, then people wouldn't understand me and then I wouldn't be able to get anywhere. I now know this is completely untrue - I was going to stumble, but all I needed to do was start again and not worry too much about my mess up.

Whenever I help someone with a speech or performance (or even when I practice things), they react to their mess-up by either making a funny noise, cussing, or letting their shoulders slump. This does not help with the nerves...it only perpetuates it.

Nerves aren't just present in speeches...they're present in life. Right now, I am heading into finals week. I only have one final, but that's Spanish and I'm not ready at all. I also have a ton of projects to do (a scale-model of a set, a lighting design, a final paper, a revision of a paper, another final paper, and a Spanish oral exam). There is a lot for me to be nervous about. If I don't use my time wisely, I am afraid I won't do well in the class.

But letting myself be nervous about it all won't help. Like Megan has said before on a this post, you have plunge yourself into your work. Nerves get you no where - all it does is take up your time and create a mess of problems you don't need.

Don't let nerves get the best of you.

Peace!

-Nicole

Hack Attack!

1. Smart phones are fun.
2. Trust me.
3. It's so quiet without the choir kids.
4. Speeches are not fatal.

I just hacked Nicole. She's paranoid now I think...

Have an epic day!
-Megan

Empathetic Tendencies

1. Write when inspired, even if that's all over the back of the article you're discussing.
2. Stretch your mind, even if it hurts.
3. Finding out your final paper is due two days later than you thought is a good feeling.
4. As finals get closer, look for more people wearing glasses and exhibiting jittery behavior.

It's Wednesday. It's Megan.

Sometimes (but not all the time) people turn to me with issues they're facing. Sometimes I jump the gun and run around looking for my cape so I can fly to the rescue, and other times I just try to make sure I'm around if they need me. Someone called me an enabler the other day which really, really, really threw me for a loop. The absolute last thing I'd ever want is for how I naturally react to certain situations to do more harm than good. I mean, I think I try to work towards resolving the issue and not just pacifying the outcome... I think.

I started thinking, what am I enabling? What are we all enabling when we listen to or try to help others make it through their problems? Of course it depends on the situation, but from certain Psychological perspectives, disclosing painful secrets, allowing the release of emotions, and letting yourself be open and honest with someone you trust are all positive behaviors associated with better health outcomes. That's what we enable people to do when we make ourselves available to listen.

I'm discussing empathy in my inquiry class, and as humans, our capacity for empathy serves the evolutionary purpose of creating a deep connection between us. Our brains are even wired for empathy with "mirror" neurons: for example, if you see a spider on someone's arm, your same neurons will fire as if to tell you there is a spider on your own arm.

We experience empathy because our fates are intricately intertwined. It is how we survive both as individuals and as a species. We have this need to feel connected and share experiences. Along with this conscious desire to share experiences, we also experience an unconscious ability to share in, and try to ease, someone else's suffering because we know ourselves what it's like to suffer. Humans feel the need to make life more tolerable and livable for someone else, sometimes because it's the right and compassionate thing to do, but also because we know we would want someone else to do it for us. Sometimes we acknowledge someone else's suffering in the hopes that they'll acknowledge ours--and everyone suffers in some way... at least according to the Four Noble Truths found in Buddhist teachings.

Empathy arguably arises from the acknowledgement of our own mortality. We recognize we don't have unlimited time, and so seeing or knowing that someone else is in pain is painful to us. There is an automatic desire to take on and relieve someone of that suffering. My roommate told me I have a savior complex. Well, so be it. If what I do gets people somewhere, then so be it. Empathy, luckily for us, is not confined to suffering. We have the ability to share in and experience the success, happiness, and sometimes sheer giddiness of others. Like I said, our fate and experiences are connected more than one would think.

We may all be facing our own demons, and we may all need to conquer our own demons, but that doesn't mean we can't fight them together. If you have my back, I have yours.

I leave you with a poem by John Donne as well as a link to the video that inspired much of this post.

Be well and love deeply,

-Megan

No Man is an Island

No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as a manor of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.


The Empathetic Civilisation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g

Note: Touch

My friend Sally came up to me the other day and flat out said, "You have a people-touching problem." See, I have this weird quirk where I need to have physical contact with someone when I am around them. Don't take this the wrong way; I mean simple, light, innocent touch - like arm to arm or palm to palm. It's not romantic nor is it to gain something. I am constantly touching my friends - whether it be poking them, making them run into me, or sitting close to them. Most of the time is ok, but other times, my friends turn to me and say, "You have a people-touching problem."

I have no idea why I love innocent physical human contact so much. Maybe it's because I didn't get enough when I was younger. Maybe it's because I was too afraid of being hurt. Maybe I felt I would be rejected. Who knows. But I do know that now, all I want is touch that has no point other than to feel another person's pulse and warmth against mine. I need to know that people are real. I want to know that my heart is not the only one beating in the world.

Why is it such taboo to hold someone's hand that isn't your romantic partner? Where along the line of things did holding hands become specific to romantic partners? I love to hold hands - the feeling of immediate connection and being able to feel their pulse. I can talk to someone, but sometimes I feel like I am so far removed from them that I can't relate to them. But putting my hand in theirs, they become real and human. It is a reassuring squeeze of the hand.

The benefits of human contact is immense. A baby needs to be held to know they are safe. Their mother's heartbeat is something that will calm a fussy baby easily, but that cannot be done unless the baby is near the mother's chest. Even now, when I'm feeling lonely or sad, a hug makes it better.

I may not know the science behind it, but I know for me, touch is what really connects us with each other. You truly cannot know if someone is real and solid or just an image unless you touch them. Once you touch them, they become real. Think of movies when a couple or two friends see each other for the first time in years. They slowly approach each other and put a hand somewhere on the person (face, shoulder, arm, etc.). They need to know they are real and they simply aren't a mirage.

We all need to know we are not alone in this universe. Sometimes words aren't enough to keep us sane; sometimes holding someone's hand keeps us grounded.

Let yourself touch and be touched - emotionally and physically. It's innocent and absolutely lovely.

Peace!

-Nicole

Just Be

1. Secret Santa gift exchanges are exciting.
2. The effects of five-hour energy drinks are funny, especially if you are watching it happen to someone else.
3. Don't skip breakfast...not a good thing.
4. Just let yourself be.

Talking feels like an effort today. It is like I feel like I have nothing to say to people and everything I would say would be trivial, self-centered, and tedious. I know that whatever I say will be a bit hurtful (which I don't want to happen). All I want to do is stop talking and just ignore my own thoughts. I'm not quite sure why I'm in this mood; it just is. I am normally the bubbly, weird, and energetic person who can carry a conversation fairly well, but today, not so much.

Sometimes we just need a day to just be - to listen to conversations, watch interactions, and let the world spin around you. I think we talk too much. Over the past few months, I have been finding my voice. I am now more vocal in social situations and I'm not as afraid to make a fool of myself. But sometimes it goes a bit more beyond that and becomes a "listen to me!" thing, which I have never really been a fan of. There are times when we should use our voice - to speak out on injustice or to bring new ideas to the table. But days like today make me realize that there are other ways to speak out: silence.

In theatre, I've always been taught that silence speaks more than actions and words. When I competed in speech, I was always praised for my use of pauses. It gave the audience time to react to what my character was saying and anticipate what was coming next. So many ideas are thrown around and no time is given to ponder them and wonder what is next.

I also think that we lose touch with each other - in the emotional and physical sense. We get so caught up in the daily adventures that we don't allow ourselves to just be together. Emotions are easy to sense in each other when you sit in silence. Human contact is an amazing thing too. I love having physical touch - innocent and loving. Even simply sitting close to each other so that you can feel their warmth and pulse or even holding hands. To know that they are there and living and breathing just like you is one of the greatest comforts.

So maybe the weird mood I'm in right now is a good thing, provided that I use my time to just listen, watch, and feel another's pulse.

Just allow yourself to be in people's presence.

Peace!

-Nicole

Best Facebook Hack Ever

1. 3 hour naps are glorious.
2. Twizzlers are yummy.
3. Don't leave your computer open...your Facebook will be hacked.
4. Sometimes crazy things happen.

So Megan left her computer open in my dorm while she ran back to her dorm to grab a few things. So, I hacked her Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. (A 'hack' is when you pose as a person on their profile, often done when the person is gone.) I took my opportunity to write something on her Facebook. So instead of writing another post, I thought I would share what I wrote. Here you go.

Hello world. I am Nicole and Megan made the mistake of leaving her compute open in my dorm while she was running back to her's to grab some stuff. So, I took this opportunity to hack her Facebook and post something for the world to see.

Let me start off by saying it's been quite the adventure the past few months of college. I grew up near Concordia (only about 15 minutes away), so I didn't expect to experience too much change. But boy was I wrong. I grew up an only child living with just my mom. Now I am living with 30 girls, sharing one bathroom and having to figure out a balance with them. I have met people who I never would have had the opportunity to meet otherwise, even though I am only 15 minutes away from home. One of those people is Megan. Megan and I were talking a few days ago about how we probably would have never been friends before college. We aren't completely sure why this is true, but somehow the circumstances and timing were right to make this friendship work.

So here's my little message to you: sometimes crazy things happen. Sometimes you end up tackling someone to the ground and think that now that person is going to hate you...but then you end up connected at the heart and spending hours talking about anything and everything. (Yay Megan!) Or maybe sometimes you are at a football game and you are a little too hyper for your own good and the person next to you leans over and says, "Do you speak whale?" and then you end up being "those girls" on your floor that everyone has to tell to shut up because you are laughing too loud. (Yay Melissa!)

The thing is all this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let myself be a bit crazy. Maybe sometimes you need to be a bit insane to become sane...who knows?

Well, Megan's back and is currently sitting on a bed, writing what I'm sure is an poem or thought. It's really cool to see - she's sort of in her element.

Ok, that's all I've got. Thanks for reading my hack note.

Peace!

-Nicole

Better Days

1. Conserve dining dollars so you can pig out on comfort food during the last two weeks
2. My laptop (now known as Dorky) does not have the battery capacity to handle both a Spanish film and a Psych lecture.
3. Appreciate little moments, like when someone starts playing a flute in DS
4. It's nice to receive two letters in one day.
5. Find things to look forward to. (I'm looking forward to the Christmas concert)

Hey, It's Megan. Happy Wednesday.

It is the first week back on campus and we've all been hurled into hyper speed with finals, projects, and papers. It's definitely rough and stressful going, but all the Christmas decorations are popping up over night and they're fun to see.

All the stress and projects and things have left us a little bit at a loss. There's no time to sit and simply exist anymore. On Friday I'm reading Life Without Principle by Thoreau, and in it he criticizes being busy all the time because it doesn't allow one time to reflect or work on reaching a deeper level of personal depth. It's true though! When we have open time to just exist, we usually spend it together and talk or do things that contribute to our own depth of existence. We take that time to learn about ourselves and one another, but we are still learning, and it is still hugely important. Now, we don't have much time to do that at all... and it's easy to lose oneself in the mess.

Unfortunately, we can't avoid the stress of everything. And it's almost certain to get worse before it gets better, so here is some of my advice for getting through all the work.
1. Eat well
2. If listening to music, listen to instrumentals to not get distracted (Search "Study music" on Youtube)
3. Take short study breaks
4. Plunge

Let me explain plunge. Plunging is when you completely throw yourself into what you're doing. Find some passion and use it to complete your current project. You have to lose track of time and stop focusing on how big of a pain it is and just dive right into it. I find that If I can get into the zone, I'm more efficient and end up with a better finished product. Think of it as swimming under water. I don't know about you, but I swim faster under water than on the surface. Less splashing and flailing, and overall chaos I think. So take the plunge (and it's perfectly okay to wear floaties.)

It may not seem like it, but better days are ahead. It may seem like the chaos and stress will never end, but it will. You just have to maintain your sanity, hunker down, and push through it. Better days will come, and it'll be okay to sit and talk for a few hours, or have a relaxing lunch, or just goof off. So find something to motivate you to get all the work done, remember your floaties so you won't drown when you take a small study break, and smile. It's going to be okay. It is definitely going to get better.

I leave you with a link to this song... 'cause I like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-kHleNYIDc&ob=av2e

And here's an acoustic guitar playlist I always find helpful for studying:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQlyHbu0zz4&list=PL7C739E2E2D7E861C&feature=plpp_play_all

-Megan

Fairy Dust

1. Finding an on-campus job is difficult.

2. Don't leave 8-10 page papers to the last minute.

3. Christmas gifts are hard to think of.

4. Think happy thoughts and the fairy dust will do the rest.

A lot has gone wrong in the past two days. First off, I procrastinated a 8-10 page paper until last night and it wasn't simply a analytical paper; it was a research paper on the use and effectiveness of meditation in anxiety treatment. I had all of my research done, but I had to paraphrase, use, and weave together 14 sources eloquently. I didn't really start the paper until about 8pm last night and I didn't finish it until 2:30am. Then I had to get up at 6:45.

Second, I spilled tea all over my desk. I save my computer, but my case now smells like mint tea.

Third,  I opened my email inbox yesterday and there, waiting for me to read, was an email telling me if I got an on-campus job. I read it and turns out I didn't get it. This is the third for fourth job I applied to and didn't get. I felt so defeated and quite angry that I still didn't have a job. I'm mean, come on! I am a hard worker and I am super organized and quite personal.

Fourth, because it's Christmas concert season and the semester is coming to a close, every single one of my friends has a different schedule from each other...so we haven't seen much of each other. Although I see them nearly every day, I still miss the contact I get.

A lot has gone wrong. But, then again, a lot has gone right. I got a Subway gift card in the mail from a foundation that gave me a scholarship, I got a washing machine right away tonight, I got to wear my costume for the first time for the 10 minute scene I'm in, and one of my good friends from high school who I haven't seen since mid-summer might be coming to stay with me for a few days.

We tend to focus on the terrible things of a day. Bad energy, like all energy, is contagious. And bad energy requires less of us - it's easy to succumb to. If we let the bad things get us down, we tend to stay down because, well, sometimes it's easier to complain than it is to smile.

But smiling isn't all that hard. "You just think happy thoughts. They lift you into the air," as said by Wendy in Peter Pan. Good energy breeds good energy. It picks you up off your feet and gives you a little nudge to keep on going.

So don't let bad thoughts bring you down because then you can't fly. And who doesn't want to do that?

Peace!

-Nicole

Family Ties

1. Pumpkin pie is a God-send.

2. Black Friday isn't all bad.

3. 2-year-olds are hard to keep up with.

4. Blood is thicker than water.

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope your Thanksgiving was full of food and love. I am currently sitting in the car, on my way home. I had Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's then spent today shopping with my aunt and cousins. It was a fantastic break from college and it was also an adventure - a good, but slightly scary one.

I met my sister this August. I grew up an only child, being raised by my mom. I always wanted a sister; the closest thing I had was a family friend, but even then we weren't close. I've had a few people who I've been close with and have called them a soul-sister, but I don't know what having a sister or even a sibling really means.

Just before my mom and I were going to leave Ashly's house, Ashly's stepdad said to me, "It's crazy how much you and Ashly look alike." This took me aback. I know Ashly and I looked alike, but I've lived my whole life not looking like anyone. Sure, I've looked like friends and cousins, but we always grew out of looking alike. People have always told me I looked like my mom, but you are supposed to look like your parents. But now, I show people a picture of Ashly and I and they know we are sisters without me telling them.

Ashly and I grew up in very different situations, to say the least. I grew up in a city; she in a small town. I was raised by my mom; she was raised by her mom and stepdad. She had younger sister; I was an only child. Not to mention, I am nine years younger than her and she is married and has a two-year-old boy. We are quite different, but something connects us.

I look at my nephew, who's two, and it's hard for me to think we share the same blood. It's even weirder to look at Ashly and know we share the same DNA - we are genetically linked, not just linked at the heart. Whenever I am with her, I see myself. We are both OCD about organization and we both love old things - something that I never knew where it came from in me. My mom doesn't really have these qualities and I always thought it was something I had learned, not inherited from my dad.

Family can include more people than just who you share DNA with, but something has to be said for sharing a genetic code. I am just learning what having a sister really means. I don't know much about who Ashly is, but from the three times I've been with her, I already feel a pull at the heart when I'm with her. I've felt a connection at the heart with people, but this is new. It's different. For most people, this connection is nothing new, even sometimes frustrating. But for someone who is experiencing this for the first time as an 18-year-old, it's amazing. And I love it. It hits a part in me I never knew I had - it's that automatic connection that isn't based off of interests or personality. It's the simple fact we look alike and have the same blood.

Be grateful for your family, no matter how messed up or crazy it is. You share more than memories. Your family is who made you who you are - not how they raised you, but because of the millions of years of people before you created your specific genetic code that is your personality and appearance. And that's a miracle.

Peace!

-Nicole

She's a rebel

1. Sleeping in is great.
2. It's okay to give yourself time to think.
3. It's a small world.
4. "Family" includes a lot more than just blood relatives.
5. Pudgy little squirrels are ADORABLE!

Heeey, its Megan. Happy Wednesday! And Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Oh, and the title comes from a Green Day song, in case you were wondering. I just arrived at home around 20 minutes ago. Where is home you ask? Home for me is Central Minnesota, about an hour north of the Twin Cities.

So here I am, sitting in my room, contemplating my return and also how my family will react to my streak of blue hair... The thing is that doing anything remotely associated with rebellious behavior is completely uncharacteristic of me. I thought about doing something a little bit crazy, but never plucked up the courage to actually do it. I tend to be spontaneous only under carefully controlled conditions, and so this is a little weird for me. Am I turning into a rebel?

Well... maybe. The thing is that society expects college students to rebel and do some crazy stuff. Colleges put into place a whole number of policies aimed at controlling the chaos that is a population of young adults. I wonder though, what is the real cause for stereotypical college behaviors? Do we "rebel" because we're at a crucial junction in life? Or is it really because we're faced with societal expectations that we're supposed to rebel? It's all over in the media and movies and such: how a college student is supposed to act.

I guess I am just worried that my family will take this little deviation from the social norm and peg me as the new family rebel. Maybe I am to an extent, but the changes in my appearance are nothing compared to the changes everywhere else. I am turning into a happier, funnier, more thoughtful, more open, better person, all thanks to the craziness that is college. If that's a successful shot at rebelling from the social norm then throw me in the same league as James Dean because it's where I want to be.

I pose a challenge to you. Yes you, the one reading this right now. It's okay to rebel. I encourage it. HOWEVER, you ought to find something worth rebelling over. Something that keeps you up at night or gives you those knots in the pit of your stomach. Find your cause, your purpose in life...even if it doesn't coincide with what society thinks you ought to do. I mean, what's a rebel without their cause? (Do I score points for another James Dean reference?) If you don't like how society handles a certain issue, then show how to handle it better. If you don't like what society values, then be an example of what ought to be held as important.

Being unique and different is challenging, and it's hard to stand up for what you really believe in, but I know you can do it. Be strong. You got this.

-Megan

I Lost My Phone

1. Breakfast is delicious, especially when you haven't had a good one in a few days.
2. Getting done with classes at 9:40am is awesome.
3. Gloves are useful when dying hair.
4. Maybe losing your phone isn't such a bad thing.

I lost my cell phone today. I had a class from 8:00am until 9:40am and then I had the rest of the day free to do homework and such. Right after class, I checked my mailbox and headed straight for my dorm room. I threw my stuff on the floor, grabbed my laundry, and headed downstairs to clean my clothes. On the way down, I noticed I didn't have my phone. "I'll just grab it later. It has to be somewhere," I said to myself.

So, after an hour and half, I went back upstairs to put my clean clothes away and then head to lunch. I put all of my stuff away, including the stuff I thrown on the ground earlier. Just as I was about to leave, I still had no phone. My room was completely clean and I could not find my phone. "I must have left it in the classroom." So, I went to go check for it. Still, nothing. I asked the information desk if someone had returned it, and they didn't have it. I decided I needed food before I continued on my adventure to find my phone.

I grabbed some food and sat down. It was then I realized that I have an iPhone and on that iPhone I have the "Find My iPhone" app, which allows me to go online and locate it. I logged on and located it. It was still on campus, so I zoomed in to see exactly where it is.

Turns out it was still in my dorm room. A few minutes later, I remembered I had put it up on my loft bed for safe-keeping. It was safe alright, but it just liked to hide from me.

I go through these phases where I forget and lose everything. I've already lost my hat, a favorite ring, and a pair of earrings (which I just found). I also forget about homework and stuff on my calendar. It's not that I'm disorganized; I'm probably the most organized person ever. It's just I get so wrapped up in life and I forget everything else.

And maybe that's not such a bad thing. I become so much engulfed in the present that I forget about everything else. I've always been told to just focus on the present and it seems without trying, I am. And it feels pretty good because the present is all we have.

But I do miss my red hat... maybe I should look at my schedule a bit more often. Find a balance and the present will be amazing, all the while having the future within reach.

Peace!

-Nicole

Don't Hide

1. Remember to blog, even when you're busy.
2. The first snowfall is really pretty.
3. Lazy days are good.
4. Face emotions head on.

When I was little, I had a tendency to hide. It wasn't because there was something to hide from, it's just I like to run and hide from people. It was like a big game to me, even though no one was playing it with me. When my mom would come home from work, I would sometimes hide in my closet. I would then get bored and walk out.

I want to hide today. I don't really want to hide from people, but I want to hide from my emotions. I want to hide from people asking me what is wrong, because I don't really know what's wrong myself. I don't want to face the fact that I am feeling a bit off today. I simply want to toss these weird emotions aside and wait for them to disappear.

One can try and hide from what they are feeling, but for me, I never seem to be able to run away from them. I can block out one emotion but then another emotion takes its place. Like today, I am feeling sad, but once I try to block it out, I become frustrated and bit angry. Now I have to work through this frustration in order to deal with the sadness.

Some feels do disappear with time, but if you work through them the first time, less chances are they will plague you later. In Buddhist teaching, one isn't supposed to ignore pain (physical and emotional) in meditation. Instead, one is supposed to take that pain and work through it. By working through it and figuring out what's the root of this pain, then one becomes more enlightened and free from suffering.

So next time you are feeling an emotion that really sucks, face it head on. And don't become angry with it. You are feeling this emotion for a reason; it might suck, but know that after you do face it, life will be easier and you'll see things a bit differently.

Feeling is a part of being human.

Peace!

-Nicole

Don't Fear the Reaper

1. Snow should not come before Thanksgiving.
2. Read a book before it's due at the library.
3. Catching up on writing letters feels good.
4. Don't fear the reaper.

Monday night, I went to my high school's one act play entitled, "Don't Fear the Reaper." As you might guess, it's about the Grim Reaper, who has begun to be compassionate. He gives some people the choice to pick heaven or hell, and once they do, he sends them back to earth to be able to make that choice. And because of his compassion, he is fired from his Reaping job.

I haven't had a ton of "experience" with death. I haven't been super close to anyone who has died, but I have seen quite a few people go through grief. Death and dying are a common fear. But the fear of death is not about the process, but the life not lived. When someone dies young, people say that it is tragic because they had so much ahead of them... a life not lived.

Why do we fear the life not lived? We sometimes spend so much time focusing on death and the future that we forget the present. We all know that death is inevitable, so why fret over it? We won't be forgotten; we are just a drop in the ocean, but the ripples continue on. The best thing we can do is be loving.

We can't change the past; life isn't supposed to be flawless. I believe life is perfect; what makes it that way are the flaws. If nothing terrible happened and everything went smoothly, then all we would know is the same thing, which would become very boring. Life is supposed to be lived with flaws. Think about it. When have you felt the happiest? It's often after a tough period or moment. You need to have both sides of the coin. And if you "mess up", then you found another way not to do it. You take what you've learned and keep on walking. And if you take everything in stride, then when you get to the end of your journey, you'll take that in stride too.

Don't fear death. In fact, don't worry about it at all. Live day by day, because that's all you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Megan's off for today, so that's why I'm posting on a Wednesday.

Superhero

1. George Watsky is fantastic at spoken word. Look him up.
2. Sometimes you need a day where all you do is talk to a friend.
3. Being on a technical crew is much different than being in the cast in a play.
4. We are all superheroes.

If I were a superhero, I would want to have the power to be invisible. My name would be "Mess in a Dress." No cape though, as explained in The Incredibles. Tends to get caught in things and it would injure me. Not a good plan, to have a cape. But I would wear a ball gown. Or I would wear a black, flowing dress with funky tights, ballet flats, and possibly a red hat.

I always thought it would be epic to have the power to be invisible. I could hide in places and find things out I never knew before. I could also get into concerts for free; that'd be sweet. I never wanted to have the power to fly, though. It scared me a bit. And mind reading was never appealing either, although I always did want to be able to project my thoughts to other people's head so they would understand me better. But I've always wanted to have the power to be invisible, if I were to ever become a superhero.

Melissa was having a rough time tonight, as everyone has every once in a while. After a bit of talking it out with Megan and I, she seemed to be doing a bit better. She excused herself from the room to head to the bathroom. As soon as she exited, Megan turned and said, "You are a superhero. Much better than I am at this." I disagree. Now that I think of it, each of us is a superhero, with different skills and talents.

I have the power to be invisible. People come to me and without knowing it, they are telling me things they never expected to say in the first place. Megan has the power of flying. She carries people when they need to be carried. They are still in the situation, but the ride is a bit easier from above. Melissa has the power of an energy force field. She's the positive energy against other things when needed. My mom is sort of like the Hulk; strong against other forces and is very protective. Everyone has a super power. We each have something to offer to someone who is hurting; each relieves suffering, but each in a different way. You may not know you have superpowers, but you do. You just may not have the typical power or you simply may have not had the chance to use it. But you do have it. Everyone has a power.

The cool thing about being a superhero is the "super" part. It's pretty super to be able to help someone. It's pretty super we each are helpful in a different way. Together, we are super superheroes. But superheroes do need help sometimes - weather it be on a rescue mission and they need backup or they need help themselves. And that's ok. Why else are there so many superheroes?

So let's take off. Let's get out there and be super. Let's know that we are not alone in this crazy world. We each can alleviate suffering in the world - we just have to be ourselves.

Peace!

-Nicole aka Mess in a Dress

Down to the Wire

1. If you break into a coughing fit, people will stare.
2. Breathe... slowly, or else you'll have another coughing fit.
3. Phone calls are nice sometimes.
4. Have faith things will work out.

Hey, it's Megan. Is it Wednesday? It doesn't feel like Wednesday.

Holy buckets has it been a stressful week so far. Grease opens tomorrow, and while neither Melissa nor I have been involved, Nicole is logging some serious hours. It's funny, I kind of want to find an association between level of stress, lack of time, and propensity to blog... On top of that, we all have assignments or papers due, aaaand it's registration week which means we're all stressing over our adviser meetings and deciding what classes to take.

I myself have been incredibly ill over the past three days. I think I caught the plague. Don't listen to Nicole or Melissa--I won't cough up a lung, nor do I intend to die. I just have a racking cough and some congestion, that's all. I've been chugging DayQuil as well as tea and popping cough drops as well as vitamins. Just give me another day or so and I'm sure I'll be good as new.

It seems like everything is suddenly hurling into hyper speed and coming down to the wire. I have to be up around 6 tomorrow to register for my classes and I'm entirely set on taking this one history class. The problem is it appears to be full. Sad right? Naturally, I emailed the professor and am anxiously awaiting a reply that says I've been granted an override, but I'm still stressing about the possibility that I won't get the email in time and thus not be able to take this class--a huge bummer since I've been looking forward to diving into my history major.

The trick is to remain positive and have some faith that it will all be okay in the end. This situation has loads of possible outcomes. I might get the override and be able to take an epic class, or I might have to take something else. If I don't get in, I still have an epic psychology class and philosophy class I will hopefully get into. Oh, and did I mention I'm going to try to take Social Dance? Yep, look out world! Megan's going to try to learn how to dance. Even if things are really stressful and coming down to the wire, it's going to be okay. That's what the weekends are for, relieving stress, and we're already making plans...

Take care, be well. Don't get sick like me.
-Megan

Take a Moment

1. Caffeine is a good thing if you didn't get much sleep.
2. You can tell who is on the make-up and hair crew because they their hands are covered in make-up testing and their clothes have bobby pins clipped on.
3. Hugs make life better.
4. Come back down to earth.

I did make it through my crazy day yesterday! By the time I got back to my dorm, it was 11:45pm, my hands were covered in hairspray and make-up (because I am doing make-up, hair, and costumes for the musical), and all I could think about was writing a letter. Odd, huh? Of all the things I could think about, I thought about writing a letter to a friend.

This is what I posted as my status today: "Breathe in, breathe out. That's all I can do at this current moment of stress." So here's to breathing. Or writing a letter. Or whatever else. If you are stressed beyond belief, take a moment to yourself. Focus on something and be in the moment, weather that be your breath, writing a letter, drinking a cup of tea, reading a non-school related book, or whatever else you enjoy. Take a moment to not worry about what is to come or whatever else.

Megan's note to me on my white board

You've got time to do so too. Or at least, make some time for it. You are of no use to the world if you are frantic and flustered and generally disconnected. Take a moment to come back to the ground. You will be of so much more use to yourself and others if both of your feet are on the ground.

Just breathe. And try to enjoy what you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS A hug might help the cause too.

Busy

1. The third floor of the library is also a very good place to study at 10:30am.
2. A vacuumed floor is an amazing thing to behold.
3. Chocolate milk makes a dreary day just a bit brighter.
4. Life gets busy at times, but it is just fine.

Let me tell you my schedule for today.

8:00 Wake up, shower, get ready
9:00 Meet Megan for breakfast, have her help me memorize my lines
9:50 go to the poetry chapel with Megan
10:30 walk Megan to Spanish, then head to the library for some homework and some blogging
12:50ish eat a small lunch
1:20 take a Spanish test and hopefully get done early to squeeze in some homework before the next class. 2:40-4:00 go to theatre productions class
4:30-5:30 go to Spanish conversation group
5:30 grab a quick dinner
6:15 be in the theatre, wearing all black, and do make-up and costume changes for the musical
10:30 practice for the scene I'm in
11:45 back to dorm then do some homework and head to bed hopefully before 2
6:50am Wake up and go to class

I'm just a bit busy. This is kind of what my week looks like too. I'm on the technical crew for Grease and this week is technical week, which means it's mass semi-organized chaos. I don't think I've been this busy since this past spring and even then I had time to breathe and sleep. From the looks of it, I won't have much time for even that this week.

Being busy is oftentimes a good thing. It means you are doing something and enjoying life. But that doesn't mean that if you aren't busy your life is meaningless. I always thought I should be busy to have a purpose. But now I have found that to be not true at all. My life is so amazing right now and I'm not nearly as busy. I am spending each night laughing with friends and meeting new people. Relationships have grown deeper and as I have said before, I'm happy.

But life should be a bit busy at times. It changes the pace and teaches you a whole new set of lessons. So find a balance. Don't overload yourself, even if you think you should build up your resumé or find some place to be. Oftentimes the best things in life come when your schedule isn't packed full of things. But if your life is busy, like mine is right now, take a few deep breaths, take one step at a time, and be in the moment.

Just enjoy whatever you've got.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS I might not be posting much this week because of my schedule. I'll get Megan and Melissa to fill in for me.

Spontaneous Combustion

1. Roller derbies are amazing.
2. Sleeping-in is glorious.
3. Don't watch scary shows alone.
4. Be spontaneous.

What has my life come to? First off, last weekend I stayed up until 6:30am talking. Then this weekend I play a game of sardines (sort of like hide and go seek) at 11:30pm on my whole college campus. After that, I had a tea party in someones room then watched She's the Man. Then today, I decided that Megan, Melissa, and I should go to the FM Roller Derby. The thing is that all of these things were spur of the moment. None of it was thought through, nor would I have ever thought of doing any of it.

I never thought of myself as a spontaneous person. Sure, I was crazy, but never spontaneous. I thought everything through and I always followed the rules. I don't know if this sudden change is because I think faster or there aren't many rules to follow here, but I now definitely am the spontaneous person. Last night, when trying to find people to play sardines with us, Megan asked one of the girls on my floor and she said, "You know, I think I should stay here and get some work done. I know what you do. I read your blog." Megan promptly says to me, "We have a reputation!" I've had some weird reputations in the past; this by far is the weirdest. And probably the one I am most proud of.

I am re-learning who I am right now. Everything I do shocks me to a small degree. But somehow all that I do fits in with who I am, or at least I think I might be making room for it in my personality. Before, I couldn't even do anything that wasn't planned and nothing that was out of my 'normalcy'. I always had confidence, but I never knew how much I could have. Over the past few months, my confidence has spontaneously combusted; it's grown exponentially. A ton of stuff has helped, but I do know something has helped: spontaneity.

Life is a bit more exciting when spontaneity is involved. Sure, life is good when it has a consistent routine to it, but not much can be learned from it. So what if spontaneity is part of the routine? Make it a part of your daily life. And maybe I will never know who I am. But I figure I will never fully know who I am. Who I am is a process - not a set thing. My life is constantly changing, so why should I expect who I am to not change?

Bring a bit of spontaneity into your life. It may bring a few interesting things into your life. Heck, you might even spontaneously combust.

Peace!

-Nicole

Everything's Magic

1. Finding creative alarm clock solutions is enjoyable.
2. Little things can brighten moods.
3. Make eye contact.
4. Don't be sorry for things you can't control.

Megan here, It's Wednesday and I'm back. Happy Wednesday!

So, today was our long awaited Harry Potter themed dinner in our dining hall and wow did they do a great job! It was everything one could want and more, complete with Butterbeer, a sorting hat, and Professor Trelawney providing divination. To give you an idea of what it was like, I ate a dish called Dobby's ears, was sorted into Slytherin, and was told by Trelawney that I would experience many trials and tribulations, but would prevail. There was also something about a short year of happiness ahead. All in all it was a wonderful night and once again Nicole, Melissa, and I crashed in Melissa's room to unwind before hitting the books. Granted, we stayed longer than we wanted to, but it was still an important and much needed break since the stress is starting to pile up once again.

For all the Harry Potter fans out there, do you remember all the fascinating things about the books? I mean, three epic friends lived at a castle complex and learned magic! To be honest, that's kind of what college (and High School) is like if you so choose to view it that way. School is our life, and life is our school. Here on a college campus, there is no separation from your learning environment and your living environment. Every hour you spend outside of a classroom is still spent learning. Sure it's different subject matter, but it really is a learning environment. You learn about different people, learn different perspectives, learn better communication skills, and on some level, you learn more about yourself as a person, and wow am I learning a lot. It's like every time I check my now fading-to-green hair in the mirror, I see aspects of my future self--almost like looking into the Mirror of Erised.

I find it kind of funny how some of my classes make me think about things I never thought I would. Melissa and I have our psychology class together and we've been discussing happiness quite a bit as a part of our unit on emotions. We had to read an article on how monetary wealth doesn't necessarily equate to happiness because a high paying job might take away time from being with a family and things of that nature. Yet... here we are, college students trying to be successful, a term society now associates with monetary wealth. I find it funny because, like Nicole, I am also experiencing a great deal of happiness. The thing is I am a very poor, very sleep deprived college student! So why am I happy? I think it's because I am learning, not only from incredible professors, but from incredible friends and peers as well. When I leave my Utopian Philosophy class with a headache from pondering whether or not I truly have free will, or when I'm up late in a lounge coloring a Spanish project, I have little moments of not being able to explain what this experience is. How do we explain things we don't quite understand? Simple. It's magic.

So view the world as a magical place, because sometimes it really is. Heck, I might even ask the Chemistry students how Potions class is going...

That's it. Peace out. All my love!

-Megan

That Melancholy Feeling

1. It's so much fun to be with your sister, especially if it is the second time you've met.
2. Halloween candy is quite delicious.
3. Get your assignments done before class, just so you don't have to catch up later.
4. Life has it's ups and downs.

I have been ridiculously happy lately. It's been sort of crazy. I have so much going for me to be happy for. I can't seem to find anything to be sad about. Sure, there are things to be sad about, but it seems nothing will bring me down. And it's easy to see why: I have amazing friends, I love my college, and I am pretty emotionally stable.

I was talking with Megan last night about being happy. We had spent most of the evening with Melissa and Sally (a girl on our floor), just telling stories and laughing. I was already excited when I met up with them at around 7 because I had just spent the last few hours with my sister and my nephew. When I met with them, they were jittery and full of energy. We spent nearly 3 hours laughing. Later on, when I was talking with Megan, I said I had a headache. "Too much happiness?" she asked. I quickly responded, "Never too much happiness!" Then, Megan being the psychology major she is, she said, "In psychology we talked about how one can have too much happiness. If you're constantly happy, that's a lot of wear and tear. If you're constantly depressed, it's the same thing. If you experience a balance of highs and lows, you maintain overall balance."


That got me thinking. Sure, everyone wants to be happy and we all strive to make everyone else happy too. But I have always believed that there should be contrasts. Take love. In order to know what love is, we need to know what hate is. If we don't know what hate is, then we would never appreciate the other side of the coin - love. It seems the same is true for happiness. If we don't know what sadness feels likes, then how can we appreciate happiness?


Megan, Melissa, and I went to a play on Friday night called Melancholy Play by Sarah Ruhl. The basic premise of the play is about a woman named Tilly who is very, very melancholy. As the play progresses, she meets a few friends and they are all fascinated by her. Tilly often goes off on tangents about life and her friends soon fall in love with who she is. But then, because Tilly senses this love, she becomes dramatically happy. She almost becomes insane with happiness. But then Tilly's friends, who were once quite happy, become melancholy because Tilly isn't teaching them the things they craved to know. She notices her friends' unhappiness but doesn't know how to feel sadness for her friends because she has been wrapped up in her happiness.

We need both happiness and sadness to be balanced and content. For the past few days, I have been fearing my "downfall" from my happiness. I love the way I feel when I'm happy. Who doesn't? But sometimes it does get a bit tiring, being so happy all the time. And we need to feel all range of emotions to be well-rounded - it's what we all learn in 7th grade health.

So, don't fear sadness or melancholy. Often that's when we appreciate things the most. We need a balance. Be happy for a while, but also let yourself fall into sadness for a while. Always know that happiness will come your way again.

Peace!

-Nicole

Beautiful Mess

1. Halloween dances are exciting.
2. Fake blood is hard to wash off.
3. Don't stay up until 6:30am, then sleep, then wake up at 1pm. Doesn't feel too good.
4. It's a beautiful mess.

This weekend was a bit of a mess. Melissa, Megan, and I went to a play on Friday night, then ended up in my dorm watching Dracula. We got half way through the movie, then we all went to bed. Then on Saturday, I worked in the theatre for set construction. Then the three of us went to a thrift store to buy a costume for that night's festivities. Saturday night was our Halloween Bash, which included a haunted house, photo booth, and a dance.

Our photo booth picture
Laura (a girl on my floor), Melissa (as my victim), myself (vampire), and Megan (Trinity from the Matrix)

We had a blast, but when it got done at one in the morning, the three of us didn't want to go to sleep. So, we went back to our dorms, changed out of our costumes, then headed to a 24-hour restaurant. After we got bored of the restaurant, we hopped back into my car, and since we still didn't want to head back to campus, I gave them a 3am tour of Fargo/Moorhead. We finally ended up back in our dorms at 4am.We said goodnight to Melissa then Megan walked me to my dorm, fully intending on saying goodnight. The both of us ended up sitting outside my dorm door, talking... until 6:30am. By the time I went to sleep, my RA was already up and heading to the bathroom to shower. When I woke up I felt terribly ill; I felt like a complete mess.

But I don't regret anything. I am so happy I went out to eat with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I am glad I stayed up until 6:30, having a conversation that I needed. I was a mess the next day, but it was sure a beautiful mess. It was beautiful because it didn't feel unnatural. It felt natural for us to talk for hours on end. It felt natural for us to drive around town with no destination. It felt natural. But it was also a mess because from an outside perspective and from my logic's perspective, it was probably a poor choice to stay up so late. It was a beautiful mess.

So maybe sometimes life has to be a mess in order for beauty to show. When life is a mess, we tend to be the most vulnerable. I certainly would not have had the amazing conversation I had last night if we had had it at 4pm instead of 4am. When you are vulnerable, it is the time you change the most. It's when you become a new creation and when your beauty really shines.

Life is a mess. Don't be afraid when it is because sometimes, it's beautiful.

Peace!

-Nicole

Unforeseen Outcomes

1. Purple hair dye is amazing, except when it turns blue.
2. Going home is bittersweet.
3. Red hats are cute.
4. There can be unexpected outcomes.

Sorry for the long period of not posting. It was mid-semester break for us and I spent most of my time doing nothing, so not much was learned. Monday night, though, Megan came over and we dyed a section of her hair purple. The end result ended up being blue instead of purple. We then curled up and watched Let Me In, which is not fun at 2 in the morning. During the movie, Megan kept on staring at her hair. "It's blue!," she would whisper every once in a while, "This is an unexpected outcome!"

I asked her why it was an 'unexpected outcome'. She said not only did the color come out wrong, but she never thought she would ever dye her hair. She then proceeded to tell me that the past two months of us knowing each other has been an unforeseen outcome, which seems to be true.

An unexpected outcome is not necessarily bad nor is it necessarily good; it is simply unexpected. When I met Megan, I tackled her on accident. (See this post for reference.) When I did bring her down, all that was running through my head was, "Oh snap. Now this friendship is never going to work." But then, somehow, our relationship seemed to bloom and quite quickly too. For me, and probably for Megan, our relationship is an unforeseen outcome.

A few days ago, we were talking and Megan put it quite eloquently, "Imagine everyone going around and tackling people. Tackling and being tackled is an intimate experience - it would totally mess with people. It's physical contact before physical contact has been okayed. Who knows, maybe you're a revolutionary?" Now I'm not saying you should go around and start tackling people, although it would be a funny thing to see, but here's my point: life is full of unexpected outcomes. Sometimes they are terrible, but other times, they are amazing.

Instead of panicking and not knowing what to do, accept the fact that life is full of unexpected events and outcomes and keep living. Maybe we should even start to create unexpected outcomes. We often want so much control of our lives, when in reality, we have not much control at all. A lot of our lives are 'controlled' by other people's actions. Which means we have 'power' over other people's lives. So maybe we should go around and start tackling people and see what happens. I think life would be a bit more exciting if suddenly we all started to create situations where the end result is unknown. Living would become more real.

So, maybe tackling isn't such a bad thing.

Peace!

-Nicole

PS Megan is taking a hiatus for today, which is why I'm posting on Wednesday.

What's in a Name?

1. Laughing is more fun in a library.
2. Filming scenes in one take feels very good.
3. Psychology will sometimes freak you out.
4. Just because it's sunny doesn't mean it's warm.
5. Mousepads don't work with gloves on.

Hey, Megan here. Happy Wednesday!

Let’s dive right in shall we? Names are a really important part of a person’s self. I mean you typically think about yourself when you hear your own name right? Throughout history people have attempted to break down and alter someone’s identity and self-concept by changing or simply taking away their name. The slave trade, the Native Americans, and more recently, the story of David Pelzer, are all good examples where names were either changed or stripped in order to break or better control a person.

Being in a place where no one calls you by your nickname is weird. It’s like people suddenly refer to me as Megan, and I’m obligated to respond because here they’re actually talking to me instead of the Megan behind me. No one refers to me by the name I had for approximately 6 years—I still use it to refer to myself sometimes out of habit or nostalgia, but still…it’s weird!

I started to hate that name after a while. It felt like a giant, exaggerated, misrepresentation of me that could only really exist in some work of fiction. Yes, I know it was merely a nickname, but there were some people who didn’t even know what my real first name was. Over time, my nickname became associated with everything I hated about not only middle school, but high school as well. It represented everything I hated about myself. I finally started to just accept it when I realized it wouldn’t go away.

So now that I’m Megan here at college, I feel like I have my identity back. My internal self feels more similar to what people see—the psychologist Carl Rogers calls this congruence. Well, I am now more congruent, and happier because of it. I don’t regret that nickname so much, and sometimes I miss hearing it being screamed down a hallway, but I am Megan. Hear me roar!

My point is that you ultimately own and command your identity. Don’t let anyone else put you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable or disconnected between who you know you are and who others perceive you to be. Even more so, don’t play along. Be congruent—it’s a good thing.

Can anyone else relate?

Since one of my rings today says “Love life, Be brave.” I leave you with that. Love life and be brave. You got this.

-Megan